Recipe Limericks

[Paulustrious]

Do you think you could write a recipe as a limerick? There are some aspiring poetic chowhounders out there - give it a go.

[The Chowhound Team]

It seems like this thread has run its course and has increasingly little to do with food, even tangentially. We're going to lock it now.

[FoodFuser]

Recipe for hiding from heatstroke on day six of hell:

Well, the water's lukewarm in the kitchen.
Proves I ain't been just randomly bitchin'.
Even pipes underground
this damn heatwave has found
My clean skin has even started itchin'.

Today is the day of defense
lest we call the heatstroke ambulance.
I've made ice in the freezer
(I'm a prep-ahead geezer)
and just showered for first cooling rinse.

Late last night I harvested mint
in prep for today's cool event.
We're defying all protocal
and serving up alcohol
With the A/C cranked up just a hint.

There'll be ice placed in front of fans blowing.
And mint juleps will slowly be flowing.
The cool air from the fans
won't ruffle the hands
of the cards as we get a game going.

At 5 cents a point, it's gin rummy.
I've made snacks to support any tummy.
One friend's bringing whiskey
though we know it's quite risky
We'll sip juleps on ice, 'cuz they're yummy.

The only bad thing I foresee
as it climbs past one hundred and three
is the cards might get moist
as our juleps we hoist
in our ice-cooled debaucherous spree.

So for heatstroke we have the defense:
drink iced juleps, within common sense.
If my friends start to sip
'til their judgement may slip
I'll be rich, at each point worth five cents.

[alkapal]

well, y'all can sleep off the booze through the hottest part of the day ;-O.

[Passadumkeg]

Find a publisher for food poetry! Too bad Shel Silverstein is dead, he'd have been a great illustrator.

[FoodFuser]

Yes, but Maurice Sendak still survives. Talk about two guys who are "Wild Things".

[Passadumkeg]

Gary Larsen's big come back! Perfect.

[FoodFuser]

When the temps stay at "Hundred and five"
Then the meals and the bev's just must jive
with the horrible heat
that's a griller's defeat:
We just want to stay cool inside.

Long derided, there's a beauty in Jello.
It slides down the gullet as smooth snow.
Chopped cherries and berries
whipped cream makes it marry.
Add walnuts, it's ready to go.

Congealed salads that filled yonder lore
Had their purpose when temperatures soar.
The slick slurp of Jello
Is incredibly mellow
It's a dish that engenders: "Please, more!"

[FoodFuser]

Today is another hot scorcher
with temps that will certainly torture
As the Orb starts its rise
in the easternmost skies
the homonyms come: "torture"... "torcher".

But there's no time to dally with word game
when Apollo will soon fully inflame
and last all the day
in an oppressive way...
'Til heat wave breaks, more of the same.

At this dawn of another hot day
I arise seeking ways to allay
this unbearable heat
"One-oh-five"'s the repeat
Of a forecast that seems here to stay.

I open the fridge, check within
for what juiceables lie in the bin.
I hold the door wide
let those cool vapors slide
to bathe my already warm skin.

Those cucumbers seem most delightful
and those 'maters just ripe and all flavorfull.
Some parsley and celery
to bring the right medley
For a day where the temps will be frightful.

It's a day for a breakfast Gazpacho.
In the juicer the cold veggies gotta go.
I blend 'em and send 'em
into veggie compendium
While my glass catches all of the outflow.

While some might suggest a Sangria
Here at dawn I'll stay alcohol free-a.
Gazpacho's the king:
Salt, Tabasco for zing,
and electrolyte equili-bria.

[alkapal]

you are truly gifted! and that breakfast gazpacho sounds delicious. stay cool!

and, fuser, please check the chow profile's link to your blog. it didn't work for me. (i didn't realize you had a blog). i hope you put all of your limericks on there. you're just fab! ;-).

[LindaWhit]

Agree - Fuser is the champion Limericker! Amazing at how easy they seem to flow from the fingers - at 7am, no less!

[FoodFuser]

Thanks, folks. It's a way to focus and discharge the frustration of this hot weather, hopefully in a positive way.

a'pal: the "blog address" is simply a clumsy attempt to give my email address in a way that it is not harvested by those rascally net-bots that collect, collate, then send spam. Give it a decipher and a try.

[kattyeyes]

An homage to the Alice Waters breakfast (as prepared for Leslie Stahl on "60 Minutes")--and made by yours truly this morning with eggs laid yesterday at our neighbor's farm:

Farm-fresh eggs, of course, were required
For a breakfast that Alice inspired
Greens and herbs from the deck
On ciabatta--aw, heck!
Such a feast has been all I've desired!

[FoodFuser]

That was a wonderful 60 Minutes segment. Breakfast from a champion.

Leslie clearly lost all her defenses
when those eggs overwhelmed her five senses.
She balked that most folks
would accept lesser yolks
based on time of prep and the expenses.

Then Leslie got yolk on her face
in a manner that has no disgrace.
She chowed down that meal
with on-camera zeal
and her napkin all traces erased.

So if Kattyeyes true has the hankerin'
To repeat the feast fixed by said champion
Then go for your dreams
with bread herbs eggs and greens.
Just remember to wipe with your nap-i-kin.

[kattyeyes]

Made it again this morning. Cheers to you, FoodFuser AND dear Alice Walters! And dig my cute little egg pan! :)
http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/6356...

P.S. If there were a platinum star or blue ribbon for best of this thread, you'd be wearin' it, my brother. Keep 'em comin'! (Whatever happened to part 2?)

[cuccubear]

No recipes, just a few trifles. Forgive me, I’m feeling warm and fuzzy today...(and apologies to any and all slighted posters)

ahem...

To jfood or Sam Fujisaka
c oliver, Will Owen or alka (pal)
to name just a few
and all the rest too,
have you ever eaten alpaca?

Applehome and davwud might fight
over where they should eat of a night
but when it all ends
I believe we’re all friends
debating this “stuff” on this site.

[alkapal]

amen, o great towering clawed one!

[kattyeyes]

Bravo, brother! :)

[cuccubear]

Thanks! That first line had been in my head for weeks, but couldn't find a rhyme with "-aka".

[Paulustrious]

When cooking d'you pass through these phases?
Like Vietnamese bouillabaises?
Strange variations
From far distant nations.
That rarely attract any praises?

In my head I have an illusion
I can blend, meld and mix a profusion.
Of spices ( far east)
With a beast now deceased.
I'm a master of catering fusion.

Alas my amazing confection
Falls short of envisioned perfection.
I though I would savour
Those textures and flavour.
Instead I must deal with rejection.

[FoodFuser]

Agreed, as in: Thus Spake Zara-"fuse"thra.

There are times when our efforts at fusion
can create disharmonious union.
Melding Chink and Pure Brit
can result in bad sh*t:
"Five-Spice-Bangers" is just a delusion.

[FoodFuser]

Paulustrious: you must have a quip
For a guy who so honestly snipped
That bangers and five-spice
aren't a dish you should try twice
lest "fusion" lose face in that slip.

[Emmmily]

Five-Spice Bangers might be 'bominations
But they lead to some sly machinations:
Ground meat, soy sauce, five-spice,
Grated ginger, so nice.
Five-Spice Burgers are wondrous creations.

[FoodFuser]

Ahhh, the gulf 'twixt the Burger and Banger.
One's a patty, and one is a whanger.
When infused with 5-spice
Bun-wrapped burgers are nice
but in sausage induce too much languor.

[EWSflash]

Brilliant!

[Gio]

If it ever stops raining near here
I'll go out to pick veggies so dear.
I hope all's not lost.
T'is a terrible cost.
To dig, plant, then lose all this year.

It was all arranged beforehand.
Dinner would be from the land.
Tomatoes so lush,
Lettuce so plush
Instead it's off to the farm stand.

[alkapal]

gio, please work in this tomato blight that i'm hearing about, please.

[Gio]

This is the summer of fright
Tomatoes besieged by blight.
Take matters in hand
Try to garden less grand:
Spread out plants for a much cleaner site.

[FoodFuser]

Yes, Fridays get somewhat confusing:
To plan weekend menus takes some musing.
Should I shop the loss leaders?
Or blow budget, as feeder?
and my credit card thus over-using.

Since last week was a shoveling feast,
this weekend things might be decreased.
I'll focus on pricing
but take pleasure in dicing
season's veggies that cost near the least.

If frugality peaks as the goal
your skills rise to their greatest role
You'll sniff veggies for value
use stored items that are due
And bring forth some food from the soul.

[Scargod]

RE, my Grumpy's breakfasts: http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/3833...

There was a man from Cape Cod 'n
he was served english muffins quite sodd'n.
Greasy pancakes the same
and hash browns the same
He expired after sausage and bacon.

[FoodFuser]

Finding lower-fat breakfast venues is indeed a problem when traveling in the states.

