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Tis the season

This may get deleted, but I thought it was timely and I love hearing these stories. Anyone have any good holiday party stories, food for/at party stories or liquor at/for party stories?

I will start: Last night drinks party - maybe 20 people. Every time a man (who I did not know, but know his wife from the gym) tasted a new wine (which I think was 6 times) he would bang on his wine glass with an cheese knife and bring his hand up to silence the crowd and wait for what seemed like an eternity with his eyes closed/hand still up and say the name of the wine and its particulars and say something like: hint of citrus, slight complexity on the back of my palate........ blueberry..... no...... rasberry aftertaste. All the while clicking his tongue to his roof of is mouth and blowing and poofing! Occasionally he would roll his eyes to the back of his head and his eyes would flutter like he was having a seizure. The first couple times everyone sort of listened with curiosity and minded his demands for quiet attention, but then people were listening still, but then making their own wine comments which was creating a lot of snorting and laughing, but the man did not seem to notice that he was being made fun of and continued. Our neighbor kept on calling him "frazier" - but the wine man just kept correcting him.

It was the highlight of the party. People have been calling each other all morning talking about it. Maybe it is mean, but it just still makes me laugh.

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  1. Most recently, the self-proclaimed foodie announcing that he and his wife live off of Lean Cuisine, which they buy in bulk at Costco.

    2 Replies
    1. re: Caralien

      I always feel like I am being punished when I eat those. So I defeat the purpose by doping it up... usually with cheese. Oink!@

      1. re: Sal Vanilla

        He he! Great thread! I do that to Sal, with butter. :)

    2. That is hysterical. I'd make sure to invite him to all parties. Free entertainment. What was his wife's reaction?!? Poor her. She has to live with him. Eek.

      3 Replies
      1. re: c oliver

        She was completely oblivious. My husband, Mr. Cynical Snideypants, sez she must be on a valium drip feed. It would have been way funnier if she were hanging on his every word. She instead hung on me (because she only knew me and the woman throwing the party), so I, Mrs. Sowants 2b Bitchy and Catty could not join in the reindeer games. The only thing I got in was "I dunno about it tasting of vanilla... it just tastes like more". Feeb. I know.

        1. re: Sal Vanilla

          Too bad someone else didn't beat him to it -- "ah yes, flowery, full-bodied flavor, with a hint of oakiness. You can taste the smokey overtones from the lava rocks over which the water flows to get to the grape vines in the valley below.....). Or you could have slipped him some Ripple. I went to a busness dinner with a fellow like that once -- table of 20, and he insisted on ordering the wine, then educating all of us on it as the night proceded. Glass by glass. If he hadn't been such a supercilious twit, it might have been interesting. He also claimed to have been partialy responsible for having invented the internet.

          1. re: PattiCakes

            LOL Crack me up. Supercilious twit!

      2. The time I brought a hitch-hiker home for Christmas. It was snowing, he was old..and he did have a slight beard. My mom and dad put him up at a local hotel and gave him some clean clothes. He flirted with my gramma..she laughed. He was hilarious...and toothless. When he was set to leave, we drove him to the truckstop and never heard from him again. Some of the guests were shocked...but it was a great Christmas dinner and after-party.

        1 Reply
        1. re: melly

          bless you. What a lovely thing to do.

        2. If you got it on video and put it on youtube, I bet it would be an instant sensation... LOL!!

          I remember one Christmas Party for my husbands company, where the "lower level" employees got cheap and cheesy prizes like $10 gift cards to local chain restaurants, and the managers and high up staffers who made 6 figure salaries won the vacation trips to Europe (this was supposed to be a draw from the hat prize event... yeah right) I got so peeved I ripped up one of the cruddy $10 prizes and threw it in the face of the company president telling him he was a (insert derogatory swear here). Think he got my point?

          Ahhh... gotta love open bar Christmas parties!

