HOME > Chowhound > Not About Food >


Etiquette - forgot to BbackmyOB

I had to leave a party early tonight and left the majority of a six pack in the host's fridge. This is a really informal group of 20 somethings; whenever we gather we always BYOB and are fairly pragmatic about each other's economy. That said, I feel like a heel calling the host and saying "oh hey, I left [some really good] beer in your fridge - mind if I collect it sometime?"

What would you do?

  1. Click to Upload a photo (10 MB limit)
  1. Forget about it. For one thing it is probably already gone.

    1. Do not call up your host looking for the beer, you'll just look like a jackass. Consider it a gift to your host. Also if money is really that tight don't bring an expensive six pack, you can find some great wines for less than 10 bucks and then you'll never have to worry about trying to get back the booze you brought to share in the first place. I always consider it good karma to leave a little surprise for the host, it often makes up for not sticking around to do dishes. lol! just kidding. But seriously if they truly are your friends they'll make sure you get it back, or at least hook you up next time you are down an could use a an adult beverage.

      1. Don't phone your host.

        Next time you go to one of your gatherings, make sure you keep the (plastic) bag the 6-pack came in and take home what you don't consume.

        But if you don't take it home at the moment, don't expect it to be there (or worth the trouble calling about) the next day.

        1. It's possible your host is as "pragmatic" as you are and will offer to return the beer, but you should not ask. The sixpack you brought is a contribution to the party, not a personal booze stash. It's not yours anymore.

          Twenty-ish years ago, I saw a guy take "his" beer with him when he left a party. It was a very informal BYOB gathering of poor college and graduate students - and jaws dropped all over the room. Maybe the rules on this are different now, but that you fear feeling "like a heel" suggests they have not.

          4 Replies
          1. re: small h

            That's exactly what I would have said - it's your contribution to the party - everyone could have drunk it should they have chosen to do so. Don't bring "some really good" beer the next time. But do bring a decent beer - don't bring a crap beer. I've been to those parties where someone brings a 6-pack of Bud Light, but then drinks the better beers that others have brought, leaving his Bud Light for others to drink when the better stuff is gone.

            1. re: LindaWhit

              Huh. . .at a BYOB event, I wouldn't dream of drinking someone else's items without being offered or asking.

              As long as you're at the event, I feel you have a right to expect that your own B. is your own B. That said, once you have packed up and left, the remainder becomes a gift to the party.

              Unless these are hard to get beers (i.e. you had to drive 6 hours and across the border to get them — yes, I have a friend who does this regularly) let it go.

              As for taking it home at the time, that really depends on the group and the event.

              1. re: LindaWhit

                I totally agree with everything you said. I think we've all had the experience of someone who brings crappy booze and drinks the better stuff - it's really annoying. I had a book group gathering at my house a couple of weeks ago and one member who I don't know very well brought some really terrible wine (which he told me was cheap and nasty on the way in!). I had no qualms about giving it to him to drink, despite the fact that he was looking longingly at our wine cellar of lovely French wines! Mind you, he did take a bottle of alcopops off my hands (brought by a friend to a BBQ for some reason).

                1. re: greedygirl

                  >>>""which he told me was cheap and nasty on the way in!""<<<<

                  wow! that's stunning. i hope he had a tremendous amount of fabulous insights to offer on the book you all are reading. otherwise....NIX.

                  i love that you served him the wine he brought!! LOVE IT!

            2. What's a majority? Four or five beers? If these are your friends don't you ever drop by and them offer you a beer? They've never offered you a drink or given you something for nothing?

              I have always left the remainders behind. One friend I frequently visited used to keep one or two for me for when I returned empty-handed.
              Be pragmatic.

              1. Y'all are right, it was a stupid question :)

                5 Replies
                1. re: blkery

                  Yup, once you bring the beer it is communal property. Jfood does not drink so he brings root beer to his poker game. He started with some really good stuff in a 4-6 pack and the others, all beer drinkers grabbed one, so jfood had 1. Now jfood brings Diet A&W in a large bottle and there is plenty for him for the whole night.

                  1. re: jfood

                    So beer is communal property, but root beer is not? I don't get it.

                    1. re: LJBTampa

                      Six players; five bring beer (6-packs); one brings RB (4-pack); All are communal property.

                      Consideration - 30 beers for 5 people; 4 RBs for 1. If you take some else's beer, plenty to choose from; if you take one of the RBs, no opportunity from others.

