559260 Sun Sep 21 20:18:49 -0700 2008 299 29 Not About Food 0 4051821 SamuelAt recently said "But I wonder if that would be a deal breaker? Can food choices be the end all?" in the thread about adding condiments/salt to foods. Which got me to thinking that it might be fun to ask the question. Have you ever not rung/broken up with/ not gone back on a 2nd (or 3rd or 4th) date with someone because of their food habits? I freely admit a history of tragic first dates, and my girlfriends have weird names for all of my first date disasters. (there's nipple-clamp boy, I-want-to-live-in-a-shipping container-in-a-trailer park boy, etc) But one of my best tragic first dates was with battered-hamburger boy. We were set up my mutual friends, spoke on the phone a few times, he seemed nice enough, and invited me out to dinner. We'd talked ALOT about food.. as it's one of my obsessions, and he wanted to take me to "what I consider to be the best resto in Melbourne. Let me suprise you!". I knew it was in a swanky suburb, known for its great food, so I dressed accordingly. It wasn't a throw away thing.. he talked AT length about how great the food was, and how it was his fave resto.How he was going to order me his favourite thing on the menu.... How much a "foodie" like me would love it... And when we got there, it was a dirty, grimy, hole-in-the-wall (in a nasty "dead blow flies on the window sill" way) fish and chip fry shop, with no table, or anything.. and he proceeded to order 2 battered hamburgers. Yup. Pre-fab generic brand supermarket patties, dipped in batter and deep fried. Call me shallow, but it was a deal breaker. Any one else game enough to admit that food, or table manners has been a deal breaker on a date?? Sun Sep 21 20:18:49 -0700 2008 86137 purple goddess 1 4052028 Ok I'll go first heh - I wouldn't be married to my DH if he were anything like his sometimes-chews-with-mouth agape-almost-never-says-thank-you brother. Really I'm not THAT picky but pahleease when chewing keep it to yourself, and when someone hands you something say THANK YOU! Can you tell we had them over for dinner tonight? I am continually amazed they came from the same parents. :) Sun Sep 21 23:17:20 -0700 2008 4051821 138472 maplesugar 2 4064238 Sounds like my husband and his brother! Honestly, there have been moments where I've been sitting across from his brother at the dinner table and I have to look away before I gag! In a nice steak restaurant, he actually stabbed his steak with a fork caveman style and picked it up to eat it, kind of like a steak popsicle! My husband had to whisper to me to close my mouth!! Fri Sep 26 13:14:11 -0700 2008 4052028 12813 Katie Nell 3 4064516 Don't close your mouth. Open it wide and tell your BIL that he's being a jackass! Bad manners from anyone really bug me and I have no problem telling people that they're behaving inappropriately. Fri Sep 26 15:18:59 -0700 2008 4064238 58128 ajs228 1 4052054 Of course food or manners can be an instant kill date. You know usually it's an indication of other stuff and you might as well run sooner rather then later. Example - if someone goes type A on a waitstaffer on a first date, that's something else. For food, vegetarians or vegans (or anyone) that their diet is their existence..red flag, run away. Although if they're low-key about it, that's fine. The thing is, as a guy, I extend these standard to everyone. I wouldn't choose to have dinner with 60% of the people I work with...but of course I must at times. As for nipple clamp guy, here's a secret -- guys sometimes make up outrageous stuff if things are going badly because it's easier to force a move then to have to make up an excuse. Think Seinfeld and the "nose pick". http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pick p.s. I've had a date ask me to order for her. That was weird and odd but I rolled with it because she was really good looking. In hind sight, perhaps I should have order the battered burger for her...haha. Mon Sep 22 00:17:09 -0700 2008 4051821 27275 ML8000 2 4052359 "For food, vegetarians or vegans (or anyone) that their diet is their existence..red flag, run away. Although if they're low-key about it, that's fine." DH said that if I was a vegetarian, he said that it probably wouldn't have worked out between us. Now I don't think it would have been a conscious decision -- oh, she's a vegetarian so I'll just have a few dates with her and dump her. It would have been a more subconscious thing -- she's a vegetarian and her annoying habits are even more annoying and she's just not as good looking because she doesn't eat meat sort of deal. I've dated guys with all sorts of different types of eating habits. Yes, I have endured some bad food over the years. Perhaps their eating habits may have subconsciously influenced my opinion of them. Perhaps their eating habits carried over into the non-food aspects about them -- eg. a guy so rigid about his food is rigid about life in general, somebody close-minded about food is close-minded about other things, a guy super picky about food is high-maintenance in general, etc. But I've never dumped somebody solely based on his eating habits. My parents had drastically different food habits and were married for many years. Purple Goddess, do you think there's any chance that the guy took you to the battered burger place because it was off-the-beaten-path or ironic or something like that? Now, I also probably wouldn't have been too thrilled eating at a dirty, flys-on-the-windowscreen type of place on the first date either. But I have to say that I've never had a battered burger before and it sounds intriguing! Mon Sep 22 06:54:40 -0700 2008 4052054 10763 Miss Needle 3 4053515 No irony. He seriously thought that generic no-name mystery patties, dipped in batter and fried, from a filthy take away joint, was the HEIGHT of good food. His goal in life was to own a 7-11. Should have warned me. Mon Sep 22 17:08:41 -0700 2008 4052359 86137 purple goddess 4 4054556 Oh boy. Reminds me of somebody I briefly dated who was a chef and only wanted to go to bad fast food restaurants. I remember him constantly talking about this great Japanese restaurant that is very low-key in a very "odd" location. Here I was thinking it was going to be some off-the-wall hidden treasure only to find out that it was a terrible fast food Chinese buffet stand in a mall! Tue Sep 23 06:45:38 -0700 2008 4053515 10763 Miss Needle 2 4053510 Umm.. no.. he didn't make it up. We went back to his place after dinner, and while I was fixing coffee, he took off his shirt to reveal said nipple clamps, and the asked if I liked lit cigarettes being waved over my ... never mind. I got out of there SO freaking fast, my head was spinning. But the food and the manners at the first date were GREAT! Mon Sep 22 17:07:11 -0700 2008 4052054 86137 purple goddess 3 4302393 And think what a great story it makes! Tue Jan 06 18:08:21 -0800 2009 4053510 102571 mordacity 2 4311829 Re vegetarians ... I’m a vegetarian who eats fish and I’m slowly coming around on red meat. It’s not an ideological thing at all -- just that I really don’t like the way meat tastes. Especially chicken. Anyway. Before I met my now-fiance, he had a blog where he listed traits he absolutely would NOT want in a future girlfriend. And number one? Vegetarian, of course. When we started dating, and he found out about his “quirk” of mine, he told his friends that he had a “five year plan” to get me eating meat again. He was ecstatic when I took my first bite of steak after avoiding it for 10 years. I thought it was delicious. But, for the most part, I still hate most meat. Especially chicken. But we’re still about to live happily ever after! Fri Jan 09 13:57:58 -0800 2009 4052054 126974 NYCfoodgirl 3 4312972 im so glad fish are vegetables ;) Fri Jan 09 21:34:04 -0800 2009 4311829 135229 thew 1 4052100 There was this one guy - there were other things, but the dinner he made sealed his fate. He'd told me all about how he made his special pasta dish, fresh pasta, cream, throw in a can of smoked oysters, can of samon, can of calms or two, etc, let it cook for awhile. I was impressed that he actually made the pasta, although trying to help out in a totally disorganized kitchen almost made me freak out. Dinner was, unfortunately, excactly as he described - pasta with a whole lot of canned seafood, then overcooked. I'd brought a bottle of white wine, so he pulled out some cheesey brass(?) goblets that made the wine taste horrible. But like I said, there were other things...like the xmas wrapping paper fom his kid's presents still all over the floor in mid-January. On the other hand, I wasted two years of my 20's on the wrong guy pretty much because of a curry he'd made for me early on. It was just exactly at my threshhold of comfort for spiciness, and so delicious, I was hooked. He was a lying alcoholic who didn't feel that keeping a job was important, but he really was a good cook. Mon Sep 22 02:56:11 -0700 2008 4051821 13150 babette feasts 2 4052109 I love this thread. I posted this before on another thread, but I once met a guy who was very proud of himself that he had gone on a business trip to Paris and eaten at McD's all the time. Why? Because the food would he wouldn't have to worry about not liking something. That wasn't the only strange food thing he did. Needless to say, we never met again. Re being amazed about coming from the same parents, my husband-apple certainly fell far far far from the family tree. He grew up in the Midwest with a very stereotypical cuisine. His siblings still eat mostly that way. One or two of them have become a wee bit more adventurous foodwise, but another one or two positively delight in being as closed-minded as possible. DH, OTOH, has traveled, lived, and worked worldwide, and enthusiastically enjoyed a wide variety of cuisine. How does one person end up so different from the others, with the same genetic and environmental inputs? Mon Sep 22 03:19:10 -0700 2008 4052100 116187 Rasam 1 4052107 I can't recall ever having a big issue over food with a boyfriend. That said, my boyfriend of some 12 years does have his limits. One time I was speculating on a change in diet to increase some weight loss from working out, and out loud pondered going vegetarian. I was promprly informed that they day I went vegetarian would be the last day he saw me. Fortunately (or unfortunately for him), I like steak too much to cross that line. Mon Sep 22 03:13:17 -0700 2008 4051821 165021 Firegoat 1 4052117 I can't say this was the only reason we broke up, but I once dated a guy with an irrational seafood phobia. He absolutely could not pick around any of the offending seafood pieces, but at the same time he was not vigilant enough to ask if a dish had shrimp or seafood in it. If a dish came with seafood, he would proceed to sulk for the entire rest of the meal. There are quite a few ingredients I'm not terribly fond of, but if it's my fault for not asking about them, then I will pick around it. Mon Sep 22 03:53:54 -0700 2008 4051821 107671 queencru 1 4052166 I don't know if it was his eating habits and maybe I was going off him anyway but it was a nail in the coffin, this guy I was dating took me to Ruby Tuesday ordered burgers for both of us, used up all the ketchup before offering me any, then ate with his mouth open throughout. Mon Sep 22 05:01:21 -0700 2008 4051821 22559 smartie 2 4052170 I'm wondering which of those four transgressions was the worst :) Mon Sep 22 05:05:26 -0700 2008 4052166 165021 Firegoat 3 4053166 it's a tough call!!! Mon Sep 22 15:00:45 -0700 2008 4052170 22559 smartie 3 4053170 oh and he left an embarrassingly small tip! Mon Sep 22 15:01:32 -0700 2008 4052170 22559 smartie 2 4052217 Mmmmm.... Ketchup....... well at least you found this out early on, nice open mouth concept! Mon Sep 22 05:46:05 -0700 2008 4052166 149836 cstr 1 4052228 Back whe I was dating, if I found out a person was a vegetarian/vegan(through conversation, at a party, or through friends), I wouldn't even bother asking them out, too different of a lifestyle from mine, it would only have caused issues. I had a longtime girlfriend with a militant vegetarian sister, and that was even too much... trying to ignore the snarky, rude, soapbox comments whenever we ate a meal with her sister. Mon Sep 22 05:51:58 -0700 2008 4051821 26725 swsidejim 1 4052269 It never happened to me but I certainly would've had some misgivings about it. I like food. I like different foods. Even thought I'm no Andrew Zimmer I still like to try new stuff. So to constantly have to dance around that issue would be hard. I did ask out a girl once (Who turned me down) that I still know all these years later. I had never realized how picky she is and am glad that she did turn me down. Speaking of the apple tree, my dad has about 10 things he likes and that's about it. I think 7 of them are fried. DT Mon Sep 22 06:13:57 -0700 2008 4051821 11291 Davwud 2 5194108 I knew a guy in college who refused to eat anything other than chicken breast, plain cheese pizza, certain sauteed vegetables, pasta, cheese, and fruit. It doesn't sound too bad when you look at the list, but it was infuriating not being able to spontaneously go for sushi or Chinese or Greek, or whatever. He traveled all around Europe and lived off only baguette and cheese. His loss! Thu Nov 19 08:48:14 -0800 2009 4052269 150094 ChristinaMason 1 4052304 Food choices aren't that big of an issue for me. They can be corrected or at least can find compromises. My SIL wasn't very adventurous at restaurants, was the type who always picked the boring meal of shrimp cocktail and roast chicken. Because of the type of person she is (polite and far from selfish), hindsight makes me think she was doing it more to keep down the cost of her meal. Over the years her selections got more unpredictable and interesting. One of my friends was strict meat and potatoes and "please don't let my food touch on my plate". Nice guy and good friend, but I never wanted to challenge his comfort zone. However he found a nice French Canadian girl friend who not only got him over the "don't let my food touch", but has gotten him hooked on food such as