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here's a challenge - write food-oriented lyrics for a favorite song...

  • c

As an example of what I'm getting at, I'll start with this ode to cheese, sung to the tune of

THE EURYTHMICS "SWEET DREAMS (are made of these)"

Sweet dreams are made of cheese
Who am I to dis on Brie?
Travel the world for Époisses
Everybody’s looking for Stilton

Some of them want a Gouda
Some of them want to use Raclette
Some of them want a Jarlsberg
Some of them want a Mimolette

I wanna use you in Amuse-Bouche
I wanna know what goes with you

Mold your rind up (movin’ on)
Keep your ripe up (movin’ on)

(Sweet dreams are made of these
Who am I to disagree
Travel the world and the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something

Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused

I wanna use you & abuse you
I wanna know what’s inside you

Hold your head up (movin’ on)
Keep your head up (movin’ on))

Let's see what people can come up with!

Chowhounds to the challenge!

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  1. Love the idea, but don't know the song because I'm an old fart. However, I'll work on this and get back to you.

    1. Nice going, cmvan. How I love a truly cheesy 80s song! ;) Annie Lennox would be proud. I'll be back after the wheels start turning (this is more challenging than a 5-line limerick!), so don't give up on us!

      2 Replies
      1. re: kattyeyes

        I keep coming back to "Don't you want my gravy" a la Human League's "Don't You Want Me Baby" but that's as far as I've gotten.

        I was working late and you said you would pick up a jar
        That much is true
        But even though you knew mine would have much better taste

        Don't, don't you eat that.
        You know the way you feel when you eat that processed food so
        Don't, don't you eat that.

        Needs work, I know.

        1. re: kattyeyes

          "don't you want my gravy?" --- love it, sista-kat!!!!

          i'll be you could come up with something for howard jones' "things can only get better." whoa whoa whoa ... woh-oh oh oh...... <MUST be sung at the very TOP of one's lungs, while driving in the summer with the windows down, speeding down the highway!>>

      2. *stands and applauds*

        Well done !
        i'll have to give this some thought.

        1. In the same (blue cheesy), vein: Your cheezin heart will melt on you...

          1 Reply
          1. re: Scargod

            (Your cheatin' heart will tell on you)

            Your eatin' heart
            will make you leap
            at the first meal
            seen in your sleep.
            But sleep won't come
            the whole night through
            Your eatin' heart will growl at you.

            When beer comes down
            like falling rain
            You'll toss around
            and want pountine.
            You'll walk the floor
            with nothin' to chew
            your eatin' heart will growl at you

            Your eatin' heart,
            Will pine some day,
            And crave poptarts,
            You threw away,
            The time will come,
            When you'll be blue,
            Your eatin' heart, will growl at you

            When beer comes down,
            Like gravy on taters
            You call and order it.
            'cause nothing else matters
            You'll walk the floor,
            Till delivered to you,
            Your eatin' heart, will growl at you

          2. The first two that came to mind were the Ramones "You're a loudmouth baby" and Tom Waits "I don't wanna grow up". Unfortunately, all the ideas I had were a bit gross so maybe these two could be an inspiration to a budding chowhound lyricist who can do more than rhyme "grow up" with "throw up". But I know everyone's out there working on this one. Good one.

            1 Reply
            1. re: mickie44

              oh come come. there's a healthy contingent of chowhounds who like gross lyrics. we conflate it with funny! (observe: the long string of fart limericks on the "recipe limericks" thread. :)

              go for it, mickie!!

            2. I should probably recite this every day.

              1. The Smell of Hot Dogs

                Hello hot dog, my old friend,
                Ive come to snack on you again,
                Because a vision softly creeping,
                Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
                And the vision that was planted in my brain
                Still remains
                Leaving the smell of hot dogs.

                In restless dreams I walked alone
                Narrow streets of cobblestone,
                'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
                I turned my collar to the cold and damp
                When my nose detected the smell of a hot dog stand
                On Mott and Grand
                That wafted the smell of... hot dogs.

                And in the naked light I saw
                Ten thousand people, maybe more.
                People eating without speaking,
                People eating without listening,
                People eating dogs that no one ever shared,
                No one dared
                Ask for a bite of hot dog...

                Fools said I, you do not know
                Hot dog stands like cancer grows.
                Hear my words that I might teach you,
                Take my arms that I might reach you.
                But my words like silent raindrops fell,
                And echoed
                In the streets of New York...

                And the people bowed and prayed
                To the neon hot dog stand they made.
                And the sign flashed out its warning,
                In the words that it was forming.
                And the signs said, "the ingredients of this hot dog
                are not for you to know
                for upchuck you'd throw
                Disturbing the smell of hot dogs..."


                Ok, cmvan, clearly you have a bit more talent than me! ;)

                10 Replies
                  1. re: mickie44

                    as in "wow... that's awful", i know. ;)
                    somehow my late night song writing attempts never turn out as well as i'd like them to.

                    1. re: cimui

                      No, it was 'wow' in a good way but I've been having my yearly craving for a seriously good hot dog so any song on that subject would probably have appealed to me. Write on!

                      1. re: mickie44

                        pshaw, you are too kind. but i do hope you get your hot dog, soon!

                    1. re: cimui

                      Good job! It's like Paulie and Artie were brought back 40 years later, just to observe the obesity epidemic.

                        1. re: cimui

                          Oh, thanks alot. I have a lunch meeting in a few minutes and now eye makeup is streaming down my face.

                          1. re: cimui

                            How to properly express my love for that bit of poetry without coming off as a wiener??

                          2. Phoney baloney (dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo-wah)
                            Know the way I feel tonight (ooh-no-no-no-nah)
                            Phoney baloney (dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo-wah)
                            Know this feelin aint right (dum-dum-dum-dumdy-doo-wah)

                            1. over a year ago, i penned "romaine" by "j.j. kale":

                              typing "romaine" made me think of eric clapton, doing a "thanksgiving sandwich" song:


                              "If you wanna pig out, go take the turkey out; romaine.
                              If you wanna get bread, then you'll be ahead; romaine.
                              She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie; romaine.

                              "If you've got to use, mayo dressing you choose: romaine.
                              When your cran is done, but you want to eat on; romaine.
                              She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie; romaine.

                              "So if you want to turk down, white bread all around; romaine.
                              if you pile the meat high, you might still "kiss the sky"; romaine.
                              i don't lie, i don't lie, i don't lie -- romaine!"

                              -- written by J.J. Kale"""

                              3 Replies
                              1. re: alkapal

                                Now you have to do Kale-la (Layla)! Just kiddin'. Nice goin', sista!

                                1. re: kattyeyes

                                  i think layla is the best rock song ever.

                                  "KALE-A, i got you in the steam
                                  KALE-A, come on baby, green
                                  KALE-A, sweet green, won't you please be done in ti-iiii-iiiiiiii-iiiiiiimmmme?"

                                  now, i'm thinking of a riff on the song with the best-ever guitar solo, which is robert fripp's work in eno's "baby's on fire." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTGsqi...


                                  "steak is on fi-re
                                  better throw it in the butter
                                  look at it sin-king
                                  like a heifer in the water
                                  but steak is on fire
                                  and thermometer will show that
                                  the temperature's rising
                                  but any grillin' fool would know that!"

                                  work in progress:
                                  (from the who's squeezebox).

                                  "mama's got a smo-ker
                                  and she never gets to sleep at night...."