          5 Replies
          1. re: gryphonskeeper

            No you didn't? Really? LOL What happened next? You can't just leave us hanging GK. Were you fired? Wow... it's sort of reminiscent of Clark Griswold in Christmas Vacation. :)

            1. re: lynnlato

              It was for my hubbies Christmas party.. LOL! The president could not do a darn thing because I was not an employee, and he had no idea who I was :) Not to mention about 10 other people decided to rip up their prizes as well, and leave them in the comment box at work.

              :D

              1. re: gryphonskeeper

                You reminded me of something I haven't thought of for a long time. At one of my first jobs after I got married, a long time ago, during the lead up to Christmas, there was an extra sparkle around the office. Finally the big day came. Everyone was called into the owner's office, one by one. They all had that cat that swallowed the canary look. I couldn't figure it out. Then I got called into the presence. He gave me a check and some inspiring words. It was a Christmas Bonus. The check was for thirteen dollars and some change. It was meant to be a fifteen dollar bonus, but they had to take out taxes. Young as I was, I had a hard time not laughing.

                I guess this has nothing to do with food, just Christmas.

                1. re: yayadave

                  Ugh, don;t you just friggen hate that? Even a cruddy $15 bonus gets tapped by the gimme government vacuum, making it even a bigger insult.

                  I had a "Christmas Bonus" one year of a frozen 10 lb turkey (I kid you not) I was miffed, because at the time I was a solid vegetarian! I wanted to leave it under the Christmas Tree in the lobby at work (Which the office closed the entire week of Christmas until Jan 2nd) I know it would have been pretty ripe by the time they opened the office back up, Ah, hindsight is 20/20 aint't it?

                  1. re: gryphonskeeper

                    I was thinking that it would not have been that hard for the book keeper to have figured out that sixteen dollars and so many cents would have equaled out to an actual check of fifteen dollars for the dumb kid's bonus. Was the extra buck and a half going to ruin them?

          2. I have to remember a very, very snowy Christmas in Denver. It snowed and snowed and snowed some more. We had about 2 or 3 feet of snow. We cross-country skied down one of the (normally) busiest streets in the City (including at least 5 big dogs) to see if we could find beer and wine (we did). We had planned a dinner for about 12 or so and added enough extra stuff to serve 25 or so. We had a stranded metro bus driver, a taxi driver, a cop, a fire crew and I don't remember who else. It was quite a dinner and quite a party. Nobody could get home so there were lots of people sleeping on couches and on the floor. Snow was so deep that the dogs (all big) didnt want to go out--had to drag them out. I wish I had pictures.

            1. Awesome posts and great idea for a thread. I'll add mine, since it got deleted from the Penna board where the people involved might possibly see it. Sniff. I was really fried but sober tonight at my local starbucks and had ordered a mocha expresso. It was bitter cold and people were really settled in, there was one seat in the house and a girl had her feet on it. I stood like a deer in the headlights hoping someone would leave soon. A lovely couple gave up their table so I could sit down and rest for a bit, and wished me merry christmas. I was stunned by their kindness and barely managed to mumble merry christmas and thank you in response. Thanks again and Merry Christmas you two from the Lansdale Pa Starbucks!

              4 Replies
              1. re: givemecarbs

                It's the small kindnesses that are so restorative. I wonder why that got deleted.

                1. re: Sal Vanilla

                  We removed it because it was off-topic for the PA board, whose mission is to share chowtips. While we are truly touched by these heartwarming acts, they are not related to finding something delicious; moreover, posting about them on a regional board would dilute the equally if not more heartwarming acts of many chowhounds who selflessly share chow tips with all of us. Like most internet sites, the vast majority of the people who use the boards are lurkers who come here to find out what's delicious. We keep the boards on-topic and focused, out of courtesy and consideration to these lurkers and to all those who use the boards as an information source to satisfy their hunger for deliciousness.

                  1. re: The Chowhound Team

                    Of course those annoying floating survey pop-ups that come across my screen every time I log into Chow are right on topic........................

                    1. re: PattiCakes

                      We only moderate posts; we don't have the ability to moderate ads or surveys, nor do we create or initiate them. For issues pertaining to these aspects of the site, please post about them on Site Talk.

