663295 Thu Oct 29 11:08:46 -0700 2009 36 29 Not About Food 0 5140593 When we host Thanksgiving, missing members of my husband's family call and everyone plays pass the phone around the dining room table. I find this incredibly rude. Does anyone else deal with this? Thu Oct 29 11:08:46 -0700 2009 22620 DaisyM 1 5140689 Yes, we just passed the phone around. Thanksgiving is about family and it was a way to include those who couldn't make it. But it was usually before and after the meal, not during it. Thu Oct 29 11:31:34 -0700 2009 5140593 14495 viperlush 1 5140711 Yes. It is like they are there at the table and with us talking as we would at a more leisurely meal. They just can't be there with us. It is far better to be talking with, than reminiscing about. Thu Oct 29 11:37:28 -0700 2009 5140593 12123 Cathy 1 5140723 Happens after the meal with my family, I'm okay with it. I'm not okay with the bluetools who have to use their cell phone the whole time they're there. My brother has a cell phone jammer he uses when he's teaching classes I'm trying to borrow for this years meal. "gee, I don't know why you can't get a signal here, the local tower must be on the fritz, why don't you talk to the people that are here for a while...." Thu Oct 29 11:41:56 -0700 2009 5140593 10784 Scrapironchef 2 5140795 I want a cell phone jammer! Thu Oct 29 12:04:27 -0700 2009 5140723 22620 DaisyM 2 5145788 """bluetools """ ~~~ funny, scrapironchef! Sat Oct 31 16:59:33 -0700 2009 5140723 105717 alkapal 3 5149616 I can;t take credit for it, but it is such an apt description I've grown to love it. Mon Nov 02 11:59:49 -0800 2009 5145788 10784 Scrapironchef 1 5140763 My mother in law's family calls all day long when they know she's hosting a big group and putting a big meal out. She gets so frustrated but just keeps answering the phone and taking their calls. I find it incredibly annoying. Thu Oct 29 11:54:06 -0700 2009 5140593 116638 southernitalian 1 5140804 Our family members are all over the US and we love to hear from them on Thanksgiving Day. Anytime they care to phone. It's just a brother, two nephews and a niece with spouses... so it's wonderful to be able to share a second or two. I'm thankful they Want to phone! Thu Oct 29 12:08:50 -0700 2009 5140593 75332 Gio 1 5141033 Yes, this happens every year at both Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve, and we enjoy it immensely. It's the only way we can keep in touch with those members of the family who cannot make it home for the holidays. Thu Oct 29 13:37:21 -0700 2009 5140593 66030 lisavf 1 5141300 Back in the days when long distance phone calls were expensive and people were hard to reach that was fine. But in today;'s age, the jfood speak to family members whenever they want to, sometimes several times a day. If families need an occasion like Tgiving for them to pick up the phone and call their long lost mom, dad, sister, brother, there are other issues they need to address. If someone is out of the country or someone could noit make it home for a reason, then jfood is all for the call and pass around the tbale. but for general catch up and BS, nah, pass the potatoes. Thu Oct 29 15:06:05 -0700 2009 5140593 11290 jfood 2 5141338 I think it just depends on the family. My family is like this. We're not the closest, but it doesn't really bother us that we only hear from relatives once or twice a year. It's pretty rare people call during the meal though. I think people try to call at other times. I'm among the group that thinks it's rude to call when you know others will be eating. Thu Oct 29 15:23:33 -0700 2009 5141300 107671 queencru 2 5142066 Well put jfood! And I also love the idea from scrapironchef about a cell phone jammer! Emails are less intrusive also. Thu Oct 29 21:54:10 -0700 2009 5141300 184593 givemecarbs 2 5150189 As with some of the foods we eat on Thanksgiving, the dinner phone calls, in our family, are almost a tradition and we would not have it any other way. Mon Nov 02 14:21:40 -0800 2009 5141300 68319 Sinicle 1 5141815 It's common with my family for those who are not joining us for the meal to call all during the day but we don't care when they call.... Thu Oct 29 19:00:42 -0700 2009 5140593 1108638 Cherylptw 1 5142265 since I am a foreigner in your land, what time is Thanksgiving lunch/dinner? How would people know when the timing is good or bad to make those calls? Fri Oct 30 04:39:14 -0700 2009 5140593 22559 smartie 2 5142276 different for each household. Try starting the call, "have you sat down to eat yet?" You can always call after dinner when many are watching football, snoring and scratching their bellies. Fri Oct 30 04:44:40 -0700 2009 5142265 11290 jfood 1 5142520 It isn't rude, it's boring -- that's why there's caller id. Fri Oct 30 07:04:01 -0700 2009 5140593 12630 beevod 1 5142547 We pick a time before or after a typical meal time (you pretty much know if they're the let's eat at 3 p.m. crew or the let's eat at a normal time crew) and call everyone with the group sitting around. Fri Oct 30 07:12:42 -0700 2009 5140593 10581 Linda VH 1 5142603 We also would run into this issue after we moved to SF from DC. Our east coast relatives would invariably call just as were sitting down to eat. The time difference made it so they would have just finished their meal as we were starting ours. We finally pre-empted this problem by finding out what time they were gathering and calling before their meal. It worked out better and gave us more time to speak with everyone leisurely. I am always happy to hear from any relatives but after working all day to get Thanksgiving