                                  1. re: kattyeyes

                                    now that's just too dang funny, you two. i'm going to have this in my head for the rest of the day.

                                2. Lettuce be lovers we'll carry our onions together
                                  I've got some fresh milk here in my bag
                                  so we bought a pack of brocolli and Mrs Wagner pies
                                  and walked off to cook for America.

                                  Kathy I said as we sat in a kitchen in Pittsburgh
                                  culinary school seems a dream to me now
                                  it took me 4 days to make pie with paw-paw
                                  we've all gone to cook for America.

                                  that's the best I can come up with at 8am on a Monday morning if anyone wants to finish it....!!!

                                  1 Reply
                                  1. re: smartie

                                    Smartie, this is real talent! My goodness. And props for the S&G.

                                  2. Spam Blues

                                    Spam's for Spacemen
                                    It ain't for men
                                    They say it'll kill me
                                    But won't say when
                                    Walkin' down Beale Street
                                    Goin' on the Lamb
                                    Avoiding the smell
                                    Of frying Spam
                                    Makes me whooo I am.

                                    credit to Dave Van Ronk's "Cocaine Blues"

                                    1. There is a place in New Orleans
                                      They call Commander's Palace
                                      It's been the ruin of many dieters
                                      And God, I'm such a fatass

                                      My mother was a good cook
                                      She made great grits and beans
                                      My father was a cookin man
                                      Down in New Orleans

                                      Now the only thing a dieter needs
                                      Is a carrot and some celery
                                      But the only time she'll be satisfied
                                      Is when she's into gluttony

                                      Oh dieticians, tell your clients
                                      Not to seek my kind of solace
                                      Spend your calories on booze and grease
                                      In a place called Commander's Palace

                                      Well I've got one foot on the diet scale
                                      The other foot's on the stoop
                                      I'm going back to New Orleans
                                      To eat more turtle soup

                                      There is a house in New Orleans
                                      They call Commander's Palace
                                      And it's been the ruin of many dieters
                                      And God I'm still a fatass

                                      3 Replies
                                          1. I've been workin' on my food show
                                            My name's Rachael Ray
                                            Trying to come up with some thing
                                            New and cute to say
                                            "Sammie" and "yummo" are so last year
                                            Gettin' tired of "stoup"
                                            Better get me a thesaurus
                                            And find a whole new group. adam

                                            3 Replies
                                            1. re: adamshoe

                                              great rhyming prowess -- but what's the original melody to?

                                              1. re: cimui

                                                I've been workin' on the railroad. (you young whippersnapper....) adam

                                                1. re: adamshoe

                                                  oh! hehe. i'm not young; i'm just senile! good one.

                                            2. Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
                                              I'm begging of you, please don't take a drink.
                                              Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
                                              It's time for you to go and see a shrink.

                                              Your drinking is beyond compare
                                              You need be taken into care
                                              With bright red lips, your face a sickly green.
                                              Your face is like a lump of dough
                                              Your voice is raucous like a crow
                                              And you are not discrete at all, Jolene
                                              You snore all night when you're asleep
                                              Your breath smells like a garbage heap.
                                              Your dribble's stained the pillow red, Jolene

                                              Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
                                              I'm begging of you, please don't hit the gin
                                              Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
                                              You just don't know how much this hurts your kin.

                                              Well, I can't really cope with this
                                              Every day you're on the piss.
                                              You don't know what this does to me, Jolene
                                              Well, you have made your choice in life
                                              I cannot bear to see my wife
                                              Destroy herself, destroy my girl, Jolene

                                              I had to have this talk with you
                                              My happiness depends on you
                                              And whatever you decide to do, Jolene

                                              Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
                                              I'm begging of you, please don't hit the booze.
                                              Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene
                                              It's drink or me, and now you have to choose.

                                              1. What would you do if I ran out of cash
                                                would you stand up and walk out on me
                                                lend me some dough and I'll come eat with you
                                                and I'll try not to eat all the Brie

                                                Oh I get by with a little help from my friends
                                                ooh I get fed with a little help from my friends
                                                mmm gonna eat with a little help from my friends

                                                What do I do when my cash is all gone
                                                (does it worry you to be so broke?)
                                                How does it feel when your cards have been stopped
                                                (are you sad because you have no dough?)

                                                No I get fed with a little help from my friends
                                                mmm I get food with a little help from my friends
                                                mmm gonna eat with a little help from my friends

                                                Do you need anybody
                                                I just need someone to pay
                                                Could it be anybody
                                                I just want someone to pay

                                                Would you believe that my wallet's at home
                                                yes I'm certain that it happens all the time
                                                What do you feel when the check comes your way
                                                I can't tell you cos I don't have a dime

                                                Ooh I get fed with a little help from my friends
                                                mmm I get food with a little help from my friends
                                                mmm gonna eat with a little help from my friends

                                                4 Replies
                                                1. re: smartie

                                                  i think janet from richmond knows those people..

                                                    1. re: smartie

                                                      Are these the original, undiscovered lyrics from their leanest days before their launch from Liverpool?

                                                      Good work.

                                                      1. re: FoodFuser

                                                        I went to the same high school as John Lennon. So let us imagine..

                                                        Imagine there's a heaven
                                                        It's easy if you try
                                                        Taco Bell beside us
                                                        Above us New York Fries
                                                        Imagine all these places
                                                        Feeding us today.

                                                        Imagine Chicken Licken
                                                        The smell is drifting by.
                                                        Checkers door is open
                                                        I can see the apple pie.
                                                        Imagine all these places
                                                        Open all day long.

                                                        I'm not just a Krispy Kremer.
                                                        Nor just a Dairy Queen.
                                                        I hope someday you'll join me
                                                        And live the fast food scene.

                                                        Imagine Boston Market
                                                        With IHOP really close
                                                        And sandwiched in, is Subways
                                                        And there is Happy Joe's
                                                        Imagine Chicken Fil-A
                                                        And East Side Mario's

                                                        I'm not just a Johnny Rocket
                                                        Nor just a Burger King
                                                        I hope someday you'll join me
                                                        And live the fast food thing

                                                2. Smartie is seriously good at this.

                                                  I have "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat" from Guys and Dolls stuck in my head, so I thought I'd give it a try. The result is a bit odd, but, oh well.

                                                  I dreamed last night mom was making soup for dinner and by some chance she was in a touchy mood.

                                                  And there I stood and said, You should add pepper, but my sister, she knew I was wrong.

                                                  For my sister she said to me, Get out you're crowding the cook.

                                                  And our mom is bound to hit you with the pointy end of her wooden spoon

                                                  Get out, get out, get out, get out, get out, you're crowding the cook.

                                                  1. Starting with the classics, in pulsing marching rhythm: The Battle Hymn of the Republic, (reborn to Beef Burgundy), circa 1862. It helps to really sing it as you read, or at least thump your foot in a "one-two march", as the meter is a bit strained:

                                                    The Battle Hymn of Beef Bourguignon:

                                                    Mine eyes have seen the glory of the browning of the meat
                                                    As I move it with the tongs, and adjust the rapid heat.
                                                    The enamel of "The Creuset" is the tool that can't be beat

                                                    Glory, glory Hallelujah.
                                                    I'll send... the searing heat right throoough 'ya
                                                    As your lovely two-inch hunks
                                                    Become nicely browned beef chunks
                                                    Maillard keeps marching on.