                      It is a supply and demand issue versus a size of the universe difference.

                  2. re: blkery

                    You get a pass since you wrote the original post at 3:30 am...:-)

                    1. re: purple bot


                      if I bring food or booze to someone's house it no longer becomes my property.

                  3. You, sir, have class.

                    1. Exception to the rule - if your hosts are tee-totallers or you know they are non-beer-drinkers... in which case they'd probably be delighted for you to come and take the unwanted beer away again because it's cluttering up their fridge, so a call would not be taken amiss. I don't mind people drinking beer in my house but I wouldn't WANT anyone's beer left in my fridge after they went home because I loathe the stuff...
                      But the odds are that since it was a party the beer was consumed by someone else after you left... you could always call and ask them if they enjoyed the beer?

                      4 Replies
                      1. re: Kajikit

                        I don't drink beer, but if someone brought good beer and left it in my fridge, I'd save it to serve them next time they visit.

                        1. re: Kajikit

                          The jfoods are non-drinkers and when people bring wine and beer and do not take with (which is EVERY time), jfood stores it for the next time. Noone has EVER called and asked to pick up the three beers they left at the house the night before, except little jfood's 21 year old friends.

                          1. re: Kajikit

                            I'm a non-drinker and can't remember someone calling to pick up beer he/she left on a prior visit. Usually it's not a big deal because they know I'm not going to be drinking it and they can have it the next time they visit. This was the case even when I was in my early 20s.

                            1. re: Kajikit

                              Can't agree with this. I don't drink and would find it tacky if someone were to call inquiring about their alcholic beverage after a party. Somehow, whether it's for another gathering or what-not, the booze gets used.

                              Bottom line is what you bring to a party should stay at the party.

                            2. Solution- just bring some really, really bad beer, and if you don't finish it that night it will still be around next year when they have another party- so you won't have to bring anything then! Problem solved!

                              This actually works by the way...

                              4 Replies
                              1. re: Clarkafella

                                I know of assholes who keep it secreted away or leave it in their car. They show up with one after another in their hand, but it's nowhere to be found and it's not offered.
                                The flip side is I took beer to a party. This was a multi-family lake association affair and there was very little there that was not people's own food and drinks. Most people had brought their own coolers. A keg was coming... The host said I could keep my beer cold by putting it in their food cooler. I came back for a second and it was all gone (and I never saw anyone with one in their hand). Damn teenagers! Then the keg arrived!

                                1. re: Scargod

                                  Once we threw a pool party and bought a keg. One of the guests broke the pumping mechanism on the keg , thus wasting about the last 1/2 of the keg. (pricey dark import) So we gave another guest some cash and asked him to go to the corner store and buy a case of whatever decent beer he could find. It was already late in the evening. He returned with 3-4 cases and asked for more money. Then, about an hour later as the party was breaking up, he asked us what we were gonna do with all that beer. (My husband rarely drinks and I'm a wino) We agreed that he could take it home with him, which he did.

                                  My husband sees this story, and many others like them, as a good reason not to have big parties (or parties at all.) I see it as one of the BEST reasons...you can't make this stuff up!

                                2. re: Clarkafella

                                  But how do you solve the problem of being struck drinking bad beer?

                                  1. re: brandywiner

                                    Well, nobody said the plan was perfect...

                                3. People taking the beer back with them is one of my pet peeves! I think it is tacky even if the event is BYOB. My roommates and I used to have people over frequently for dinner and we would usually supply most of the food and ask that people BYOB. It was always that person with the 12 pack of Miller Light in cans that would take the remainder with them. My feeling is that the beer you bring is party beer. So maybe you don't drink a couple of the beers you paid for.. You are out maybe 5 bucks at most, a small price to pay to enjoy the company of others at a party you didn't have to host. Plus, even if you disagree, is it worth the small amount of money to possibly offend a friend or hostess?

                                  1 Reply
                                  1. re: Jessica Laurel

                                    """""It was always that person with the 12 pack of Miller Light in cans that would take the remainder with them.""""
                                    and you're objecting....why? ;-)).

                                  2. I know in my social circle no one would really care if someone took their beer with them, but it is definitely the exception. We meet up often enough that usually it just gets brought to the next gathering.

                                    I will say the one area where people routinely take their stuff home w/ them though is with spirits & such, particularly expensive ones.

