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Food -- Not Sex -- Is Basis for Relationships

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  1. I don't get it. We only eat 3 times a day.

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    1. Let the Double Entendres begin......

      1. Interesting. I didn't read the whole article, but was struck by this observation:

        "Anthropologists have noted that many primitive societies will tolerate a married woman sleeping around, but will ostracise her if she feeds any man other than her husband. In the ancestral struggle for survival, it seems, sustenance was more important than sex."

        Good to know.

        11 Replies
        1. re: Gigi007

          "sustenance was more important than sex (for women)" : how is that only ancestral? Isn't that the essence of modern marriage? Just curious...

          1. re: Veggo

            I see what you mean, Veggo. I quoted from the article without the insertion of the parentheses "(for women)" in the 1st sentence, which I assume you added. One could argue that now as in ancient times, food (for both men and women) trumps sex, in the hierarchy of needs. So, no, not a novel idea

            I actually meant to say that I was struck by the first sentence I quoted--the idea that sleeping around by married women was tolerated, but feeding other men outside the marriage wasn't.

            1. re: Gigi007

              I don't invovle myself with married women, but it's refreshing when one pays a resto bill. So times *have* changed.

              1. re: Veggo

                Thankfully, yes times have changed. On the subject of women picking up the check, it's a topic I like discussing. I don't consider myself a feminist by any means, but have no problem and in fact reallly like paying every once in a while. At the same time, I know a lot of women who don't and even worse, women who actually invite men out and then expect them to pay all the time..I realize it's a cultural behavior, but still it kind of irks me because I don't want men out there to think all women are looking to take advantage.

                  1. re: Gigi007

                    It is even worse than that. Just basing it off of women I know (not 'women I've dated'), there's absolutely no way for a guy to win here. I know women who just expect the guy to pay. I know women who will drop a guy if he insists on paying (because he's "sexist"). I know women who will offer to pay/split/etc, but drop a guy if he accepts (he's "cheap"). I know women who will offer to pay/split/etc and mean it. etc etc. I've yet to identify a tactic as a male that would be foolproof in terms of potentially leading to trouble.

                    1. re: jgg13

                      You will figure it out about the time you no longer want or need them.

                      1. re: Veggo


                        I long ago decided what I wanted, and if someone didn't care for that, that's their problem. And the folks who are using it as some sort of trick/test ("i'll offer to pay, he better not accept") are people I don't really want to be be with anyways, so good riddance. I have a few female friends who are like that, and it just makes me shake my head.

                  2. re: Veggo

                    If I'm the one making the invitation, I pay. If he invites me, he should pay. I've certainly surprised a few fellows when I insist on paying. I just smile and say, "If you'd like to take me to dinner, you have to issue the invitation!" Gray area comes in when it's a casual kind of invitation; i.e., "Let's meet for a bite/drink after work."

                    1. re: Ima Wurdibitsch

                      I'm with you, Ima (no pun intended!), but you'd be surprised how many women out there have no qualms about inviting a man out fully expecting that he'll pay. As a woman, I don't like that behavior although as I posted earlier I've come to learn that with some women (and men who are OK with this), it's cultural.

            2. I was struck by the following quote, however, "If you feed a chimp cooked food for tens of thousands of years, I find it hard to believe that it would end up looking like the same animal."

              I seriously don't think that cooking the food would have that impact as much as the "tens of thousands of years" that have elapsed would have.....

              2 Replies
              1. re: Gio

                Gravity is not our friend...and they didn't have disposable razors.

              2. Dang, I saw Sax, not Sex....living with a professional sax player....I get great sax on a regular basis. And boy...can he eat.

                2 Replies
                1. re: tracylee

                  Saxophones...drunk guys....brass urinals....oh, never mind.

                  1. re: Veggo

                    LOL I need more coffee before I read a thread like this.

                2. While I will definitely agree that if someone feeds me, I kind of "lock on" that they're a good friend. "the way to a mans heart is through his stomach" is very true in this case. And also, it kind of goes both ways, in that if I genuinely like someone, I tend to offer them food, and take more care over cooking that I would for myself.

                  However in "relationships" referring to a life partner, I would tend to disagree entirely (with regards to primary motivation). In western society, given the current abundance of available food, less emphasis would be given to providing, and more to fitness, intelligence and wealth (possibly in that order)

                  4 Replies
                  1. re: Soop

                    Ah, the reverse. I think men cooking garners approval from many women when they see that you have a feminine side and can provide for them in more ways than money and muscle. Perhaps also an indication that they will not be saddled with all the traditional duties.
                    Let's not forget that it's harder to enjoy sex when you're hungry.

