663906 Sun Nov 01 12:16:02 -0800 2009 62 41 Cookware 0 5147143 This is technically not a cookware question, but a human behavior question involves cutlery. We know men (on average) see grilling as their terrority and women see standard cooking as their space. As such, when a couple go out to shop for a BBQ grill, the man tends to have more say about what grill to buy -- because he will use it more. What about cutlery? Knives? I believe men are more into the steel. The hardness, HRC numbers, the toughness, the strength, the rust resistant factors, these are what we men love. At the same time, I think it is fair to say women in general dominate the kitchen terrority. So I am curious. When a husband and a wife have different opinion about what cutlery to buy, who typically wins? By the way, I am a single dude, so I can get whatever I want. However, sometime I really worry about my future wife will toss my cookware set and knives away. Seriously. My cookware collection are not pretty. They are carbon set, cast iron, ... They are high performance cookware just not the best looking ones. My coworker told me not to invest any more cookware and cutlery until I get married because they will be tossed out anyway. Anyway, back to the cutlery. Any one has personal experience about which gender wins on cutlery? Sun Nov 01 12:16:02 -0800 2009 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 1 5147160 Knives are personal. Not enough space in the kitchen for two knives??? Sun Nov 01 12:26:07 -0800 2009 5147143 74905 jaykayen 2 5147168 Jay, Knives are personal I agree. I suppose there can be two set of knives, but typically household tends to say "We are willing to spend this much" and then they go and hunt for knives. I suppose if money is not the limitation, then getting two sets will get people happy, but often that is not the cause. So in a sense, whenever he get a knife, he is, in a sense, taking a knife from her. Vice versa. Of course, space is another issue. You do not tend to see two knife blocks in typical a household kitchen. One for him and one for her. Sun Nov 01 12:31:27 -0800 2009 5147160 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 3 5147189 Whoever uses the thing the most gets to choose -- in case of a tie and one person just can't shut up about it, then get two. Same thing as driving the car -- whoever is driving picks the radio station, which streets to take, etc. If the other wants to pick, they drive. Sun Nov 01 12:42:54 -0800 2009 5147168 53946 puzzler 4 5147198 Puzzler, Thanks. I didn't about the driving part. Good to know I have the power to pick my radio station now. I didn't know that and I must say I have been taken advantage of. Sun Nov 01 12:47:56 -0800 2009 5147189 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 3 5147327 You're single. You're worrying about potentially fighting with a spouse that you don't have yet over knives? Whenever someone gets a knife, he isn't taking a knife from his spouse. We've already established that one's chef's/gyuto/cleaver is a personal choice. I think couples who would argue over bread knives or slicers have bigger issues to worry about. Sun Nov 01 13:52:23 -0800 2009 5147168 74905 jaykayen 3 5150770 Your theory presumes that men and women both do prep work, and therefore, would both be interested in knives. While he may have an opinion, in nearly thirty years, the only time I ever saw my husband take a knife out of the block was to grab one to carry while investigating a strange noise in the garage! Here is my take on it, and in advance I will say there are lots and lots of exceptions: 1. Most men will only be intersted in the grill and smoker operation versus cooking on a stove or in an oven. I suspect this is because men are more interested in MEAT. I don't recall DH or his buddies running to "man" the grill when dainty scallop kabobs were on the menu. I think of backyard grilling as training for the ultimate tailgate party -- with the guys. 2. Most men like tools and knives, but all of the men I know would lose a finger with my knives. They are short on technique, and frankly, would really prefer to avoid any kind of chopping, dicing, mincing, etc. They often admire my twelve inch French carbon steel chef's knife, or my ten in Shun Kaki(Elite), but that's where it ends. DH has enough sense to stay out of the knife purchasing decision, the exception being the discussion of cost. It is hard to justify another $300 or higher knife when you have more than enough already. I usually remind him that I can just as easily go shoe shopping. 