                                                    There was bacon in the butter that provides your frying base
                                                    Now carrots onions mushrooms and a bit of 'mater paste
                                                    Then some flour for more browning and some stir with gentle haste
                                                    You're ready for the wine.

                                                    Glory, Glory Hallelujah
                                                    As the wine... sends the steam right throoough 'ya
                                                    and your contents do deglaze
                                                    in the aromatic haze
                                                    of rich red Burgundy.

                                                    After braising in the oven, you're a beautiful brown beast
                                                    I should chill you overnight, so that you can be degreased
                                                    but I made enough for doubles so tonight too we can feast
                                                    And open up... more wine.


                                                    (Lest we build a coddling revisionist image of Civil war soldiers and their Le Creuset cookware, gently huddled at their campfires):

                                                    Glory, Glory Hallelujah
                                                    don't let... this simple story fool 'ya
                                                    We marched on beans and hardtack
                                                    Drank dank coffee, seared some fatback
                                                    Our farts... pro... pelled us on.

                                                    (End with flourish, crescendo... As flourish with end, diminu-Wind-o.)

                                                    9 Replies
                                                      1. re: alkapal

                                                        When you find you roast beef
                                                        dried out beyond belief
                                                        dehydrated; just not moist.
                                                        When you find your turkey
                                                        is as hard a jerkey
                                                        and looks like a roofing joist.
                                                        When you country breakfast
                                                        has become a wreck-fest
                                                        tough as over-boiled goat.
                                                        Learn you this discovery
                                                        you will find recovery
                                                        in a pointed silver boat

                                                        USE THE GRAVY!
                                                        Utilize tha sauce so brown
                                                        USE THE GRAVY!
                                                        pour it on and chow on down
                                                        USE THE GRAVY!
                                                        makes even failed food get renown
                                                        USE THE GRAVY! USE THE GRAVY!

                                                        I WANT YOU! I WANT YOU!, I WANT YOU!
                                                        TO USE SAUCE AU JUS!

                                                        1. re: jumpingmonk

                                                          I had to think about yours (loved it, btw). IN THE NAVY! You rule--very clever. :) "THEY-WANT-YOU!"

                                                          1. re: jumpingmonk

                                                            I can almost see you strutting in a black leather cassock, gravy boat in one hand, the traditional dried-out turkey drumstick in the other.

                                                            Breakfast Dancing.

                                                            1. re: Paulustrious

                                                              No, I'd have to get four other people, then we could dress one as a chef, one a short order cook etc.... I'm just sorry that the latness of the hour and my own inadeqate skills kept me from doing a parody of equal length to the orignal.

                                                              1. re: jumpingmonk

                                                                Oh and one minor clarification point. I take my screename from a very complex Chinese Banquet dish, so the monk in question would be dressed in saffron (yellow orange) not black

                                                                1. re: jumpingmonk

                                                                  Sorry - the song and the yellow outfit lead to a disconnect. Can't quite envisage the Buddhist Bad Boy. The closest I can get is...

                                                                  I'm just mad about saffron.


                                                          2. re: alkapal

                                                            i know, right? foodfuser clearly needs to record an album.... and publish a book of food-related limericks!

                                                          3. re: FoodFuser

                                                            I just can't stand it. 7 in the morning and 7 at night and the hits just keep on comin' from you, my man. How do you do it? :)

                                                          4. All of these creative lyrics remind me of how I got to Chowhound in the first place...through one of my favorite Calvin Trillin books. If he is still a Chowhound poster, I'm sure he could toss off some great foodie lyrics and if he is still here, I want to thank him for his books.

                                                            1. If you don't eat your meat how can you have any pudding!
                                                              If you don't eat your meat how can you have any pudding??

                                                              "Another Brick in the Wall" from Pink Floyd. Sheesh. Scary

                                                              I seriously need a better hobby.

                                                              1. Thanks folks, now I'll be hearing Weird Al songs in my head all night!

                                                                11 Replies
                                                                1. re: garlicvampire

                                                                  "eat it! eat it!" ;-)).

                                                                  "if i have one more pie a la mode, i'm gonna have my own zip code."

                                                                  "trapped in the drive-thru"
                                                                  (i've never seen this one before, it's hilarious...stick it out!).

                                                                  1. re: alkapal

                                                                    Don't forget some of Al's other hits "Taco Grande (Rico Suave)", "The White Stuff (The Right Stuff)","My Bologna (My Sharona)", and "Spam (Stand)" . While you're at it, you can add "Good morning, Starbucks" by the Capitol Steps.
                                                                    oh and this one in tribute to a certain favorite seasoning

                                                                    1. re: jumpingmonk

                                                                      My Sharona could also be My Corona

                                                                      There is 'Honey' and Life is a Minestrone.

                                                                      also don't forget Pizza my Heart by Janis Joplin

                                                                      1. re: jumpingmonk

                                                                        Forgot one Al "I Love Rocky Road" ("I Love Rock and Roll")

                                                                        1. re: jumpingmonk

                                                                          you know, for being such a skinny guy, weird al sure loves food! ;-).

                                                                          1. re: alkapal

                                                                            Two more I forgot from him (sorry for the frequent updates but it's been a while since I actually had Weird al CDs so I keep having to go from memory
                                                                            "Lasagna" ("La Bamba") and "Grapefuit Diet" ("Zoot Suit Riot")

                                                                              1. re: alkapal

                                                                                and one more "addicted to spuds" ("addicted to love")

                                                                                  1. re: alkapal

                                                                                    I'm not sure if there is a "see"; Weird Al doesn't do a music video for EVERY song parody he does, though admitttedly the number he does per album seems to increase with each sucessive one (proably becuse, as he has gotten more famous a lot of his fellow humorists in Hollywood do music videos for him, animated ones that require little or no extra effort from him (beyond being the director and doing the orginal recording) so he can do more of them.) Few of the ones I've mentioned have videos attached to them "I love rocky road does" but I think that's the only one, all of the other are audio only

                                                                      2. re: alkapal

                                                                        Thanks, I haven't laughed like that for days! I'd never seen "EBAY" before:)

                                                                      1. re: Cinnamon

                                                                        I just got the Capitol Step's Latest album in the mail yesterday, and there a food related parody on that one too; "I Wrecked my Heart with Spam and Crisco"

                                                                      2. As a person whose musical talent only reaches to turning on the radio, I'm just in awe! It is a little scary, but really wonderful!

                                                                        (Rushes off to forward the link for future ideas my SO can use when serenading me!)

                                                                        1. Born on a cook top in Tennessee,
                                                                          Beaniest state in the land of the free.
                                                                          Braised over wood so's he cut down every tree,
                                                                          Skilleted him a bear when he was only three.

                                                                          Davy, Davy Crockpot King of the Wild Cookware.

                                                                          1. Oh, give me Spam, lots of Spam under greasy clouds above,
                                                                            Don't fence me in.
                                                                            Let me eat my way through the junk food country that I love,
                                                                            Don't fence me in.
                                                                            Let me be by myself with the deep fat fryer, please,
                                                                            And listen to the sizzle of the gristle and cheese,
                                                                            Send me off to Taco Hell, but I ask you please,
                                                                            Don't fence me in.

                                                                            Just turn me loose, let me waddle my old saddle
                                                                            Underneath the junkfood aisles.
                                                                            On my big ass, let me wander over yonder
                                                                            Till I see the mountains of fries.

                                                                            I want to eat all the crap till I fall over defenseless
                                                                            And suck down the lard till I lose my senses
                                                                            And I can't look at greens and I can't stand healthy
                                                                            Don't fence me in.