I have found that when I need a dipstick
to measure the oil mixed with Bisquick
I'll re-order with oatmeal
and send back their "big meal"
As it makes me, quite literally, heartsick.

[FoodFuser]

Fourth of July leftovers, revised and revisited on the next days meal:

There were so many leftover Brats
we sliced/sauted them in the pot
Then added some beans
and some spices so mean
Beanie-Wienies just lost their top spot.

Grilled corn we just stripped off the cob
Tossed in salt and some creme fraiche, a blob.
Added peppers, drained maters
Cooked then chilled it for later
It pleased all but our haughtiest snob.

But the favorite by far, truth be said
was the BBQ'd chicken, made spread.
With pulsed veggies and mayo
it was more than okay'o
And folks loved it when smeared on some bread.

[Sam Fujisaka]

The guy from Colombia again back in DC
Even filled with tourists seeking all they can see
Got to met up with Father Kitchen
As I thought, totally bitch'n
Always fun to be with a guy who thinks a lot like me

[PattiCakes]

Got married the 4th of July,
At a fabulous picnic, oh my!
Just two hundred buds --
lots of food, lots of suds!
Sev'ral cakes, and even a pie!

The guests had nary a clue,
Til our best man announced "yes, it's true."
"They got married today --
"Now let's toast and let's play!
This picnic's 'cause they said 'I DO!' "

Shouts of amazement ensued.
Good thing there was plenty of food!
We drank and we sang,
Started life with a bang,
We partied til red white & blued.

July 4th, 1976: 33 years of fireworks.

[LindaWhit]

Patti, that's just WONDERFUL - you got married on the country's bicentennial! Happy anniversary one day early. :-)

[PattiCakes]

Thanks. We even had someone dressed as Betsy Ross show up -- figures, because we live just outside Philly.

[FoodFuser]

As we enter this Fourth of July
With BBQ's, buffets, Fish Fries,
we can fuss with the menus
the dishware, the venues,
and Aunt Bessie's famed apple pies.

But it's 'bout more than birth of our country.
There's the love of our own special family.
So may joy of the feast
kids dashing like beasts
Be a blessing to all yours, and thee.

God Bless good families.

[alkapal]

amen, food fuser!

[kattyeyes]

I second that emotion! Right on, my blue-eyed buddy!

[alkapal]

(i don't think there's any cuter product mascot!).

[kattyeyes]

Agree--I "saw" him in the baking aisle of the grocery store the other day--a larger-than-life cardboard cutout display--and honestly, my first reaction was, "There's FoodFuser!" :) HOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Gio]

With someone like you,
A pal that's good and true,
I'd like to leave it all behind and go and find
A little place out there in the west
And let the rest of the world go by....

Happy Fourth of July Chowfriends!

[FoodFuser]

Back to Basics: an egg recipe.
Devoid of all imparts to beans, farts, or body parts,
It's squeaky clean, as you shall see:

Poached Eggs:

If you have farm-fresh eggs you should poach 'em
It's the best way to use fresh-laid ovum.
The whites firmly aggregate
Due to still-firm albuminate
Since they're really fresh, no need to coach 'em.

If those ovums have sadly sustained
loss of freshness (down the_grocery chain),
You can still make them coddle
If stray wisps you remodel
Use your spoon, and good shape they'll maintain.

Some vinegar helps with these older ones
to act in a way that inhibits runs
It slows down the roam
of the albumal foam
Just remove with a spoon when they're barely done.

While Hollandaise may seem the classic sauce
with its buttery glory and yellow gloss
The cook may one egg pull
And make a mouthful
Of exploding egg yolk. He's the boss.

Then he'll dutifully whip up the Hollandaise
For guests who are geared to the classic ways
He'll arrange the asparagus
and the bun Benedictus
While his tongue is still swirling that popped-yolk blaze.

[Paulustrious]

Ode to an open-faced grilled cheese sandwich.
----------------------------------------------------------------

Croque Monsieur's just a fancy French name
And one that I treat with disdain.
Welsh Rabbit's so so,
And rarebit's no no.
Cheese on toast is the name I proclaim.

[FoodFuser]

To the closed face, grilled on two sides, quintessential sando.:

The American lunchroom "grilled cheese", for sure,
Has a white bread "processed_slab" signature.
It ain't haute cuisine:
fried in cheap margarine
But it fills a food need with a deep allure.

If you notch up the bread and the cheese
in an effort to snobs to appease
It won't be the grade
that the Lunch-ladies made
It's a matter of fond memories.

These days when I make them at midnight
I add mayo and pickle, but bread's still white.
I often use cheddar
but american is better
To give it that "grade school" delight.

[rockycat]

My favorite lunch while in grad school. Oh, to be young and not care about one's waistline.

Traditional GC is a dream.
To me, it's comfort food supreme.
But try it on rye,
With bacon, well-fried,
On the side, a tall chocolate egg cream.

[Paulustrious]

Some like their eggs fried and greasy
Some in an omelette all cheesey
Some like them boiled
Or a souffle and broiled
But I prefer mine ova easy

[FoodFuser]

Fee, Figh, Fo, Fum
I smell a pun from an Englishmun.

"O-va, O-vum"
just eggs and oeuf, in a Latin hum.

Good one!!!!

[FoodFuser]

There are times when night slumber concludes
with pics of what breakfast includes.
This morn' it was oaties
ground straight from the groaties
I nuked it while dancing in nude.

[Paulustrious]

The appropriate word would be grueling
At the thought of your naked refueling
Dancing is tricky
Hot porridge is sticky
Take care to avoid a re-tooling.

[FoodFuser]

You're ad'_vice is noted, quite duly.
At my age "it's a bitch" to re-tooly.
But yet there's a way
to avoid the hot fray.
I eat oaties with methods quite ruly.

When I move from nude dance floor to chair
I handle my oaties with care.
I take caution while swilling
That there's no hot stuff spilling
Thus guarding from malaise "down there".

[FoodFuser]

Paulustrious: http://www.chow.com/profile/154622

Well, I just took a look at your avatar:
I'm impressed that the flames really leap that far.
If it's caution you urge
I suggest that you splurge
On a range-hood that drafts down... really far.

While your cautions that porridge might leave a scar
In those regions we hope we won't really mar
The flambe' in your pic
Gives concern that your d*ck
might suffer some heat that could REALLY char.

(Mods... forgive me. Situational Ethics).

[alkapal]

'tis in the true nature of the limerick, no? ;-)).

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

Perfect! Lovely! FUNNY!

[lgss]

There lives now a chowhound near Boston,
who sometimes finds cooking exhaustin',
Vegan and gluten-free,
Where to eat out, let's see,
few choices, 'stead of defrostin'.

[Paulustrious]

A true story...

In France I dined out with my trainer
A great guy, and not a complainer
With his meal - tête de veau
Suspense turned to woe
Did he eat it? Well that's a no-brainer

[kattyeyes]

In France, it has got to be tough
Croissants are such caloric stuff
One egg breaks your fast?
You can't possibly last!
But, of course, when en France that's un oeuf.

[alkapal]

oooh, very slick there sista-kat (sophisto-kat).

[FoodFuser]

There's never, in the case of "un oeuf",
a time when one egg is enough.
Whether boiled or fry'ad
I must have a dyad
Or by lunchtime I'm grumpy and gruff.

For the omelet, a separate law.
It requires oeuf aux menage a trois.
Three eggs are the fix
to carry the mix
of the onion and cheese and crab claw.

When Deviled, no numbers apply.
Stuff your face 'til you bloat and you cry.
Our tongues lap the filling
like pigs who are swilling
It's the last meal I'll eat 'fore I die.

[alkapal]

">>With his meal - tête de veau
Suspense turned to woe
Did he eat it? Well that's a no-brainer"<<

paulustrious, your wit and pun-netry is fabulous! ;-).

i nominate this recipe limerick thread as possibly the best ever chow-thread!

[Paulustrious]

Cerviche's my favourite dish
A blend of crustacea and fish
Soused in fresh lime
It pickles in time
Then melts on the tongue like a wish.

[FoodFuser]

"Mr. P" has decided to bring
His Mohawk, his meanness, his bling.
He'll "pity the fool"
who denies rhyming rule.
He'll whip metrical ass in this ring.

[Gio]

In a manner of speaking you're right
to give such a rhymer delight.
But those of us here
Who work hard to cheer
Say everyone's effort is bright.

[Paulustrious]

Some efforts are better than others
We all think the same: poet-brothers.
To get things to rhyme
It always takes ages
And metrically it's easy to criticise each others.

[FoodFuser]

My excuse for this praise of M.P.
is 'cuz HE's the original O.P.
He posted, then rested,
while our rhymes he digested,
Then burped forth in rhythmical glee.