3. There is a large community of male knife collectors. You can find them at the Foodie Forum (Fred's Cutlery). Those guys can put me to shame with their knowledge, and they are very helpful if you ask questions. I am just a home cook, and they are chefs with amazing knife skills and large collections of Japanese cutlery. However, these men are in the clear minority. I have never actually met one. Just my two cents... and like I said before -- there are lots and lots of exceptions. Mon Nov 02 18:00:08 -0800 2009 5147168 87837 RGC1982 4 5150829 RGC, Thanks. I actually do not presume men and women do prep work 50/50 in most households, as I wrote women still does more cooking. Maybe except grilling. This is of course assuming the household do not eat out all the time, which is another topic altogether. Isn't there some statistics about most Americans eat out more than dining in, or something like that? You have a $300 knife? Maybe one day I will get one of those. Mon Nov 02 18:26:08 -0800 2009 5150770 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 5 5151207 Don't even let me get started on THAT topic. I hope my tongue-in-cheek comments were taken just as that -- an attempt to be funny. Actually, it IS pretty much how I feel. As for knives, you can blow a lot more on them than $300. Check out Japanesechefsknife.com and look at what is on that site. I am currently ogling a large Glestain gyotu and a carbon steel knife that has an engraving of a dragon on it from Misono. The engraving becomes more prominent as the knife develops a patina. Truth is, I have no reason to buy either, other than that they seem really cool. The Glestain seems to offer some functional advantage, so that is probably the next one for me. It also got rave reviews on this board, so whenver it is I am feeling flush, I'll order it. Mon Nov 02 22:59:56 -0800 2009 5150829 87837 RGC1982 6 5151231 RGC, I know. I saw some $2000-3000 yanagiba, but I don't think I would ever buy one of those. I can somewhat imagine that I may one day spend $300 on a knife, but even that is unlikely. Please update us on your experience on Misono Gyotu when you get it. Thank. Mon Nov 02 23:41:45 -0800 2009 5151207 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 1 5147208 Buy what you want. It's my kitchen, and my prefers my cooking to her own. Chances are only one of you will cook, and if you're a feedie, it'll likely be you. Sun Nov 01 12:51:01 -0800 2009 5147143 103787 ThreeGigs 1 5147215 1. Please avoid this co-worker for future dating advice. Such an outdated way to view the melding of two mature households. 2. Please stop trying to divide the world into male vs. female in such a superficial way. If chowhound has taught you nothing else, it's that women can be as passionate about grilling as men purportedly are, and that real men can really fancy a fine tea set as much as some women do. And "standard cooking" (whatever that is) as a woman's affair and women dominating the kitchen? What website have you been visiting? Because it can't be chowhound. I know I'm raining on your parade here, but really, who on chowhound sees knives as a male domain? And what person here would just toss out a future mate's cookware without considering it carefully? FWIW, we have two chef's knives in our household and an array of pots and pans that fit all of our needs and desires. Even in our galley kitchen, we seem to fit it all. Sun Nov 01 12:54:39 -0800 2009 5147143 186923 Cachetes 2 5150788 I guess the cookware will get tossed with the recliner :) ?? Mon Nov 02 18:11:17 -0800 2009 5147215 87837 RGC1982 2 5152294 Your knives will not be thrown out - not unless she has much better ones than you do. My wife doesn't use my Shuns very often. She is a little afraid of them. She still prefers the Sabatier, Henckel and Calphalon she brought to the relationship. Mine are in a block, hers on a magnetic strip. Hers go in the dishwasher. Mine would go in her back first. I'm paranoid, she's relaxed. There is usually enough room in any kitchen for a few extra blades. Tue Nov 03 10:24:01 -0800 2009 5147215 154622 Paulustrious 3 5153108 When my wife and I - both good, experienced middle-aged cooks with complete, well-stocked kitchens - first moved in together before we were married, one of the most difficult parts of the process was deciding whose pots, dishes, utensils, etc to keep. It was the tensest time of our then-four-year-old relationship. In the end we agreed on most items, but as has been stated elsewhere in this thread, knives are personal - we kept them all. To this day, mine live to the left of the stove, hers to the right. Tue Nov 03 14:19:49 -0800 2009 5152294 14386 BobB 4 5153175 Who sharpens them? Tue Nov 03 14:38:43 -0800 2009 5153108 137946 Scargod 5 5154403 I sharpen mine. She does not sharpen hers. Don't ask. It's just one of those things a wise spouse learns to ignore. Wed Nov 04 05:15:19 -0800 2009 5153175 14386 BobB 6 5154539 BobB, Just curious. Do you mean she does not sharpen her knives and you sharpen for her? Or do you mean the