                                                                            Oh, give me jam, lots of jam under sugar skies above
                                                                            Don't fence me in.
                                                                            Let me waddle through the Wendy’s and the Burger Kings I love,
                                                                            Don't fence me in.
                                                                            Let me be by myself with a sack of Twinkies
                                                                            And listen to the murmur of my overstressed arteries
                                                                            Send me off to dinner but I ask you please,
                                                                            Don't fence me in

                                                                            Just turn me loose, let me waddle to the counter
                                                                            Underneath the greasy pizza pies
                                                                            On my big ass, let me wander over yonder
                                                                            Till I see the mountains of fries.
                                                                            Ba boo ba ba boo.

                                                                            I want to eat at the fridge where the fat commences
                                                                            And graze like a goon till I lose my senses
                                                                            And I can't look at veggies and I can't stand fishies
                                                                            Don't fence me in.
                                                                            No, don't you fence me in

                                                                            2 Replies
                                                                            1. re: Sam Fujisaka

                                                                              I love how you went all Wild West on both of your tunes, Sam! LOL

                                                                              1. re: LindaWhit

                                                                                Captain Pissgums and the Gay Cowboys was a stingband with songs based on old-timey, Applachian, and Texas cowboy music. The song adaptations were similar, but made into gay rather than food tunes.

                                                                            2. Sung to: The Macarena

                                                                              One box, a'two box, a box of macaroni
                                                                              One box, a'two box, a box of macaroni
                                                                              Butter and cheese mix and milk and macaroni
                                                                              Kraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaft macaroni!

                                                                              I can do better then that. But that one we've sung at my house for years. Not eaten it. Just sung it.

                                                                              1. I like Big Macs and I can not lie
                                                                                You other brothers can't deny
                                                                                That when you see that thing with its big ole taste
                                                                                And its round bun in your face
                                                                                You get sprung, wanna pull out your tough
                                                                                'Cause you notice them buns is stuffed
                                                                                Deep in the greens they're wearing
                                                                                Secret sauce and I can't stop staring
                                                                                Oh Big Mac, I wanna get with you
                                                                                And take your picture
                                                                                My homeboys tried to warn me
                                                                                But that bun looks so food porny.
                                                                                Ooh, Rump-o'-cow-meat
                                                                                You say you wanna be my treat?
                                                                                Well, go gurl, go gurl
                                                                                'Cause you ain't that average burger.
                                                                                I've seen them cheaters,
                                                                                To hell with La Frieda's!
                                                                                You real deal
                                                                                Got it goin' like value meal.
                                                                                I'm tired of magazines
                                                                                Sayin' BK is the thing
                                                                                Take the average man and ask him that
                                                                                It gotta pack more fat
                                                                                So, fellas! (Yeah!) Fellas! (Yeah!)
                                                                                Have you greased up in that bun? (Hell yeah!)
                                                                                Tell 'em to load it! (Load it!) Load it! (Load it!)
                                                                                Load that secret sauce!
                                                                                Big Mac is back!

                                                                                I like 'em round, and big
                                                                                And when I'm throwin' a gig
                                                                                I just can't help myself, I'm actin' like an animal
                                                                                Now here's my scandal
                                                                                I wanna get you home
                                                                                And mmm, triple buns, mmm, MMM!
                                                                                I ain't talkin' bout Popeye's
                                                                                'Cause chicken just ain't for real guys.
                                                                                I want beef real thick and juicy
                                                                                So find that juicy double
                                                                                JungMann's in trouble
                                                                                Drippin' secret sauce down my stubble,
                                                                                So I'm lookin' at TB promos
                                                                                Grease-soaked gut bombs sittin' all gross?
                                                                                You can have them tacos,
                                                                                I'll keep my dollars, you pesos....
                                                                                Big Mac is back.

                                                                                5 Replies
                                                                                1. re: JungMann

                                                                                  Ahahahahahahah!! Awesome. Even better than the original!


                                                                                  I'm surprised no one's done My Milkshake (by Kelis).

                                                                                  1. re: cimui

                                                                                    LOL...first at JungMann (CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!!!), then at you for the milkshake comment. HA HA HA!

                                                                                  2. re: JungMann

                                                                                    Oh my gosh the talent you all have been keeping under wraps.

                                                                                      1. re: JungMann

                                                                                        JungMann - I would have never guessed - a closet rapper? I keep hearing the lyrics to Big Butts in my head, tho, as I read your food lyrics - ha!

                                                                                      2. To the tune of "Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkle

                                                                                        Salami, you're breaking my heart
                                                                                        You're clogging my arteries daily
                                                                                        Oh Salami, I'm looking for cheese
                                                                                        I'm begging for mustard and rye

                                                                                        Eating lunch in the afternoon with salami
                                                                                        Up in my kitchen (eating lunch)
                                                                                        I got up to find some beets
                                                                                        When I got back to lunch
                                                                                        Someone's eatin' my meat

                                                                                        Oh Salami, you're breaking my heart
                                                                                        You're clogging my arteries daily
                                                                                        Oh Salami, I'm looking for cheese
                                                                                        I'm begging for mustard and rye

                                                                                        Jubilation, the deli delivers
                                                                                        I call out for food and I'm laughing
                                                                                        Jubilation, the deli delivers
                                                                                        I call out for food and I'm laughing

                                                                                        1. The limmeric thread wasn't bad enough - you HAD to go ahead and start this one. There is something so not right about doing this to us poor chow pups.

                                                                                          1. A Brisket's Lament

                                                                                            As I lay on the cutting board,
                                                                                            As I lay out on the cutting board one day,
                                                                                            I spied a poor brisket wrapped up in white paper,
                                                                                            Wrapped up in white paper, as cold as the clay.

                                                                                            "Oh, beat the drumstick slowly and whisk the whisk lowly,
                                                                                            Play the grill march as you carry me along;
                                                                                            Take me to the green Weber, there lay the sauce o'er me,
                                                                                            For I'm a young brisket and I know I've done wrong.

                                                                                            "I see by your outfit that you are a brisket" --
                                                                                            These words he did say as I boldly stepped by.
                                                                                            "Come sit down beside me and hear my sad story;
                                                                                            I’ll be par boiled in a pot and I know I must die.

                                                                                            "Let sixteen prime steaks come handle my drippings
                                                                                            Let sixteen sirloins come sing me a song.
                                                                                            They’ll take me to the crockpot and lay the sauce o'er me,
                                                                                            For I'm a poor brisket and I know I've done wrong.

                                                                                            "My friends and relations they live in the freezer,
                                                                                            They know not where their boy has gone.
                                                                                            He first grazed in Texas and was owned by a ranchman,
                                                                                            Oh, I'm a young brisket and I know I've done wrong.

                                                                                            "It was once in the saddle of lamb I used to go dashing,
                                                                                            It was once in the saddle of lamb I used to go gay;
                                                                                            First to the porter house and then to the BBQ house;
                                                                                            Got put in a crockpot and I am dying today.

                                                                                            "Get six jolly burger patties to carry my coffin;
                                                                                            Get six pretty pork bellies to bear up my pall.
                                                                                            Put bunches of rosemary all over my crock pot,
                                                                                            Put rosemary to deaden the spuds as they fall.

                                                                                            "Then swing your fork slowly and rattle your spoons lowly,
                                                                                            And give a wild whoop as you carry me along,
                                                                                            And in the crock pot throw me and roll the sauce o'er me,
                                                                                            For I'm a young brisket and I know I've done wrong.

