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Oct 11, 2009 12:30 AM

Etiquette - forgot to BbackmyOB

I had to leave a party early tonight and left the majority of a six pack in the host's fridge. This is a really informal group of 20 somethings; whenever we gather we always BYOB and are fairly pragmatic about each other's economy. That said, I feel like a heel calling the host and saying "oh hey, I left [some really good] beer in your fridge - mind if I collect it sometime?"

What would you do?

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  1. Forget about it. For one thing it is probably already gone.

    1. Do not call up your host looking for the beer, you'll just look like a jackass. Consider it a gift to your host. Also if money is really that tight don't bring an expensive six pack, you can find some great wines for less than 10 bucks and then you'll never have to worry about trying to get back the booze you brought to share in the first place. I always consider it good karma to leave a little surprise for the host, it often makes up for not sticking around to do dishes. lol! just kidding. But seriously if they truly are your friends they'll make sure you get it back, or at least hook you up next time you are down an could use a an adult beverage.

      1. Don't phone your host.

        Next time you go to one of your gatherings, make sure you keep the (plastic) bag the 6-pack came in and take home what you don't consume.

        But if you don't take it home at the moment, don't expect it to be there (or worth the trouble calling about) the next day.

        1. It's possible your host is as "pragmatic" as you are and will offer to return the beer, but you should not ask. The sixpack you brought is a contribution to the party, not a personal booze stash. It's not yours anymore.

          Twenty-ish years ago, I saw a guy take "his" beer with him when he left a party. It was a very informal BYOB gathering of poor college and graduate students - and jaws dropped all over the room. Maybe the rules on this are different now, but that you fear feeling "like a heel" suggests they have not.

          4 Replies
          1. re: small h

            That's exactly what I would have said - it's your contribution to the party - everyone could have drunk it should they have chosen to do so. Don't bring "some really good" beer the next time. But do bring a decent beer - don't bring a crap beer. I've been to those parties where someone brings a 6-pack of Bud Light, but then drinks the better beers that others have brought, leaving his Bud Light for others to drink when the better stuff is gone.

            1. re: LindaWhit

              Huh. . .at a BYOB event, I wouldn't dream of drinking someone else's items without being offered or asking.

              As long as you're at the event, I feel you have a right to expect that your own B. is your own B. That said, once you have packed up and left, the remainder becomes a gift to the party.

              Unless these are hard to get beers (i.e. you had to drive 6 hours and across the border to get them — yes, I have a friend who does this regularly) let it go.

              As for taking it home at the time, that really depends on the group and the event.

              1. re: LindaWhit

                I totally agree with everything you said. I think we've all had the experience of someone who brings crappy booze and drinks the better stuff - it's really annoying. I had a book group gathering at my house a couple of weeks ago and one member who I don't know very well brought some really terrible wine (which he told me was cheap and nasty on the way in!). I had no qualms about giving it to him to drink, despite the fact that he was looking longingly at our wine cellar of lovely French wines! Mind you, he did take a bottle of alcopops off my hands (brought by a friend to a BBQ for some reason).

                1. re: greedygirl

                  >>>""which he told me was cheap and nasty on the way in!""<<<<

                  wow! that's stunning. i hope he had a tremendous amount of fabulous insights to offer on the book you all are reading. otherwise....NIX.

                  i love that you served him the wine he brought!! LOVE IT!

            2. What's a majority? Four or five beers? If these are your friends don't you ever drop by and them offer you a beer? They've never offered you a drink or given you something for nothing?

              I have always left the remainders behind. One friend I frequently visited used to keep one or two for me for when I returned empty-handed.
              Be pragmatic.