knives have not been sharpened since the day they were bought? Wed Nov 04 06:30:54 -0800 2009 5154403 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 7 5154570 They do not get sharpened. And although her knife block contains half a dozen types, she uses one 6" utility knife for almost every task. As I said - it's one of those subjects I've learned not to bring up for the sake of domestic peace. Wed Nov 04 06:40:11 -0800 2009 5154539 14386 BobB 8 5154652 I fully understand. I would probably have done the same as you. Wed Nov 04 07:08:01 -0800 2009 5154570 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 9 5157184 I actually don't understand. BobB, do you mean that she doesn't want you to touch her knives, so you don't sharpen them for her or ? As I mentioned earlier, my SO and I tend to prefer to use different knives, but he is the better sharpener and I am happy to have him sharpen all of the knives, most definitely including my favorite ones. Wed Nov 04 21:15:39 -0800 2009 5154652 153308 souvenir 10 5157465 She doesn't like sharp knives - at least not what I would consider sharp. I think she's let me sharpen her main knife once in about ten years. Thu Nov 05 04:41:13 -0800 2009 5157184 14386 BobB 11 5158154 Wow. Guess I'd just say to Chemicalkinetics, please don't generalize from this instance. I cannot think of anyone who cooks that I know who doesn't want and appreciate well-maintained knives. Thu Nov 05 09:29:20 -0800 2009 5157465 153308 souvenir 12 5158543 Souvenir, Well, it sounds like BobB's wife just does not like sharp knives and so it is a preference thing, and I certainly know people who do not want crazy sharp knives. Thu Nov 05 11:22:18 -0800 2009 5158154 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 13 5158778 I guess I don't understand what a "crazy sharp" knife is, compared to a "regular" sharp knife. I was taught, and have found from experience, that a sharp knife is much safer than a not as sharp one. I am afraid to use knives when I have to work too hard to cut with them. If a knife feels like that to me, I put it aside for my SO to check out, and select another one. Thu Nov 05 12:25:28 -0800 2009 5158543 153308 souvenir 14 5158976 Some people like crazy sharp as in a knife sharp enough to shave arm hair. A dull knife is dangerous because you don't have full control. On the other, if a sharper knife is always safer, then Japanese knives are always safer than German knives, which I think many will disagree. In addition, I don't know if a fruit peeler/paring knife should be super sharp. Unlike most kitchen knives, which cut against a cutting board/chopping block. Many people use their peeling knives against their thumb. http://karmafreecooking.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/peeling-platanos.jpg http://cache2.asset-cache.net/xc/56568895.jpg?v=1&c=NewsMaker&k=2&d=066D2A0626E400FCD25767446F29BD61E30A760B0D811297 http://img2.photographersdirect.com/img/28445/wm/pd2375185.jpg I can see why having a scary sharp knife cutting toward your thumb may be a bad idea. Thu Nov 05 13:31:47 -0800 2009 5158778 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 1 5147272 When my fiancee moved in -- to my fully stocked kitchen -- I took her to Sur La Table for a knife "fitting." We picked out three for her sit in the top of our knife block. I also made sure that we had every accessory that made her feel comfortable and SAFE. (the right pot holders, cutting boards, pots/pans.) Oh - FYI - you shouldn't really worry about steel anymore. For even $25, you can find more than adequate stamped blades from Spain, China and Germany that will suit you for years -- as long as you keep them reasonably sharp with a Chef's Choice sharpener for $19. This opinion comes from a guy who knows a boatload about steel alloys, and has tested $1000 8-inch chef's knives. Sun Nov 01 13:27:22 -0800 2009 5147143 1115082 stalkingwine.com 2 5147301 Stalkingwine, You must live in the West Coast since you are talking about Sur La Table. I used to live in California, but I am in the east coast now. Yeah, you are right. Real good stamped knives are pretty affordable. I like my Dexter-Russell Chinese chef's cleaver and it is definitely a stamp knife. I am not all into forged you know :) I have not used an electrical Chef's Choice sharpener yet. I am using flat stones, like DMT diamond and Japanese waterstones to sharp my knives. I think they have served me alright. They can be messy to work with, but I tried to sharp a few knives in one sitting, instead of sharpening them one at a time. I had a manual Chef's Choice Sharpener, like this one, but the thing does not sharp very well and it broke down with a few uses. http://www.amazon.com/Chefs-Choice-2-Stage-Manual-Sharpener/dp/B00075M2AY/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&s=home-garden&qid=1257111564&sr=8-9 