                                                                                            "Oh, bury beside me my chef’s knife and vegetable peeler,
                                                                                            My thermometer on my heel, my ladle by my side,
                                                                                            And over my crockpot put a bottle of brandy,
                                                                                            That the briskets may marinade as they carry me along.

                                                                                            "Go bring me a cup, a cup of dry rub,
                                                                                            To ready me for the BBQ," the brisket then said;
                                                                                            Before I returned his soul had departed,
                                                                                            And gone to the crockpot -- the brisket was dead.

                                                                                            We beat the drumstick slowly and whisked the whisk lowly,
                                                                                            And bitterly wept as we bore him along;
                                                                                            For we all loved our brisket, so brave, young and handsome,
                                                                                            We all loved our brisket, although he'd done wrong.

                                                                                            5 Replies
                                                                                            1. re: Sam Fujisaka

                                                                                              I am moved. Poor l'il brisket.

                                                                                              1. re: Sam Fujisaka

                                                                                                oh, "the streets of Laredo" Aka "The Cowboy's Lament" . Actually now that I think about it Paul Shanklin did a foodie based on that too all about Mondavi (the wine). Theres also his "I Can't Help Eating Too Much Fast Food" ("I Can't Help Falling in Love With You) which is hilarious because Shanklin's actually pretty good at faking Elvis (I may not agree with his political and social views, but from a technical point of view with regards to parody, Shanklin is brillant.)

                                                                                                I have another idea but this one I'm gonna need some help with since all I got is a title and song base. How about "Tub of Margarine" ("Yellow Submarine") anyone want to help

                                                                                                and then of couse there's what one should sing everytime ones goes out for Chinese Noodles

                                                                                                "And we'll eat Fun, Fun, Fun 'till our waiter takes the teabags away...."

                                                                                                Oh and a bit I came up with a few year ago (chorus only, alas) called "Ode to Sandwich" (Tune is "Drift Away")

                                                                                                Oh, give me roast beef, boys,and cheese with holes,
                                                                                                I wanna spread sauce on a rustic roll
                                                                                                and munch away"

                                                                                                1. re: jumpingmonk

                                                                                                  You do know that there are treatment facilities for this. You go away for a week or so, listen to classical music and think happy thoughts....

                                                                                                  1. re: jumpingmonk

                                                                                                    Here you go:

                                                                                                    Fun, chow fun (til the waiter took the tea pot away)

                                                                                                    Well she got her chair shiu
                                                                                                    And she cruised through the pork chow mien now
                                                                                                    Seems she forgot all about the dim sum
                                                                                                    Like she told her old man now
                                                                                                    And with the black bean beef and snow peas
                                                                                                    Goes chop sueying just as fast as she can now

                                                                                                    And shell have fun chow fun
                                                                                                    til the waiter takes the tea pot away
                                                                                                    (fun chow fun til the waiter takes the tea pot away)

                                                                                                    Well the waiters cant stand her
                                                                                                    cause she orders and plates and eats like an ace now
                                                                                                    (you eat like an ace now you eat like an ace)
                                                                                                    She makes all of Chinatown look like a Lazy Susan race now
                                                                                                    (you look like an ace now you look like an ace)
                                                                                                    A lotta guys try to catch her
                                                                                                    But she leads them to the wild plum goose sauce now
                                                                                                    (you eat like an ace now you eat like an ace)

                                                                                                    And shell have fun chow fun
                                                                                                    til her the waiter takes the tea pot away
                                                                                                    (fun chow fun til the waiter takes the tea pot away)

                                                                                                    Well you knew all along
                                                                                                    That the waiter was getting’ wise to you now
                                                                                                    (you shouldn’t have lied now you shouldn’t have lied)
                                                                                                    And since he took your goo gai pan
                                                                                                    You’ve been thinking that your fortune cookie is all through now
                                                                                                    (you shouldn’t have flied lice now you shouldn’t have flied lice)

                                                                                                    But you can come along with me
                                                                                                    cause we gotta a lot of bad Chinese to eat now
                                                                                                    (you shouldn’t have flied lice now you shouldn’t have flied lice)

                                                                                                    And well have fun chow fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away
                                                                                                    (fun chow fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away)
                                                                                                    And well have fun chow fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away
                                                                                                    (fun chow fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away)
                                                                                                    (chow fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away)
                                                                                                    (chow n fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away)
                                                                                                    (chow fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away)
                                                                                                    (chow fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away)
                                                                                                    (chow fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away)
                                                                                                    (chow fun now that the waiter took the tea pot away)

                                                                                                2. Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
                                                                                                  I fell in love with a Mexican dish.
                                                                                                  Night-time would find me in Rosa's cantina;
                                                                                                  Music would play to the smell of fried fish.

                                                                                                  Blacker than night were the strips of fahita,
                                                                                                  Wicked and evil with a fried onion smell.
                                                                                                  My love was deep for this Mexican sizzler;
                                                                                                  I was in love as my waist line can tell.

                                                                                                  One night a wild young cowboy came in,
                                                                                                  Wild as the West Texas wind.
                                                                                                  My pleasure was fleeting,
                                                                                                  The meal I was eating
                                                                                                  My darling fahitas
                                                                                                  Were knocked to the floor

                                                                                                  So in anger I

                                                                                                  Challenged his right said I wanted another
                                                                                                  Up went his finger and loudly he swore
                                                                                                  I hit him once, in less than a heart beat
                                                                                                  He measured his length laid out cold on the floor

                                                                                                  Just for a moment I stood there in silence,
                                                                                                  Then looked around in case he had friends
                                                                                                  Many thoughts raced through my mind as I stood there;
                                                                                                  Bravery's fine, but caution transcends.

                                                                                                  Out through the back door of Rosa's I ran,
                                                                                                  Out to my bike which I'd chained.
                                                                                                  But by that border
                                                                                                  There's no law and order
                                                                                                  My bike had gone missing
                                                                                                  And nothing remained.

                                                                                                  So quickly I dashed..

                                                                                                  Out thru the back streets and roads of El Paso
                                                                                                  Out to the motels, the North side of town.

                                                                                                  Without that Cantina my life became worthless.
                                                                                                  Everything's gone in life; nothing remains.
                                                                                                  It's been so long since I've tackled a taco
                                                                                                  My love is stronger than my fear of pain.

                                                                                                  I called a taxi, away I did go,
                                                                                                  Riding alone in the back.
                                                                                                  Watching the meter
                                                                                                  We drove back to Rita.
                                                                                                  Tonight nothing's worse than this
                                                                                                  Need for a snack.

                                                                                                  And at last here I

                                                                                                  Am on that street, a bad part of El Paso;
                                                                                                  Should I go in, I must decide.
                                                                                                  My fear is strong but I push the door open.
                                                                                                  I catch the smell of fahitas inside

                                                                                                  Off to my right I see five guys in denim;
                                                                                                  Off to my left are a half-dozen more.
                                                                                                  They pick up the pool cues I daren't let them catch me.
                                                                                                  I suddenly find I am hungry no more.

                                                                                                  Something is dreadfully wrong for I feel
                                                                                                  A deep burning pain in my ass.
                                                                                                  I've been attacked
                                                                                                  But my jewels are intact,
                                                                                                  Was it a toe or a cue or a glass?

