Engagement Halls, Wedding Halls and great Glatt kosher food needed NYC &/or outer boros
My daughter just got engaged and though we are not frum, we will have a glatt kosher affair due to several frum family members. Therefore, the whole affair will be glatt.
First problem. The couple live in Manhattan, his parents live upstate, we live in Queens. We would like to make a nice engagement party for both sides to meet (family and friends), just desserts, liquor and beverages. Have no clue where to look for a decent not overpriced place where I can either cater in the cake and fruit (need suggestions on that too...want great desserts)or someplace that already has it all. However, many in the family are phenomenal bakers and have always baked for engagements. We figured three hours is more than enough with people coming and going for a l'chaim.
Second, the couple would like to consider a Sunday dairy brunch wedding (with cholov yisroel as well) for 200 to 250 people. They very much would like to have a summer wedding where the chupah could be outside in a beautiful scenery or gardens than a brunch. We are people who like to do things differently, love great food and enjoy doing things uniquely different with class. There are going to be obvious problems with some of the frum family (williamsburg crowd, crown heights and lakewood) but we'll deal with it.
Third question, not food related. What are the rules of who pays for the engagement party these days and who pays for what concerning the wedding?
Thanks in advance and hope someone could come up with some great ideas that wont break the bank.
I know it doesn't relate to this question, but what you said is not entirely true. I was at a "vordt" at a shul in Passaic, where all the food was home made. There were signs on each table, presumably required by the shul, which informed the guests that the food was entirely the responsibility of the ba'alei simcha. I also have been at a sheva brochot in a shul in KGH, where the ba'alei simcha made their own food. I know, because I offered to do all the desserts. This was a number of years ago (about eight), but I believe it is still allowed there.
I do agree, though, that MOST places do not allow it; it's just not true that no place will allow it.
With regard to wedding payment, it depends. Some people still opt for FLOP(S), in which the guy's family pays for the flowers, liquor, orchestra, and photography (and sheitel, or wig, if the woman will be covering her hair). Others split the bill proportionally, based on how many guests each side is inviting, so if one side invites 55% of the guests, they pay for 55% of the wedding, or sometimes 55% of those expenses that are related to the number of guests but 50% of those expenses (eg photography) that are independent of it. I don't know how you'd figure out what the other side expects without asking them, honestly. I do not know who pays for engagement parties, but my sense is that if the two sets of parents do not live near each other, but the party is held near one set of parents, the expectation is that it's going to be mostly for 'their people,' and that the local parents will pay for it.
Without any sort of budget, it's difficult to make suggestions as to where you ought to be holding both of these events, but you can search these boards for the last couple of years and get many, many suggestions of wedding venues and caterers.