By broke down, I mean the diamond plates start to separate wider and wider to the point they no longer intersect. Man. I have never own a $1000 chef's knives. Not even $300 knives. One day. I am sure one day I will get a $300 knife. Like I said in my original post, most of my knvies and cookware are very spartan, very rustic if you will, but they are decent quality too. Your advises are helpful. Sun Nov 01 13:40:59 -0800 2009 5147272 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 3 5151200 Hey - let me be clear...I have TESTED the $1k super alloys from Japan, but I don't own them...and never would. They just don't make that big of a difference, so I put the $1k in retirement instead. I bought my whole kitchen outfit one piece at a time over a decade, long before marriage. I have an even mix of Wusthof Grand Prix and Forschner (meat cutting, 10" serrated bread knife). Pots and pans are Ikea and All-Clad. On stones - no, there isnt a perfect one yet. Chef's Choice and DMT are my faves. Mon Nov 02 22:50:19 -0800 2009 5147301 1115082 stalkingwine.com 4 5151217 Ironically enough, I suspect that some (not all) of those $1K super knives would keep up with or surpass the same $1k put into a 401k if you bought it, never used it, and sold it years from now. There's a growing market for Japanese knives and some of the most-loved makers are probably not going to be around much longer. Mon Nov 02 23:18:15 -0800 2009 5151200 1097843 cowboyardee 5 5151232 Stalking: I also have a DMT stone. I am very happy with it. Cut fast and uniform. Easy to use and maintain. Cowboy: Yes, there is a growing market for Japanese knives and yes some of the handcraft knife smiths will not be around forever, but there will always be new ones. I am sure the famous knife smiths in the 1950's are all gone by now and today's famous knife smiths were just punks in 1950's. I am not too worry about the knife crafting skill completely dies out anytime soon. Mon Nov 02 23:47:38 -0800 2009 5151217 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 6 5151254 I think you misunderstand me. In fact, the knife crafting skill is alive and well, and its popularity is on the rise with Westerners today. This is the exact reason that some high-end knives from soon to be retired makers could be (IMO) a calculated investment. These things are hard to predict. But most collectibles that hold their value don't do so because people forget how to make them. Tue Nov 03 00:36:08 -0800 2009 5151232 1097843 cowboyardee 1 5147503 As you evaluate potential spouses be sure to consider her behavior in the kitchen -- but don't worry, she'll either hate to cook and be thrilled that you do, or love to cook and understand to respect your knives and cookware. But find out ahead of time -- don't figure that you can "fix" her later. By the way, I'm an equal opportunity curmudgeon: my advice applies to spouses, couples,roommates, trios or people of any persuasion. If you are so fortunate to find a spouse that loves to cook, be sure to reach a clear understanding if there is any item off limits. And work out clearly where everything is stored so the other can find it. P.S.: all the above applies to sex also. Sun Nov 01 14:59:55 -0800 2009 5147143 53946 puzzler 2 5147554 Puzzler, Absolutely. Thanks for your advices. I think I just heard from a handful (maybe ~3-4) females coworkers that they like to have brand new sets of knives and cookware when they get married. One of them told me outright that I should hold off my cookware purchase because if it is up to her, she would have tossed out my cookware and get a brand new sets. Something about marriage is a new chapter in life, so cookware and cutlery need to be brand new. I tend to have bit of this and that. Like cast iron dutch ovens, carbon steel wok, stainless steel pan. My knives are made up of different brands. So none of my stuffs come as a set. By the way, I am not really that worry about my spouse will toss out my stuffs. Sure, that coworker scared me a little bit. Sun Nov 01 15:19:03 -0800 2009 5147503 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 3 5147588 Let me guess, these female coworkers are either single or already making some guy miserable. If YOU are going to use the kitchenware and YOU want some new stuff, then fine -- just make sure you get what YOU want. And why on earth would you throw away perfectly good tools -- this is no longer a consumer economy. Sun Nov 01 15:37:09 -0800 2009 5147554 53946 puzzler 4 5147707 Puzzler, Most of these female cowokers are singles but are in serious relationships and one of them is already married. The married one is the one who told me not to waste money buying cookware and cutlery. I agree that we are no longer in a consumer economy and probably do us good