escargot and frog legs. With time and the right motivation (love?) I like to believe that most food issues can be corrected. But table manners on the other hand are a deal breaker. Daily I thank my BF for his good table manners and cringe at our roommate's horrible table manners. Is it really that hard to quietly take reasonably bites or chew with your mouth closes? Or to at least say excuse me when you burp? And what is with the spoon scraping the bowl as you slurp soup/cereal? It makes it hard too eat with someone whose table manners make me want to look way. Mon Sep 22 06:29:01 -0700 2008 4051821 14495 viperlush 2 5169611 An update: My Bro and SIL now have a 1 yr old who will eat everything. If you are eating it he wants some. He loves going to restaurants and is well behaved. My friend married his French Canadian GF and he is the main cook in their house. For a wedding gift we gave them a kitchenaid stand mixer that he picked out and was happy to receive. Rudeness and bad table manners are still a deal breaker for me, but a picky eater isn't a problem. Tue Nov 10 06:29:53 -0800 2009 4052304 14495 viperlush 1 4052308 Yes, definitely, as it indicates a lot about a person's culture. I wouldn't be at all averse to going out with someone who is more of a meat eater than I am - unless he will eat NOTHING but steak and a potato, or a vegetarian - unless he is picky and diet-obsessed (vegans would be difficult). But I did put an end after one of the first dates after a fellow invited me over to his house on New Year's and it was a very bad storebought tourtière (there are excellent storebought tourtières - I don't expect a single person to necessarily cook one him or herself, but this was utter shite) and some tinned vegetables. Then he turned on the TV for some "ambiance"! Bit of a talk-with-mouth-full guy too. Nice guy, actually, but culturally it would have been impossible. It also alienated me from a somewhat-girlfriend (we were in the same graduate programme at university). This not romantic; we are both heterosexual, but still. Had a good chat over a cappuccino and a croissant or something at a café, then we went to pay at the cash. Discovered she was waiting for me outside on the street. She giggled that she had not paid for her food, and said we should leave quickly. No, we weren't drunk or stoned, and both of us were over 30 at the time. I went back to pay for her order. Didn't get in a fight about it, but always made excuses not to go out together after that. I really think petty larceny is uncouth - and she had said nothing about not having enough $. Mon Sep 22 06:31:16 -0700 2008 4051821 84119 lagatta 2 5055931 what does being stoned or not have to do w/ it? Thu Sep 24 13:37:07 -0700 2009 4052308 135229 thew 3 5057506 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Disinhibition Fri Sep 25 07:42:32 -0700 2009 5055931 18488 SnackHappy 4 5057515 LOL! Fri Sep 25 07:44:40 -0700 2009 5057506 174753 NellyNel 4 5057629 i know this was posted in another thread (in fact i'm copy/pasting it here) but it's relevant again so here it is again: "this is the story of a man i consider one of my great teachers, even though he only ever uttered 4 words in my presence. i was in srinigar in kashmir, sitting outside a chai shop waiting for a friend, who was late. i was chatting with the locals at the shop, most of whom spoke english pretty well. after maybe a half hour or so my friend showed up and said "sorry i'm late, i got really stoned on some charas (hash) and lost track of time" at this an old man (easily in his 90's) who had not taken part in our gab session, and i thought didn't speak english, leaned forward, looked at my friend and said "don't blame the charas" and then sat back into his silence. my point - gimlets don't turn nice people into asses. perhaps they only give assh**es the freedom to be themselves." Fri Sep 25 08:24:57 -0700 2009 5057506 135229 thew 5 5122605 I have to disagree. Some people simply react adversely to certain compounds. I, for example, have to take steroids on occasion for a health condition. When I do, I become aggressive, irritable, and unpleasant. I am one of the most nonagressive people I know normally, however. Psychoactive substances do change you from your normal self. Thu Oct 22 09:13:41 -0700 2009 5057629 75881 vorpal 1 4052328 How about the inverse? How many of us have been dumped for our food choices? Mon Sep 22 06:44:13 -0700 2008 4051821 59951 thinks too much 2 4052396 I could potentially have been that person. My husband takes food very seriously, and loves to cook and eat adventurously. On one of our early dates, I invited him over where I dusted off my family's recipe for chicken paprikash (slow-cooked for a couple of hours, so that the meat was incredibly tender and flavorful) and spaetzle that I made myself (store bought spaetzle was unthinkable in my Oma's house). He loved it so much that I think it fooled him for about three months into thinking that I was an eager cook. By the time he realized the truth (i.e. that he was going to be the chef of the family), he was already in love and it was too late to back out. That was twenty pounds (on me!) and nine years ago. Mon Sep 22 07:08:50 -0700 2008 4052328 186923 Cachetes 2 4053062 I dont like much seafood, never have (but am a really adventerous eater outside that). So I was going to go out with this guy on a first date. He was going ot pick the restaurant since I was new in town. He asked me what kind of food I liked and I told him I ate anything except for seafood. He said he could never date someone who didnt love to eat fish and called me a closed-minded b**** and hung up. i'm nto at all militant abotu other people not eating it, I jst dont care for it much myself. Mon Sep 22 14:27:43 -0700 2008 4052328 11719 jes 3 4053065 Wow! At least you didn't waste a lot of time on this jerk. Better to know sooner than later. Mon Sep 22 14:29:44 -0700 2008 4053062 10763 Miss Needle 1 4052769 A tipoff early in the game was that my wife's ex-husband had done all the cooking and her seeming infatuation with me may have had to do with my abilities in the kitchen (certainly nowhere else). My stepson grew up thinking that only men cooked; perhaps not a bad paradigm. Anyway.....we've been married over twenty years and I still, happily, do all the cooking. As my wife has said, food choices are never an issue...if she doesn't like what I cook, she doesn't eat. Mon Sep 22 13:02:05 -0700 2008 4051821 68319 Sinicle 2 4052857 My biggest clue about my ex-husband (note: that's the ex-husband, the present husby is much more amenable to adventurous eating) was that he detested the majority of vegetables, tomato, onion, asparagus, etc., to a point where salad was basically lettuce and pizza had thin tomato sauce and cheese on it. Not fun! When we separated, I asked my then 16 year old son who he wanted to stay with ... he chose to stay with me, because if he stayed with the ex, he'd probably starve! Happy ending, the ex remarried to someone just like himself and they're quite happy not eating vegetables. Mon Sep 22 13:27:07 -0700 2008 4052769 45170 lrostron 1 4052798 Yes, many years ago I didn't ask a woman on a second date in part because of her food tastes - I had invited her to my favorite French bistro and she asked for ketchup to put on her steak au poivre. But really, that was just a symptom of something deeper: I was about 25 at the time, and she was 19. It was very rare for me to date someone so much younger; on the contrary, from my early 20s on I rarely dated women who weren't at least a few years older than me, I just found younger women too shallow. This particular date (cute though she was) simply underscored my preference. Mon Sep 22 13:09:11 -0700 2008 4051821 14386 BobB 2 4329348 OMG I took a guy to a really upscale, small, intimate French bistro and he too asked for ketchup for his steak. This was after ordering a GLASS OF MILK to go with his meal. I felt like I was with a 7 year old. Thu Jan 15 11:43:10 -0800 2009 4052798 19518 rockandroller1 3 4329566 Ah that reminds me of one of my best friends who took a very pretty girl to a french bistro... where she proceeded to order a glass of "chaa-bliss"... Thu Jan 15 12:34:00 -0800 2009 4329348 90988 hyacinthgirl 4 4343817 I took a very pretty girl to the US, to a nice california cuisine place ... and she proceeded to order a glass of "zeh-feh-del" (those should be nasal vowels for the first two syllables). Was I supposed to be embarrassed? Wed Jan 21 06:01:50 -0800 2009 4329566 177724 tmso 5 4343845 That's actually pretty much what it sounds like when a Frenchman says it. Wed Jan 21 06:19:06 -0800 2009 4343817 11995 pikawicca 6 4343898 Frenchwoman in this case, but yes, she just looked at the word and guessed, much like the American girl above with her "chaa-bliss". Wed Jan 21 06:36:24 -0800 2009 4343845 177724 tmso 5 4345803 could have been worse, she could have ordered then "zeh-feh-del" and then sent it back for not being pink! (My mother in law did this and embarrassed us at a country club dinner reception) Wed Jan 21 16:24:46 -0800 2009 4343817 54116 gryphonskeeper 6 4358870 OK, true confession time! When I was young(er) and on vacation with my (then) new husband, We ordered an expensive bottle of zinfandel at a snooty-gazooty restaurant on Martha's Vineyard for a special occasion based on a recommendation from a server. I was surprised when it wasn't pink, but knew better than to say anything and blow my 'cool' cover! Needless to say, it changed my life! Mon Jan 26 11:05:55 -0800 2009 4345803 44913 CEfromLA 7 4364620 I had a waitress argue with me once, the first time I had seen this zinfandel. I told her she had brought the wrong wine and she told me emphatically that there was no such thing as red zinfandel. I was too young and sweet at the time to make a big deal about it. Obviously not a fancy restaurant. Wed Jan 28 03:01:48 -0800 2009 4358870 11097 coll 3 4392381 Mrs. Sippi once told me of a story of her taking a boyfriend to a legendary Memphis BBQ joint and he ordered a grilled cheese. It was the first place she took me on my first trip to Memphis and she had to make sure I wasn't about to embarrass her. I couldn't get enough of the good stuff and needless to say, we're living happily ever after. DT Fri Feb 06 05:10:38 -0800 2009 4329348 11291 Davwud 4 4392516 grilled cheese! what a total idiot! Fri Feb 06 06:23:06 -0800 2009 4392381 105717 alkapal 5 4392586 Mrs. Sippi said she was talking to a friend of hers yesterday and said BF is now on wife #4. DT Fri Feb 06 06:48:40 -0800 2009 4392516 11291 Davwud 1 4052848 Hell yes.. Back in the day, I usually dated Trust Fund guys that have been taught how to eat, drink and order wine but I dated this guy that was all of the above but wanted to shun it all..snub all that etiquette..he reveled in doing everything opposite of what he was taught. When he started belching my name at the table, I told him to F*ck Off and I left.. if your going to belch my name, do my full name.. ; ) It's funny now..I heard he is a CEO of a huge corporation. Mon Sep 22 13:24:50 -0700 2008 4051821 97452 Beach Chick 1 4052881 I took a date to a fairly nice Thai restaurant once, only to have her tell me that she hated all vegetables. She was essentially a reverse-vegetarian, picking the bell peppers and onions off her meal, and almost retching when I asked if she ever ate salad. It's not a total deal-breaker, but it is a turn-off to meet someone who just won't try new foods. I like trying new things, and I'm looking for someone to share foodie adventures with. Mon Sep 22 13:34:26 -0700 2008 4051821 58128 ajs228 1 4053009 Clearly I'm not an avid CH because, frankly, I don't care what others eat or won't or don't eat. As long as they don't bug me about not wanting to eat red meat or brains or other food aversions I have, live and let live. What bothers me far more than whether or not someone loves steak and the fact that I won't touch it, are their table manners,cleanliness and how they treat restaurant staffers if we go out. Oh, and how they treat me. Mon Sep 22 14:09:13 -0700 2008 4051821 11736 marcia 2 4057117 Yes, I agree, their preferences are less important than who they are. The "deal breakers" have to do with who you are [people who proslytize, are high maint, obnoxious to service staff]. It's of course nice to have an automatic fallback on something to do and talk about when the person likes to going out to say a nice ethnic resto and talk abou thet food. I guess one deal breaker in the "preference realm" might be if her idea of vacation was entirely Vega$, Spas, Hawaii and Miami ... but I could deal with a non-adventurous eater ... as long as it wasnt neurotic. somebody who cared about quality food, but couldnt "turn it off" when there were other priorites [running late, travelling etc] is a real turn off ... falls under "hihg maint" not "cares about food" in my book. I think i'd take it as a bad sign is she was a serious wine snob, but I suppose I think similarly if she spent a ridiculous amount of money on clothes or shoes ... but again, to be that starts to bleed over from "what are your preferences" to "who you are". Flip side of that might be "have you ever dumped a guy because he drove a too ratty/too nice car?" Wed Sep 24 03:21:17 -0700 2008 4053009 16770 psb 3 4059280 Exactly. As you and oldbaycupcakes point out, it's not so much the actual food likes and dislikes as the underlying attitude/character traits. If they are closeminded and intolerant about food, then they're probably closeminded and intolerant in other ways. Some people chose certain diets (vegetarian, vegan, low carb, whatever) for legitimate health or political reasons, and I can deal with that. What I can't deal with is people who use their dietary restrictions to manipulate or control not only themselves but the people they eat with or the situations they eat in. It's all about them, and I won't play that game. Conversely, I try not to play that game -- when someone asks me to eat with them I don't start lecturing them about how they should eat local, sustainable, etc. food. It's not going to kill me to eat "bad" food once in a while. Wed Sep 24 16:50:46 -0700 2008 4057117 10159 Ruth Lafler 4 4059617 i wonder whatever happened to the lady (with son) who was living in the militant vegan's house, but was in a somewhat "strapped" situation with living circumstances? remember? any updates? Wed Sep 24 19:01:33 -0700 2008 4059280 105717 alkapal 5 4059667 Oh, I'm sure they agreed to disagree and part company. Happens all the time, and indeed, it is "NOT just ABOUT FOOD". Wed Sep 24 19:25:10 -0700 2008 4059617 84119 lagatta 1 4053021 You can call me shallow, as well, but I've turned down dates due to poor table manners and other indicators that come up while dining with a potential suitor. The idicators are guys that don't offer or won't share food (selfish), help themselves to my food (entitled), treats the server badly (cruel), poor tipper (cheap) and order for me with no regard to my taste (controlling). Sometimes takes a few dates for true nature to come out but those are my Deal Breakers! Happily, found a guy that loves to share, doesn't steal my fries, treats servers with respect, tips like a grown-up and likes my opinion when it comes to food & wine! Mon Sep 22 14:13:02 -0700 2008 4051821 193831 oldbaycupcake 2 4054401 oldbaycupcake, you nailed those character traits from their expression in table manners! you are right on, right on, sistah! Tue Sep 23 05:31:51 -0700 2008 4053021 105717 alkapal 2 4060290 Are there really men who order for you in restaurants? I have NEVER come across this. Thu Sep 25 05:48:18 -0700 2008 4053021 117106 radiogrl1 3 4060304 I saw it in a movie once. Thu Sep 25 05:53:59 -0700 2008 4060290 165021 Firegoat 4 4064319 Yes, Fast Times at Ridgemont High. One of Damone's tips to Mark (along with using side 2 of Led Zeppelin 4 for makeout.) I actually did this on an early date with my now-wife. I asked her what she wanted and then ordered for both of us. Kindofa primitive chivalry thing. Our obviously gay waiter (who now-wife said was crushing on me) practically swooned. Fri Sep 26 13:51:18 -0700 2008 4060304 29614 dude 3 4060444 This has happened to me once. It wasn't a date but a long-term boyfriend. It wasn't about "taking charge," but more of an issue of how he viewed the world was how everybody viewed the world. It was a restaurant with only a set menu with two choices -- duck and beef. As he was so enamored with duck (he didn't eat mammals), he thought that obviously I would want the duck as well, and ordered that for me. I was pissed, but didn't say anything because we were at the table with his parents and didn't want to cause a scene or embarrass him in front of his family. I did confront him the next day. He said, "But I thought you wanted the duck. You kept talking about it all the time." I replied, "No, YOU wanted the duck. YOU kept talking about it all the time. I never said a word." Unfortunately, him constantly replacing "I" with "we" was one of the key factors leading to our demise. Thu Sep 25 06:52:54 -0700 2008 4060290 10763 Miss Needle 4 4062942 Sometimes Mrs. Sippi will tell me what she wants and then just expects that I'll order it for her. I don't like that. Order your own damned food. DT Fri Sep 26 04:35:45 -0700 2008 4060444 11291 Davwud 5 4063888 the only time this ever comes into play is if we are out ordering a pizza together. Fri Sep 26 11:00:24 -0700 2008 4062942 165021 Firegoat 5 4063905 I will sometimes order for my wife, after we've discussed the menu and she lets me know what she wants, but that's because she has a pretty strong accent (she's originally from Russia) and sometimes has difficulty making herself understood, especially in a noisy place. Fri Sep 26 11:08:22 -0700 2008 4062942 14386 BobB 6 4064393 I used to frequently order for myself and DH. He was dyslexic at times, and would sometimes mis-pronounce words if he was reading off a menu. It was just easier for him to tell me what he wanted and let me deal with the waiters. No sweat, no bother. It was just easier. Fri Sep 26 14:18:50 -0700 2008 4063905 143696 Catskillgirl 7 4064514 I don't think that really counts. It's being done for a different reason. Not because of chivalry or chauvinism or whatever you'd like to call it. DT Fri Sep 26 15:17:54 -0700 2008 4064393 11291 Davwud 8 4065800 I am pretty sure that my wife of many years would be o.k. with me ordering for her. Esp. since she already told me what she wanted! Sat Sep 27 09:22:25 -0700 2008 4064514 161922 jodymaryk 5 4327088 When I do that, it's cause I hate talking to strangers...and I hate it when my ex will tell me to order it myself. Wed Jan 14 16:56:52 -0800 2009 4062942 212885 AngelSanctuary 3 4062093 Lucky you Radiogrl1! I've dated more than one guy that has insisted on ordering for me....they are called Control Freaks. Once dated a guy that my friends now refer to as Mr. Big Shot. He was a DC consultant, well educated and initially charming. The first time he ordered for me, I was shocked but thought he was just practicing some chivalry move or channeling a Cary Grant movie. I actually work in the restaurant/culinary field and am accustomed to people seeking out my opinion on food, wine & service issues. The second time Mr. Big Shot ordered for two, I commented that he must be very hungry & ordered for myself. I was told that I would "eat & enjoy" what he had selected for me and that I should just sit there quietly and look pretty. Really? I thanked Mr. Big Shot for the wine, told him that he wasn't worth the effort it would take to sit quietly & look pretty and grabbed a cab back to my car! Heard from some mutual friends that Mr. Big Shot treats all women like that & has gone so far as to tell them what to wear, where to get a better haircut and how they should behave in front of his colleagues. That was years ago, but shockingly, he's still single! Thu Sep 25 16:07:44 -0700 2008 4060290 193831 oldbaycupcake 4 4065027 Wow. Can't believe some lucky girl hasn't grabbed up that pearl. Snort. Snort. Guffaw! Fri Sep 26 19:22:02 -0700 2008 4062093 14974 BeaN 3 4064803 yes, it still happens occasionally, and it is beyond aggravating. Fri Sep 26 17:20:01 -0700 2008 4060290 174054 trishyb 3 4301654 Of course there are men like this....and it's very charming may I add. They don't choose your food, they simply ask you what you're having and then tell the server, "the lady will have such and such". It's reflective of impeccable manners by men who know how to treat a woman right :) Tue Jan 06 14:01:48 -0800 2009 4060290 239340 latindancer 4 4329641 This was considered impeccable manners back in the day when women were second class citizens who were thought by most men to need shielding from the harsh realities of life (like talking to a waiter). I know of no woman under 40 who consider such behavior charming. Thu Jan 15 12:49:56 -0800 2009 4301654 11995 pikawicca 5 4329774 Yes, I don't think I know too many women who find that behavior charming. I think that latindancer was being sarcastic. It's funny because I usually do all the ordering for DH when we go out -- and last week I realized why. For some reason, he forgets what he wants from the time he looks at the menu until the time the waiter comes around. I had to keep jumping in, telling him that that wasn't his original choice. "No, you wanted the pasta with chestnuts." I'm thinking that the waiter probably thought I was a controlling bitch ordering for him because who could forget his order in such a short period of time. ETA: I'm rereading latindancer's post again, and I'm not so sure whether she is being sarcastic or not. So hard to tell over the Internet. Thu Jan 15 13:28:08 -0800 2009 4329641 10763 Miss Needle 6 4330737 Anyone who orders for me must think I'm mute. And anyone who thinks I'm mute obviously hasn't met me, so it's odd that we'd be at the same restaurant table. Thu Jan 15 19:31:19 -0800 2009 4329774 13722 small h 6 4332209 ha ha. I order for my guy frequently. He sometimes has a disconnect between the menu phrasing and what will show up on his plate. As I make most of his meals, he's content to have me to choose for him. How many waiters think I'm a control freak? Makes me chuckle, and gets everybody the meal they want. Fri Jan 16 10:34:03 -0800 2009 4329774 136906 lucygoosey 7 4343991 My Dh has this issue also....he is not good at ordering if there are any changes or substitutions requested. He also is terrible at giving directions....he will give people directions to our house and I can't figure them out and I live here. Thank goodness for GPS. Wed Jan 21 07:07:23 -0800 2009 4332209 11990 Janet from Richmond 8 4365645 I have one male friend who I'm always tempted to order for. He'll hem and haw and take forever to decide to order the EXACT same thing every time. Wed Jan 28 09:46:55 -0800 2009 4343991 49823 Terrieltr 7 4393243 Oooooh Lucy - I used to waitress - and I can't begin to describe how I despised when a woman ordered for the man!! Goodness me - It does not make the woman look like a control freak - but it DOES make the man look feeble, stupid and wimpy! Ughhhh!! It is FAR worse than when a man orders for a woman - and actually it happens much more frequently. Fri Feb 06 09:49:25 -0800 2009 4332209 174753 NellyNel 8 4402823 I suppose it's subjective; I wouldn't think anything at all if a woman ordered for a man. I order for my friends, family, dates, etc. at the majority of restaurants we go to because they're based on cuisines in which I'm well-versed and much more knowledgeable than my dining companions. If I were to find myself in the reverse situation with a girl, I would have absolutely no issue putting my trust in her to choose an excellent dining experience for us to share. Mon Feb 09 20:36:45 -0800 2009 4393243 75881 vorpal 8 5055915 My goodness, your gender bias is showing. Makes no difference, male or female. If you're an adult, you should order for yourself. Even if one diner is very familiar with the menu, and the other is not: suggestions can always be made and discussed but the choice should be the individual diner's. Thu Sep 24 13:32:05 -0700 2009 4393243 11995 pikawicca 9 5055939 i used to date a woman with whom we would switch up gender roles on a whim sometimes. "you be the man today..." did i care what the waiter thought? obviously not Thu Sep 24 13:38:45 -0700 2009 5055915 135229 thew 10 5056046 That is Sooo funny. Thu Sep 24 14:23:09 -0700 2009 5055939 11995 pikawicca 9 5056001 I guess it does really. I agree with you in theory wholeheartedly. But in truth, for some reason it really does bother me when the woman orders for the man. Actually, the more I think about it - I am beginning to think that it was very very rare to see the man order for the woman...I am sure it would have irked me just as much, but it seldom actually happened! (this was meant in response to pikawicca) Oh and thew - that must be a popular practice because I recall another fellow mentioned the same thing !!-( back in Feb. (mods took out most of the heated debate) Thu Sep 24 14:07:43 -0700 2009 5055915 174753 NellyNel 10 5056055 We were in an upscale restaurant last week when an older couple came in; the man was obviously blind. The wife patiently (and in an adult-to-adult voice) went over the menu with her husband and they discussed the possible choices. The waiter came and took the woman's order, then turned to face the man, saying, "And what will you have, sir?" The man ordered for himself. All three of these people behaved with such grace and generosity of spirit that I was quite touched. Thu Sep 24 14:26:50 -0700 2009 5056001 11995 pikawicca 9 5127879 Gender bias indeed. Sat Oct 24 13:08:08 -0700 2009 5055915 131001 c oliver 8 5058052 Nelly Nel, It's okay if my server thinks my man is feeble, stupid and wimpy. He could be pushy , judgmental and overbearing. I'd rather the server not enjoy us than us not enjoy ea. other. Fri Sep 25 10:38:12 -0700 2009 4393243 136906 lucygoosey 9 5058275 of course it's okay - the servers personal opinions are of no consequence to you Fri Sep 25 11:40:28 -0700 2009 5058052 174753 NellyNel 8 5145346 I usually order for my step dad. He has diabetes which has impacted his sight. So, he can't even see what's on the menu. He's new to the fam and to this area. Does not know our local restaurants. I case out places beforehand (eat there) and check for good lighting and the menu for options. Then, when I invite my Mom and step dad out, I go during slow times and quietly ask for a table with good lighting due to vision issues. And, I will mention several things that I think he'd like. That makes it easy for me to order for him - bowl of chili appetizer, salad with fat free dressing, chicken baked with steamed vegetables etc. Or, I know the plate number based on feedback - # 7 no sauce please (if it has sugar). Otherwise, he'll just smile and say he's having the same that my Mom's having. That locks her into a diabetic meal, and she's not diabetic. Also, she's not assertive, and I can't imagine her ordering for him with different options. So, it's fine for you to think you've got a control freak at the table. I just know everyone gets better choices if I help as far as step dad and also free my Mom up to order other things without having to worry about sugar. Sat Oct 31 12:28:03 -0700 2009 4393243 288072 CyndiA 9 5169572 I think I can tell the difference between a situation such as your and something else.. One girl that we worked with used to freely admit she ordered for her boyfriend so that he "wouldnt look stupid"..and we all used to have a laugh about it Tue Nov 10 06:08:26 -0800 2009 5145346 174753 NellyNel 10 5193176 Thank you for saying you can tell the difference. I hate to look like a control freak but do want everyone to have food they will like and a good time. None of my guests are "stupid," but I think and hope it does help when I case beforehand and anticipate. I make a real effort to make it easy on everyone. I also tip well for the extra help which is much appreciated. Wed Nov 18 20:17:02 -0800 2009 5169572 288072 CyndiA 11 5193909 Of course Cyndi...there are loads of understandable circumstances! I recently had my English in-laws in town - and they were constantly perplexed by NY menus, so at one place I took control and ordered for the entire table. It made things