                                    2 Replies
                                    1. re: jgg13

                                      If you dont want to share it, don't bring it. This goes for food too (but that's another thread.) And only call back the next day for the leftovers if you never want to be invited to that person's party again.

                                      1. re: Cheflambo

                                        Not sure which paragraph you're replying to with your first sentence. In the case of the spirits, usually what happens in that situation is that someone brings the ingredients for some drink or another and isn't going to leave their $70 bottle of chartreuse afterwards just because each drink had a quarter of an ounce of the stuff in it. Even with less expensive stuff that happens, e.g. hard to find bitters, etc.

                                        The only reason that I'd ever call to get something back is if I left dishes, plates, etc that the food was brought in with. I wouldn't really care though if someone came back to get something they left at my place (although I couldn't guarantee it'd still be there!).

                                    2. I would be embarrassed to ask this question.

                                      1. I'm a little bit confused by several of the replies here. Some are suggesting that beer at a BYOB party is communal. It is completely not communal at any BYOB party I've ever been to. Frequently I've seen people ask others for one of *their* beers (not *our* beers), but it isn't assumed without asking. If I brought a Stone Ruination to a friends place (that I had to drive from Toronto to Buffalo to get) and saw some guy just helped himself to one without asking, there would be hell to pay. It wouldn't be made up for either by them offering up one of their macro lagers to me. Luckily this hasn't happened to me as my friends always ask.

                                        I'm going to assume this was expensive craft beer and not some type of Bud/Miller/Coors product (ie. extremely cheap, so you are only worrying about just a couple bucks worth of beer). What I would do is call (more likely just send a message on Facebook or something though) to ask the person if it was ok for them to bring over the rest your 6-pack next time you see each other. This has happened with friends of mine where one of us would tell the other that they left beer in their fridge. I know you could just leave the beer, but you could be talking about something fairly expensive or hard to get in your area that you really wanted to drink.

                                        36 Replies
                                        1. re: kwjd

                                          At the BYOB parties held by my circle of friends & acquaintances, things are considered communal unless obviously specified otherwise. We used to have a guy who would always get huffy when his stuff was consumed w/o being asked and told him to either quit bringing stuff he didn't want to share or quit showing up. There are usually all sorts of fancy/expensive craft & import options at these parties too, it isn't just a BMC type of thing.

                                          If I BMOB to a gathering where I'm more of an outsider, I'll just stick to what is mine and ask beyond that.

                                          1. re: kwjd

                                            Thank You

                                            Starting in 1972 when jfood started attending gatherings where people brought beer he never heard of this concept. The wealthier brought the Michelob and the neediers brought the Rolling Rock. Then people just asked..."do you mind if I..." Always followed by "sure go right aheand and bring me one."

                                            At the end of the night, some would take theirs, others would not, no biggie either way.

                                            Does this Donald Duck "It's mine" mentality include other items brought to gatherings like chips and guacamole, maybe some brownies or chocolate cake?

                                            1. re: jfood

                                              Alcohol has never been considered communal, whereas items like chips/cake probably would. If it is BYOB, it is implied you bring what you want to drink. People drink at different speeds and have different tastes, I don't see why it is a big deal to have your own. Everyone did this all through high school, university and now that I'm in my mid 20's it never stopped... I really hadn't thought about it being an "it's mine" mentality any more than the shoes I show up in being an "it's mine" mentality. Maybe it is different here because alcohol is so expensive in Canada?

                                              I am just thinking of the horror of showing up to a party and planning on drinking a 6 pack of Southern Tier IPA, but then finding out that all of them were taken and I have to choose between not drinking and having some Coors Light (I'd choose to stop drinking). This just seems cheap to me to take someone else's alcohol that may be more expensive than yours. If you wanted the nice beer, why didn't you bring some?

                                              1. re: kwjd

                                                "Alcohol has never been considered communal, whereas items like chips/cake probably would."

                                                I don't see why. I've never gone to a party where the BYOB wasn't communal. What is your rationale for certain things being communal and alcohol not? Cost? Taste? What if I bought some very expensive charcuterie? Would all your friends leave it for me alone or would they feel free to eat some and them leave me with some lousy chips?

                                                1. re: KTinNYC

                                                  Because people that bring stuff like cake usually say, "Hey, I brought this is for everyone." I don't know how to answer the charcuterie question because I have never seen anyone bring expensive food to a BYOB house party. Stuff like chips or whatever are pretty cheap and no one eats a full bag of chips by themselves.