              2. OK I gotta nuther. My husband reminded me of it as I read him my post about the wine connoisseur.

                Last year - another party at the neighbors. We forgot about the party, but when cars started to park all around it dawned on us that the party was that night. Anyway, we had to get showered and such so there was no time to go to the store and get a gift or get to the wine store for a bottle. So my lovely other half said "Let's just grab one from our stash - I will pick something appropriate". So he comes out with a bottle of a local vintner's holiday cranberry wine someone had given us the PREVIOUS YEAR. What to do? It had its fancy ribbon and ornament on it still - it seemed like kismet! So off we go cranwine in hand all smug with our quick save and craftiness. We are greeted by the hostess, she takes the wine sweetly and we proceed to have a lovely time.

                Cut to a few weeks later. Husbands are out shoveling the drives and start chatting. Other husband tells mine that they loved the wine and were wondering if we too did. Mine sez "I don't think I had any of it". Other said Who'd have known. Mine thought it was just normal weird professor strango talk in abstract speak. Later when relating the conversation it dawned on us (we are thick) that it was their gift to us the previous year... pretty ribbon and ornament included.

                5 Replies
                1. re: Sal Vanilla

                  Last year friends of mine gave me a plant as a gift. I don't do well with plants (they die) so I gave it to my mother... I had no idea that my friends put a sticker with their names on the plant holder. My mother realized and called my friend to tell her thanks for the plant that was regifted onto her.

                  1. re: cheesecake17

                    THAT is funny. Leave it to mothers to get you in a jam thru being courteous!

                    1. re: Sal Vanilla

                      The funny thing is when I realized what I did my mother told me that it's better this way because I'm a plant killer.

                      1. re: cheesecake17

                        Hey, if you make good cheesecake, you're excused from plant care.

                        1. re: yayadave

                          I do make a good cheesecake.. shame my mother won't eat it!

                          My husband thinks it's funny that I don't do well with plants. He bought me a basil plant in the spring thinking that since it's a 'food' item it would live. He was wrong, It died before I could make pesto out of it!

                2. Your post sounds like he had Tourette's - no joking. A student of mine - when on display - would exhibit the same behavior. He would be very dramatic - the bigger the tic, the more dramatic and it was a vicious cycle. He wasn't well adapted to his tick and ended up being an incredible troublemaker. I hope that he accepts his disorder, because it will make everyone's lives easier. He is petrified of judgment.

                  1. Another for the "photo album."

                    Jfood was travelling to LA in 1995 and Continental upgraded him and his colleague to first class. Guy brings his Wine Guide with him when traveling and was a semi-yutz as well. Flight Attendent brings over the menu and yutz sees the name of the red, looks it up in his book and says, "If this is a 1987 (actual year not important) it's a vintage year" Jfood thinks to himself, "buddy your on an domestic airplane and you are not getting a vintage" but what the heck jfood is going to have some fun.

                    He makes believe he was going to the lavatory and approaches the flight attendent. "Miss, the guy i am travelling with is a bit of a yutz. He will ask you the year of the red and could you please tell him 1987." She replies "But it's a 1993." Not to worry, please play along.

                    Sure enough attendent approaches, yutz asks for the year, attendent states 1987, he orders, wine appears. Now the yutz swirls the glass, does the inhale and the tongue flapping and tells jfood it has to breath a little. Okeedokee. He finishes first glass and jfood is about to pee in his pants. He finishes first glass and tells jfood it was getting better. jfood crosses his legs.

                    He asks attendent for another glass. Unfortunately the attendent brought the bottle over and he grabbed it and looked at the label. Oh No!! He looks at her and says, "You told me it was a 1987." Jfood intervened and said "And you said it needed to breathe a little, yeah 6 years." He ordered the white and kept quiet.

                    Did the yutz learn his lesson? Nope. At dinner with the CFO of a major studio, he pulls out the book at dinner. Jfood kicked him under the table and asked him the please put away. Do not do that at a client dinner.