loud table-neighbors

[njchowgal]

dh and i were dining tonight at a zagat 'outstanding' restaurant 12 inches from the table next to us. there was a couple next to us whose conversation was so loud it was all we could do to ignore it or possibly have our own conversation. there were many other tables around us, but they all respected our space by keeping their conversation to 'inside' voices. what would you do in this situation? keep in mind, you will be dining with them elbow-to-elbow all night...

[coll]

The worst situation like this happened to us on our 25th anniversary, a few years back. We went to Nirvana (I think long gone now) in NYC for a classy, special meal. At the table next to us, an older couple was seated, I don't even think they were that close to us because there weren't many people there that night. The woman did not stop talking for a second, we learned her date was a doctor, they had been out a couple of times and she was making a big deal on whether she was staying at his place that night. She was a real gold digger. Her main topic of conversation for the night was "Women I know that had great pre-nups". Sorta dampened our mood. It was such a mellow place we didn't know what to do, kept hoping she would drag him back to one of their apartments any minute, but it went on for hours. Why didn't we say something? Because the guy looked as unhappy as we were and seemed like a really nice person. I have a feeling she never saw him again. Oh well we had a nice time afterwards.

[njchowgal]

this sounds like our situation. i don't generally mind loud people. it's the combination of being loud, non-stop talking, and self-aggrandizing conversation that i find irritating. in fact, our male neighbor went on for a while about how he was 'a good person to know' based on his wine collection. he then produced a pair of 10" tall riedel sommelier pinot noir glasses, which took up half of their table. when we tried to compliment him on his glasses (in part to alert the couple to our presence), he totally ignored us!

[jfood]

No one has commented yet so let jfood state that no restaurant with 12 inches in between should be given an outstanding, but that's not the question.

If the next table is loud ask to be moved. If the MOD will not agree then ask for the check and leave or stay and suffer, customer's call.

As a last resort you can politely ask the next table to lower the volume a bit.

It's a public place, cannot dictate the surroundings, unfortunately.

[BobB]

Well, there is a little neighborhood Italian place near us that is highly rated by everyone from Zagat to Chowhound (or should that be vice versa?) for their great food and reasonable prices, but their tables are so close together that you can't help overhearing your neighbors even if they speak in normal voices. It's the kind of place where you may need to stand up and move your chair to let your neighbor in or out.

Obviously they cram people in so as to keep the prices down, and the regulars know what to expect. Under these conditions it's not at all uncommon for conversations to overlap table to table. I kind of like it, but of course I know what I'm in for when I go there.

[Morticia]

This may not apply to Chowhounds from other countries, but in my experience, Americans have gotten louder and louder over the last 10 years (and no, I don't think this is just a case of me becoming an old fogey, either!). These days people don't think they're having "fun" unless they can shout "WOOHOO! WOOHOO!!!!!!" at the top of their lungs every 5 seconds. It is beyond obnoxious. I don't understand it at all - and it's funny, because I work in a place where there is a beautiful "lounge" (they serve food and drinks) but people come in and make it so unpleasant that anyone (ie: the better mannered Europeans) can't stand to stay...can someone tell America that you DON'T have to shout "WOOHOOOOOOO!" in order to enjoy yourself? Please??

[Mawrter]

I'm sure this hasn't happened to you, but I notice that I have been getting older the last ten years. Generally, the older one gets, the less patience one may have for that sort of thing. :-)

[givemecarbs]

My favorite diner has only three bad seats in the house. They are a row of three two tops all connected by a long bench. I am polite but firm when I refuse to be seated there, even if no one else is at the other two tables. I'll just wait for a different table. When the diner isn't busy there is a good chance that we will have that entire area to ourselves, and no one will be seated next to us, but I don't want to test my luck. I won't sit where I have a chance of banging elbows with a stranger. I just refuse to sit that close to anyone I don't know in a restaurant. If the tables are all like that I just go elsewhere. I know my own patience and luck. It does anger me that some of the most expensive places squeeze their patrons in. I know things are different in other countries. I remember sharing a table with another lovely couple in France. The place was busy and packed so they sat us with strangers. We had a good time chatting with them and I understood that was the custom there. They do that at Disney World sometimes too. But that's kinda like visiting a different country. :) And when you are sitting right with them, there's no doubt about it, you are sharing the conversation too.

[BarmyFotheringayPhipps]

I've simply joined in the conversation. And when they stare at me as if I'm being incredibly rude, I politely point out that if they don't want total strangers interrupting their conversation, they shouldn't be talking loud enough for total strangers to hear them. It shuts them up.

[JerryMe]

oooh - I like that one the best! Join in since they want you to hear them!! Good one!

[cassoulady]

ha ha, I like that

[nkeane]

Been in your exact situation!

What I did was lean over and when I had the couples attention I said(in the most over the top, joking manner I could muster) "hey guys, as riveting as your cats tonsilectomy procedure sounds, I think the volume of your conversation might be a bit much."

It worked in this particular case, maybe it wouldnt if the couple hadnt "gotten" the jest. I guess if it hadnt been effective I would have gone the server/manager route, but I got lucky and Humor and light heartedness won out! Personally the only thing that never comes to mind for me in these situations is staying silent! I just cant fathom letting someone else ruin my night, just so I can avoid a confrontation. Good luck next time!