                                                                                                  But my love for

                                                                                                  Fahitas are calling, I rise where I've fallen,
                                                                                                  I turn to the bar and I order a meal
                                                                                                  I see the white puff of smoke from the frier..
                                                                                                  I breathe the aromas, the smell is surreal.

                                                                                                  From out of nowhere the bouncer has found me,
                                                                                                  Tells all those cowboys to let me pass by
                                                                                                  Nestled on lettuce with beans and some onions,
                                                                                                  One final bite and Fahitas, good-bye.

                                                                                                  3 Replies
                                                                                                  1. re: Paulustrious

                                                                                                    And one more from me, Since several of you (espcially Sam) seem to like to do it to old western/ C&W I though I'd do one too. The last lament of the unaplogetic eates of trash food. The tune is "Coal Tatoo" ; please note I'm using the Kingston Trio version (that being the one I know) in case the Dolly Parton one scans a bit different okay here goes

                                                                                                    Travelin' down that fast food strip
                                                                                                    Listen to my rubber tires sqeal
                                                                                                    goodby to Wendy's and Jack in the Box
                                                                                                    I need a greasier meal

                                                                                                    I been a junk eater all of my life,
                                                                                                    nuthin' will make me cease
                                                                                                    got a gut like a balloon ready bout to burst
                                                                                                    sweat as slick as the grease

                                                                                                    Somebody said "That's a lot of red marks,
                                                                                                    You got on your gut, thighs and chops."
                                                                                                    I said "That the markin's left by the fat"
                                                                                                    "A little more and my heart stops
                                                                                                    But I love the texture,
                                                                                                    and I love the taste
                                                                                                    I love the feel in mah mouth
                                                                                                    And I cant stop this need on the base of my health
                                                                                                    no matter how far it goes south."

                                                                                                    I stood for the transfats and walked in the line
                                                                                                    and fought 'gainst the heath board,NYC
                                                                                                    I stood for the right for all food to taste good
                                                                                                    now who's gonna stand for me?
                                                                                                    I lost my shape
                                                                                                    an' I lost my tone
                                                                                                    just got a big spare wheels
                                                                                                    and a dickey heart that about to fall apart
                                                                                                    left by the number five meal.

                                                                                                    Someday when I'm dead and gone
                                                                                                    an sent to my eternal rest
                                                                                                    I won't have to worry 'bout chest pains or stokes
                                                                                                    or what's on my blood sugar test
                                                                                                    IU ain't gonna pay my money away
                                                                                                    for sprouts,tofu, or brewers yeast
                                                                                                    I'm gonna chow down while my soul still around
                                                                                                    then go to that Heavenly feast.

                                                                                                    1. I am so glad I started this thread! What a great bunch of creative minds/palates! You guys are awesome!

                                                                                                      1. To the tune of "Life is Like a Mountain Railway"

                                                                                                        Life is Like a Trip to McDonald's

                                                                                                        Life is like a trip to McDonald’s,
                                                                                                        With a drive through that’s paved;
                                                                                                        We must make the run successful,
                                                                                                        From the Happy Meal to the McRib;
                                                                                                        Watch the fries, the fillets, the burgers;
                                                                                                        Never saltier, sometimes stale;
                                                                                                        Keep your hands upon the ketchup,
                                                                                                        And your eyes upon your shake.

                                                                                                        Blessed Ronald, Thou wilt guide us,
                                                                                                        Till we reach that trans-fat shore,
                                                                                                        When the Angels wait to join us
                                                                                                        In Thy grease ring for evermore.

                                                                                                        You will ask for Chicken McNuggets;
                                                                                                        You will taste the filet of fish;
                                                                                                        See that Ronald is your conductor
                                                                                                        On this fastfood train of life;
                                                                                                        Always mindful of anal obstruction,
                                                                                                        Do your duty, never fail;
                                                                                                        Keep your hands upon the buffalo sauce
                                                                                                        And your eyes upon your Egg McMuffin.


                                                                                                        You will often face anal obstructions,
                                                                                                        Look for indigestion, burps, and constipation;
                                                                                                        Once you’re filled, or full, or bloated
                                                                                                        They will almost ditch your butter galic croutons;
                                                                                                        Put your trust alone in McDonald’s,
                                                                                                        Never falter, never fail;
                                                                                                        Keep your hands upon Newman’s Own Ranch Dressing,
                                                                                                        And your eyes upon the sausage biscuit.


                                                                                                        As you roll across the restaurant,
                                                                                                        Spanning your britches’ swelling tide,
                                                                                                        You behold your jiggling thighs
                                                                                                        Into which your train of thought will glide;
                                                                                                        There you'll meet the Superintendent,
                                                                                                        Ronald McDonald, Ronald the clown,
                                                                                                        With the hearty, joyous plaudit,
                                                                                                        "Big assed Pilgrim, welcome home."


                                                                                                        1. here's one for the current situation to the tune of Rocket Man!

                                                                                                          I packed some bags again last night
                                                                                                          it was almost 9 pm
                                                                                                          and I'm gonna be bored again and again
                                                                                                          I miss New York so much I miss my life
                                                                                                          it's lonely on register 3
                                                                                                          it's such a timeless plight

                                                                                                          And I think it's gonna be a long long time
                                                                                                          till the economy turns again for me to find
                                                                                                          I'm not the man they think I am at home oh no no no
                                                                                                          I'm a Publix man
                                                                                                          Publix man stacking shelves and pricing all alone

                                                                                                          This ain't the kinda place to work my back
                                                                                                          in fact it's dull as hell
                                                                                                          and there's no-one like there was at Goldman Sachs
                                                                                                          and all these aisles I don't understand
                                                                                                          it's just my job 5 days a week
                                                                                                          a Publix man, a Publix man

                                                                                                          1. STOP! in the name of food
                                                                                                            Before we all are screwed; think it over ...
                                                                                                            Hey, Monsanto, we're aware of what you done
                                                                                                            And all the legal battles you have won
                                                                                                            But each time I read about you
                                                                                                            I'm so sure we can live without you
                                                                                                            So next time, before you f*ck with genes
                                                                                                            Think how what you're doing means
                                                                                                            It's not corn now (no, no...)
                                                                                                            Cuz it's part cow (no, no....)
                                                                                                            STOP! In the name of food
                                                                                                            Before we all are screwed; think it over.... fade...... adam

                                                                                                            1. And while I'm in a Motown mood....wrote a little song. Like t' hear it?; here it goes....
                                                                                                              Whoa, mercy mercy me
                                                                                                              Size ain't what it used to be
                                                                                                              They shrunk the Chicken of the Sea
                                                                                                              I guess that means less mercury?
                                                                                                              Whoa, mercy mercy me
                                                                                                              Pints ain't what they used to be
                                                                                                              They changed 'em all to fourteen ounces
                                                                                                              Do they think that we can't countses?
                                                                                                              And my mayonnaise (woo-ooh...)
                                                                                                              Yeah what about that mayonnaise? (mmm-hmm....)
                                                                                                              Well, it always was a quart before
                                                                                                              Now it ain't a quart no more
                                                                                                              Oh, mercy, mercy me...etc....fade..... adam

                                                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                                                              1. re: adamshoe

                                                                                                                Hey, DJ, can I make a request? While you're goin' the Marvin Gaye way, someone do "Gotta Give It Up." I love that tune and for sure there's a food version just itchin' to join this thread. ;)

                                                                                                              2. Please tell me you made that up! That first bit was priceless.

                                                                                                                1 Reply
                                                                                                                1. re: Sal Vanilla

                                                                                                                  All of my work is a product of my own twisted little mind...scary, no? adam

                                                                                                                2. And now, in a tribute to Julie Andrews...

                                                                                                                  Stuff ev'ry cabbage
                                                                                                                  Bard ev'ry bird
                                                                                                                  Heed to what I'm saying
                                                                                                                  Ev'ry single word
                                                                                                                  For I'm Chris Kimball
                                                                                                                  I'd never lie
                                                                                                                  We test things forever
                                                                                                                  Heart crossed and hope to die
                                                                                                                  So, faithful reader
                                                                                                                  Hear what I say
                                                                                                                  I would never dick you
                                                                                                                  Please subscribe today. Peace out, my brain hurts now!! adam

                                                                                                                  1. "First I was afraid, I was petrified
                                                                                                                    That all this food I eat had widened my backside..."