easier for everyone! Thu Nov 19 07:26:58 -0800 2009 5193176 174753 NellyNel 12 5193925 being nosy here, but what was perplexing about ny menus? i mean, i'm not perplexed by english menus. just curious! Thu Nov 19 07:29:58 -0800 2009 5193909 105717 alkapal 13 5193969 lol - I am with you! I lived in the uk for 6 years and I never had a problem...but yeah they uh "couldnt understand the menu's" Don't ask me! I remember my MIL saying she never heard of allot of the menu items (?) I thought it was odd too - and they arent backward - and I always thought they were pretty good with food, but they made a huge deal about how perplexed they were!! Thu Nov 19 07:45:15 -0800 2009 5193925 174753 NellyNel 14 5193987 maybe it was the menus' new york accent! ;-)). Thu Nov 19 07:54:58 -0800 2009 5193969 105717 alkapal 15 5193996 lol Thu Nov 19 08:00:26 -0800 2009 5193987 174753 NellyNel 6 4345749 I do the same. We'll spend so much time discussing what is on the menu sometimes he forgets what he wants to order by the time the server comes by. Sometimes he will panic and just pick something random and I jump in to correct him (he does the same for me). I personally like it when someone orders for me (but not choose for me). My normal speaking voice is quiet and most restaurants are so loud I prefer my SO ordering for me so that I don't have to yell or repeat myself. Wed Jan 21 16:07:15 -0800 2009 4329774 14495 viperlush 6 5055934 I'm kind of like that w/ the forgetfulness. I need to look back at the menu about 8 times in between when the server shows up and I actually finish ordering. My short term memory is awful. Thu Sep 24 13:37:27 -0700 2009 4329774 111910 jgg13 4 4459714 Please tell me that was sarcastic! If it wasn't, then I only have one thing to say: If a man wants to be chivalrous, he can let me go first when we place our own food orders! Fri Feb 27 21:22:38 -0800 2009 4301654 183643 sfumato 4 5055929 "who know how to treat a woman right " The way to treat a woman right is to treat her like an equal. If she's not going to tell the server, "The man will have such and such", there is no reason for it to be the other way around. Thu Sep 24 13:36:20 -0700 2009 4301654 111910 jgg13 5 5121878 "The way to treat a woman right is to treat her like an equal". I have never been treated anything but equal and I wouldn't allow it otherwise. A man who I dine with asks me what I'll have before the server arrives. When the server arrives the man simply states to the server....'the lady will have'...it's being a gentleman. I'm a strong woman with a healthy respect for the opposite sex. Wed Oct 21 22:54:52 -0700 2009 5055929 239340 latindancer 6 5122347 Just curious, If there's something wrong with your food, do you tell your dining partner, who then conveys your complaint to the waiter? Thu Oct 22 07:16:52 -0700 2009 5121878 11995 pikawicca 7 5122938 I'm trying to think of a time when my food was such that I'd have to bring it to the attention of the server. It hasn't happened recently, I'm fortunate I suppose, but if it had I would simply tell the man I'm with, the man would call the server and I'd report it. Thu Oct 22 11:23:02 -0700 2009 5122347 239340 latindancer 8 5127837 Doh! (I'm slapping my hands to my forehead). Radiogrl1 was asking if men really ordered for women "with no regard for their taste." You must have misunderstood what was being discussed because you said, "it is charming" and then said you liked a man asking a woman what they want and him communicating it to the waiter when he orders. Then you say you would have the man, for whom you have a healthy respect for, call the server over if there was a problem, but YOU would speak for yourself. WHY? Whether "a man" or multiple men, it seems like you have him or them trained to your liking. Sat Oct 24 12:49:47 -0700 2009 5122938 137946 Scargod 9 5128738 "Radiogrl 1 was asking if men really ordered for women "with no regard for their taste". ___________________________________ I dont' read every single post but I can't find anywhere where Radiogrl1 used the words "with no regard for their taste". I never would advocate a man controlling a woman like that without any consideration for her needs or wants. Then you say you would have the man, for whom you have a healthy respect for, call the server over if there was a problem but YOU would speak for yourself. WHY? _________________________ Why not? How, on earth, would you deduct from my responses that "I like having them (men) trained to my liking"? The concept of men and this particular mannerism, of which I spoke about, is very foreign to you, obviously, and I don't expect you to understand it. But please, in the process of not agreeing or understanding, don't discredit my attempts at explaining how I feel. Thanks. Sat Oct 24 21:26:04 -0700 2009 5127837 239340 latindancer 10 5128952 Radiogrl1 was asking a question of oldbaycupcake, who had said (I am quoting), "The idicators are guys that don't offer or won't share food (selfish), help themselves to my food (entitled), treats the server badly (cruel), poor tipper (cheap) and order for me with no regard to my taste (controlling)." I took the liberty of rephrasing what Radiogrl1 was asking in my comment to you, so it would reflect that she was asking if there were men were really acted that way (that badly). I guess I can be as feeble in my attempts to say something as you. I'm not trying to discredit your feelings. You just started off agreeing with the wrong premise, by essentially responding to positively oldbaycupcake's comment, and then saying something totally different. The manners issue is not foreign to me; obviously you couldn't know, unless you do know me, which I doubt. What is strange and sometimes awkward is when a woman flip-flops. One minute they want all those courtesies and then the next minutes they have their hand on the door and want to do it for themselves, or they suddenly need to be in control, when the moment before they were acting helpless... When you start speaking for someone (in a restaurant setting), they invariably interrupt, change their mind, or they just want to take over. It has been frustrating at times for the server (and me), when things start changing and he/she doesn't know who to be looking to for input and decision making. Why should a woman allow a man to speak for her when they know they really want to be in control and make these decisions themselves? Sun Oct 25 04:13:53 -0700 2009 5128738 137946 Scargod 11 5129196 "Why should a woman allow a man to speak for her when they know they really want to be in control and make these decisions themselves?" LOL...I didn't think you knew what I was talking about. I've never allowed a man to control me in the several decades I've been alive. This mannerism I'm accustomed to, and highly respect, has nothing to do with 'control'. The 'polite tradition', as jfood so eloquently describes it, is just that, nothing more. In my honest opinion (it's just mine) it's this type of response from women (this view that the man is trying to control her) that intimidate men into thinking it's perceived as 'controlling' and the woman is perceived as weak and unable to speak for herself. Men, who are taught to be mannerly to women, don't allow themselves to use the custom because of this. My feelings and responses have been consistent throughout this thread so I'm assuming you may be somewhat confused when it comes to how you're perceiving my responses from one poster to the next. You, as you admit, 'rephrased' Radiogrl1's post, thus allowing a new component into the conversation that changed the course. I never, once, implied or agreed a man should order for a woman without the woman deciding what she wanted, and only SHE be the judge of that. I have never 'flip-flopped'. I do not EVER act 'helpless' in a restaurant. Ah....you're a server and this is how you perceive the situation. I can assure you...a man speaking for a woman in this particular situation has little to do with 'control'. However, it appears, this notion is something a person can talk about until they're blue in the face and attempt to explain over and over again and it won't matter to the person who views it, and insists it is, another thing altogether. Sun Oct 25 08:12:55 -0700 2009 5128952 239340 latindancer 11 5129616 I was curious about the poster, oldbaycupcake, and what you were referring to. I had never, originally, read her post and I was simply responding to Radiogrl1 without knowing what she was responding to. My mistake. Obviously one of the reasons you're reacting to my response. Given the post that oldbaycupcake wrote, she states she's dated more than one man like the one she described. She dated one more than I ever would have. The slightest attempt, by a man, to treat me like that would have been his one and only attempt. The man I'm describing is nothing like that type of 'man'. Or less than a man or whatever he was. I believe 'control freak' is a very good description or jerk, or whatever. Sun Oct 25 12:38:52 -0700 2009 5128952 239340 latindancer 3 4302912 I never thought this was unusual, as SO always ordered for me. Tue Jan 06 21:33:09 -0800 2009 4060290 224081 BamiaWruz 3 4403855 Back in college, I used to date this great looking blond, blue eyed surfer looking guy. One night, a bunch of us went to dinner at a Thai place he recommended. When the server came, he ordered for all of us, SPEAKING PERFECT THAI! No one was as surprised as I was. It was really impressive. Sadly, he had other qualities that were considerably less impressive, and the romance didn't last. But, that was one of the cooler things I'd ever seen at the time! Tue Feb 10 09:01:45 -0800 2009 4060290 44913 CEfromLA 4 4414852 That's funny. I had the same exact experience except the guy was a brunette! Fri Feb 13 12:07:13 -0800 2009 4403855 59951 thinks too much 5 4416514 Maybe he dyed his hair! Sat Feb 14 01:28:28 -0800 2009 4414852 11097 coll 6 4421197 The stealth Thai speaker! I love it! Mon Feb 16 07:14:39 -0800 2009 4416514 59951 thinks too much 1 4053078 I wouldn’t say food was the main reason for the break up just a huge indicator of our incompatibility. We were considering moving cross country together and on one of our location scouting trips were in need of some dinner. We were in a fairly large beach community which neither of us hade ever been in before. I was pretty sure we would have plenty of options but once the big yellow and red Denny’s sign was spotted he made an immediate B-line to the parking lot and was clearly excited about the find. I’m not one to rain anyone’s parade so I didn’t protest very much, we were starving but I was truly disappointed we couldn’t even manage a drive by of the area to see what our other options were. So I’d just get pancakes or waffles and be fine. When he ordered the full on steak dinner with the boneless chicken wings on the side and thought it was amazing I knew I had been lying to myself all along. This wasn’t going to work. I was able to hold back the tears until I made it to the parking lot. Needless to say we now live on different coasts. Looking back it was probably more of a cost issue rather than food quality. He’d always be figuring out the best deals on the menu – who cared what tasted better but if you got the dinner special you’d get soup, bread, salad, main, sides etc for x amount, implying you are a sucker to get anything else off the menu. He acted like he was pulling one over on the restaurant by ordering in the most economical way and almost making fun of you for ordering what you wanted to eat instead of ordering what would be the most economical. Strangely at this time in our lives he was making double what I was and paying a fraction of the living expenses then I did but I wouldn’t think twice about spending decent money on food while he lived out of cans. Mon Sep 22 14:34:53 -0700 2008 4051821 72614 adido 2 4054709 I'm almost tempted to name my ex, who would order to the high heavens and then look dumb when the check came. Or, if I told him he was paying, he'd do what you listed. He'd pretty much eat everything and all of it, as fast as he could, and if we were sharing, as much of it as he could. Regardless of quality or taste. Tue Sep 23 07:46:04 -0700 2008 4053078 137960 link_930 1 4053105 ahh, yes, been there. usually i'm pretty good about picking the CH's mainly bc i've met many of my suitors in restaurants or bars (i'm in the industry) and food has been a common bond. however, this one guy....took me to brunch at what is now one of my favourite places in town, so it started off well and ended right there. as we perused the menu he ticked off all the things he couldn't eat: he was vegan and 'allergic' - altho i suspect not so much allergic as picky since he quaffed Heferwizen beer w/out issue - to wheat, oranges, tomatoes, cheese and eggs and the list went on. I sat there and looked across the table and thought: i will never ever be able to make dinner for this person. nope! it's not going to work if i can't cook for us. and so i had a nice big brunch and he pushed lettuce around and i never saw him again. Mon Sep 22 14:42:33 -0700 2008 4051821 83353 aussiewonder 1 4053188 ooh I remember another of my ex bf's who was a COMPLAINER. He always complained about something in every single restaurant we went to. Coffee not hot, bacon soggy, eggs overcooked, dirty, burger overdone, salad not crisp, pasta sauce tasteless, fish not fresh enough etc etc My kids refused to go to any restaurants with him because they would sit and cringe. Mon Sep 22 15:05:54 -0700 2008 4051821 22559 smartie 1 4053572 my personal litmus test for a date is to take her to a place with a good selection of offal, and see what she will try. Its not disliking something that bugs me, its a refusal to atleast give something a try. It shows deeper issues that i have no time or hair thats not grey yet, for. best line i ever got from a super picky eater: "no i cant eat that, im allergic to fruit with hair on it...." priceless! Mon Sep 22 17:34:48 -0700 2008 4051821 39457 nkeane 2 4057124 >my personal litmus test for a date is to take her to a place with a >good selection of offal, and see what she will