It's obeisance, to a degree,
to so credit a topics' O.P.
but_his emergence from hiding
is rather exciting.
"Join all!" in this syl-labic spree.

[Gio]

The original premise I think
Was to write recipes with a wink.
To that degree
I'll gladly agree
And tender the poem in a blink.

To make a stew that is true
Get some meat, veggies and brew.
Throw in a pot.
Cook till it's hot.
Then will your hunger subdue.

[alkapal]

picking up my husband at dulles airport tonight, the people next to me had just returned from nantucket. i had to laugh.

[Paulustrious]

Did you talk to these guys from Nantucket?
Or cop out and just Donald Duck it.
These ord'nary folks
Are the butt of our jokes
They're choiceless and just have to suck it.

[PattiCakes]

An ice hockey fan from Nantucket
Took his lunch to the rink in a bucket.
Alas it went bad.
The unfortunate lad
Chucked it out on the ice & yelled "Puck it!"

[alkapal]

yeah, i can relate to that! i wanna say "puck it" quite a lot these days!

[Momlette]

A yummy quick compote of mine:
Frozen cherries, brown sugar and wine
Some water, some zest
(Orange is best)
Boil it up, it's just simply divine

[FoodFuser]

When you buy four turkeys at Novemberr discount, you run the risk of not making full use by the time winter savory dishes have given way to cooler presentations for the warmer months.

Thus:

There's a turkey that's been in my freezer
several months: it's a certified geezer.
Can I use it in ways
that are not just fillets
and still have a summertime pleaser?

[Gio]

There once was a turkey in freezer
Which became a bit of a teaser.
Till one bright guy thought
Of the lettuce just bought
And said it's a Salad-like Caesar.

[BobB]

For a turkey dish summ'ry and light
Take a mixture of dark meat and white
Poach, then chill for a day
Serve it up en gelee
And your family will surely delight!

(Or maybe not, but , "Yuck, meat jell-o!" doesn't rhyme)

[kattyeyes]

BobB seemed like such a nice fellow
Till his recipe for (Yuck!) meat Jell-o!
It did quite give me pause
Won't put that in my jaws
Meat en gelee sure makes me bellow!

[kattyeyes]

How about white chicken chili?
Though Scargod will think this is silly
White wine, beans and corn
Comprise this food porn
Topped with cheese, it's substantial, not frilly.

Full recipe here:
http://www.chow.com/recipes/21765

[Scargod]

Methinks Kattyeyes IS silly...
You cant throw together chili willy nilly!
It can have corn or posole
But, no chiles or pork- no way!
Holy mole, no pork? (It's not chili!)

[FoodFuser]

Thanks Bob, but for special reasons I'll need to pass:

I could see that a turkey meat jello
would be smooth on the palate, and mellow.
But my kids would wave toothpicks
to spear meat from their aspics
(Though they're generally well-behaved fellows).

I've had bad luck with things made like gelatin.
It gives kids that mischievious "gotcha" grin.
They'll place it on chairs
so whoever sits there
Gets their own special whooppee-like cushion.

So while gelatin dishes are good
For we folks who have reached adulthood
It's a "nix" in my house
To turn turkey to souse.
I'd Asspick it if I just could.

[Paulustrious]

It's brawn - that's the British expression
For head cheese, excuse the digression.
This succulent jelly
Of pig head and belly
Shouldn't cause a psychotic depression

The secret of aspic production
Is the collagen and its reduction.
I've seen your technique
You use tongue-'n-cheek
Go make this exquisite decoction

[FoodFuser]

When my pre-teen gets wind of my stewin'
a gelee, he'll know he's got a shoe-in.
He'll plot his devices
till I serve up the slices.
Such temptation would be my un-doin'.

[hazelhurst]

OK, I'll bite/...here is crawfish etoufee

Melt butter and saute all'ya
veg'tables 'till throwing their water
Add crawfish, with fat
Stir around and "that's that!'
Put on rice with green onion and Voila!

[FoodFuser]

Bemusing the dilemma of the fashion models who restrict intake to 1,000 calories per day, with segue acknowledgment to the cheese souffle:

Supermodels are slim, svelte, and slinky
But their food tastes can run to the kinky.
Daytime lettuce and peas
Can give way to night sleaze
Of Kraft singles broiled over a Twinkie.

[alkapal]

you *have* to be the limerick star!

[FoodFuser]

Thank you, but I shall gently demur. It's just that the burgeoning crowd has just barely begun posting.

The lusty limerical construct of AABBA (dealt with above) is available to all of us to joyfully express our love of the grub. I look forward to the day where the Mods are splitting threads to "Limericks about processed cheese" versus "Limericks of aged cheese only." I am confident that there is that much fun energy out there.

When them Chowhounds get down to production
of the A-A-B-B-A construction
They'll share their best food
with a similar brood
In rhythmical fun-filled construction.

[alkapal]

ff, i was adamant when i started on the "limerick" form that i should be accurate: "The standard form of a limerick is a stanza of five lines, with the first, second and fifth having eight or nine syllables and rhyming with one another, and the third and fourth having five or six and rhyming separately. Lines are usually written in the anapaestic meter, but can also be amphibrachic.
The first line traditionally introduces a person and a place, with the place appearing at the end of the first line and establishing the rhyme scheme for the second and fifth lines. In early limericks, the last line was often essentially a repeat of the first line, although this is no longer customary." http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick...

i thus limited my artistic entries....

[FoodFuser]

Yes. In every field there are those experts who choose to keep a broomstick intestinally lodged quite close to their lower lumbar vertebrae. Said syndrome leads to the administration of wrist slaps with rulers, and denial of the case for the universal poetical soul.

When "experts" take rule-making position
They can frustrate a poet's ambition.
If they eased up a bit
(re-adjusting broomstick)
Rhymes would come forth in natural fruition.

[PattiCakes]

You have hereby been granted your official Poetic License.

[FoodFuser]

A "Pat" on the wrist beats a rap on the carpals.

[funklight]

"Soufflé au fromage", if you please,
"To make it is really a breeze"
At the sound of the bell
Found it burned straight to hell
Said "fuck it" and made a grilled cheese.

[kattyeyes]

LOL and your avatar is pretty amusing, too!

[FoodFuser]

Since Alkapal gave us the keys
to the Kingdom of limerick ease
Let's hope there'll be authors
who pull faves from their coffers
And post up some great recipes.

[PattiCakes]

Ode to FF

I have to admit that FoodFuse
Is everyone's own special muse.
The rhymes are inspred!
We never get tired,
Of a high that is better than booze.

Are Lim'ricks your fav'rite dish?
Better than choc'late or fish?
You're compelled to create
Lines served up on a plate,
Presented whenever we wish.

[FoodFuser]

I shall search genealogy to establish
whether, in fact, I'm actually Irish.
But since food is such fun
and words, too, use the tongue
There's food joy that's yet to accomplish.

[lgss]

On Chowhound I'm spending my time,
trying to make a lim'rick rhyme.
Better go make din-NER,
Before I get Thin-NER,
Maybe something with thyme or lime.

[BobB]

Does it bother anyone else that a significant number of these are not limericks because although they use the A-A-B-B-A rhyme scheme, they don't have proper meter? Meter in a limerick is always:

da-da-da-da-da-da-da-DA(-da)
da-da-da-da-da-da-da-DA(-da)
da-da-da-da-DA
da-da-da-da-DA
da-da-da-da-da-da-da-DA(-da)

The occasional run-on last line is acceptable when it's done for comic effect (like Gio's "There was an old man from Milan..."), but otherwise, da rules is da rules!

Or is it just me being my usual pedantic self?

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

I do feel your frustration BobB
(But I had thought it might just be me)
This place is for food
Not meter that's good
Let's just enjoy creativity!

[LindaWhit]

I had noticed that as well - but just figured poetic license had been extended (a great deal) to allow for varying types of rhymin' Simons to come up with their couplets.

[yayadave]

Oh Bob don't be so pedantic
You'll get yourself a new eye tic
We just like good food
And when in the mood
We write lines that don't rhyme and don't have good meter - is your middle name Nic?

[BobB]

When reading food limericks for pleasure
A perfectly formed line I treasure
But I'll just play along
When the meter's all wrong
As long as there's wit in good measure.

[Paulustrious]

I'm not trying to write you a thesis
You use pints over here, and not litres.
Those Imperial brains
Somewhat explains
The problems you all have with metres.

[Gio]

BB:

There are rules to be used as you say
How-ever crea-tive minds lay.
But here at Chowhound
It soon will be found
There are those who simply won't play.

As for food I might like to cook
I search my most favorite cookbook.
It's always at hand
Like a grand sous chef band,
The meal's done by hook or by crook

[FoodFuser]

Perhaps we could use this humble definition as a starting point:

"The standard form of a limerick is a stanza of five lines, with the first, second and fifth having eight or nine syllables and rhyming with one another, and the third and fourth having five or six and rhyming separately. Lines are usually written in the anapaestic meter, but can also be amphibrachic."