dinner on the table with everything still hot, I don't think it is rude to say may we call you back in an hour? Fri Oct 30 07:34:05 -0700 2009 5140593 70474 baseballfan 1 5142618 During the main part of the meal itself, I think this is very disruptive. But we tend to spend much of our day sitting around the table and laughing and talking, perhaps lingering after the meal or over a long dessert. During those 'lingering' times, we definitely play pass the phone. Fri Oct 30 07:38:38 -0700 2009 5140593 186923 Cachetes 1 5143019 As Cathy stated above - be thankful you have the family to talk to instead of reminecse about. PERIOD. Fri Oct 30 09:48:07 -0700 2009 5140593 16001 Jeanne 2 5145793 or that they call, even. Sat Oct 31 17:01:02 -0700 2009 5143019 105717 alkapal 1 5143444 We do this on Thanksgiving and on Christmas. When we were kids, there used to be dozens of us at the table, but now that we have gotten older many of us have moved out of town or in a couple cases, out of the country. I will be setting my clock so that I can get up in the middle of the night to call home and talk to my family as they sit down to dinner. Of course, we also feel compelled to call each other on Christmas Day even though we have all just seen or called each other in Christmas Eve. It's what we do I wouldn't have it any other way. Fri Oct 30 11:48:51 -0700 2009 5140593 86221 lulubelle 1 5143918 It's acceptable on major feasts if it's a family-and-very-intimate-friends-only feast AND if done after the main portion of the meal (for many people, there's a considerable lingering period between that and the dessert course). Now, classically, it would be rude for the *hosts* to be taking calls in preference to guests present, and likewise for guests; but this kind of calling is really being shared by the guests, so the primary purpose of the rule is less implicated. If there are guests present who are neither family nor intimate friends, I would say it should be done at another time, because it tends to highlight the differences among classes of guests, which by its nature violates hospitality. A general exception: for calls from family members overseas who are in the armed services. They are doing that job for everyone's benefit. And not just metaphorically. Fri Oct 30 15:11:56 -0700 2009 5140593 13819 Karl S 1 5144916 I've never understood why people feel obligated to answer the phone every time it rings. Sat Oct 31 08:14:21 -0700 2009 5140593 131001 c oliver 2 5144924 Here is something we agree on <g>. Caller ID is my friend. Sat Oct 31 08:17:43 -0700 2009 5144916 11990 Janet from Richmond 3 5144935 I knew we could do it. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sat Oct 31 08:22:46 -0700 2009 5144924 131001 c oliver 2 5144970 But the OP didn't say that they answered every phone call. They are answering the phone and talking to family members who aren't there to share the holiday with them. There's a difference. Sat Oct 31 08:44:40 -0700 2009 5144916 86221 lulubelle 3 5144980 But OP thinks it's "incredibly rude." If it goes to voice mail, those folks can be called back. If someone doesn't like taking the calls during meal time, then don't. Sat Oct 31 08:48:37 -0700 2009 5144970 131001 c oliver 4 5145000 It's her husband's family. Maybe he doesn't find it incredibly rude. :-) I do agree with you on cell phone usage in general. I hate it when people answer their phone when we are out to dinner, or even if we are just visiting. But I kind of think that on holidays like Thanksgiving, family is the important part, and these are family members who want to be a part of their day even though they are not in town. To me that's more important. (Which might be because I live overseas and there are many holidays where I am the voice on the other end of the phone wanting to connect with my family.) Sat Oct 31 08:59:51 -0700 2009 5144980 86221 lulubelle 5 5145048 I'm glad to hear all of the different responses to this question. It goes without saying that if someone from overseas called or someone in the military called it would be the highlight of the day. In my family that is not the situation. Sat Oct 31 09:24:52 -0700 2009 5145000 22620 DaisyM 6 5145056 My sister lives overseas now and I lived overseas for 3 years. In most the majority of situations, it's not that hard to set up a time to talk ahead of time. Yes, there are some limited situations where accessing a phone or internet connection (for Skype) is not possible, but for the most part there are lots of relatively inexpensive options for calling overseas these days. Skype is free to another person with Skype, for instance. Sat Oct 31 09:28:54 -0700 2009 5145048 107671 queencru 2 5146261 Pro golfer Fred Couples doesn't. When asked why he didn't answer the phone, he responded "There might be someone at the other end". Sun Nov 01 01:00:42 -0700 2009 5144916 1104506 FrankD 1 5145681 Just sneak upstairs and 'busy' one of the phones. Accidentally. Sat Oct 31 15:42:01 -0700 2009 5140593 154622 Paulustrious 1 5149829 Why is it rude? It's a way to include people who couldn't be there for the family gathering... would you prefer not to get to talk to them at all? Mon Nov 02 12:54:33 -0800 2009 5140593 67657 Kajikit 2 5149920 I find people talking on cell phones and passing it around to everyone while at the dinner table to be rude. I understand that other people don't have a problem with this. I just was wondering how other's feel about it and handle it. Also, the people in this situation are in contact multiple times a day with their immediate family. Mon Nov 02 13:16:28 -0800 2009 5149829 22620 DaisyM