try. Its not disliking >something that bugs me, its a refusal to atleast give something a try. >It shows deeper issues that i have no time or hair thats not grey yet, for. > ok well it is your litmus test, but this seems a little arbitrary. i mean why stop at offal. how about starting with bugs ... would the refusal to at least give a grub/ant/grasshopper a try "bug" you. how about somebody who didnt have the mental mastery to eat something that was LEVEL 3 spicy [i went out with somebody who got mad at me because i said in all honesty something was not spicy because it was below my radar but was still too spicy for her ... i thought this was funny, but not a deal breaker]. "i just couldnt date somebody who had not read at least 5 shakespeare plays". >It shows deeper issues ... maybe it just show self-awareness of not liking kidneys ... or not like being "litmus tested" on a first date. Wed Sep 24 03:35:36 -0700 2008 4053572 16770 psb 3 4057154 As a person with deeper issues, I would probably walk out on a guy who took me to an offal restaurant on an early date. People can be adventurous without being open to everything. Then again, I have no respect for people who let themselves be peer pressured into trying everything just to please others. There's nothing wrong with saying "No" once in a while. If someone took me to offal early on, I'd worry what else he'd want me to try. Wed Sep 24 04:15:38 -0700 2008 4057124 107671 queencru 3 4062504 the bug issue, yeah maybe. depends on how the refusal is given i guess. its one thing to not like kidney, its another to refuse to try it, when you never have tried it, because your SURE you wont. thats what i mean. and yes, we all have criteria, its called dating not marrying. If i met someone that couldnt date someone who hasnt read 5 shakespeare plays(never read one personally) I would be ok with that. I would rather not go out with someone then to have them bend their wants and needs to fit me and visa versa. Thu Sep 25 19:22:11 -0700 2008 4057124 39457 nkeane 2 4059229 If you took me to eat offals on a first date, I'd dump you immediately. It's not that I don't like to eat offals, it's that I'm not going to stand to be tested by you. Wed Sep 24 16:30:10 -0700 2008 4053572 13957 slacker 3 4059262 agreed. Idem any "food challenge" dishes. Wed Sep 24 16:44:06 -0700 2008 4059229 84119 lagatta 4 4311918 totally agree with you. That was the deal breaker for me on one long-ago date. I could tell I was being "tested". It wasn't necessarily about food. Fri Jan 09 14:26:13 -0800 2009 4059262 98493 JamieK 5 4315157 I agree. I love offal, but would be offended if it were clear that there was a food-based test I must pass. I find that obnoxious. Sat Jan 10 19:44:37 -0800 2009 4311918 17737 Hunicsz 3 4459644 I find the offal comments amusing. Personally, I like a woman with brains, but not necessarily on her dinner plate. Fri Feb 27 20:22:54 -0800 2009 4059229 32941 Rmis32 2 4059293 Hmmm. I find your litmus test rather offensive -- you're making all kinds of assumptions about her that may or may not be true. What if, like me, she's tried it and doesn't like it? I periodically retry things I've tried and disliked, but I would be reluctant to do that on a date -- those gagging noise I make when the tripe isn't quite right are a real mood killer and I'd feel bad ordering something and then not eating it. Your litmus test fails my litmus test for people being overly rigid and judgemental. Wed Sep 24 16:56:41 -0700 2008 4053572 10159 Ruth Lafler 2 4059317 I'm not sure if offal is a fair "litmus" test for a date. I know lots of people who are adventurous in food and very open-minded, but still have issues eating offal. There have been tons of threads about this, but most everybody's got a couple of things that they're apprehensive about. Personally, I won't go near anything with a cucumber pickle in it. I hope people aren't making snap judgments about me when I order a hamburger without pickles and think that I'm super fastidious and high-maintenance because I have to have my burger just so -- or worse yet, think I'm a psycho or something like that. And I find that some of the posters are making very quick judgments about people because they don't eat this or that. While food preferences may indicate a deeper issue, I find that it's not always the case. I dated somebody who absolutely refused to eat any vegetables. I have to admit that I kept it in the back of my mind when I started dating him that there may have been some deeper issues with his veggie phobia. But over time I discovered that he was probably one of the most tolerant, open-minded guys I've ever known. Our relationship didn't work out for other reasons, but his food preferences or anything related to his veggie phobia were not one of them. Wed Sep 24 17:06:47 -0700 2008 4053572 10763 Miss Needle 3 4059388 You can slide your pickles over to me, Miss Needle, and I'll give you my hamburger. I understand the idea of a food litmus test, and why some might consider it a good way to judge character. But it smacks of "dare you! double dog dare you!" Which says plenty about the person administering the test. Wed Sep 24 17:29:44 -0700 2008 4059317 13722 small h 4 4059396 Oh, I totally know where you're coming from. I've been in situations (not all dating related) where I've felt I was being "tested." Aside from interviews, I don't really appreciate that at all. And I will GLADLY hand over all of my pickles to you. : ) Wed Sep 24 17:32:30 -0700 2008 4059388 10763 Miss Needle 5 4062507 but isnt a date a kind of interview? Thu Sep 25 19:25:58 -0700 2008 4059396 39457 nkeane 6 4062522 Of course. But just like in an interview, certain questions are "off limits." I shouldn't have to answer "Are you planning on getting pregnant anytime soon?" nor should I have to justify my tartar sauce phobia (it involves ptomaine, if you care). Oh! I just looked up ptomaine & it doesn't actually cause food poisoning. Live & learn. I'm still sticking to that story. Thu Sep 25 19:31:08 -0700 2008 4062507 13722 small h 6 4062584 Most people do not want to try something new in an environment where they could face ridicule for reacting the wrong way or not performing as expected. While there is no way on earth I would eat offal with a guy on a first date, I might very well be open to the experience after we've been dating for some time and I know that he'll just brush it off if I gag or otherwise make a fool out of myself. In addition, I might very well have a good reason for not eating offal but on a first date, it's quite frankly none of your business. Thu Sep 25 20:08:14 -0700 2008 4062507 107671 queencru 6 4062663 But without any charm involved, it can be a hostile interview...kinda. Thu Sep 25 21:03:57 -0700 2008 4062507 27275 ML8000 6 4062867 << but isnt a date a kind of interview? >> I think that is exactly the attitude that is putting people off here. No, a date is not an interview to see if the person is qualified to date you. Certainly I wouldn't get along with someone with that perspective. A more healthy way at looking at things is that it's an experiment, to see if two people make a good match. Fri Sep 26 01:32:18 -0700 2008 4062507 177724 tmso 6 4063017 >but isnt a date a kind of interview? > without quibbling over the word "interview" [which suggests the parties are in an asymmetric position ... not so much as a match, but will one be made an offer ... i hear one thing that goes with reading shakespeare is an appreciation of words and language], as "SMALL h" suggests, it's a bad interview question" ... "do you like offal" is not necessarily a proxy for what you are suggesting it is a proxy for ... i like raw oysters, carpaccio, am ok with jellyfish, dislike chicken feet, dislike kidneys, like sweetbreads ... however, i will not even try insects or rocky mountain oysters [i didnt think i'd try snails but i did]. i think there is some cultural abitrariness ... i mean it is not a priori clear why a grasshopper is more disgusting than a lobster or crab or shrimp with a head on it, but i will not eat a grasshopper. i know people here who are weirded out by fish eyes ... i know kids in my "homeland" who fight over who gets the fish eye. i like talking to people who like to read books and talk politics ... if the only thing you read a year is your tax form and People magazine and you dont know where China is on a map ... that might be a pretty good set of incompatibility data points. If you dont have a answer to "what is you favorite Jane Austen novel" ... that might be a little arbitrary [although it is difficult for me not not see "i have never read a shakespeare play" as a bad sign ... but maybe it's uncommon among say people who grew up in Italy ... not to belabor the the point, but there is also something a little offputting about being subject to an "active test", i.e. the sweetbread test, or dropping "do you remember who wrote catch-22" into conversation or "was the of Zama in 202 or 204 BC", or the go to see the "Citizen Kane" test ... but of course in the course of human events while you are out and about -- in a sort of "passive mode" --one does draw conclusions about the other party... maybe we can all get behind the "i'd like my steak well done" test :-) OK TNX. Fri Sep 26 05:36:07 -0700 2008 4062507 16770 psb 7 4063029 << maybe we can all get behind the "i'd like my steak well done" test :-) >> No way :-). I had a girlfriend who wasn't too into meat, so steak for her was always well done ... but homegirl loved all the Italian food I cooked for her, loves oysters and sea urchins and ceviche. Fri Sep 26 05:42:59 -0700 2008 4063017 177724 tmso 8 4332149 I know I am a complete and total wuss, but I can't watch people eat oysters (I even gagged once watching someone eat them on TV!). Yeah, I know I'm probably missing out on one of the great foods of all time, but I can't get beyond the visual..... Fri Jan 16 10:17:53 -0800 2009 4063029 44913 CEfromLA 9 4332183 I wouldn't recommend seeing Cecil B Demented then... Fri Jan 16 10:26:06 -0800 2009 4332149 224238 Caralien 6 4063105 I went on a date a long time ago to a nice restaurant, I asked the guy, "so tell me something about yourself", he then whipped out his resume. And he wasn't kidding, he went through it for me line by line. That was our 1st and last date... Fri Sep 26 06:22:34 -0700 2008 4062507 10147 michele cindy 6 4063277 In a sense, yes. But quite different from a job interview where the interviewer generally has the "upper hand." You would expect two people on a date to be on even levels -- it's to see whether they are compatible enough to see each other again. And this process goes on for quite some time, while in a job interview, it usually takes 1-3 encounters. Is there any one behavior egregious enough where I would stop seeing a person based on it? Of course. The guy who performed a drug deal in front of me was off of my list. Now, it doesn't have to be anything as bad as some illicit activity. When I was talking to this guy I was dating about one of my friends who is having some issues at work, another guy said that he would not even be friends with a person like that, and that all of his friends don't have any problems and that he has no problems at all. Well, that was the end of that as I thought he was a bit too sanctimonious and goody-goody-gumdrops for me. And if we're talking about something food related, I'd probably not date a guy who chews out the waiter because the waiter forgot to bring the soup before the salad (even though it hasn't happened to me). But dumpling a person because he refused to try pig intestines? Like I said elsewhere in this thread, I did date somebody who refused to eat vegetables at all. He wouldn't even try them. But with everything else, he was incredibly open-minded. Fri Sep 26 07:27:59 -0700 2008 4062507 10763 Miss Needle 7 4063389 "dumpling" a person - a very good typo for CH! :) Fri Sep 26 08:07:29 -0700 2008 4063277 10147 michele cindy 8 4063778 Ha ha. I guess food is always in the back of my mind! : ) Fri Sep 26 10:21:52 -0700 2008 4063389 10763 Miss Needle 2 5064540 best line i ever got from a super picky eater: "no i cant eat that, im allergic to fruit with hair on it...." priceless! my mother is allergic to the "hair" on fruit. If she comes in contact with peach fuzz she will break out in hives. So, all of the fuzzy type fruits have to be pealed by someone else and then rinsed. She has had this allergy since she was a little girl. Mon Sep 28 12:28:26 -0700 2009 4053572 729068 cookieluvntasha 3 5126842 I too break out in hives if i come into contact with peach fuzz.... makes me sad because i used to love going peach picking, and eating peaches. Now i'm relegated to to nectarines, not that that's a bad thing..... Fri Oct 23 21:47:31 -0700 2009 5064540 264146 kubasd 1 4053608 I took my current GF to a Polish deli. She told me later "I knew you were for me when you thought tongue in jelly was a good idea." Mon Sep 22 17:48:34 -0700 2008 4051821 11273 JonParker 2 4054201 haha! i currently have a 3 lb can of ox tongue in jelly sitting on my pantry shelf, just looking for an occasion to crack it open!! Tue Sep 23 00:08:36 -0700 2008 4053608 39457 nkeane 1 4053609 In my early misty back to earth past I was ocasionally castigated for my love of miso. If they made the second cut of the natto and yogurt breakfast, I was In Like Flint. Mon Sep 22 17:48:55 -0700 2008 4051821 17562 FoodFuser 1 4053621 I've posted about this before, but it's such a good story that it bears repeating. Before we met, my husband asked a young woman out to dinner at a nice restaurant. She declinerd to order, saying she "didn't eat much." First and last date. Mon Sep 22 17:51:37 -0700 2008 4051821 11995 pikawicca 2 4053684 My personal 3 criteria that must be met before we can be friends: -must read (for pleasure/leisure) -must have friends (not just the "ooh let's go clubbing" kind) -must eat meat The only exception has been a vegetarian friend who somehow made it through the criteria. She wouldn't let her BF (now hubby) kiss after a meal with meat until he brushed his teeth. Now that they are married, there are separate pots/pans for him. My wife and I have often