Huhhhhh?.....

Gosh, I sure wish I knew what that means.
All I know is: I write about beans.
If I clean up my act
with decorum and tact
I'll tone down to frisee and spring greens.

"Amphibrachic"?..... "Anapaestic"?.....

Gosh, I sure wish that I understood that.
Thems big words; I just came here to chit chat
Sure, the meter is Irish
But I'm not too aspirish
to get rhythm just perfect and down pat.

As to purity of limerical form while in this forum, i would propose a simple mindset of forgiveness for us sometimes breaking the amphibrachic, with corollary cheers when someone grabs the brass ring.

The limerick is a joy for us rabble;
it's just organized humorous babble.
The difficult part
(Once you get a good start)
is to accent the just-right syll-AB'le.

[LindaWhit]

You are good. Really, REALLY good. ;-)

[Gio]

Applause, Applause, FoodFusah
Ya soitenly knows ya Da Dah,
Let us give notice
To all who to all who oppose us
Twill be Beans for their next dinnah.

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

I will sit, mouth agape, and in awe
Of this master of limerick law
Syllabic delight!
The meter's just right!
My damn jealousy sticks in my craw.

[lgss]

I'm enjoying all the creativity. So, is the (-da) at the end of lines 1, 2, and 5 optional? I suspect that for many it's been a lot of years since we've had any poetry instruction. Thanks for setting us straight.

[BobB]

Yes, as long as the emphasis is on the eighth syllable, an unstressed ninth is optional. Thus, a limerick could start out with either:

There once was an amorous DUCK..

or

There was an old man from NanTUCKet...

[FoodFuser]

The limerick really comes down to remembering the phrase:
"There ONCE was a MAN from NanTUCKet". (That's the rhythm and accent of "A".)

Then the complete AABBA, where "B" is shorter, 6 syllables:
one two THREE one two THREE:

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his DAUGHter, named NAN,
Ran aWAY with a MAN
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.

These might help:

an·a·pest also an·a·paest (n-pst)
n.
1. A metrical foot composed of two short syllables followed by one long one, as in the word seventeen.
2. A line of verse using this meter; for example, "'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house" (Clement Clarke Moore).

And

In English stress-based poetry, an amphibrach is a stressed syllable surrounded by two unstressed syllables. It is the main foot used in the construction of the limerick, e.g., "There was a | young lady | of Wantage"

Please forgive the pedantry.

The limerick is a favorite form, first introduced to me by a fourth grade teacher who was a fount of early feminism. Her recent funeral was attended by hundreds. She is still remembered and discussed.

One day she managed to find a private one minute moment with me within the whirl of activity in her classroom, while I was working limericks, and she winked "you know, these are the types of poems where people get rowdy.. that's what they're known for."

What a gift from the greatest of teachers.

[LindaWhit]

And the greatest tribute to that teacher is the fact that your gift remains as sharp as ever - and that you've shared it with us!

[PattiCakes]

That is NOT the Nantucket limerick I know. My FIL actually started collecting limericks during WWII, and we have a ton of yellow-ruled paper on which he hand wrote most of them. They range from mildly naughty to flagrently disgusting. My personal favorite concerned "a young man from Mass".

I found early on that I had a very strange ability to "think" in limerick, much like FoofFuser. I can pop out a limerick in a few minutes on almost any topic. Some might call it a gift, but it can be VERY annoying when you can't get your brain out of the limerick rut. I can also belch on command. Sad.

[BobB]

Limericks in general do tend to the blue. I have a delightful book, originally published some 45 years ago, that contains hundreds of them, and as it says on the cover, "This is the largest collection of limericks ever published, erotic or otherwise. Of the 1700 printed here, none is otherwise."

[yayadave]

It's great that we got a few people together who know and care about the form and are sharing the nuts and bolts AND the cover stories. I think having "flexible" meter counts is standard and accepted. From recent info I've gotten on the subject, haiku is also not entirely rigid on count.

It's funny the stuff that everybody hated to learn becomes interesting and useful later. Last year I bot a book about diagramming sentences. I think I set it aside right after I found what appears to be a mistake in her diagram. TeeHee I guess that dates me! When did they quit diagramming sentences in school?

And I recently dedicated a book at the local library to a favorite English teacher who passed.

[jumpingmonk]

And then, of course, there are the limericks in The Listing Attic, by Edward Gorey. which aren't really dirty, just really dark, morbid, and oftimes more than a little sick.

[clamscasino]

And then came to this thread: Bob B,
Who attempted to thwart all our glee.
With a stroke of his pen
He reminds us again-
What the rules of this rhymin' should be.

So I think I shall try, mightily
To come up with something more fully,
In line with the rules-
My brain has the tools...
But now is behaving unduly.

In time I'll attempt to correct
All previous poems that were blech.
But I'll say it again
There's a pain in my head
And dinner's not ready quite yet...

(wink)

[alkapal]

clamscasino, you've made the 200th post on this thread! you should win some prize.

[clamscasino]

How about a thesaurus?

[alkapal]

good one! ;-)). also, maybe a rhyming dictionary (i'm not suggesting that you need it; i just thought that'd be a nice resource).

[clamscasino]

Wow, they have those? I change my mind.

And thanks for resurrecting this thread! You deserve a prize for that. So much fun....too much actually.

[alkapal]

cc -- here's a free online rhyming dictionary, and i entered "nantucket". some rhymes are obviously better than others, but...you get the idea. fun (and *another* time waster!)
http://www.rhymer.com/RhymingDictionary/nantucket.html

there are also other free offerings. i love the internet!

edit: oh goodness, looky here at this resource! http://dictionary.langenberg.com/

[FoodFuser]

Oh noooooooo!!!!!! Alkapal!!! You've opened the floodgates!!! As Prometheus brought fire to Man, ye hath empowered with rhyme!

This thread once was safe from the masses,
who before, thought that butts rhymed with asses.
Now this thread they will fill,
they'll keep posting until
our computers run slow as molasses

But perhaps, that's how it should be.
Let those non-rhyming hounds share our glee.
Now that all can give limerick
the posts will be so thick
We'll be reading till midnight, hee hee!!!

[alkapal]

more like pandora's box! ;-)).

[LindaWhit]

I've tried to join in the fun rhyming
But found I severely lacked timing.
Alkapal gave a gift
to Hounds who were miffed
We're no longer nickel and diming!

[clamscasino]

Oh my gosh...rhymer.com suggests "chocolate" for an "end rhyme" to Nantucket. hmmm...move over bacon...

clams dipped in chocolate

[Paulustrious]

What a perfect resource for a rhymer
I can look up a word in that primer.
An amazing bonanza
When stuck in a stanza
Made an expert from a first timer.

[cuccubear]

Leftover roast lamb on my platter.
Need Tzatziki as a fact of the matter.
Some yogurt I bought,
A cuke and some thought,
With cold lamb souvlaki I’m fatter!

[waytob]

A few chillis, a dash of lime
Roasted cashews make it sublime
Some sugar, some salt
Some cumin for a jolt
A green chutney to savour through time

[yayadave]

Musing on Breakfast

There once was a young man from Nowhere
Who always wanted to get Somewhere
But skipping breakfast each day
Was not really the way
For he was always too pooped to get Anywhere

[yayadave]

We once found some clams on Nantucket
Enough to fill a whole bucket
But later our boat sprung a leak
With water up to my seat
Dumpt the clams and bailed with the bucket

[FoodFuser]

There's a fish fry coming up, and we're promised some catfish from a fellow who always makes his limit of channel cat.

Thus the limerick:

When catfish is fried, and some 'taters,
The sides should be slaw and sliced 'maters.
A guest who cooks light
should decline the invite
'Cuz we use tartar sauce by the slathers.

[jumpingmonk]

This one came to me around 3 AM, when I was woken from sound sleep by a bout of SEVERE gastrointestinal distress.

My tounge/tastebuds strong pleasure volition
Is at odds with my stomach's condition
One says feast, one says fast
Don't know If I'll outlast
This nutrional war of attrition.

and in counter (yes it know the rhyme's aren't perfect)

Cato gave the best diet advice
when he said "eat to live; not verse vise"
But this plan I abjure
for who wants to endure
food without variety's spice.

[jumpingmonk]

oh and here's another one (this one may require some web research to get)

Most people, they haven't a clue
When I say that I've mastered Gong Fu
I can't fight worth a spit
my Gong Fu skill's to sit
and fine oolong teas properly brew

[yayadave]

To master Gong Fu
Is wonderful for you
Gai Wan is better for me
I sit and sip my tea
And don’t trouble with something new

[jumpingmonk]

Ti Guan Yin is my brew day to day;
Fine high mountain jade my weekends play
But on days most auspicios
demand tea most delicios
on those days, its Tie lo Han all the way

From my previos verse you will see
Tie lo Han is my favorite tea
though my love for it bubbles
Getting good can have troubles
so I sometimes settle for Rou Gui

[yayadave]

Cheap and dark Red Label tea
Is sometimes fine for me
I warm myself in the sun
And let my thoughts just run
Gentle peace and slooow, you see.