                    1. re: Scargod

                      re: your last comment....I dunno...when you look at the # of births following the lean, hungry cold months of fall and winter...I'd hazard a guess that sex is one fine distraction from growling bellies.

                      Totally agree with your first comment though. I find it very attractive when a man both has an interest in cooking, particularly FOR me. Equally, an interest in food and trying new things is also a brownie point, even if they can't cook. However, in the absence of sexual chemistry, these wouldn't sustain much more than a friendship, for me.

                        1. re: im_nomad

                          It also helps after the train just came through and woke you up.
                          I like experimenting in the kitchen. That's why I have one counter top at twenty-nine inches.
                          I need food chemistry, sexual chemistry and alchemy. A full moon is good, too.

                    2. Golly gee, I thought it was both food and sex as the basis of a long lasting relationship! Who wrote gullible on the ceiling above my head? Where do the flowers that continually buy fit in?
                      Scar, doesn't good sex increase one's appetite?
                      And smoking too? My wife asked if I ever smoked after sex and I replied that I've never looked.

                      2 Replies
                      1. re: Passadumkeg

                        An exchange between a well-fed gentleman and a woman in a grocery store:
                        "Sir, if that stomach were on a woman, I'd swear she was pregnant."
                        "Ma'm, it was, and she is."

                      2. food and sex are separate things?

                        3 Replies
                        1. re: thew

                          The lines do get blurry when for either, one must make a reservation a month in advance.

                            1. re: alanbarnes

                              I'll see that clip and raise you this one--even better! I had forgotten about this episode. PERFECT!

                          1. lawl, "The couple that eats together, sleeps together".

                            I just read that Fox article, and it doesn't really offer any basis for any effect on relationships.

                            1 Reply
                            1. re: Soop

                              if that were true i wouldn;t be a single parent right now

                            2. Since I substituted food instead of sex, I can't even get into my own pants.

                              1 Reply
                              1. "Pastrami is the most sensual of all the cured meats." George Costanza

                                10 Replies
                                1. re: pacheeseguy

                                  "If words were cherry stems, my tongue would be in Sherilyn Fenn's mouth." Duckman

                                  1. re: DiveFan

                                    I don't think this is "deep" or even makes any sense. Not sure what it has to do with the subject. At least pastrami is sexy meat and a pastrami sandwich while having sex sounds good to me. Sharing a pastarmi sandwich with Sherilyn Fenn would be orgasmic without the sex.

                                    1. re: Scargod

                                      now humor needs to be deep and/or make sense?

                                      1. re: thew

                                        Humor is not funny if it doesn't make sense to the majority. You don't put a cherry stem in your mouth except when showing off (that you can tie it in a knot).

                                        1. re: Scargod

                                          it does imply a talented tongue. of course, i pity the woman who has to work her skills on the equivalent of a cherry stem '-)

                                          1. re: linguafood

                                            Well said, sista! ;) Whoever that poor woman is, she should have held out for a pastrami sandwich at Katz's. Yes! Yes! Yes!
                                            <<I'll have what she's having>>

                                    2. re: DiveFan

                                      Nothing deep - just wanted to start a Jason Alexander subthread. :-)

                                      Relevant Duckman quotes are hard to come by, his humor tends more toward the unsubtle salami metaphors...

                                      1. re: DiveFan

                                        George: So eh, what do you say?

                                        Tara: I guess we could use some food in our lovemaking.

                                        George: Ok, we got your...got your strawberries, your chocolate sauce, your pastrami on rye with mustard, your honey...

                                        Tara: Wait wait wait, pastrami on rye with mustard?

                                        George: Oh yeah yeah, don't you know they used pastrami in that movie 9½ weeks? Remember the pastrami scene?

                                        Tara: No.

                                        George: Well, maybe it was Ghostbusters? Where ever it was, it worked!

                                        1. re: pacheeseguy

                                          Is this from a sitcom? I thought we were talking about the Fox News article which is a spin-off of the article from the Times of London. Neither have anything to do with the Times article... about man cooking with fire vs raw food.

                                          1. re: Scargod

                                            Yes, it's a scene from an old episode of Seinfeld.
                                            Discussion about food and sex being connected.