remarked (usually while savoring a steak) that we would not have met each other if one had been a vegetarian. Mon Sep 22 18:16:48 -0700 2008 4053621 67551 caliking 1 4053711 Many years ago a very attractive young man asked me for a date and took me to a very nice restaurant in the North End of Boston. He ordered garlic bread for us and when it came, asked the waiter for . . . peanut butter! I remember thinking it was kind of odd, but first dates are for getting to know one another, not for judgement. Anyway, the waiter looked at him kind of strangely and politely informed him that the restaurant did not have peanut butter. My date took it calmly, then informed me that peanut butter on garlic bread was a kind of family tradition. And he was from an Italian family! I'd never heard of it before, or since. Fast forward to our third date, when he picked me up and drove me all the way down to Newport, RI to a beautiful, romantic waterfront Italian restaurant. There were roses waiting on the table for me. Again with the garlic bread. Again with the request for peanut butter. Again with the confused waiter telling him that peanut butter was just not an item they stocked. He didn't take it so calmly this time and was rude to the waiter, and in a bad mood for the rest of the night. I stopped returning his phone calls after that. Okay, it wasn't just the peanut butter thing. He was a really unfortunate kisser. A part of me was glad I didn't have to deal with the bad kissing along with garlic and peanut butter breath. Gahh! We'd never have made it past the first date if that had been the case. So. Years later, I had to try a dab of peanut butter on garlic bread -- and it was actually pretty good! Had I known more about food at the time, I'd have introduced him to Thai. But he still couldn't kiss, so I guess everything worked out alright. Mon Sep 22 18:29:46 -0700 2008 4051821 76279 chefbeth 2 4057125 That's hilarious. I was almost hoping in pargraph 3, you went out to an italian place in say Connecticut and this time when the waiter turned him down, you whipped out a mini jar of Skippy from your purse. Did he eat PB&Js with a slice of Kraft Cheese like one of my friends? Wed Sep 24 03:41:13 -0700 2008 4053711 16770 psb 1 4053732 Not a date, but I guy I worked with only ate lunch at McDonalds. He asked almost everyday if I wanted to join him for lunch. I caught on after a few times that the lunch place wasn't negotiable. He ate exactly the same thing every day - quarter pounder with cheese, large fry, vanilla milkshake, diet coke. They would have it up on the counter for him before he even ordered. I currently work with an older man who only eats chicken caesar salads for dinner. So whenever I'm traveling with him for work, I know wherever we go for dinner, we have to make sure they have a chicken caesar salad. I don't avoid him. But I don't have dinner with him every night, either, when we are working together. Mon Sep 22 18:39:33 -0700 2008 4051821 124908 jeanmarieok 2 4064437 I LOVE the diet coke part - was he watching his weight? Fri Sep 26 14:41:32 -0700 2008 4053732 143696 Catskillgirl 1 4053899 We knew one another for maybe 3 years casually and decided to go to dinner at this little Italian place that he said was good. It was, I'd been there before. After waiting a few minutes outside I remember going in and the waitress sat me at a great table-she opened the back patio doors and lit candles out there, plugged in a string of soft lights-it was soooooooo romantical. He arrived, a bit late and breathless. I could smell his aftershave as gave me a quick peck on the cheek and apologized that I had to sit there waiting for him. So far so good, until he opened his mouth again... He asked if I ordered dinner yet-ummm no, who does that? He was 10 minutes late! Then he proceeded to BELLOW for drinks. As in "EH-WE NEED SOME DRINKS OVA HEE-AH. CAN WE GET SOME DRINKS?!?" I remember that I asked him if he had recently suffered a brain injury because normal people do not do that. This was a friend-a nice guy-professional, fun, articulate-I was shocked! Who KNEW he would turn into a baboon in a restaurant?!?! He laughed, then whipped out his cell and called his MOTHER and began to READ HER THE MENU. He cupped the mouthpiece and informed me he was bringing her "home" dinner. This was interesting news. The waitress came back with drinks and I swiped my finger in a check like motion then pointed at my chest (bring me my check) as he started to ask questions about the level of salt in the cheese filling in the ravioli and if he was buying everything and he would do the ordering but one of the dinners would be TO GO and DO NOT LET THEM MAKE IT UNTIL 15 MINUTES BEFORE WE ARE GOING TO LEAVE. I remember standing up and saying something like "Ok, look, you may want all of that to go. I am leaving now, because I can't be here with you." And the waitress hid her mouth behind her receipt book because she must have been laughing or trying to hold it back. Mon Sep 22 19:57:36 -0700 2008 4051821 110426 Boccone Dolce 2 4057130 >she must have been laughing or trying to hold it back. > well i definitely was laughing and not holding back ... i really wonder what's going on with these folks. i mean did they think their behavior was reasonable? are they some how physically incable of behaving differently? i mean do they operate like that with their work colleagues and superiors or was this an "anything goes" non-professional setting? At least this wasnt major asshole behaviour, just funny-bizarre ... not one of those people with whom you wonder "why does this person have any dining companions ever ... other than his mother." Maybe medication or lack thereof was involved ... I guess you didnt get any deeper than than inquiry about brain trauma in your diagnosis. Wed Sep 24 03:49:41 -0700 2008 4053899 16770 psb 2 4302984 I laughed so hard from this post I nearly choked on my Tangerines. Good story!! Tue Jan 06 22:14:58 -0800 2009 4053899 224081 BamiaWruz 1 4054089 I went out with one guy who would not any ANY manner of fruit. Odd but I thought I could handle that. Then he instructed me, on the first date, that that meant that I could not make or buy fruit pies "for our house"—although cream pies were okay. And it went downhill from there. Mon Sep 22 22:10:34 -0700 2008 4051821 26054 Jasz 1 4054304 Well, there seem to be some happy stories. I am a bit sad about the person who won't be FRIENDS with a vegetarian - I have several vegetarian friends and they aren't food-obsessed or picky; they simply don't eat meat. Perhaps we need a thread about romantic outcomes of successful dinners, food-related things on holidays, etc. Tue Sep 23 04:09:05 -0700 2008 4054169 84119 lagatta 2 4054392 Thanks lagatta. This is OT, but I find it very strange that most people here think that vegetarians are picky and meaters are oh-so-open-minded. This is quite an inaccurate stereotype, and in my experience reality is mostly the opposite (in the US). "Tofu - ewwww!" or "Hummus? My kids would never touch that stuff!" or "what IS that thing?! It looks SOO WEIRD! I've never heard of it" (an artichoke) or "I always spit the beans out". "I have never eaten collard greens/okra/eggplant and I never will" etc etc. These are good and decent people, I am not bashing them as humans. But they are SO picky. If it's not some kind of white meat chicken, or steak, bratwurst, or potatoes, corn or lettuce, or plain cheese, they most likely won't touch it, and will say so proudly. Broccoli is accompanied by apologies and jokes. Tomatoes (warm from the garden) are sieved out of the salad. Moms pick every tiny speck of visible green (e.g. chives) and finely diced mushroom out of their teenage son's soup. They would flee shrieking from the offal many of you adore. Almost any spice is taboo. I can be friends with and I am related to many of them. But it's very difficult to feed them. And they call us vegetarians picky? I don't know a single vegetarian who is anything like this, even the teenagers. The op didn't call for happy endings I guess. But they are implied in the stories of people many of us ended up with. Tue Sep 23 05:24:36 -0700 2008 4054304 116187 Rasam 3 4054415 To me it isn't so much the food they will eat or won't eat, but definitely the way they treat the waitstaff and how they tip that is a deal maker or breaker for me. I'm actually lucky that my SO isn't too gourmet. Sometimes it is frustrating that he doesn't seem overly impressed with something fancy and complicated I slave over. But he does eat it. The bonus comes when like this weekend, I had a turkey breast on the grill, and got distracted out with the horses, and wasn't watching the time..... and oh my..... It was the dryest, most vile turkey breast ever. Like turkey jerky .... but with less taste and more chewy. He ate it with DELIGHT. Went on and one how he loved it. Took home a big tupperwear container of it with him for the next day's lunch.... ate it all and raved about it. So.... at least my mistakes don't go to waste..... Tue Sep 23 05:39:51 -0700 2008 4054392 165021 Firegoat 4 5145369 I'm with you on this one. I love good food and good company. If good company wants well done steak with ketchup, that's fine esp if they're enjoying it. I only recall one meal date breaker ever, and it was about the company part and not the food. In previous situations, the guy had been fun and nice. So, I never saw this coming. We ate at a small Mexican restaurant - modestly priced (as he insisted on going out and also that I select the restaurant) and a nice atmosphere and great food. Before out plates came, he made a racist comment which shocked me. Then he spent the bulk of the meal discussing how he could not believe they charged for meals when half the plate was covered with lettuce and "goop" (guacamole and sour cream - sigh - which he avoided). I offered to split the check (no go - he's "the man") and also said I'd be glad to get the tip (another no). The prices were very modest (maybe $20 for both). And, he left a $1 tip. Yep. He did that. On the way out, I said I needed to stop by the ladies room and would meet him back at the car. Instead, I went back to the table and left a generous tip and thanked out waiter for a wonderful meal and super service (both true). Date hardly grunted at the waiter in addition to stiffing him on the tip. The guy prob still wonders why I didn't want to go back to his place after and why I never accepted another date either. Sat Oct 31 12:44:18 -0700 2009 4054415 288072 CyndiA 3 4054418 Yeah, I'm not vegetarian, but I don't eat a lot of meat. Simply because I eat a lot of vegetables. Today: making an artichoke dish (Middle Eastern) and a grated organic carrot salad dressed with hot olive oil and nigella seeds, and toasted sliced almonds (plenty of protein in that). I live a few minutes' walk from the Jean-Talon market in Montréal. More about that on the Québec board (for vegetarians and omnivores). Plenty of cafés thereabouts for romantic encounters as well. Tue Sep 23 05:41:02 -0700 2008 4054392 84119 lagatta 3 4055280 I've been thinking the same thing Rasam. I've learned so much about food from two dear friends who have been vegetarians since they were kids. They were eating hummus way before it was cool. They'll try anything (except meat). Tue Sep 23 10:52:07 -0700 2008 4054392 116638 southernitalian 3 4059208 I don't eat meat or poultry, and I'm a little aghast at the level of vegetarian-bashing here. What, exactly, does it "say" about me, that I don't eat meat or poultry, besides that I don't eat meat or poultry? I eat pretty much everything else. Sea cucumber, goose barnacles, pretty much every vegetable or fruit on the planet. Militancy is distasteful (hah!) whatever form it takes. I met a guy at a bar once who insisted he could "convert" me with his veal marsala. Sigh. Wed Sep 24 16:23:14 -0700 2008 4054392 13722 small h 4 5055861 I've said it before- I completely respect your vegetarianism, would never ask ewwww-what's-that-gross-stuff, and expect the same from you. I'd never ask "Don't you sometimes just crave a big juicy steak?" because if I didn't eat meat that would be the LAST thing I'd crave- well, except maybe for offal. Oh- on that subject, I'm extremely limited to what offal I eat, mainly gizzards, period, but maybe it's because I spent too many years working in operating rooms and know what all the smells like and honestly it holds no interest for me to picture eating it. My choice, my business. Thu Sep 24 13:11:47 -0700 2009 4059208 105625 EWSflash 3 4327125 well I don't care if it's just a friend but if it's a bf, I don't want a vegetarian not because I think he's close-minded, I just think we won't be compatible because I LOVE talking about food, which will include meat. And then when I cook, I have to cook two different things and eating differently...it's just complicated~ Wed Jan 14 17:11:40 -0800 2009 4054392 212885 AngelSanctuary 1 4054419 well, i think it is funny -- and appalling, too! but look at it this way: generally, it seems that these wack-jobs are either "ex" or "former". Tue Sep 23 05:41:02 -0700 2008 4054169 105717 alkapal 1 4054841 In general, I'm not picky about food when it comes to girlfriends. (On the other hand, I've only lived in cosmopolitan cities, so that might not hold true everywhere). I did have one deal-breaker, though. I went out with a girl who did not like actual Italian food, and would only go for the worst of the ugly American bastardizations of it (I'm talking spaghetti with nasty sauce from a can). Squash with red sauce? Nope. Piccata? No way. Risotto ai funghi? Give you one guess... I'm not talking weird stuff here, this is food that most people like. The first time I had her over for dinner, she hated everything I cooked. I was a bit hurt, but said, okay, let's try again in a few weeks, and see what you *do* like from our food. A friend and I made a huge meal, with a little bit of everything, and threw a party. She pretty much didn't like any of it. I didn't break it off right there or anything, but after a while when I did, it was largely because I just didn't want to give up eating my own food. Doesn't have to be all the