                                                  I am really confused by all these comments saying they've been to BYOB parties where the alcochol was communal. I have lived in multiple cities and provinces in Canada and have never seen this so I'll chalk it up to a cultural thing I guess. This spans multiple groups of friends and friends of friends... it isn't just some thing that 5 of us do. Although when I was at a BYOB party in Washington DC a while ago where I only knew 2 people there (I've only been to one house party in the US ever), no one touched my beer and I didn't touch theirs, so I don't know what to think. Maybe I was lucky my Dogfish Head survived because I wouldn't feel comfortable taking someone else's beer without permission.

                                                  1. re: kwjd

                                                    Hi kwjd,

                                                    I want you to know I agree with you entirely. Every BYOB I've ever attended did NOT assume communal beer. People ask if they can have one of yours (usually in exchange for one of theirs – unless you're really good friends and they didn't bring any/much)!

                                                    I would be shocked if I showed up and people started to drink my beer (or wine).

                                                    I would also be surprised if you left with your remaining beers. Usually those get left behind as a host's gift — although, often the host will speak up and kindly suggest that you might take the extras (often because they don't want two dozen beer around).

                                                    P.S. I'm also in Toronto. I also have friends who drive to Buffalo or Rochester and buy Dogfish Head IPAs and tons of other hard to get beers. However, the expectation that BYOB is your own unless you offer it out explicitly has nothing to do with the value or the beer.

                                                    I wouldn't take a friend's moosehead or steamwhistle without asking first. I just might be more inclined to ask for one of them than to ask for his Dogfish Head IPA.

                                                    1. re: Atahualpa

                                                      I think it is funny that the candians are driving to the US to get our beer. When I was in college (mid-90s) we used to drive up from Albany to Montreal to get beer (unibroue, which wasn't distributed down our way until the mid-late 90s).

                                                2. re: kwjd

                                                  "Alcohol has never been considered communal,"
                                                  Perhaps not at parties you go to, but at all BYOB parties I've attended (when I was in my 20s and now, in my early 50s), what you bring to the party is considered openable by anyone, unless it's specifically noted as a host/ess gift for the giver of the party. The host/ess then puts the gift away so it won't be opened during the party unless s/he chooses to do so.

                                                  In my 20s, it was usually beer that was brought to parties Sometimes it was vodka and orange juice, or various mixers for other alcoholic drinks. Sometimes someone brought a "special" beer, but more often than not, it was "regular" beer. But if someone brought a 12 pack of a more special beer, it wasn't consumed exclusively by that one person or the people to whom it was doled out by the bringer.

                                                  Now, it is usually wine or a special liqueur brought to the party. But it's always there for *everyone* to consume.

                                                  As KTinNYC said, you seem to make the differentiation as to whether it's yours or not because of the cost of the item. If you don't want to share, you don't bring it to the party. Simple as that. But obviously, the "it's mine" mentality has taken over in BYOB parties now.

                                                  1. re: LindaWhit

                                                    But if you want to drink the expensive alcohol, why don't you bring some? It seems to me that your example seems more selfish than mine. You are saying something that someone else has brought for themselves (BYOB = bring YOUR OWN beer/booze) is yours to take! If you want to drink nice beer, bring nice beer. Don't expect the person that brought the microbrews to want to drink your BMC once you drink their stuff.

                                                    1. re: kwjd

                                                      The first B stands for "Bring" not "Consume".

                                                      1. re: kwjd

                                                        When I bring stuff to a BYOB event, it is for two reasons:
                                                        a) It is what I want to consume personally
                                                        b) I want to share it with people who also might enjoy it

                                                        To me, a gathering of friends & such is far more about sharing the experience than worrying about if someone bogarted my Delerium. There are things that I don't want to share w/o more control (e.g. my Westvleterens) so I don't bring them to such events.

                                                        1. re: jgg13

                                                          Obviously it is more about friends than what you drink, but if you don't have to worry about your stuff being drank by others, then you are free to bring all the wonderful beer you'd rather be drinking. Just like I'd rather not go to a chain restaurant, but I'll go to one if a group of friends go. This doesn't mean it isn't a more optimal situation to convince that group of friends to go to the nicer place.

                                                          If I was going to a BYOB party where people were going to drink each other's stuff, I agree with you that I'd certainly bring different stuff than I do now to a party. However, since every BYOB party I go to people just drink what they brought (unless they ask or are offered), I can bring my rare stuff so I can have great beer with great company. Seems like a win-win to me.