that we are moving away from it. But the fact is the fact, some people just like to have a brand new set, and by some people I really mean a lot of people Afterall, cookware and cutlery sets are two of the most requested item on Bridal registry list. Don't get me wrong, dinnerware, glassware and flatware beat them, but cookware and cutlery are still up there. We may disagree the logic and moral behind it, but it is what it is. Here is the list from wedding channel.com: http://wedding.weddingchannel.com/articles/topten_registry.asp Maybe they don't really get thrown away. Probably old cookware get donated to Salvation Army. I don't know. Maybe I need to ask my friends what they intent to do with old and yet functional cookware. Sun Nov 01 16:32:49 -0800 2009 5147588 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 5 5150651 I agree with the earlier advice you have received here. Your future wife will either love to cook and therefore, respect your tools (even if she wants to have her own tools) or will not love to cook and therefore, will respect your tools because they feed her. There are loads of other 'new' things a bridal couple can have if that matters. There's room in the kitchen for two, if you find someone who likes cooking. Share a knife block, if you need to. I keep 4 knives and I could do just fine with 2 if my partner felt he needed to take over half the knife block! Mon Nov 02 17:14:14 -0800 2009 5147707 286408 knet 6 5150704 Knet, Thanks. So you think I should able to continue to spend good money on cookware and knives, right? I have a tendency to get attach to my cookware and stuffs. I mean I spent time and efforts to season my cookware and I put tung oil on knife handles and dried them nicely and hand sharpened the knife edge with waterstones. Sure they aren't shiny $3000 brand new cookware and knives, but I put much efforts into them. I won't trade my $12 wok for $100 cash if you know what I mean. Maybe I need to talk to that coworker tomorrow. She was laughing when she said my cookware will be tossed away, so hopefully she is kidding. Mon Nov 02 17:34:19 -0800 2009 5150651 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 7 5151190 This is simple, Chemical. You worry about marrying someone who will toss your stuff away? Why would you marry someone who will toss your stuff away? Just don't marry a person who would do that (e.g., your coworker). :-) In my house, I had the final say on the grill. Partly, that's because I'm the one who cooks on it most. Actually, unless it's something that only he is going to use (e.g., his clothes; his car), he usually looks to me to have the final say. That's because he's out earning the money and I'm home running the house, including the budget, plus he thinks I'm the best negotiator/bargain hunter/money manager. IOW, what I'm trying to advise you is not to think in cliches. Couples in successful relationships work out together what's best for *them*. Every couple is unique. What will be best for the couple you're part of, according to what you say, is that your prospective spouse respect the work and love you've put into your cookware. As long as you talk honestly from the beginning, you'll know. (P.S. Pity the man who tries to get rid of MY favorite kitchen stuff!) Mon Nov 02 22:35:03 -0800 2009 5150704 1104013 Normandie 8 5151249 Normandie, Thanks. My problem is that I invested too much time and energy into my cookware, so I get attached to them. What makes it so difficult is that I have really unconventional preference. For example, I have this wood chopping block (picture attached to this post). It really does not cost a lot, but I invested a lot of time, like sanding it, successive oiling it with tung oil and drying it, and then sanding it. I like the block, but I also understand why some people may hate it because it really does not fit in a typical modern kitchen. Yeah, I know. Couples in successful relationship work out difference. The truth is that if she really wants to get new cookware we will probaby get them. I just want to keep a few pieces in the garage, you know. Tue Nov 03 00:19:15 -0800 2009 5151190 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 9 5151562 sorry to veer off topic- but that's a gorgeous chopping block- may I ask where it's from? We don't have space right now for a cutting board/block that can be left out so my epicurious ones are holding me over until we have the space... oh, and I'll just reiterate- the one who cooks gets to chose the cookware- if both of you cook and have different preferences then you'll have a mix. I'll give your coworker the benefit of the doubt that she was probably referring to a wedding gift registry- in which many couples chose new household things often including cookware- but it doesn't have to include anything and