time, but often, yes, and I want to share. Never had that problem before or since. Tue Sep 23 08:29:18 -0700 2008 4051821 177724 tmso 1 4054958 Yes! But not on the first date... I actually dated a guy for TWO YEARS who ate almost exclusively at fast food and chain restaurants. His favorite foods included hamburgers with NOTHING on them (preferably from Wendy's) and deep-fried cheesecake from Applebee's. If it was fresh, included spices and/or vegetables and/or fruit, it was out of the question. And of course no meal was a meal without meat, even if the "meal" was 4 frozen, deep-dish Red Baron pizzas with "sausage" on top. Seriously. Anyway, we traveled to India together, and while there, he lost 15 pounds because he couldn't eat much of anything. We were never on the marriage track, and I don't think we ever could have been, due to our differences in food preferences. Eating became a lot of work! Tue Sep 23 09:01:35 -0700 2008 4051821 201585 RosemaryHoney 1 4055005 I had a college boyfriend take me to Sizzler, I think, it was the first and last time I ate there. His big plan was to order dinner, fill up on the salad bar and then take his meal home. He thought he was so clever, and he encouraged me to do the same, which I did because I thought I would enjoy the salad bar over the meal anyway. Well when it came time to pack up our dinners to leave, he said he should take my meal home because he paid for it and we were not going out the next night....fine by me. Needless to say, the relationship didn't last much longer. Now I am with a man who is willing to try almost anything. He started out as a meat and potatoes eater, and now he eats raw oysters, oil and vinegar dressing and eats at various ethnic restaurants. He looks at his brothers who are not adventurous eaters and thanks me for showing him variety is the spice of life. Tue Sep 23 09:21:11 -0700 2008 4051821 11327 lizzy 2 4055218 LOL. Wow. Some balls on that guy. I think I should send my man some flowers tonight... he'd never appreciate a chef's tasting menu probably, but he'd suffer through it for me if I had to have it. Tue Sep 23 10:31:52 -0700 2008 4055005 165021 Firegoat 2 4055376 Lizzy, This has to be one of the most amazing dating story I've ever heard! Wow... And I thought I heard them all! LOL Thanks for sharing. Tue Sep 23 11:19:30 -0700 2008 4055005 193624 Cafe Bleu Hillcrest 1 4055308 If someone doesn't like garlic, I can cross them off my list. Tue Sep 23 10:57:43 -0700 2008 4051821 10147 michele cindy 2 5073810 Lord yes!! This is something I can not abide. How do you cook without garlic??? Thu Oct 01 21:42:03 -0700 2009 4055308 1108962 beekeroc 3 5074120 My husband can't eat garlic -- causes great gastric distress. Fri Oct 02 05:55:36 -0700 2009 5073810 11995 pikawicca 4 5116414 No disrespect meant, Pikawicca! I am sorry that he can't enjoy it . I love garlic in everything and would be very sad if that happened to me. Tue Oct 20 00:09:18 -0700 2009 5074120 1108962 beekeroc 5 5121544 No offense taken. I just don't think that most folks realize how constrained some people's food choices are. Wed Oct 21 19:48:02 -0700 2009 5116414 11995 pikawicca 1 4055403 I'm fortunate in that Mr CF didn't dump me... I was a picky picky eater - well done meat, all eggs had to be hard cooked, Chef Boyardee spaghetti, Kraft cheese slices - you get the picture... I hadn't been exposed to much and didn't have much either. He took me home and fed me. Fortunately I'll try most anything (except for 2 things that give me the willies), and we've had some excitement (we discovered that I was allergic to shellfish), and now I'm the one searching out the great places to eat when we travel (and at home) and our friends ask me for recommendations. :-) I'm so glad he stuck with me! Tue Sep 23 11:24:58 -0700 2008 4051821 90565 Cookiefiend 2 4055823 What were the two things that gave you the willies? Now we HAVE to know. Tue Sep 23 13:34:18 -0700 2008 4055403 165021 Firegoat 3 4056214 Hopefully the mods won't delete this... But eyeballs and live octopus give me the willies My imagination runs away with me! Tue Sep 23 15:54:38 -0700 2008 4055823 90565 Cookiefiend 4 4057416 Reminds me of a date I had. 1979, we went to see the movie Alien. Afterwards we went to Chinatown for dinner. John, ordered the appetizers; jelly fish, and sliced kidney. Normally I'm an adventurous eater, I tasted it, didn't care for either. I felt as if I was now eating the Alien we just saw in the movie! Jon and I are still friends, but we never dated again after that. Wed Sep 24 06:52:56 -0700 2008 4056214 10147 michele cindy 1 4055763 I haven't had too many food problems with guys that I've dated, but there was one. During our breakup conversation (we lasted about 4 months) we agreed that there wasn't enough to base a real relationship on. Fine. End of story. Except that he had to get one last word in, "You like chocolate too much." Um, what? Tue Sep 23 13:10:37 -0700 2008 4051821 139180 Blush 1 4059225 I had a (first & only) brunch date with a guy who'd never had brunch before. We were both over 30 and in Manhattan. He was completely rattled by the menu - what the hell is eggs benedict? grits? a mimosa? And I was just weirded out. Brunch is my favorite meal. Wasn't a dealbreaker, necessarily, but it didn't help. Wed Sep 24 16:29:31 -0700 2008 4051821 13722 small h 2 4059285 Well, that is a cultural difference. I know what all those things are (though grits aren't eaten where I live: they are from the southern US) but I hate brunch. Probably you are best off without each other. Nobody I know in Europe would know most of those things, not to mention several other continents. I suspect many North Americans might not either. Wed Sep 24 16:53:02 -0700 2008 4059225 84119 lagatta 3 4059308 I may have expressed myself incompletely. It wasn't the unfamiliarity that I objected to. It was the subsequent fear and loathing, which made him seem unwilling to learn, adapt and experiment. Wed Sep 24 17:02:29 -0700 2008 4059285 13722 small h 3 4060166 i daresay most people in america *do* know about eggs benedict, even if they maybe have never had the dish. but, small h, the person had never even *heard* of grits, even to ridicule them or those that adore them (cooked right)? poor thing, if he had not *feared* the mimosa, he could have tried the eggs benedict with stalwart courage (or is that called dutch courage?) -- or maybe even tried grits with fried eggs and bacon. ;-P i am happy to try new things, but don't *test* me with your offal predilections. now, if i'm going to test someone (or "explore who someone really is at heart"), it isn't going to involve offal (but that's another site, for another day...) and vegetarians, please don't cast all of us happy meat-eaters into your intolerance-accusing stew. i could say lots, but it is OT. (as if *that* ever stopped me!) Thu Sep 25 04:10:34 -0700 2008 4059285 105717 alkapal 4 4062494 My reaction to the "offal test" is that if anybody tried that on me he would be the student, and he'd get an F. To test someone on what they will or won't eat is preposterous, but then again I will not spend time with people who treat other people badly simply because they can get away with it. So maybe I'm just being hypocritical. Meh, I don't really care. Thu Sep 25 19:19:09 -0700 2008 4060166 11736 marcia 1 4060355 "Game enough to admit" implies someone would do this and be too self-conscious to say so. Honestly, I don't care what people eat and I only care about their manners to the extent that they might be seen to affect me. Thu Sep 25 06:16:47 -0700 2008 4051821 98208 Orchid64 1 4060405 I could not marry a vegitarian or a vegan. I have wonderful friends who are both, and I completely respect that decision, and accomodate them when they dine at my house. But when I make my wine braised short ribs, the lip smacking, and spoon dipping guy I married makes them even better! Thu Sep 25 06:34:15 -0700 2008 4051821 222865 FoodChic 1 4063695 Years ago, I had just started dating someone and had just bought a huge bunch of basil from the farmers market. Before I started cutting it, I held it up to the date's nose and said " Does it smell amazing" He said, " Um, what is this some kind of weird lettuce?" I knew then that it would not work, mostly because he would not appreciate all the lengths I went to in order to make a nice meal. Fri Sep 26 09:54:15 -0700 2008 4051821 158016 cassoulady 2 4064255 >I knew then that it would not work ... > baysian update != litmus test Fri Sep 26 13:21:48 -0700 2008 4063695 16770 psb 1 4064278 It was an allergy to peanuts that broke the deal with a very nice guy I was interested in a long time ago. The very thought of living in a peanut free home, no thai food outings, no freshly baked peanut butter cookies from my own oven and the chance that I could kill him if I kissed him after consuming something peanutty first confirmed that he was not for me. Fri Sep 26 13:31:53 -0700 2008 4051821 11750 fickle 2 4065013 I suppose we all have different priorities. I understand that such an allergy can impact your day to day life; my fiance has celiac disease and in the house I am extremely careful avoiding anything with wheat, rye or oats (which is a lot!) But the thought of not having him in my life, and knowing that I can eat whatever I want outside of the house? If I had dumped him early on over his food allergies I would have made the biggest mistake of my life. Obviously you have no idea if this would have even turned into a relationship and yes, you can't feel bad about what never was. But maybe you're missing out on some wondeful experiences because of this "deal breaker". This is not just to you but to everyone on CH: Is our love of food really worth sacrificing things probably more important, like love of another human being, given that there is a whole spectrum of food out there and not too many people we may eventually fall in love with? Fri Sep 26 19:10:04 -0700 2008 4064278 228812 Nicole Glassman 3 4304225 I gave up seafood and south-east Asian food for DH's allergies... that wasn't actually too hard because I've never been a mad keen shellfish fan, but sometimes I REALLY miss the Asian food! On the other hand, it wasn't a hard choice to make. If it was him or the food I'll take him any day. Wed Jan 07 10:11:18 -0800 2009 4065013 67657 Kajikit 4 4304245 SO is allergic to all seafood (except tuna, odd ha?) but I don't cut out fish because I don't eat meat and I love seafood but it does become a hassle to cook it because a reaction can come from being in the same place while it's being cooked. Carrying a toothbrush in my purse is a good idea though, helps with meals outside. Wed Jan 07 10:15:19 -0800 2009 4304225 224081 BamiaWruz 1 4064817 dealbreakers: ordering steak, especially at a reputable steakhouse above medium-rare (i might forgive medium if i really like you.) well-done and it's over before it started. men who drink frou-frou cocktails. i don't want my date sipping on some brightly colored fruit flavored "martini." if you don't like the taste of alcohol, then order water or iced tea - i don't mind. a dislike of ALL seafood... are you really telling me that you cannot find one type of fish, shellfish, mollusk, etc that appeals to you. sounds like you just haven't tried most of it. a fear of the unknown and ethnic restaurants that make dining out exciting... and no panda express does not count. Fri Sep 26 17:28:46 -0700 2008 4051821 174054 trishyb 2 4304677 so a great guy who loves you and meshes with you and makes you feel good, but thinks a purple or pink cocktail is a no go? and some women wonder why they can't find a good man....... Wed Jan 07 11:51:24 -0800 2009 4064817 135229 thew 3 4330031 My husband really likes girly cocktails, as well as gin martinis and whatever I'm drinking. He used to order steaks and burgers well done because he thought that is how one gets the exterior charred (not then realising that it didn't have to be charred all the way through to get the exterior flavour he wanted). He thinks oysters are snot, and finds mushrooms to be an alien species. Aside from the oysters, which we've given up on wasting on him, he'll try anything. Thu Jan 15 14:36:59 -0800 2009 4304677 224238 Caralien 4 4335955 Gin martinis are very manly. Sun Jan 18 02:02:17 -0800 2009 4330031 74905 jaykayen 5 4335958 oh yes indeed, baby!!! http://www.cinemaretro.com/uploads/JAMESBONDPOURS.jpg http://www.cinemaretro.com/uploads/casino.jpg any time, anywhere! (here's my mobile #......). ;-). on a more intellectual level <ahem>, this is interesting: http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1858088,00.html Sun Jan 18 02:08:17 -0800 2009 4335955 105717 alkapal 6 4392398 Except that 007 drinks vodka martinis and he's pouring from a bottle of Smirnoff. DT Fri Feb 06 05:24:24 -0800 2009 4335958 11291 Davwud 7 4392532 davwud, the post i was replying to was deleted. i was not referring to manly gin martinis, but to the manly actors in those photos i link (thus, the "here's my mobile #" comment). you should enjoy my thread "drink like james bond" -- it has some great info (and lots of links to excellent bond trivia, re food, drink, and well....you know.....escapades) http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/588778 Fri Feb 06 06:27:45 -0800 2009 4392398 105717 alkapal 5 4336068 They're also called martinis. Sun Jan 18 05:58:52 -0800 2009 4335955 80141 ccbweb 6 4336109 Thank you. Martinis are made with gin. You can make a drink with vodka, sake or blue curacao and pour it into a martini glass, but it ain't a martini. Sun Jan 18 06:25:05 -0800 2009 4336068 13722 small h 7 4336552 I like that you chose those for your example. I had a cocktail just two nights ago made of gin, sake and a splash of blue curacao. I quite like them on occasion for a change of pace. My wife commented "goodness, you're drinking something blue." Fortunately, she didn't dump me because of it. Sun Jan 18 10:29:30 -0800 2009 4336109 80141 ccbweb 8 4336688 That sounds really good actually ! Does it have a name ? Sun Jan 18 11:26:41 -0800 2009 4336552 153184 im_nomad 9 4337595 I am sad to report that it is called, in the book I modified it from, the "Sake-tini." At