For a spur to action
Lapsang Souchong gives satisfaction
With a strong smoky note
It smells like creosote
Other people have an adverse reaction.

For friendly talk and no commotion
Tea with bergamot is my notion
A drop of honey in the tea
Gives smooth sweetness for me
And all within my view is fine formation.

[lgss]

Lament for broccoli

Three months with no more broccoli,
Alas and good grief, woe is me.
Such a rude shock and a bummer.
At least it's during the summer.
Thank goodness, just temporary.

[cimui]

broccoli, rejoice, you are free!
from lgss and her greens-eating glee
you'll escape with your heads
while she eats more Reds
now the tomatoes and carrots must flee!

[lgss]

Cute! Yep, carrots, tomatoes, and zucchini are definitely in danger...

[lgss]

Three month with no more broccoli,
Alas and good grief, woe is me.
Such a shock and bummer,
at least it's still summer.
Thank goodness, just temporary.

[lgss]

Lament for Greens

Spinach, kale, collard greens,
all go great with our beans.
Limit them the docs say,
due to vitamin K.
Oh, to still be in my teens.

[lgss]

Spinach, broc'li, kale, collard greens,
all go great with pasta and beans.
Limit them the docs say,
due to vitamin K.
Wish they'd said that when in my teens.

[lgss]

Salt, ginger, GF flour, flaxseed,
with this bread there's no need to knead.
Almond mylk, sugar, tahini,
grate and add lots of zucchini.
Invite me, you won't have to plead.

(based on Zucchini Tahini Bread, p. 476 Vegan Planet by Robin Robertson)

[lgss]

Take 2

Salt, ginger, GF flour, flaxseed,
with this bread there's no need to knead.
Mylk, sugar, tahini,
add grated zucchini.
Invite me, you won't have to plead.

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

Buttery lemon and yolk taste so great
When they top the food that rests on my plate
It's not just a phase
I love hollandaise
But I sure hate what it does to my weight

[Gio]

Anti-Breakfast Ode:

Though tis thought it should be tres hearty
Breakfast holds no thrills for me.
I prefer to go slow
And wait till I know
Where will be the next dinner party.

[cimui]

*laugh*

you rebel! i'm beginning to suspect you write limericks for a living....

[Emmmily]

Ode to Breakfast #7

Scald some milk, then let cool to 110.
Whisk in lactobacillus and then
Let it sit where it's warm
(Overnight is the norm).
Yogurt this good makes me shout "Amen!"

Mix up oatmeal, brown sugar, oil,
Maple syrup and nuts, spread on foil.
Cinnamon I'll devour
Bake it for half an hour.
Great granola takes nearly no toil.

The best part, as I'm sure you've awaited,
Is to drink once your hunger is sated.
A nice Earl Grey tea
Milk and sugar for me
Days go better when you're caffeinated.

That was fun. Thanks all above for the laughs!!!

[BobB]

Ode to breakfast 7:

When it's bacon and eggs that I crave
I indulge, despite consequence grave
Then it's off to the gym
So that I can stay slim
And remain a smoked piggy part slave.

[waytob]

Ode to breakfast 6

To eat breakfast is a must
But no bacon and eggs I trust
Being Indian I say
Its parantha's all the way
And crispy dhosa with a crust

[Sam Fujisaka]

waycool!

[cimui]

dear daddy who learned how to make
eggs sunny side up for our sake
you were a kitchen disaster
long before and way after
but your eggs... those really were great!

[FoodFuser]

That is sweet, cimui.

My Dad was pretty good with eggs, but he had a weird fascination for BisQuik. When we saw him reaching into "that cabinet" with a crazed look in his eye in the morning we knew that the dreaded "drop biscuits" were on the way.

But hey... he survived the Normandy invasion and is still healthy on this earth and his new wife is an excellent cook but she shares that yes he still tries to make drop biscuits. I say that he deserves to keep that quirk. Here's to you, Dad.

The limerick:

Here's thanks for your making drop biscuits...
the BisQuik, your glee as you whisked it.
They emerged as charred stones
dense heavy dough scones
But you taught us that butter would fix it.

[cimui]

What a lovely memory, FoodFuser. I agree: if you survived Normandy, you can make whatever kind of drop biscuits you like! And butter really does fix almost anything. :)

[Paulustrious]

My dad was also in Khaki.
Stationed beside Nagasaki
That memory's traumatic
For a fried egg fanatic.
And he still cannot bear to drink saki

He describes being in the army of occupation, seeing the whole city laid waste. The shadow of a man blasted on a wall. The first shops being re-built on the high street, like a Hollywood film set, step between the buildings and to the horizon all he could see was rubble.

The one advantage is that after returning to Liverpool he developed an affection for Chinese food.

[FoodFuser]

Ode to Breakfast 5

We must also consider the beverage
On this day when Dads have the leverage
OJ, coffee, and cream
I accept as supreme
... miso soup brings it way above average.

[Sam Fujisaka]

Ode to breakfast 4

Breakfast of yogurt, banana, and berries
Or some cut up plums, pears, and cherries
But on this day when fathers rest
Lots of starch and greasy fat are by far the best
Then off to nap and dreams of sugar plum fairies

[FoodFuser]

Ode to Breakfast 3

When whole oatmeal is soaked in the fridge
With raisins prunes bran (just a smidge)
You're respecting your colon
No, your youth was not stolen
but many_years have flowed under the bridge.

[FoodFuser]

Ode to Breakfast 2

Breakfast pork whether belly or bacon
Gives aromas to which I awaken
On this Father's Day maybe
Twenty slices will sate me
On this day I get last pieces taken.

[FoodFuser]

Is it appropriate this Father's Day to move us to a favorite breakfast dish?

Ode to Breakfast 1:

Good soft boiled eggs are an experience
that cooks can refine to ascendance
Time your yolk-set just perfect
for the way that you slurp it
Dig in and ignore chin's appearance.

[Veggo]

When I silently release my methane
it's with practiced innocence I feign.
The culprit is near
and it's somebody here.
Everyone in the elevator shares the pain.

[FoodFuser]

If the victims were always just strangers,
then family would be freed from the dangers.
I came home from bean judgin',
Had a family discussion.
Yep. I slept with the goats in the manger.

[Gio]

Goats and beans in a stew.
Is the new thing to do.
Get out your pot,
Have a shot,
And we'll all have lunch at two.

[kattyeyes]

They say beans are a magical fruit.
They're cheap and don't cost too much loot.
They're certainly healthy,
But you'd better be stealthy
When it's not just your horn you might toot!

[FoodFuser]

Yes it's true beans are not that expensive
And their protein, with grain, is extensive.
But the gas then produced
While easily deduced
is, among friends, rarely offensive.

[alkapal]

anyone new?

[FoodFuser]

The only new recipe I've seen
was for subduing the flatulent bean.
It said to rinse thrice
and add lots of spice
But my farts still turned out pretty mean.

(Foodfuser attended a gathering last night where bean dishes were judged, and I over-ingested in my jurisprudal purview. I apologize for "popping off" in this 10 a.m. limerick.)

[Gio]

When a bean recipe you read
Make sure there's room 'nough to breathe.
For if you're forgetful
And need to be hopeful
Be sure to use Epazote.

[Sam Fujisaka]

If you're with a beautiful tart
Its probably better not to fart
Cause it would be a bit of a dissapointment
If she had to suddenly go to her next appointment
Leaving you with just an an enlarged part

[fern]

Ha!!

[FoodFuser]

Agreed on the Epazote for home prep. But....

When their "best beans" are ranged in a row
And judges must taste each in tow
It's too late for that herb
Though it works quite superb
Next time I'll prepare with "Beano".

[fern]

Don't mean to make a big stink, but

the bean and its troubles in rhyme
kill my appetite dead every time
hate to be a fuss budget
but if we must discuss it
can we wait til it's not dinnertime?

i'm only kidding, FoodFuser. It came to mind and I couldn't resist. :)

[FoodFuser]

The conundrum_of when beans get the rhyming
Is vexed by the sun's daily climbing.
Beantime in L.A.
ain't the same as Bombay,
But agreed: it's all about timing.

[fern]

love it!

good god, i feel positively illiterate.

[FoodFuser]

Naw...

The Limerick and Haiku are cool
'cuz sustained brevity is the rule.
If we Chowhounds would write of
the dishes we do love
We'd share our good food, not just gruel.