there's no sense in replacing the stuff you love just to replace it. that said- when my husband and I moved intogether we did donate much of his old stuff. he rarely (never?) cooked and i didn't like 90% of it at all - flakey non stick? no thank you. Tue Nov 03 06:29:45 -0800 2009 5151249 233247 qwerty78 9 5157089 LOL, Chemical. No, no, no...don't let her put your cookware in the garage! I behind you COMPLETELY on this! When the time comes, if she tries to turn your pots in planters, you let me know and I'll give her what-for for you ;-). I'm wondering now if my post wasn't clear. When I said couples work out what's best for *them*, I hope it didn't sound like I meant, "You should throw out your cookware, and she should throw out hers, and then you should go buy all new stuff that you both can put up with." Because, nooooooo. Every cook has the right to love (LOOOOOOOOOOOOVVVEEE) his/her cookware. Now, when you do get married, if there's an issue of space, then you each might have to give up something *else* in the house, to make room for your best pots and pans. Unless you don't mind sleeping in the bathtub, because you're using all of all the bedrooms for storage. But, yes, you should get to set your priorities and keep what most important to you. So should she. Then you just work out together what you're each willing to give up to make room for it. So what I really meant by "what best for you as a couple" is that if she's the right woman for you, she won't either, 1) decide on her own to toss your stuff, or 2) pressure you into it when clearly it's not something you want to do. And vice versa, of course. Wed Nov 04 20:14:05 -0800 2009 5151249 1104013 Normandie 1 5152443 My advice is pretty similar to posts where people talking about buying a set of pots and pans versus buying individual pots and pans that fit your needs, and building a collection slowly (my preference). My SO and I have an in-drawer knife block with a variety of knives and manufacturers, not super high-end knives, but nice quality. We both love knives, but my hands are a lot smaller than his are, and this makes a difference in our preferences. Some of my favorite knives are by Global and Furi, while he generally prefers the Wusthof classic design. My best advice is to take your time and try out a lot of different manufacturers to understand your preferences. Your preferences may change over time depending on how much and what types of cooking you've done so far, and how much you expand your repertoire in the future. Hope you have fun with the selection process. Tue Nov 03 11:07:29 -0800 2009 5147143 153308 souvenir 1 5152523 gender is irrelevant. the person who does the majority of the cooking gets to choose the knives (and other stuff too). however, everyone who does any prep at all has the right to her/his own preferred primary knife and perhaps secondary knives as well. nobody should have to work with knives that don't fit them, and there is nothing wrong with having multiple knife blocks/drawers and pieces from different sets. wrt wedding gift registry-- i suppose getting married & receiving gifts is as good a time as any to upgrade knives, if necessary, or register for a few nice expensive pieces you otherwise couldn't afford. . . however the attitude that you simply throw out each person's old stuff and get new matching sally homemaker sets of everything (which are often shoddy btw) is really troubling. you don't want to become involved with anyone who has this kind of shallow attitude. the person to share your life with is the one who definitely appreciates your collection of preferred cooking tools (whether they "match" or are "modern" is irrelevant)-- or if s/he doesn't appreciate them, at least s/he appreciates that they are important to you. my unsolicited advice would be: it sounds like you're very interested in cooking and should seek out someone who shares your interest rather than someone who wants the knife handles to match this season's accent color on the saucepan set. you want staying power, not shallow trendiness, in your life partner and your cooking tools. the best balance is often a mix & match. Tue Nov 03 11:32:27 -0800 2009 5147143 46030 soupkitten 1 5152692 A few observations and questions: 1. Gender assignment of males to grills and meat and females to cooking was much stronger in the 50s and 60s than it is today. I prefer real cooking; and am bored by burning meat. Are you looking for a 50s-60s relationship? 2. I don't know of any chefs or good home cooks who are bound to the bridal registry tradition when it comes to cooking tools. People I know - males and females - bring their own kitchen tool kits to the party. Are you looking for someone like your co-worker? 