                                                          1. re: kwjd

                                                            It's not just you, kwjd. I don't go to many BYOB events, but those I remember (before I got old and my friends could afford to serve alcohol), BYOB meant you bring what you want to drink. Others wouldn't dive into it without asking first. However, everyone would tend to offer one of whatever they had to friends.

                                                            Now, this is different from a party where you ask the host what you can bring, and they say "bring beer/wine/dessert" etc. THEN it's communal.

                                                            1. re: danna

                                                              One of two scenarios:

                                                              1 - Big jovial guest brings a bunch of really good stuff, enters the room and says "look waht I brought for everyone."
                                                              2 - People ask the "bringer."

                                                              No on scenario #2...has anyone ever been to a party where the bringer would say "NO" to the request?

                                                              1. re: danna

                                                                One thing I thought of just now, the BYOB phrase. Obviously it literally means Bring Your Own Beer/Beverage/whatever, which implies that it is *yours*, and would correspond w/ kwjd's stance.

                                                                To be honest, the various social circles I travel in, people rarely actually say BYOB - it's usually more along the lines of "bring some drinks". There's a different implication there. Of course, when people in these circles do say BYOB it's understood to be shorthand for the "bring some drinks", but that could be part of the confusion

                                                                1. re: jgg13

                                                                  Jfood also struggles whether he has ever heard ...

                                                                  "we are having people over on saturday night. why don't you join us. it's a BYOB."


                                                                  "we are having people over on saturday night. why don't you join us and bring some beer."

                                                                  1. re: jfood


                                                                    Thinking on it some more, I might be the only person I know that actually says "BYOB" with any regularity - and people know me enough to realize that I don't mean it literally ... although exceptions are made for special standout cases that are brought to people's attention (stone ipa or whatever it was the op had isn't special enough), but even then those standout cases always meant to be shared anyways, just in a more controlled fashion.

                                                          2. re: kwjd

                                                            kwjd, it seems to be a generational thing. As I stated, most people would bring regular beer - it usually wasn't "piss beer" as we called the cheapo beer. The "regular" beer was drinkable. If one person brought a special beer, it was with the understanding that it was for all who chose to grab a bottle.

                                                            1. re: LindaWhit

                                                              May be generational. May also be just the norm for a particular social group.

                                                              It certainly wasn't for any group that we were ever a part of in the past or currently. There has always been an unspoken expectation for the level of what you bring, whether it was beer, wine, or spirits. Nobody brought rotgut or anything over the top expensive, and it was always understood that it was for shared consumption.
                                                              We did have one regular who would often bring his very own personal bottle of expensive scotch and hide it behind a piece of furniture to mix from through the night. But everyone snickered about it behind his back and thought it to be really tacky.

                                                              I'd be horrified if someone asked for their beer back. What does it cost? Six dollars? They probably ate that much of my food, and I have to clean up after the party that I had spent time and money preparing for. Geez..

                                                              1. re: MakingSense

                                                                "There has always been an unspoken expectation for the level of what you bring, whether it was beer, wine, or spirits. Nobody brought rotgut or anything over the top expensive, and it was always understood that it was for shared consumption."
                                                                And THIS is why your name is MakingSense. Because you do. :-)

                                                        2. re: kwjd

                                                          Much like the person who kept doing the "It's mine", we also used to have an issue with a guy who did what you describe - he'd bring a 12 pack of bud lite and then proceed to drink only the good stuff. After a bit of browbeating, he stopped doing that.

                                                          1. re: kwjd

                                                            Ack kwjd, your horror recently happened to me. I recently went to a BYOB barbeque my boss was throwing (he smoked brisket, pork shoulder, chicken, and sausage) and I picked up a sixer of Bell's Two Hearted IPA. I set my beer in the big cooler that was outside (otherwise filled with Bud Light w/Lime and Heineken, should have by my first clue!) and went inside with some food. I got caught up chatting and helping the hostess inside for about 10 minutes. By the time I get back outside several other people had arrived. I open the lid to the cooler and all of the delicious IPA is gone. On top of that, there is no new beer in the cooler--only the Bud Light w/Lime and Heineken. I grab a soda, sit down, and hear two husbands of a couple of older ladies we work with comment about how terrible their beers were and how it tasted like soap. My heart sank as I watched them get up, pour the IPA into the grass, and get some Heinekens. I later found two more nearly full bottles that had been abandoned. I wasn't upset because I wanted to drink all 6 of my beers (I had intended on sharing, not to mention I would be quite drunk!), but because no one else brought any beers (later found out the BL/Heineken was provided by my boss, which was strange because he normally has a very nice selection of quality craft beers, hence why I brought the Two Hearted) and because most of the people who took them didn't even drink them.