[Sam Fujisaka]

Eating beans is a true sport
That can cut good manners a bit short
If you offer up that big fart
Making all others quickly depart
You'll be left all alone, shamed as a dork

[FoodFuser]

If the bean eaters all are like minded,
sound and smell just won't make them blinded.
They are sharing a feast...
gives more gas than does yeast.
Wind-breakers are pretty broadminded.

[Sam Fujisaka]

FoodFuser and Fern
It's clearly your turn
To recognize what we're here starting
And to start a new thread on farting
Extolling on the perils of bean heartburn

[FoodFuser]

To start a new thread labeled "farting"
has attraction, but's finally disheartening,
Since our focus is cooking
And the Mods are sure looking
Restraint keeps my quill-hand from smarting.

[alkapal]

food fuser, you are brilliant!

[Paulustrious]

Worry not - those guys are thick skinned.
Your post will sink if you've sinned.
We've nothing but praise
For your flatulent phrase.
Unless there's a change in the wind.

[FoodFuser]

I'll agree that the way to keep friends
is a wet finger poised in the wind.
It gives you direction
for relief, sans detection,
if you might commit flatulent sin.

[alkapal]

LOL!

>>>"We've nothing but praise
For your flatulent phrase.
Unless there's a change in the wind."<<<

right on, right on!

[fern]

Memories of Family Dinner at our House

They giggled while I remained steady
NO MORE of this flatulent medley!
Alas, the smart asses
Had the last laugh-es
They got me with Silent but Deadly.

[FoodFuser]

Good one, fern!

I too was raised in similar ranks of dinnertime manners:

Each family has that stealthy sibling
who "lets one go" while we're all nibbling.
We all look around;
accusations abound...
It's the funnest of family quibbling.

One can go through life farting, you see,
If you've mastered that mean "SBD".
Just stay stoic and smart
as your wind you impart
And for years you can get off Scot-free.

Today when we meet for the holidays
and talk always turns to those latterdays
Each sib' claims the place
of the "SBD Ace"...
Our myth of that farter will always blaze.

It's possible that real truth be:
EACH mastered that foul SBD
So jostling for position
in this family tradition
Is moot: It's genetic, you see.

[Gio]

She said tonight for a change
It's chicken and something strange.
I think I shall bake
A steak from a snake
And call it a Grange exchange.

[PattiCakes]

That was fowl.

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

The six whole eggs I separated
With cream and a whisk, I agitated
Then sugar and vanilla bean
I poured the mixture through a screen
With creme brulee we celebrated

[CindyJ]

You Chowhounds are right on the money
Your limericks -- exceedingly funny!
This is such a great thread,
But I read it in bed
And I got some strange looks from my honey!

[Rmis32]

I try to be a locavor
to help out our planet, some more
In summer, it's delightful
In fall, somewhat frightful
And winter is simply a bore

[Veggo]

Let's regain our focus,
soon we'll have bloomin' crocus.
We'll paddle canoes
or in hammocks we'll snooze.
The absence of snow has awoke us!

[purple goddess]

My old china plate, you are wrong,
your US-centricity earns you a gong,
Here in Oz it's all quinces
and rib-sticking minces
While you Yanks prance around in a thong!

[Veggo]

I feel the pain from your blog.
I scarcely experience such a flog.
As I prance at the Grand Lido
they think there's a squirrel in my Speedo
and the Aussie lassies are agog!

[purple goddess]

I seriously just fell of my chair laughing, and now my patients are eyeing me rather nervously! I'll get back to you on this one!

[Sam Fujisaka]

This thread was about cookin' hash
Until the two o' you started talkin' trash
So, get yersefs cooled down
Before the Mods start to frown
And yer e-tryst leaves us aghast

[Rmis32]

I eschew bagels on passover
making it pointless to take out the Nova
I think I will try
some sweet matzoh brei
and perhaps invite m-m-m-y Sharona

[Veggo]

Oy vey iz mir, to have your Knack!

[purple goddess]

R Mis 32, you're a LAFF,
My response will be suitably naff,
As I laughed at your prose,
coffee shot out my nose.
And here at work, that's a noticeable gaff!!

[Rmis32]

It is clear, my friend, Purple Goddess
Your poetry makes you quite an artist
You've earned my applause
For the endless guffaws
Keeping a straight face is the hardest

[purple goddess]

Not a limerick, I know, but from my blog last year:

My Ode to Duck Fat.

Had we but world enough, and time,
Every dish would be made of thine!
We would sit down and think which way
To cook with thou, everyest day.
In the 'fridge, by the home made pesto's side
Shouldst there I find you.
Your vegetable love should grow
Vaster than braising, and more slow;
An hundred years should go to praise
The sheen you givest to a red-wine glaze;
Two hundred to you and lemon zest,
But thirty thousand to the rest;
An age at least to every part,
And the last age should show your heart.
For, Duck Fat, you deserve this state,
Nor would I cook at slower rate.

But at my back I always hear
Hungry children hurrying near;
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of fast foodie-ty.
Thy beauty shall no more be found,
in a Macca's chain, ne'er shall sound
Your oleaginous song: then worms shall try
That long preserved confit,
And your quaint flavour turn to dust,
And into ashes all my lust:
KFC's fine and private place,
But Subway, I think, do not you, embrace.

Now therefore, while the oleaginous hue
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy salivating tongue transpires
At every pore with wood-fired ovens' fires,
Now let us sautee while we may,
And we'll get to use our Le Creuset ,
Rather at once our Chats devour
Than languish in the slow-cooker's power.
Let us roll all our Rosemary and all
Our Maldon Sea Salt up into one ball,
And tear your pleasures with rough strife
Forgetting what you'll do to our cholesterol, for life:
Thus, though we bought you for a hefty price,
you'll go SO well with Arborio rice!

Apologies to Andrew Marvell.

[Rmis32]

If you start me up, I'll never stop...

I will roast, braise or saute
Some fish & veggies today
Then I'll add in some spice
Serve this dish over rice
And quaff down some chilled Chardonnay

[purple goddess]

There once was a Chow Hound from OZ
Who hassled the Yanks just because
Their "cups" weren't the same,
so this recipe game
Would sometimes end up a shamoz!

[Rmis32]

Went for dinner one night, on a date
She said " A menu with offal, that's great"
I seldom disdain
A woman with brains
But I prefer they not be on her plate

[kattyeyes]

LOL! And I appreciate your philosophy, too. :)

[PattiCakes]

Bechemel -- what the hell.

Melt some fat to make a good roux;
Add some flour, a teaspoon or two;
Wisk in milk or some cream,
In a slow, steady stream,
Let it thicken, and then you are through.

Or expand on this versitile dish.
Add nutmeg or cheese, if you wish.
Dried beef would be cool --
There's really no rule --
Amost anything would be delish!

[kattyeyes]

Chickaboom, chickaboom, don'tcha just love it! I do! :)

[PattiCakes]

and Bechemel, the haiku:

Creamy, winter white,
Queen Mother of rich sauces.
Ah lipidicious!

[kattyeyes]

LIPIDICIOUS--perfection! This is my favorite new word. :)

[PattiCakes]

as in "Food cooked with bacon fat is lipidicious".

Thank you. After a tough day at work, my brain needs to flit.

[CindyJ]

I'm a bit of a linguiphile myself, and I especially love made-up words that need no further explanation. I'm adding "lipidicious" to my collection. Thanks, PattiCakes!

[clamscasino]

re: roux

I like this idea, and if you please
I'll make mine with diced ham and peas
Served upon noodles
We'll eat oodles
Sprinkled with parmesan cheese

[yayadave]

To béchamel and peas
Add poached chicken if you please
Herbes de Provence also add
And now make biscuits like mad
Enjoy biscuits and chicken gravy at your ease.

[FoodFuser]

When the Munchies strike at the late hour
and all choices of sweet salty sour
lay before the 'Hound's mind
but so oft we decline
and just Nuke some Nachos, and devour.

Anybody been there? :)

[Veggo]

Her bean dip I had already started.
"Have you tried it?" Her query I darted.
I answered half-hearted,
my lips never parted,
I just leaned to the left and I farted.

[PattiCakes]

classic

[PattiCakes]

Sorry it's not a recipe, but I couldn't resist.

There once was a Chef du Cuisine,
Whose manner was nasty and mean.
He berated the Sous,
Who said: "Chef, F you!"
And tossed his ass in a tureen.

[Caroline1]

It should happen to Gordon Ramsay!

[Deenso]

There once was a perfect roast beef.
Attaining it? Nothing but grief
'Til I read on my monitor
The way that one oughter.
Thanks, Chowhounds, for roast beef relief!

