HOME > Chowhound > General Topics >


Vengeful Foods?

Okay, so here's the situation. It's been a rough couple of months in my world...ended a relationship that just wasn't working, then got unceremoniously dumped by my post-breakup fling and ceremoniously dumped by a friend. The kicker with all of this is that in addition to the various emotional wounds I'm nursing, the fling and I had been having a lot of fun cooking, shopping, and eating together, so the dumping has been taking its toll on my enthusiasm for one of my favorite pastimes. In an effort to get my mojo back, I have started brainstorming Revenge Meals. No, not foods that would be easy to hide the poison in (I'm bummed out, not homicidal), but foods that are giving me some sort of petty satisfaction in my own little private way. For example: tonight I am having...

...jerk chicken. Accompanied by Dark and Stormys. And strawberry shortcake for dessert (the fling was...not exactly Yao Ming.)

I've thought that a bit of dessert voodoo in the form of spotted dick might be fun for next time.

So I'm thinking there must be other things out there that would help me vent all of my ill will towards my various exes in a relatively constructive manner. I'd rather cook than send passive-aggressive e-mails or drunken text messages.

So how 'bout it, 'hounds? Any thoughts?

  1. Click to Upload a photo (10 MB limit)
  1. Spotted dick? It could be wishful thinking (assuming you're female and your ex was male).

    1 Reply
    1. re: Jetgirly

      One step ahead of you (see above), but I do like the way you think, Jetgirly. ;)

    2. Cocktail weenies?

      Oh, might I suggest buying some horseradish root and making sauce from scratch.
      (totally phallic looking)

      1. Perhaps some shrimp and baby carrots followed by some shortbread? ;) adam

        1. Enjoy some seductive foods...by yourself, relishing in the fact that he isn't getting to watch you eat them! Lick some chocolate sauce off yourself! :)

          1. How about a nice berry fool for dessert?

            1. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Grate some carrots. Puree some franks and beans. But the real revenge is living well.

              In my experience, every relationship involves compromises. And if your predilections are anything like mine, food compromises certainly present challenges. If any of the exes whined about undercooked steak, have some carpaccio. Somebody was a fat-phobe? Braised pork belly. And if any of them ever responded to your favorite foods with "it's too spicy," it's time to utter the words "Thai hot." Might as well be in a place where shedding tears is the norm.

              There will soon come a time where you have to take somebody else's tastes and preferences into account. When that time comes, the rewards should far outweigh the limitations they impose. In the meantime, you're your own woman. Make the most of it!!!

              6 Replies
              1. re: alanbarnes

                But alan, that's exactly the problem. That worked great with the ex-boyfriend - I had been relishing fish and coffee and salads with dressing in his absence. But the fling was a chef. And a good one. We were extremely culinarily compatible, which is why cooking is suddenly hard to enjoy...because he liked pretty much all of my favorite things. So naively I gave it all up to him - favorite restaurants, dishes, and ingredients are now tainted, so I need to find new ones until I've forgotten all about him and can firmly take them back. Thus the point of this thread - tonight was my first attempt at homemade jerk chicken and rice and peas, and I think I'm in love.

                And highly amused by it all, which is more therapeutic than the food any day. :)

                1. re: Wahooty

                  Okay, then, back to grating carrots until you find yourself a better man. Meanwhile, if my wife does, I'll drop you a line.

                  1. re: alanbarnes

                    Story of my life...all the good ones are taken. ;)

                    1. re: Wahooty

                      You may want to seriously reconsider your definition of "good ones."

                      With that caveat, Sam's available, but remote.

                      Given the song below, that's probably a good thing.

                      1. re: alanbarnes

                        Uh-oh...the mods got Sam's song...and I do so love my men musical and remote.

                      2. re: Wahooty

                        I was beginning to think that until my husband and I found (we were on opposite coasts) each other in our 40s, first marriage for both of us!


                2. How about other cooking techniques to help vent? Some have already suggested chopping carrots and daikon radish... But I also really love to pound and flatten chicken breast when making things like chicken paillards. It is very therapeutic to pound chicken with a big wooden mallet as hard as I can! Punching down bread dough is another very satisfying activity.

                  There are new technologies that allow you to spray paint pictures of people on cakes, on icing in general. This might be the time to decorate a cake using pictures of your exes in various compromising positions and situations... Creative and cathartic at the same time. You can even throw the cake against the wall after and enjoy the sheer destructive force of a splattering cake, without a big hole in the wall to fix later. Icing cleans up pretty well...

                  Kebabs are fun to make, and involve a lot of spearing. Violent, yet constructive.

                  1 Reply
                  1. re: moh

                    An excellent point, moh. Remind me not to cross you, or at least not to do it in my kitchen. ;)

                  2. Shrimp Diavolo, devil's food cake.

                    1. Grilled beef heart. be sure to make a few slashes before marinating.Be careful not to overcook, so that it will be still tender and red inside. Slice thin. Enjoy.


                      Anyone know how to make "humble pie"?

                      Actually, if i feel my relationship with food has been tainted (haven't had that happen yet) I would probably go on a fast, instead of tainting it further with vengeance. Food could taste better or worse depending on who you're sharing it with, of course, but it is also very rewarding to taste the wholesome food on a clean slate, clear conscience, and a very hungry stomach.

                      1 Reply
                      1. re: HLing

                        Oooh...that is just deliciously sinister! I'll have to save that one for when I'm more seriously heartbroken rather than just torked off, though. :)

                        Reading this thread IS delightfully therapeutic, though. This is why I love this board.

                      2. Ok, have your pigs in a blanket and flop cake, and enjoy them. Then, shift gears and take your pleasure in cooking back. Time to explore a cuisine. Something you're not entirely familiar with so that you will be engrossed, then perhaps transported. Before you know it you'll own your kitchen again and learn something interesting in the process.
                        Sorry about this recent run of bad luck.

                        1 Reply
                        1. re: fern

                          Totally agree, which is how I got interested decades ago in becoming a better cook than my ex.

                        2. If you don't already have this area of kitcheneering down pat, get a book of really fancy French pastry recipes. Producing trays and piles of beauties should be a tremendous pick-me-up.