                                                                                                                    --I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)

                                                                                                                    2 Replies
                                                                                                                    1. re: kattyeyes

                                                                                                                      Absolutely irrelevant this...I was outside this shop (Mark's Work Warehouse clearance centre in Toronto) yesterday and there was a sign on the door...

                                                                                                                      Women's Trousers Blowout.

                                                                                                                    2. Obviously I didn't wirte this but since nobody mentioned it yet and I've always found it amusing:
                                                                                                                      On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese
                                                                                                                      I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed...

                                                                                                                      1. Apologies to Eric Burdon and The Animals...

                                                                                                                        There was a horse in New Orleans
                                                                                                                        we raised him like a son
                                                                                                                        he's been the meat in many a po' boy
                                                                                                                        And God, I know, I et more than one.

                                                                                                                        My mother was a farmer
                                                                                                                        she growed us okra and beans
                                                                                                                        My father was an etouffee man
                                                                                                                        Down in New Orleans

                                                                                                                        Now the only thing an etouffee man needs
                                                                                                                        is a beignet and a drink
                                                                                                                        And the only time he's satisfied
                                                                                                                        Is when he's barfing in the sink.

                                                                                                                        Oh mother, tell your children
                                                                                                                        not to serve a horse 'til he's done.
                                                                                                                        He made for a great jambalaya
                                                                                                                        that horse we raised like a son.

                                                                                                                        Well, I got a boudin from hip meat
                                                                                                                        on my fork, a chunk of shoulder
                                                                                                                        I'm goin' back to New Orleans
                                                                                                                        A little wiser and older.

                                                                                                                        There was a horse in New Orleans
                                                                                                                        we raised him like a son.
                                                                                                                        He's been the meat in many a po' boy.
                                                                                                                        And God, I know, I et more than one.

                                                                                                                        3 Replies
                                                                                                                        1. re: Veggo

                                                                                                                          Frickin' hilarious! Good on yer, bro!

                                                                                                                          1. re: Veggo


                                                                                                                            these have been fun to read and fun to re-write

                                                                                                                            1. re: Veggo

                                                                                                                              Kudos. I'm lovin' the talent on this thread.

                                                                                                                            2. My above-posted recipe for Beef Burgundy, set to "Battle Hymn of the Republic", must be balanced by an equivalent treatment using "Dixie", if I am to remain a politically correct dude.


                                                                                                                              I'm glad that I'm in the land of cotton
                                                                                                                              Grandma's cookin' ne'er forgotten
                                                                                                                              Cook away!... Cook away!...
                                                                                                                              Cook away!... DixieLand.


                                                                                                                              I'm glad that I'm in Dixie,
                                                                                                                              I am... I am...
                                                                                                                              Where okra grows, and toh-may-toes
                                                                                                                              and eggplant rise so frisky
                                                                                                                              I'll stay!... I'll stay!... I'll stuff my mouth... in Dixie!

                                                                                                                              4 Replies
                                                                                                                              1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                                                I wish I was in the land of BBQ
                                                                                                                                Old times there are not forgotten
                                                                                                                                Smoke away! Smoke away!
                                                                                                                                Dry rub away! BBQ Land.

                                                                                                                                In BBQ Land where I was born in
                                                                                                                                Early on one smoky mornin'
                                                                                                                                BBQ away! BBQ away!
                                                                                                                                Dry rub away! BBQ Land.

                                                                                                                                O, I wish I was doin BBQ!
                                                                                                                                Hooray! Hooray!
                                                                                                                                In BBQ Land I'll take my stand
                                                                                                                                To live and die for BBQ
                                                                                                                                Away, away,
                                                                                                                                And try my sauce on BBQ!

                                                                                                                                Rubbed meat put to indirect heat,
                                                                                                                                Huge rib racks there to deliver
                                                                                                                                BBQ away! BBQ away!
                                                                                                                                BBQ away! BBQ Land.

                                                                                                                                But when he put pork butt around her
                                                                                                                                Hit looked as fierce as a forty pounder
                                                                                                                                BBQ away! BBQ away!
                                                                                                                                Dry rub away! BBQ Land.

                                                                                                                                O, I wish I was doin BBQ!
                                                                                                                                Hooray! Hooray!
                                                                                                                                In BBQ Land I'll take my stand
                                                                                                                                To live and die in BBQ
                                                                                                                                Away, away,
                                                                                                                                And try my sauce on BBQ!

                                                                                                                                Them ribs were cut by that sharp butcher's cleaver
                                                                                                                                But that did not seem to grieve her
                                                                                                                                BBQ away! BBQ away!
                                                                                                                                BBQ away! BBQ Land.

                                                                                                                                Some Hounds acted the foolish part
                                                                                                                                And tried to toss the meat in a crockpot
                                                                                                                                No frickin’ way! No frickin’ way!
                                                                                                                                BBQ away! BBQ Land.

                                                                                                                                O, I wish I was in BBQ Land!
                                                                                                                                Hooray! Hooray!
                                                                                                                                In BBQ Land I'll take my stand
                                                                                                                                To live and die in BBQ
                                                                                                                                Away, away,
                                                                                                                                And with my sauce on BBQ!

                                                                                                                                1. re: Sam Fujisaka


                                                                                                                                  When a food dude lives in the land of cotton
                                                                                                                                  He can smoke the meats that he has boughten
                                                                                                                                  And admit.... that the pit
                                                                                                                                  Gives best taste to be gotten.


                                                                                                                                  There's pits down here in Dixie
                                                                                                                                  For sure...there be.
                                                                                                                                  Fueled by the genus Hickory
                                                                                                                                  That gives the greatest smoke ring.
                                                                                                                                  Those curves, when served
                                                                                                                                  Give prime results in Dixie!


                                                                                                                                  Since the hic-ko-ry is here for pit
                                                                                                                                  Those crockpot ways... just won't hit
                                                                                                                                  Sure, they pull, but it's bull
                                                                                                                                  When compared to the real smoke ring


                                                                                                                                  I'll keep my wood fire stokin'
                                                                                                                                  I will... I will...
                                                                                                                                  "Til that meat takes the smokin' that
                                                                                                                                  gives it the greatest flavor.
                                                                                                                                  The wood... is good...
                                                                                                                                  when... one... smokes... meat....... in Dixie!

                                                                                                                                  1. re: FoodFuser

                                                                                                                                    I'm a Food Fuser
                                                                                                                                    Watchin' food fuse by ...