                                                            I should also mention that when I've attended gatherings with my circle of friends it's been more of a bring what you drink or trade/give to others type thing, more so than a free-for-all. This was the first time I've been to a party where people just took whatever without asking. I think it could very well be a generational thing, or perhaps a fiscal security thing (I'm a grad student in my late 20s). Yes, my parents certainly certainly taught me to share, but I was also taught to not take what wasn't mine. Admittidly, I was surprised, but in hindsight it was a communal cooler.

                                                            It stunk, but I learned some valuable lessons.

                                                            1) Think about the size of the party and the type of people who will be attending.
                                                            2) Don't bring good, expensive beer to a large party where most people probably drink only Bud/Bud Light.
                                                            3) If you want to make sure you get one of your beers, grab one immediately, even before offering to help the host/hostess! (This was perhaps my biggest error! Had I slipped one out and brought it inside with me, I would have been much happier.)

                                                            1. re: pollymerase

                                                              well, pollymerase, i see that you've learned your lesson(s).
                                                              it was a communal cooler. if i were a guest, i'd have expected the beer in there to be for anyone to take. and i definitely would have taken the first one.... ;-)).

                                                              but, what was "byob" about the gathering if it was only the host (and you) who brought his "own"?

                                                              1. re: alkapal

                                                                The invitation definitely said it was BYOB and I heard my boss tell that to people as well when discussing it. One other person who arrived later brought a sixer, but I guess no one else felt it was necessary to bring anything and instead just drink what was there? I was rather confused by the whole situation. But you're correct, I learned many valuable lessons.

                                                                1. re: pollymerase

                                                                  ok, the chumps didn't even bring their own! and to the boss's house? is he a pushover that they feel this cavalier?

                                                        3. re: kwjd

                                                          If you send the message on facebook, ALL of your friends and ALL of his/her friends will see how cheap you are!

                                                          1. re: ShakenNotStirred

                                                            I fail to see how it is cheap to say you left some of your property at someone else's place. Also, with Facebook you can send private messages or wall posts, so it doesn't have to be public.

                                                            1. re: kwjd

                                                              You make a valid point regarding private messages.

                                                              However, the fancy serving dish that you brought with the killer guacamole is "your property." Would you call or facebook the next day to pick up the leftover guac?

                                                              You reference Dogfish Head in a post above so you obviously have good taste. I find that a good rule of thumb is to bring your Dogfish 60 Minutes to the party and leave the 90 Minutes at home!

                                                                  1. re: Atahualpa

                                                                    I know I'm about to get into a niche discussion that is probably best suited for a different board on chowhound, so apologies in advance...

                                                                    What I'm about to write could be considered blasphemous in many circles, but I am not a big fan of the 120 Minute IPA. In my mind, I had pictured it as the holy grail, and it took me some time to get over the price hurdle. When I finally tasted it, I found it to be too thick, and the flavor had almost a cough medicine-like quality. The pleasant flavor change you get when you go from the 60 minute to the 90 minute is not the same as when you go from 90 to 120. Plus, you can get 4 90s for less then it costs for 1 bottle of 120.

                                                                    That being said, if you can afford to give away 120 minute IPAs to your friends at parties, more power to you!

                                                                    1. re: ShakenNotStirred

                                                                      I expected the 120 min to be a hop bomb, but it ended up syrupy and extremely sweet. I still enjoyed it though, though I think I agree that I prefer the 90 min. My favourite IPA from DFH actually is the Squall IPA, which in an unfiltered version of the 90 min IPA that's additionally dry hopped.

                                                                      I have actually shared an 120 min IPA at parties before, I don't want to give the impression from previous posts that I hoard all my beer.

                                                                        1. re: kwjd

                                                                          OK agree 100% here.

                                                                          I don't drink all that much beer myself, but, i have a couple of friends who are true beer snobs. So, I have the delightful opportunity to try each of these at some point thanks to their immense generosity.

                                                                          Of the dogfish head IPAs, the Squall was my favourite and the 120 was too much for me. I didn't mind the sweetness per se, but, the viscosity was too much along with that.