[The Ranger]

> Personally the only thing that never comes to mind for me in
> these situations is staying silent! I just cant fathom letting
> someone else ruin my night, just so I can avoid a confrontation.

Yeah! Nicely stated!

[BeeZee]

Kind of agree with that approach...I hate to be confrontational (after all, the Loud family at the next table is paying for a night out just as you are) and of course, there's always the possibility that like my in-laws, they are both hard of hearing!

[The Ranger]

I am also losing my ability to hear (it's that stupid aging thing)! :)

That's one of the reasons I am quick to act, That additional noise causes voices to blend and be indistinct enough for me to hear the conversation, even if I'm reading her lips. If the table is near (or next to) me it is even easier to talk to them, as mentioned by nkeane, in a humorous way. The couple of times it's been ignored, I have no problem ratcheting it up or simply paying the bill and leaving.

There's a restaurant chain near me that thinks the noisier their restaurants are, the more people will come in. It's an unpleasant experience.

[jgg13]

I have the same problem, and it cuts both directions. For one, as you note - the louder noises around make it harder to hear the people you're trying to hear. But it also causes me to just be generally loud without meaning to, some of my friends will at times just say, "dude, you're being pretty loud, quiet down" which is helpful as I won't even realize it.

If a stranger would tell me to pipe down, I suppose it would depend on how they went about it, their demeanor, etc.

[Mawrter]

I wish I knew. If I get the impression that a table's going to be really loud before we're seated, I try to request another place. But sometimes you can't know ahead of time. Kind of amazing in your case, since it was just two people... usually they're much quieter (more than just numbers would indicate) than a bigger table with more people.

Another thing I really hate is when you sit near someone who has apparently poured the entire bottle of perfume/aftershave on themselves. I can't taste the food if it all smells like XYZ scent. I actually asked to be re-seated over a particularly bad, particularly strong personal fragrance. We knew the maitre d', he knew we weren't just being snooty, and with the move, I could taste my food.

The olfactory conflict is the same reason I can't understand why (supposedly) serious restaurants would ever possibly have lilies in their bouquets... those things reek! I like the fragrance in a foyer or church or whathaveyou, but ~not~ in a dining room! Love their beauty, but can't stand the sensation of eating a lily.

[queencru]

I feel you about the scents. Anything related to pine tends to give me asthma attacks and others give me migraines or make my nose run. Lilies are just intolerable because the smell is so pungent that it takes over the entire area. The way I see it, restaurants should avoid having anything scented that might take away from the food.

[LindaWhit]

Completely agree with you about the scent of lilies - they actually make me gag. Cannot stand the smelly of them, although the flower is quite lovely. If only they didn't smell so much. :-)

As for the OP, I definitely would have gotten up and asked the server privately if the management could do anything about it; otherwise, I probably would have just sucked it up (and probably never returned because of that one bad noise incident).

[Mawrter]

The strong smell is why they were traditionally used for funerals. Many people - seems like mostly Catholics over 60 (or maybe that's just who I'm related to!) - associate lillies with funerals and death. So the gaggy reaxn sometimes has a sort of (entirely understandable) pyschosomatic component to it. Between that and the smell, it has always struck me as an especially poor choice for restaurants.

Around here, BYOBs are especially susceptible to the noisy customers who bring their own booze, may feel incented to drink more than usual, and hog the tables all night. It's a tough one for the restaurant owners.

I also see a lot of places opening and then once the customers get there management realizes 'holy hell, it's LOUD with all these people in here'... then you start seeing tapestries, ornamental rugs or textile art on the walls, more upholstery, curtains, cork, etc. to absorb the sound. It always seems strange to me that the restaurants never *open* with all that in place, since it's can't exactly be news that all the unrelieved hard surfaces make a bustling restaurant a noisy din.

[givemecarbs]

Great post Mawrter, I have hayfever and I went out to eat at a german restaurant in early fall. Every table had fresh cut flowers on it. By the time the food came, I could not taste a thing. It was very awkward because the two people I came with and I had traveled an hour and a half just to eat at this place. I ordered a double shot of whiskey on the rocks, premium brand not needed and just sucked it up and ate a little so that my friends could enjoy their meal. Thank goodness I wasn't driving so I could have the solace of alcohol. Now that I can't get actifed any more my allergies are baaack in full force so I feel your pain. I ate at a mexican place on sunday night and the waitress had laid on the perfume or talc or something pretty heavily. I just held my breath when she drew near and luckily I was still able to enjoy my food very much.

[Suzy Q]

I've often asked to have fresh flowers moved if they were on our table or near us in a restaurant, and it's generally been done with no problem. Although I've noticed that it's been quite some time since I've seen fresh blooms in any restaurant...another symptom of the economic downturn, I suppose.

[karmalaw]

I'd ask the server to move me... whether the server would choose to ask the people to tone things down as a first line approach would be up to the server. I would make it very clear to the server that the enjoyment of my meal was severely hampered.

If the server accomplished nothing and I stayed uncomfortable I would cancel any remaining part of my order, ask to see the manager, explain why I was leaving, pay my bill, and leave. If the manager intervened and accomplished something - then great. If not, I'd know where not to return unless I could be assured a table with greater space to avoid bellowing cretins.