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Invitation extended on Tuesday for dinner on Saturday...

4
4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 10:09 AM

....and the person says that he might have other plans, he will let me know when he figures out how things will unfold.

Called on Thursday evening for check-in, and no confirmation able to be given. Said he will let me know as soon as he figures out what is going on. I think these alternative plans depend on someone coming in from out of town, but not sure.

It's now 1 PM on Saturday. Probably should have just said we should take a raincheck on dinner on Thursday.....

What would you do at this point? Is it rude for me to make other plans for myself?

(If there's a similar topic to this, please point me in the right direction!)

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    fourunder RE: 4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 10:18 AM

    It's Saturday and he still hasn't let you know......make your own plans not including this individual to join you under ANY circumstance.....even if the friend truly does indeed surface, resist all temptation to to invite the both of them. It's rude to leave someone hanging, which he did to you. You gave him every opportunity to get together.......but my perception is this guy was just weighing all his options to see what the best choice would be.

    Go out with someone else who appreciates your efforts and company, and watch the Yankees win the ALCS series tonight.

    2 Replies
    1. re: fourunder
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      4Snisl RE: fourunder Oct 24, 2009 11:08 AM

      So it sounds like no raincheck should be offered. Got it. :)

      Honestly, I have been in situations where other people's unresponsiveness has forced me to be later than preferred with getting back to others. But I'd never let it go this far....

      1. re: 4Snisl
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        fourunder RE: 4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 11:20 AM

        With regards to the raincheck, only you know best. Personally, I would let the other side make the effort first for any future gatherings. We all have or have had friends where we do all the grunt work, and they do nothing. I no longer go out of my way to invite or include them in any plans of mine....if a definite negative pattern has been observed on their part.

        I'm not a sensitive person when it comes to these matters, but I do not care for selfishness on anyone's part.....a little consideration is not that difficult of a concept to comprehend. It simply requires a little time out of someone's precious day to do what's right.

    2. n
      NE_Elaine RE: 4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 10:53 AM

      Honestly, I am surprised that you even have to ask. Call this guy up and let him know you have made alternate plans and then go do something. Unless, of course, you don't mind waiting around until 8PM to find out you are not going out for dinner because he found something better to do. To do that, of course, is your perogitive.

      3 Replies
      1. re: NE_Elaine
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        4Snisl RE: NE_Elaine Oct 24, 2009 11:02 AM

        Nope, definitely have other (better) prerogatives. :) I don't like to be rude to others, even if they are rude to me. Figured I might be under some obligation to let him know the invitation is withdrawn. Thanks for the input. :)

        1. re: 4Snisl
          f
          fourunder RE: 4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 11:10 AM

          This is one instance where a simple text message or an e-mail may be best way to communicate the outcome.

        2. re: NE_Elaine
          im_nomad RE: NE_Elaine Oct 24, 2009 02:37 PM

          why even call ? If he asks later or calls that evening, simply respond with a "well I didn't hear from you and so I made other plans".

        3. k
          karen2006 RE: 4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 11:14 AM

          It seems rude of him not to be frank about what's going on and to keep you hanging on way past what is reasonable...I would not feel bad about making alternative plans.

          1. EWSflash RE: 4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 12:05 PM

            I wouldn't be reachable at this point. Guy sounds like a real jerk. Or he's sending you a message, loud and clear. Or both.

            1. jfood RE: 4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 12:35 PM

              R u kidn? Jfood writes this in the language of youth as you and the totally self-absorbed yutz must be young.

              Here are jfood's suggestions:

              1 - grow a set please. In finance they call what he did to you a "floor". And that is how he is treating you, trying to walk all over you;
              2 - Check your caller ID and DO NOT answer a call from this yo-yo
              3 - Go out and have a great time
              4 - Move on.

              Rule in life...do not let the a-holes get you down.

              2 Replies
              1. re: jfood
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                4Snisl RE: jfood Oct 24, 2009 01:10 PM

                Thanks for the laugh, jfood! Incidentally, I have a hard time with what you call "the language of youth"... One of the best ways a person in this culture can make a 1st impression on me is by using plain, proper English :)

                Though I'm in my 20's, this person is significantly older than me (close to 50?). We've been friends for nearly 2 years. I am from the south, and firmly believe in treating others with civility, even if they are not always kind towards me. He is from the deep south....has to walk on the exterior of the sidewalk if we're side by side, holds doors open, etc. The person's chivalrous behavior had me thinking that he wouldn't intentionally be rude to me. Yet I know well enough that people can have a way of surprising us....

                Other plans are in place for tonight, and I sent an e-mail with "regrets that dinner was not possible this evening".Even if it turns out there is a proper reason for his behavior, he should be able to excuse the rescinded invitation.

                Thanks for showing me how to grow a set....and teaching me new finance lingo. :)

                1. re: 4Snisl
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                  Sherri RE: 4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 02:05 PM

                  How wise you were to phrase it ".... it's not possible ..." thereby eliminating all future discussion about the "whys".

                  Some years ago, the client of a dear relative was here (at the relative's request) for an afternoon. I invited the client to stay for dinner with us and was floored when she responded "OK, if nothing better comes along". I was instantly reminded of this gauche behavior when I read your post.

                  Fool me once ........... lesson learned. Good job, 4Snisl

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                pengcast RE: 4Snisl Oct 24, 2009 11:50 PM

                I had a famiy of four bail on Thanksgiving dinner after I had orederd and paid for my fresh turkey. I am/was really pissed. They ended up eating with family, which is fine, but then turn down the invitation right at the beginning.

                And that is exactly what should have happend here too.

                1. q
                  queencru RE: 4Snisl Oct 25, 2009 05:33 AM

                  Presumably this all worked itself out and you did something else last night.

                  I have found that there are some people who have hard time turning down an invitation. It seems like you have more than one friend with this problem. I've gotten to the point with some closer friends where I've been really direct about how it is really inconvenient for me and hurts my feelings that someone thinks I have nothing better to do with my life than wait for him to respond to an invite. I say I'd much rather have a "no" answer than be waiting until the 11th hour to hear something back. With people I care less about, I usually just move on and wait for them to make the next move.

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                    4Snisl RE: 4Snisl Oct 25, 2009 08:01 AM

                    Thank you all so much for weighing in- looking at things more objectively, I'm even a little incredulous that I had to ask myself.

                    You all make really good points- barring any emergencies/illness, at the very least it was thoughtless. At the worst, it is mean-spirited. Either way, I know there are better qualities to look for in people I spend my time with. I'd like to think that, as queencru brought up, he simply has a hard time saying no, but I don't think that's the issue here. But it is a keen observation about a certain type of behavior.

                    (And to hear your stories- argh! Sorry you've had to deal with such thoughtlessness....)

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