[alkapal]

"take mayo, sour cream, knorr's packet
mince onions, chestnuts - just hack it
add spinach and mix
just wait for your fix
then eat, gain weight, buy new jacket."

~~~~~
inspired by boccone dolce, my muse.

[alkapal]

the other day, all i could think of was things that rhyme with "uck it"!

thanks chowhounds -- more productive use of my time. lol ;-).

[clamscasino]

I'ld take the blame, but it was really Mr. Clam who came up with the first line. Fortunately he did so at about 5 in the evening.

[kubasd]

I love all of these! Too bad I'm awful with words...

[adamshoe]

You Chowhounds are just far too clever
And so, I announce that I'll sever
All ties to this thread
It's hurting my head
To come up with more rhymes to de-lever. ;) adam

[billieboy]

Please don't go Adamshoe
What would it take to woo
You to stay
Don't go away
Unless it's just to the loo

[billieboy]

Just wanted to pop in and say
(Don't know any other way)
Eat Ham to your fill
(I know that you will)
And HAPPY BUNNY DAY :-)

[kattyeyes]

I'm really so happy it's bunny day
We've cooked and we've baked, now I'm here to say,
"It's almost time to eat
A feast of great treats!"
In French, they would say, "C'est une bonne idée!"

Back atcha, buddy! :) And happy bunny day/bonne idée to all!

[smartie]

here's one for Passover

On Pesach we eat Matzah Brie
Melt butter, add matzahs and fry
the eggs go in next
don't look so vexed
You don't know it's good till you try

[orangecat]

(Rather than trying to top the wonderful ones above, I will add my childhood creation, penned by me, at age 7 when I discovered limericks:)

There once was a silly old goose
Who drank nothing all day but juice
So out of her fret
She bought a toilet
And from it she made good use

...how I have remembered it all these years I will never know...

[smartie]

for breakfast we like cheesy grits
in a saucepan I add all the bits
fry eggs in a pan
its a meal for my man
a full tum sharpens his wits

[caviar_and_chitlins]

To make a nice fondue that's cheesey
you'll find that it really is breezey
stir it quite slowly
use cheese that's not lowly
Quelle Fromage! It really was easy!

[Paulustrious]

S&*^ happens...

My wife returned home with some news.
She'd invited some friends round to schmooze
They were really quite shaken
At blood pudding and bacon.
She forgot to say they were Jews.

[Veggo]

There once was a handsome young dude
who tried to seduce ladies with food.
But most of them froze
when his souffle never rose,
and for dessert they weren't in the mood.

[clamscasino]

Ah you're a rookie
You should have made cookies
With sugar and butter
You'ld make her heart flutter
And maybe just get you some nookie!

[Paulustrious]

The rivers of love can be murky
Some girls will refuse to talk turkey
If I may suggest,
Give cooking a rest,
Just stay at home and have jerkie.

[clamscasino]

You might have more luck
If you served up some duck
If you've crisped up the skin
It's bliss you'ld be in
In the morning you'll both say "cluck, cluck."

[Scargod]

There once was a tall man on the golf course
Who's sweet thing was to be his maincourse.
As they fooled around in the kitchen
Her stomach it started to bitchin
So she ate him. It could have been far worse.

[Caroline1]

There once was an olive Kalamata
That was chopped up and mixed in fritata.
Some galric and brie,
Eggs and seasoning for me.
You can even add salsa de tomata!

[smartie]

At weekends I like a fresh cake
butter, sugar and eggs I take
add flour and cream
beat it to a dream
it takes less than an hour to bake

[clamscasino]

darn it, you beat me to the last line.....

I couldn't sing louder
the praises of chowder
all you need are potatoes and clams
and a wee bit of ham
from start to end, it takes just an hour

[smartie]

sorry clams!

[clamscasino]

That's okay. I had about 5 alternatives for that fifth line. Was gonna say "to make it, just takes an hour."

This thread has hi-jacked my brain..can anyone finish this one?

We once found some clams on Nantucket
Enough to fill a whole bucket...

[fern]

nevermind. my ideas are going from bad to worse. :)

[Gio]

We once found some clams on Nantucket
Enough to fill a whole bucket...
With butter and broth
And a right wide mouthed trough
We'll eat all then go to Pawtucket.

(cough, cough)

[billieboy]

We once found some clams on Nantucket
Enough to fill a whole bucket
I said with a grin
As I wiped off my chin
If you throw one at me, I won't duck it.

[Gio]

Applause, Applause!!! (*-*)

[clamscasino]

excellent! I myself was hung up on "shuck it"

[kattyeyes]

You guys are great!

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

We once found some clams on Nantucket
Enough to fill a whole bucket...
But although I was hopin,
Those clams just wouldn't open
The whole bunch we just had to chuck it

[clamscasino]

Hate when that happens, but at least you worked out the plural to singular thing for the lastline. :)

[Scargod]

More bi-valve erotica:

There was a young cook from Nantucket
Who put clams and cornmeal in a bucket;
His girlfriend asked why
He was all set to fry,
While if he steamed one she would suck it.

[billieboy]

There is a young lady named Kattyeyes
Who one day came to realize
Tho sugar is sweet
It's really not neat
When it goes straight to her Kattythighs

[kattyeyes]

LOLOL! No kidding and your limerick above just had me howling! Good morning!

[billieboy]

Glad to give you a smile. Good morning to you.

[FoodFuser]

I wish we could open this up to iambic pentameter, but upon the OP's request we will stick to the rules of the Duke of Donegal.

A Tribute to Beef Boy:

There once was a ball of ground beef
who refused the meatloaf motif.
"Don't bake me!" he cried
So I gladly complied
And tartared him, to his relief.
---
Ooops! It's supposed to be "recipes". Okay. To rephrase:
---
Take some beef, and run through the grinder
add breadcrumbs and egg as a binder
Bake at medium heat
'til the juices run neat...
He was right. Tartare would be kinder."

Moral:

While both methods hinted of pain,
the problem was: Beef Boy was vain.
Afraid of both Frying
and oven-heat Drying
As Tartare, his juice he'd retain.

[kattyeyes]

A tribute to beef in three installments--what a beautiful thing (and I love tartare!)!

[alkapal]

BRAVA!!

[Paulustrious]

I think you have suffered enough, being shackled by an unreasonable constraint. Let loose, fly like a bird.

Dazzle us.

[FoodFuser]

The constraints of the limerick are good,
especially when talking 'bout food.
Terse focus, with brevity
mixed sometimes with levity
Keeps the recipe brief, as it should.

That don't mean I'd not love to ramble
in free verse 'bout "eggs that I scramble."
But the rules of "the Lim"
keep the verse tight and trim.
There's plenty of room to still amble.

[cimui]

help, i can't stop!

some find the oink quite distasteful
whereas I think it's rather wasteful
to leave it behind
and pay it no mind
when adventurous 'hounds eat the offal

[Gio]

Absolutely brilliant, those three, Cimui. You're a natural!!

[Rmis32]

My mate said she likes food with heat
so i put chili powder on the meat
perhaps too much , though
her lips were aglow
but boy, her kisses can't be beat

[cimui]

here's how you cook armadillo
so it turns out as soft as a pillow
skin it, and braise it
and lavishly praise it
then serve atop raspberry jello

[cimui]

Is there a way to nominate this for best thread ever?! I love it! And some of you Chowhounds have mad skills.

Here is my modest contribution:

Boy, how I love those pertaters!
Like latkes made with a hand grater
Be careful to drain
Again and again
Fry crisp, eat it now and not later.

[cuccubear]

Or try this...

Wash but don’t peel the pertater.
Dice it or shred on a grater.
Fry it with bacon,
an onion, no fakin’
The dish is delish, a top rater.

[cimui]

Nice. My other favorite potato prep!

[smartie]

One evening I roasted a chicken
when I left it the dogs went a pickin'
I came back for my dinner
Each dog was a sinner
their paws and their chops they were lickin'

[kattyeyes]

Hysterical--my dog Carly (RIP) actually did this with the neighbor's turkey!!!

[smartie]

my shepherd mix has carefully taken two drumsticks off a chicken in the past, pushed way back on the counter!

[bayoucook]

My Siamese cat hopped on the counter and doled out leg of lamb to our other cat and two dogs. He just swiped and pitched, it was all very mannerly. We were laughing so hard we didn't stop it right away.

[LindaWhit]

ROFL! I can visualize this happening! (Did it happen yesterday?) I had to cover my lamb last night before I went to eat. One of the cats was hiding in the bathroom (off the kitchen) just waiting for her chance to counter-surf.

ETA: I *LOVE* this thread. I'm nowhere near clever enough to come up with a limerick - especially a recipe one! - so I'll just enjoy it from afar.

[bayoucook]

Hi Linda - just saw this! No, it happened two or three years ago; I'll never forget how funny it was, and the look on the animal's faces.