3. Lots of talk about expensive knives. When people these days start to cook, there is a tendency to buy expensive knives. I certainly bought too many. Now I cook with a few knives - each that will hold a super sharp edge and do what I want very quickly. You want some relatively unused but expensive knives? Come to my place. 4. The real "answer" to your set of concerns, however, is that the relationship you, your future partner, and the kitchen have together will depend on the two of you and how much you each actually cook. The relationship should be well established prior to your hooking up. And it will simply work itself out if you let it. Tue Nov 03 12:25:01 -0800 2009 5147143 36661 Sam Fujisaka 1 5153078 How to top Sam? You don't. Look at his readership... "I am a single dude, so I can get whatever I want." Good for you! What is stopping you, or are you bragging? Knife sets, as presents, are bogus. Most are pretty, but compromised. Do not throw out your good knives, or cookware, either! If a woman is a serious cook, she will care about her knives. I have yet to meet one in 51 years of cooking. My grandmother might have been an exception. At least she knew when to take a file to her cheap carbon steel knives. Her knives were well worn! Taking care of a knife is men's work. Women, in general, don't care about tools. They just want them to work when they need them! I do not think it is fair to say that women dominate the kitchens anymore. I think burning meat on the grill is no big deal. Any gender can do it. Men tend to do it because it is so easy and you just stand around the "pit" and drink your mead (like Neanderthals used to do it?). All the difficult or precise cooking, like baking, used to be done by women. Specifically to your question: men still win regarding cutlery. Still I know Neanderthals... How'd I do Sam? Abrazos! Tue Nov 03 14:09:47 -0800 2009 5147143 137946 Scargod 2 5153226 You said what I was trying to say. But a lot better. Tue Nov 03 14:48:53 -0800 2009 5153078 36661 Sam Fujisaka 2 5153243 Scar, I was not bragging. I was merely point out that I get to buy what I want now, but I may not get to keep these tools in the future. Consequently, shouldn't I stop acquiring tools until I get married? It is easy for you to say not to throw away my cookware and knives. I don't want to throw them away, but it is not going to be just my decision. Tue Nov 03 14:58:19 -0800 2009 5153078 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 3 5153255 But, seriously, why in the heck would you marry someone who would make you throw out your tools? Tue Nov 03 15:01:02 -0800 2009 5153243 36661 Sam Fujisaka 3 5153523 Chemicalkinetics, Throw away? God forfend! My spouse and I have been married for so long that there is very little in our kitchen that gets used that predates our wedding day. But all of the goodies that each of us brought to the marriage is still around; some of them are just around-but-unused, not [gasp] thrown away. Now, on the male vs. female thing: one of us uses one knife -- a Brazilian forged carbon steel 7" utility knife (it's got a full-length tang) -- for everything anybody uses a knife for and some things very few other people use a knife for. When that half prepares a meal, the knife gets washed several times during the process as it moves from task to task. The other of us falls into the "for everything there is a season" crowd, and can use four or five different knives for slightly different tasks within the preparation of just one of the dishes to be put on the supper table. Guess which one is the male and which is the female. Tue Nov 03 16:37:50 -0800 2009 5153243 278068 Politeness 4 5154550 And for one of you a screwdriver is a multi-use tool; it can be a scraper, a chisel, a lever, a pry bar and, occasionally, a screwdriver? Wed Nov 04 06:34:47 -0800 2009 5153523 154622 Paulustrious 4 5154673 Politeness, You are the one who use the Brazilian forged carbon steel utility knife. I can clearly tell you are attached to it, so it is easy to tell. That is the problem. Some people get attached to their stuffs. I won't care if my wife want to toss out my shirts or furnitures, but I wold know what to say if she wants to toss out certain cookware, knives, photo albums... Wed Nov 04 07:16:16 -0800 2009 5153523 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 2 5154019 um, wow. there you have it, i guess. no woman other than Scar's g-ma has ever been a serious cook. therefore i guess the op should just dominate any female he encounters, since no female opinion wrt cooking tools could possibly be relevant. while we're at it-- whose bright idea was it to let women into higher ed or government? Tue Nov 03 20:47:30 -0800 2009 5153078 46030 soupkitten 3 5154140 Soup, You do know he is probably joking, right? Tue Nov 03 22:32:48 -0800 2009 5154019 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 3 