                                                                                                                                    to that most asinine but catchy, "I'm a girl watcher"

                                                                                                                                    1. re: Sam Fujisaka

                                                                                                                                      ...mmm my oh my...

                                                                                                                                      verse two:

                                                                                                                                      I'd not refuse her
                                                                                                                                      If she fed FoodFuser
                                                                                                                                      something on the sly...
                                                                                                                                      ....mmm my oh my....

                                                                                                                              2. An ode to Michael Jackson...and my favorite sandwich:

                                                                                                                                (Sung to the tune of P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thing) (2nd verse)

                                                                                                                                Nothin' can stop me eatin'
                                                                                                                                Desire to eat you
                                                                                                                                Gotta eat you baby
                                                                                                                                Won't you come, it's emergency
                                                                                                                                Cool my belly yearning
                                                                                                                                Sandwich, come set me free
                                                                                                                                Don't you know now is the perfect time
                                                                                                                                We can dim the lights
                                                                                                                                So I can take a bite
                                                                                                                                You are so right
                                                                                                                                Hit my hunger spot
                                                                                                                                I'll eat up all that I got..

                                                                                                                                I want to eat you (B.L.T)
                                                                                                                                big juicy thing
                                                                                                                                You need some mayo (B.L.T.)
                                                                                                                                big juicy thing
                                                                                                                                Smokey bacon there
                                                                                                                                No sharin's fair
                                                                                                                                I want to eat you (B.L.T.)
                                                                                                                                Fatty food thing
                                                                                                                                Bread needs some toastin' (B.L.T.)
                                                                                                                                Juicy tomato's
                                                                                                                                And lettuce there

                                                                                                                                I want to eat you (B.L.T.)......

                                                                                                                                2 Replies
                                                                                                                                1. re: NellyNel

                                                                                                                                  I actually sang the chorus of this after an accident in the food hall in college

                                                                                                                                  The mayonniase rots in the hot sun,
                                                                                                                                  I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

                                                                                                                                  My trouser's spatterd with a white scum
                                                                                                                                  I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

                                                                                                                                  a mound of salad knocked off my plate
                                                                                                                                  by my Hamburger bun
                                                                                                                                  am I under a curse of is this just fate?
                                                                                                                                  I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

                                                                                                                                  Through the fabric the cabbge juice has run
                                                                                                                                  I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

                                                                                                                                  No my pants are ruine and it's no fun
                                                                                                                                  I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won

                                                                                                                                  My firiend are pointing and laughing at me
                                                                                                                                  as if its one big pun
                                                                                                                                  humilation's such misery
                                                                                                                                  I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won,I fought Coleslaw and Coleslaw won (repeat til end of song)

                                                                                                                                  (To the tune of "I fought the law" (preferbly the orginal version by the crickets)

                                                                                                                                  someting has also ocurred to me namely that several of the mondergreens (misheard song lyrics) from those little books I used to own could be turned into full parodies. I dont know a lot of the songs well enough but maybe someone out there does so I'll give a few

                                                                                                                                  "I sat in sherbert" ("I Shot the sherrif")
                                                                                                                                  "When a man loves a walnut" ("When a man loves a woman")

                                                                                                                                  Wish I could do more but I dont ahve those books anymore

                                                                                                                                  1. re: NellyNel

                                                                                                                                    Never did a B.L.T. sound quite so sexy--and the Michael Jackson tribute just put it right over the top for me. NICE GOIN', GIRLFRIEND! :)

                                                                                                                                  2. My friend used to sing "No Burger No Fry" to Bob Marley's "No Woman No Cry" all the time when we were younger. To this day I cannot sing it any other way when I hear it.

                                                                                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                                                                                    1. re: lynnlato

                                                                                                                                      And we used to sing "Buffalo Chicken" to "Buffalo Soldier" every time they served buffalo chicken salad in the cafeteria at work. "It was a buffalo chicken. Served in the cafeteria. Ay ya ya. Ay ya ya. A ya ya ya ya ya ya ya."

                                                                                                                                      1. re: smartie

                                                                                                                                        "Climb Every Mountain" (apologies to "The Sound of Music" lovers):

                                                                                                                                        Deep chocolate fountain!
                                                                                                                                        Rich, creamy dream!
                                                                                                                                        Dip some cake or a berry
                                                                                                                                        It can be quite obscene!

                                                                                                                                      2. When it gets a little slow at the neighborhood water hole, we like to substitute the word "lunch" for the word "love" in song titles, ie. " I'm All Out of Lunch" " Lunch is a Many Splendored Thing" "Got a Whole Lotta Lunch" "It's a Lunch Thing" ...We need a life, don't we?

                                                                                                                                        4 Replies
                                                                                                                                        1. re: calliopethree

                                                                                                                                          Like everything is better if followed by the words "in bed"?

                                                                                                                                          1. re: Scargod

                                                                                                                                            That's fun to do with fortune cookies. I love knowing I'm not the only one who does that. HA HA!

                                                                                                                                          2. re: calliopethree

                                                                                                                                            I remember waiting for dinner and playing the piano with my friend while at summer camp. We did "Dinner Food" instead of Billy Joel's "Honesty"...

                                                                                                                                            "Dinnnnnnnnnner food
                                                                                                                                            Is such a tasty word
                                                                                                                                            And mostly what I need
                                                                                                                                            From youuuuuuuuu..."

                                                                                                                                            Here's another one on your angle: "People all over the world! Join in! Start a lunch train--lunch train!" :)

                                                                                                                                            1. re: kattyeyes

                                                                                                                                              "in the *lunch room* with white curtains..."

                                                                                                                                          3. I can't get no caramelization
                                                                                                                                            I can't get no caramelization
                                                                                                                                            and I fry, and I fry, and I fry, and I fry,
                                                                                                                                            I can't get no...

                                                                                                                                            I'd better stop.

                                                                                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                                                                                            1. I've gotta change my chowish ways, baby
                                                                                                                                              I keep eating and my clothes get tight
                                                                                                                                              I can't go on, baby
                                                                                                                                              Eatin' like a bird so I can feast at night
                                                                                                                                              I need a shoehorn
                                                                                                                                              To squeeze in
                                                                                                                                              To my favorite jeans
                                                                                                                                              I keep on walkin'
                                                                                                                                              and tryin'
                                                                                                                                              To eat more lean
                                                                                                                                              I can't go onnnnnnn
                                                                                                                                              Lord knows I've gotta change.

                                                                                                                                              With apologies to Santana, who may even appreciate women who are not stick figures. ;) Keep those hits comin', people!

                                                                                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                                                                                              1. re: kattyeyes

                                                                                                                                                I love this!

                                                                                                                                                Katty - I will never hear "Evil Ways" the same way ever again!

                                                                                                                                              2. You ain't nothin' but a chow hound
                                                                                                                                                Eatin' all the time
                                                                                                                                                You ain't nothin' but a chow hound
                                                                                                                                                Eatin' all the time
                                                                                                                                                Well, you've cooked up a rabbit
                                                                                                                                                And flavoured it with thyme

                                                                                                                                                And they said you loved a buffet
                                                                                                                                                Well, that was just a lie
                                                                                                                                                Yeah they said you loved a buffet
                                                                                                                                                Well, that was just a lie
                                                                                                                                                For you its gotta be a BARBEQUE
                                                                                                                                                With pulled pork on the side

                                                                                                                                                1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                1. re: waytob

                                                                                                                                                  PERFECT! Scargod, this one's got your name written all over it! Once again, way to go, waytob! ;)