                                                              1. re: kwjd

                                                                We host several large but casual parties a year, and provide mixed drinks, wine, sangria, pitchers of Mojito's, etc. in addition to soft drinks. I am a pretty good amateur bartender and can man a shaker at my open bar with the best of them. We don't drink beer. Whenever someone asks what they can bring, if I suspect that they are beer drinkers, I tell them that we won't be serving beer, but will be serving plenty of other alcoholic beverages. If they want to drink beer, they may want to consider bringing their own small cooler. They can then take any leftovers home with them when they leave. If the party is a pool party and it is 105 degrees in the shade, I will probably still put a cooler out on the patio deck with a 24 pack of Bud Light, just in case, but I may not.

                                                                Everyone seems content with this arrangement, and since I am usually playing bartender and mixing cocktails by request, it seems to work well. My guests will get to enjoy a party with variety of home cooked or catered food and desserts, in addition to cocktails and wine provided by yours truly. The guests who absolutely must have whatever variety of beer they want to drink don't complain. (I admit that they may be talking badly behind my back, but I doubt it). I assume that the beer drinkers are drinking their own, and possibly sharing, but since the two or three small coolers that are brought are also taken home at the end of the night, I have no idea what the remaining inventory is. All I know is that I don't end up with three dozen cans or bottles of someone else's beer in my fridge, trying to figure out how to give it back and/or contemplating a few weeks of cooking beer can chicken. If that does happen, I usually try to figure out who it belongs to and attempt to get it back, while still chilled, to them,

                                                                Truthfully, I would find the OP's perspective selfish and cheap. No one has EVER asked for their beer back after they go home. If we are talking fewer than six cans or bottles, there would be no excuse for it.

                                                              2. I'm in the UK - I've NEVER been to a party where people didn't share whatever they bought with them.
                                                                But I have sat on a jury on a manslaughter case when a guy took fancy vodka to a party and 'hid' it - only to reslise another guest had found it (unopened) and left the party with it under his arm. The guy who took the vokda was chased by the party giver (not the vodka owner) - and he ended up dead. The moral? Hmm.....
                                                                (oh - he was not guilty on a technicality).

                                                                1 Reply
                                                                1. Amongst my crew (early 30s, upper-middle class, MA), everyone's booze becomes community booze. No one brings anything ghetto, and, frankly, it usually gets imbibed that night, so there aren't leftovers. We're all drunks.

                                                                  The only time I remember taking my own booze home was at a Christmas party. I brought a great half bottle of Sauternes as part of dessert. We were all pretty full and didn't really end up having dessert, so the hostess insisted I take the bottle home, as she wasn't a wine drinker and knew I'd spent a good deal on it. I argued; she won. It felt really weird.

                                                                  2 Replies
                                                                  1. re: invinotheresverde

                                                                    This is how my crowd is too, but the thing is, we don't really have BYOB parties. The host buys some beer/wine/liquor and everyone just brings wine or beer, which they immediately hand to the host. The host then puts it out where anyone who wants some can have it. This isn't something anyone was asked to bring--it is just the customary thing we all do. Whoever hosts the party ends up with a lot of beer and wine left over. I think a lot of people upthread are thinking of this kind of situation when they are surprised that, at BYOB parties, beer is not communal.

                                                                    At a truly BYOB event, when the host doesn't provide anything alcoholic and specifically tells people to bring what they want to drink, I think it is often the case that that beer continues to "belong" to whomever brought it. The only social event like this I attend is a weekend party at a cabin with a huge, fairly loose-knit group. It seems to really make sense that you buy what you are planning to drink and respect what other people bring. Anyway, I think that many of the people who express shock about BYOB aren't REALLY talking about BYOB. They are talking about events where people pitch in drinks. Its a real difference, IMO.

                                                                  2. I feel like there are 2 situations like someone mentioned. One that is more of a potluck style in food and/or drink where everyone contributes and shares. Then there is the kind of party where you bring your own booze mainly because the host cannot buy for all. In the second instance, in light of my own experiences, what you bring is yours. Not everyone knows each other and there are usually too many people (or at least people who drink too much) and not enough beer/liquor. Some people bring nothing.
                                                                    Then it turns into the beer/ root beer situation where supply and demand do not match and so unfortunately what you bring being yours is the best solution.

                                                                    1. i think what one brings becomes communal upon entering the fridge. i left 4 out 6 guinness and a bottle of wine at someones house this week. I hope he enjoys it all