[CindyJ]

Okay... I have one:

They’re basically eggs, milk and flour
They bake in just under an hour.
They’re doughy inside,
But their outsides are dried
My popovers rise like a tower.

[kattyeyes]

Love it! :)

[CindyJ]

Thank you! :)

[phofiend]

Okay, Good Friday fasting has inspired me. Here's my Easter menu, in verse:

For lamb that is simply sublime
Take rosemary and garlic and thyme
Marinate a few days
Heat oil to a haze
Sear, roast and serve with a fine wine.

Asparagus is a great thing
The harbinger of sunny spring
Some bacon and leeks
Or perhaps some pork cheeks
Will make all at table just sing.

Potatoes that lowly repast
Are often by others outclassed
But add butter and cheese
And cream if you please
And Ghandi himself would break fast.

[billieboy]

You are using an unfair advantage!!!! You have talent, we don't :-)
They are very good.

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

Bravo!

[phofiend]

To serve alongside a roast beast
Take flour and water and yeast
Add salt and let rise
Overnight if you're wise
Then bake at 450 and feast!

[kattyeyes]

Clap, clap, clap--nice going! :)

[phofiend]

Thank you. Much more fun than working.

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

Perfect!

[Sam Fujisaka]

I said I'd serve you all ham
But dumkeg saw it was Spam
So back to the kitchen to cook
Something so I'm not just a crook
So here's my fine chowder of clam

[EWSflash]

I'm limercizing your poem, Sam-with your permission. If you hate it I'll delete it

I said I would serve you all ham
But dumkeg, she saw it was Spam
So it's back to the kitchen
with Dumkeg a'bitchin',
Now here's my fine chowder of clam

[Scargod]

Death to Spam!

Passadumkeg about ‘Nam was spewin’
How Spam really wasn’t worth chewin.
With trusty 45 in hand,
putting holes in them cans,
ground pig snout found its undoing.

[Passadumkeg]

Consuming the ultra high levels of salt
Made my jarheads and me want to halt
All dining on Spam
In the heat of ol' 'Nam
And now I'm in need of Gestalt

Semen 1st Class Dumkeg!

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

I bought lentil soup in a pop top can
Of most canned meals, I am just not a fan
But this soup's not half-bad
Though the greens do look sad
So, next week I'll have a better meal plan

[Gio]

IW:
I enjoyed reading your Pear Clafoutis Haiku recipe. A fun way to cook!

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

Thank you!

[Morticia]

Okay, this isn't a limerick - but I just wanted to let Ima Wurdibitsch know that I always add some fresh spinach to my canned lentil soup - it works wonders - makes it fresh, green & nutritious! Even if you're nuking it at work, you can add the spinach to a glass bowl, pour the soup on top, press start...et voila!
(Can I write that again in limerick form...? Nah!)

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

What a fantastic idea! Thank you.

A limerick on canned soup was seen
On Chowhound, a suggestion for green
My soup's now delicious
And it's quite nutritious
I nominate Morticia: Soup Queen!

[Paulustrious]

I started this - better contribute I guess.

I'd like to be vegetarian
But my genes are strictly barbarian
So I'll grill up some steaks
You can keep your corn flakes
Give my the youghurt to some hungry Bulgarian

[Gio]

Bravo, Paulustrious.... But that 3rd line..... (?_?)

[Paulustrious]

Just in time - edited

TVM

[bayoucook]

I took out a thick chicken thigh
Cause I knew that dinner was nigh
Threw it in a pan
With a heavy hand
And we all ate it up with a sigh

[Ima Wurdibitsch]

There once was a porkloin so lean
Not a bit of fat could be seen
I wrapped it in bacon!
No, no, I'm not fakin'!
My guests licked the platter quite clean.

I love poems of all sorts (product of a Dr. Seuss childhood). While I haven't updated my blog in a long time, a while back one of my dear friends challenged me to write a recipe in haiku form. It's at: http://wordybitch.blogspot.com/2007/0...

[Sam Fujisaka]

Made me morning hash
Used some of me truffle stash
Door broke open with a crash
All the neighbors wanted a dash

Broke from the room in haste
Not for me to give 'em a taste
Likes 'o them id just be a waste
They'd eat a bit an call it paste

[bnemes3343]

Sam, great stuff, but these are not limericks. A limerick needs to be a five line verse where the 1st, 2nd and 5th lines rhyme and the 3rd and fourth do as well. We'll give you a pass though...

[billieboy]

Sorry Sam. The rule for a limerick is quite simple, but the penalty for breaking that rule is quite severe. You are banned from Chowhound for 33 1/3 seconds during which time you will have to do community service. Sorry Sam but rules are rules.

[Sam Fujisaka]

Both of you, I know! Thanks. I'm stacked up here at work and am stealing time to do some lines. Limerick will have to wait.

[billieboy]

Good thing the thread is not about Haiku....we would all be screwed. :-)

[Gio]

Sam, How's this:

This morning I made me some hash.
Used some of me new truffle stash.
The door was broke open
The neighbors it woken
And then they rushed in for a dash.

From the room I did run in such haste
Not for me to just give 'em a taste.
They'd eat some and then
Run away to the pen.
So I ate all with nary a waste.

[Sam Fujisaka]

Love you, Joe, you've saved my literary ass

[tmso]

A Recent Dinner, in three verses

I.

A bottle of wine from the Rhine
With scallops it paired mighty fine
There's nothing to cook
No need for a book
Just glasses, a knife and some time

II.

Aubergine from a shop in Paris,
Thinly sliced, cooked in oil quite free,
Eggs mixed with these rounds,
Then cooked til quite browned;
The frittata was good? Ben mais oui!

III.

The frisée came from I don't know where
Washed quite well and then dried in the air
With salt, oil, lemon
And fennel 'twas heaven
Salad's fine, for desert I don't care

[tmso]

The last line is a lie, but you try to come up with a rhyme for "yogurt"!

[bnemes3343]

Was watching a movie with Bogart
While eating my strawberry Yogurt
When he said "play it Sam"
I stirred in some jam
But then spilled the whole thing on my t-shirt

[Gio]

The dinner you cooked was delightful
But dessert, simply put, was just frightful.
When we dine once again,
Get some fruit, cheese and then
It will be totaly wonderful.

[danhole]

My family wants a scrumptious pot roast
They think it's as as easy as toast
I spend hours preparing
They seem not to be caring
But in the end they love me the most!

True story!
Dani

[kattyeyes]

THE CHEESY EGG
First take an egg, then you beat it.
The trick is how slowly you heat it.
In the pan, slow and low
Till it's custardy, bro',
Then you add cheddar cheese, then you eat it.

[bayoucook]

good one kattyeyes

[adamshoe]

To your brownie mix add some great weed
Bake as norml and soon you will see'd
Best intentions de-throned
And you're stotally toned
I promise you this, yes indeed
I love this silly thread!!! adam

[fern]

omg you're all so funny. adamshoe, i had a flashback craving...

[EWSflash]

That's inspired!!!

[billieboy]

There was a young man from Boston
Who made baked beans quite often
Molasses and bacon (that's nice)
And onions he'd dice
Then after the oven, he'd scoff'em

[Gio]

There was an old man from Milan,
Whose sauces he never could plan.
When told this was so,
He said, 'yes, I know.
'But I always try to get as many veggies into the pot as I can.'

[adamshoe]

and as many syllables in to the last line as I can. You broke the limerick rules, but made me laugh out loud. Good one, Gio! adam

[Gio]

Thanks Adam....glad I made you laugh!
As for too many syllables, that was my plan.....

[fern]

Your Big Finish was funny, Gio!

[Gio]

Thank you, Fern.....(^_^)

[cimui]

brilliant. a masterpiece. =D

[yayadave]

There was an old man from Milan,
Whose sauces he never could plan.
With veggies in the pot
And some stock, or not,
He made sauce ... or soup for the clan.

[adamshoe]

Ground beef and now if you are clever
bread soaked in milk should you endeavor
mix the first with the second
and soon I have reckoned
you'll be eating the best burger ever!!
(title: Ode to Panade) adam

[fern]

My limerick title is "Beans Optional"

Sauteed mirepoix in a saucepan
Petite diced tomatoes, 1 small can
Some garlicy stock
Parm fresh off the block
Makes your Saturday Soup Night Sicilian!

Ok, I'm claiming rights. I think it's funny. :)

Now I want egg salad.

[tatamagouche]

Way to go, Don and fern!

[DonShirer]

First chop up a sweet or dill pickle
Two boiled eggs and mayo (a trickle).
Add onion, Dijon,
Celery, tarragon:
Egg Salad your tastebuds will tickle!

[Sal Vanilla]

The good ones always start with a pickle.

[tatamagouche]

I've actually been wanting to combine poetry and recipes for a long time. I wanted to buy recipoems.com but turned out not to be the first to come up with that one. C'est la vie.

[fern]

hmmmm, maybe you can revisit your excellent idea. poetry and recipes, if they could sound like the ocean i'd need little else.