5154719 Crawfishing alert! Let me try to undo some of the harm I have done. I'm going to blame it on a senior moment trigged by Glenlivet. I have know many fine women cooks. Seriously good cooks. Still, few cared about their knives enough to have them sharpened regularly. I'm sure some would drag out an electric sharpener at some point. Some made a man sharpen them. When I met my SO her knives were in abysmal shape. When I recently visited my sister, her knives were really dull. She knew it, and knew I would notice, so she mentioned it first. I can count on one hand the women I've known who could turn a wrench on a car, change a tire or sharpen their own knives. It is an area where there is little impetus to learn when there is usually a man willing to do it. For some women it may have been bred out of them. Wed Nov 04 07:32:43 -0800 2009 5154019 137946 Scargod 4 5154803 I think you're right that most women don't get their knives sharpened regularly enough. But I think you're wrong if you're working under the assumption that most men do get their knives sharpened regularly enough. The factors here are things like laziness and lack of knowledge, not gender. And I can count on one finger the number of men I know under the age of forty that can do their own work on a car - his wife can too, but, at under 100 lbs., she isn't strong enough to change a tire without power tools. These may have once been skills that were tied to gender. Now they're just skills that no one bothers with anymore. The times they are a changin'. Wed Nov 04 07:59:18 -0800 2009 5154719 36408 danieljdwyer 4 5155861 "senior moment trigged by Glenlivet" *howls with laughter*-- i once had one of those glenlivet senior moments, when i was merely 20! i think it was alzheimer's since i don't remember a single thing. . . Wed Nov 04 12:37:00 -0800 2009 5154719 46030 soupkitten 4 5156470 I guess I was raised differently than some. My parents wouldn't let me learn to drive until I could change a tire on the car. And I don't mean read about it. I jacked the car up, removed the tire, replaced it. I have my own tools although my husband has a tendency to use them when he can't find his. I have my own cordless drill that I bought to fit my hand. I have a woman friend who adds entire rooms onto her house (plumbing, wiring, the whole thing) while her husband is gone for months as a long-distance trucker. Perhaps I've met so many people like this because I'm not so drawn to stereotypes. I'm not sure I could on one hand the number of women who COULDN'T change a tire, etc. But there's room in this world for all types. It's just too bad if we don't find each other :) Wed Nov 04 15:49:00 -0800 2009 5154719 131001 c oliver 1 5153538 Excuse me if I repeat what anyone else has said. I think cutlery, quite simply, is the domain of anyone who likes to cook. Sorry to cut the Gordian Knot. Tue Nov 03 16:44:02 -0800 2009 5147143 1118556 beanbagchickenwing 1 5158576 When my husband and I married over 20 years ago, I didn't change my name. Someone asked me what I'd have done if he'd had a problem with that. My response was that we'd have had bigger problems than that prior to ever discussing name changing. Somehow I don't think you'd discuss marriage with the kind of person who wouldn't respect you and your belongings. PS: Perhaps you shouldn't look upon these things as winning or losing. My husband and I seem to do an awful lot of compromising :) Thu Nov 05 11:32:15 -0800 2009 5147143 131001 c oliver 2 5158984 Yes, but imagine your husband ask you to toss away your dog. Saw the movie or read the book on "Me and Marley". These things happen to even prefect couples. Thu Nov 05 13:34:15 -0800 2009 5158576 1110551 Chemicalkinetics 3 5159005 They do NOT happen to "perfect couples" because first of all there's no such thing and secondly moderately-perfect couples consist of two people who respect each other. I'm 62; how old are you? :) Thu Nov 05 13:37:33 -0800 2009 5158984 131001 c oliver 4 5159142 I am 35. The puchasing habit/pattern of our generation is different than that of my mother. I think I am not wrong about this. 30-50 years ago, a mother can give her cast iron cookware to her daugther as a wedding gift. I mean as a real gift. Now, most brides would think that is disgusting. I just honestly think people in their 20-30's prefer nicer looking stuffs, and my stuffs are not very good looking. I don't mean perfect couples as in really perfect. I mean couples who are in good relationship. I don't understand why people do not believe couple fight about cookware and cutlery. Seriously. Considering half of today marriages end up divorced, I don't think it is an exaggeration that couples argue about cookware and knives and wall paint or whatnot. Thu Nov 05 14:26:51 -0800 2009 5159005 1110551 Chemicalkinetics