least the author hyphenated it. I settled on three parts gin (I used Plymouth), to one part very cold sake (Sho Chiku Bai Ginjo) and a splash of blue curacao - in this case that was 3 ounces gin, 1 ounce sake. The recipe as Dale DeGroff wrote it is here http://www.craftofthecocktail.com/saketini.html and calls for equal parts sake and blue curacao; but, that made for far more sweet a cocktail than I was after. Sun Jan 18 18:36:31 -0800 2009 4336688 80141 ccbweb 2 4312049 wow...i am thankful that i am not a guy! people like meat different ways, and each level of cooking has a different flavor to it...i don't think there is anything wrong with ordering meat above medium-rare. what is wrong with frou-frou cocktails? because they can't pound back straight liquor, and don't want beer, they're bad? i know several people who continually try seafood, and do not like ANY of it. meaning, they have tried fish, shellfish, etc. etc. etc., and just do not enjoy it. I think that you are the close-minded one here, and are just hurting yourself. I understand and agree with not be willing to try ethnic restaurants being a deal breaker, but the other things you put down are not really fair IMHO. Fri Jan 09 15:22:39 -0800 2009 4064817 114194 milkyway4679 2 4325798 I'm glad I'm not a guy trying to date you. I never thought my dislike of all seafood would turn someone off that much. ;-) A dislike of seafood to me is different from vegetarianism. It can be hard for a vegetarian to find something to eat on the menu and that can make restaurant choices difficult, but even seafood places have chicken or steak on the menu. Wed Jan 14 10:45:54 -0800 2009 4064817 116495 Avalondaughter 1 4066214 I think particularly in a society where dining is largely social, food preferences can be a deal-breaker. I'm very adventurous with food and love to try different things, and I get very excited about food. I dated a guy who thought that the act of eating at a restaurant was gross. Which wouldn't have been so bad if he could cook or had been willing to experiment with recipes. But his idea of cooking for me was to make me a scrambled egg sandwich with miracle whip or some fried bologna. WTF. How can you commit your life to someone who refuses to even TRY to get excited about something you're so passionate about? Sat Sep 27 13:09:53 -0700 2008 4051821 179924 Al_Pal 2 4067376 I completely agree with you- but there is a HUGE difference between someone who is simply close minded and refuses to try new things/be social in a restaurant setting and someone with food allergies. I do not understand why having a food allergy can be a deal breaker for CHs if that person is overall adventurous, fun, and social when it comes to food. (I.E. maybe they can't eat peanuts or gluten but they'll jump at a chance to try a new restaurant, food, etc as long as it won't kill them!) However, what you described is someone who despite not having any physical impediment to eating good food, simply refuses to try anything new. Sun Sep 28 08:05:30 -0700 2008 4066214 228812 Nicole Glassman 3 5073876 I agree with you. My live in B.F. I swear ordered a hamburger at every restaurant we ever went to! I would try and make suggestions for something new and remark at the menu( hoping he would order some of my suggestions so that I could try it too) He didn't change until we started living together. I need my variety, proghies one night, chinese the next, Italian, Vietnamese, etc. Now when we go to restaurants he will give something new a chance(but not without checking with me!) I think he grew up in a meat'n'taters family .He really didn't know what to order except what he knew. As for allergies, he developed a shrimp allergy about 8 yrs. ago, so I don't make them very often but every once in a while I make him a steak and I have my shrimp. But not too often as he loved shrimp and is tempted every time I make them. (Please lord don't ever make me allergic to shrimp!!!) Thu Oct 01 22:27:19 -0700 2009 4067376 1108962 beekeroc 1 4301459 Poor manners (eating with mouth open, while talking or laughing, nose picking, answering the phone during meals or movies)--definitely. Dives I don't mind--some of the best pho, fry ups, Mexican, burgers, are from grimy dives (where I might discretely wipe the silverware). If you like sit down, and he prefers counter food, there are probably other issues. He may have also been trying to shock or get a reaction from you, because we all know that games in relationships are so much fun! Tue Jan 06 13:15:29 -0800 2009 4051821 224238 Caralien 1 4302252 No, but I would find it very hard to want to spend time with someone who seemed incapable of distinguishing between a dive and a great restaurant. I can truly understand how people might believe some of the chains are high end, simply because they are not familiar with anything else or live far away from good dining establishments, (and perhaps haven't traveled much), but a dive with dead flies and no table as an acceptable place for dinner, without asking you if you are up for it, should be an indication that this person is oblivious to things that matter to you. Not a good sign for a long term relationship. Tue Jan 06 17:20:30 -0800 2009 4051821 87837 RGC1982 1 4304549 Really for me it's relatively simple, as long as you're willing to try anything that i'm interested in, be that food, music, theatre etc.....we're good, and vice versa, i'll do the same for you if i care about you. I don't want you to be my clone, but I think it's a nice gesture when someone can at least appreciate something you have a passion about. In turn, I like people who are also passionate about the things they enjoy. Seriously...give a little !!!! A price gawper though, is a turn off to me on a first date, and i'm not talking expensive restaurants here....but if your mouth is going to drop to the floor because I just spent $5 on a latte or you make a comment about how expensive TGIFridays is (I don't eat there, but this was one date's comment)...we may not get along...This can also be filed under "don't tell me how to spend my own hard earned money". As for relationships, I had a friend who is now married to a guy who "ewww"-ed his way through meals, brought his own food to parties, and said "what's THAT" once when i served a slaved over dinner....had a list as long as his arm of foods such as onions, spices etc, that he would not eat, and generally turned into a 2 year old when faced with. Otherwise a very nice guy.....but I knew for sure that myself, I probably couldn't handle that. I couldn't be made to feel as though something I cooked was repulsive and had zero interest in trying new things. One recent first date offered me a bite of his pasta after raving about how good it was, urging me to take a bite. I know many might find this gross ( I already knew the guy for a bit, wouldn't get this close on a blind date ), but I took it, enjoyed it, and offered the same. Rather enjoyed the experience if i say so myself ! He ended up taking another job and moving..... not because I gave him pasta though, lol. We're good. I admit to liking it when a man offers at least to pay for my meal, however would never discount anyone if we both paid, or for that matter if i offered and I paid. If it was expected however, another story.....this has thankfully never happened to me. Oh the woes of the single gal ! I'm still laughing at "i want to live in a shipping container"-man. Wed Jan 07 11:23:02 -0800 2009 4051821 153184 im_nomad 2 4305065 I try to be pretty open-minded about people, and hope that they will be open-minded about me and my own quirks. I do admit that I was mildly horrified recently at a lunch recently. A dear friend recently had a baby, and I was going over to visit her. Now usually, when I go see this friend, we go out to lunch without her husband who can be somewhat challenging foodwise: no beef (mad cow disease), no seafood (mercury), no Chinese (MSG), etc. This time however dear friend asked if I would bring something over. The baby was still very small, and they did not want to go out with her. I said, sure, and then was wracking my brain over what I could bring over that her husband would eat. Short of making something myself (which I didn't have time to do), I settled on picking up dim sum and a chicken and hoping for the best, figuring if I had to make an omelette for the husband I could. (They live in a predominantly Chinese neighborhood, so this is challenging to say the least...) All was well, husband was eating chicken and some of the dim sum (so much for his MSG issues), when I saw him sticking his bare hands into the containers to pick up and eat the dim sum. Now, I am all for sharing and am not bacteria-phobe at all (I'm Chinese so I'm used to people sharing food). However, this was a bit much for me to stomach, so to speak, so I'm going back to not eating around dear friend's husband when possible. Wed Jan 07 13:27:01 -0800 2009 4304549 26708 sidwich 3 4339385 So you eat at a typical dim sum place, and they bring the dim sum in servings meant to be shared...but with no serving utensils. And the custom seems to be to reach over with one's chopsticks (that have presumably touched one's mouth after the first bite...) and grab your share. What's the difference between that and reaching in with your fingers??? (Meant to be a serious question, btw. I never quite know what to do in that situation. Sometimes its impossible to grab one piece of dim sum with the chopsticks without touching adjacent ones...) Mon Jan 19 13:20:15 -0800 2009 4305065 10290 janetofreno 4 4339627 Technically, the chopsticks are not meant to touch your lips or your mouth at all. If this is an issue, put together some makeshift serving utensils (or tilt the container)...or you could always ask that the serving vessel be passed, so as not to have to reach over? Mon Jan 19 14:32:56 -0800 2009 4339385 224238 Caralien 4 4339732 You can use the back end of your chopsticks to move food from a communal plate or dish to your own. Mon Jan 19 15:03:51 -0800 2009 4339385 80141 ccbweb 5 4339910 I thought that was what you were supposed to do....use the other end of the chopsticks. Mon Jan 19 16:05:20 -0800 2009 4339732 153184 im_nomad 6 4340130 I honestly don't know enough about etiquette to feel comfortable writing with any authority on it, but I believe that to the case. I learned it in the context of a communal sushi platter. Mon Jan 19 17:33:31 -0800 2009 4339910 80141 ccbweb 6 4340312 Have you tried using chopsticks backwards? They don't really work (particularly with pointy ones). The reason hot towels are served prior to meals is so the hands are clean. Neither the hands nor the utensils in this situation are supposed to touch your mouth or lips, so assuming that people are clean, this is not supposed to be an issue. Mon Jan 19 18:47:10 -0800 2009 4339910 224238 Caralien 7 4340429 It's the standard practice in Japan, but most restaurants use the disposable chopsticks which are quite easy to use backwards. Mon Jan 19 19:34:36 -0800 2009 4340312 107671 queencru 7 4341122 They need only work long enough and sufficiently to move a piece of food from one plate to another. Perhaps it is the ideal that chopsticks would never touch the lips or mouth. It's not the reality and so it is an issue. If the backs of chopsticks are unusable for some reason, ask for another set of chopsticks or utensil to use for the communal platter. Tue Jan 20 06:52:20 -0800 2009 4340312 80141 ccbweb 5 4351960 Yup, this is what my Chinese friends say you're supposed to do. Unfortunately, being uber-white, I'm still pretty clumsy with the wide end of the ubiquitous melamine chopsticks. Luckily, my friends are nice enough to appreciate the effort and don't mock me if I have to use the dirty end, while I try to not touch anything but the piece of food I'm taking in that situation. Of course, when we go for dim sum, it's more like a feeding frenzy and you're lucky if you can get your chopsticks in edgewise, from either direction... Fri Jan 23 14:38:43 -0800 2009 4339732 139230 Wahooty 6 4351979 Oh, seriously. The wide end of the slippery melamine chopsticks are a _bear_! It's the same way going for dim sum with us...just grab what you can and try to get the waitress to set the dish down in front of you. Otherwise, good luck. Fri Jan 23 14:46:39 -0800 2009 4351960 80141 ccbweb 4 4341179 i tend not to eat w/ people who i would mind if they put the chopstick in the food Tue Jan 20 07:10:01 -0800 2009 4339385 135229 thew 5 4341231 That's a good solution (prevention and all that). But: Business lunch or dinner. Or meeting the potential in-laws the first time. There are many situations where this kind of question is applicable. Tue Jan 20 07:25:35 -0800 2009 4341179 80141 ccbweb 6 4341456 good thing i run a family business, and write on my own, then. and any potential in-laws better get used to me and my ways...lol Tue Jan 20 08:57:57 -0800 2009 4341231 135229 thew 4 4359137 Yes, as others have said, technically, the chopsticks aren't really supposed to touch your mouth or lips or really the other dim sum on the serving plate for that matter. Presumably, even if the chopsticks do graze the lips and/or other dim sum a bit, the guests still haven't been attaching their lips to table tops, door knobs/handles (especially bathroom ones), the outside of automobiles, etc. as they would with their hands. Mon Jan 26 12:16:37 -0800 2009 4339385 26708 sidwich 1 4313045 Food is important to me. I like to eat food that tastes good - I like to go to restaurants with tasty food and I like to prepare tasty food. A while back I was looking for a woman who had many wonderful qualities INCLUDING being able to cook well. Some live to eat, some eat to live. A person who is too much in the "eat to love" camp is NOT a person that I want to live my life with. Fri Jan 09 22:19:09 -0800 2009 4051821 69680 rich in stl 1 4315247 I would have to say the deal breaking food date for me was: Before I got married I dated a guy who was very affluent, charming, and seemed to be well educated so I assumed he would be a nice guy with great manners right? HA! He invited me, and my young son out for dinner, and proceeded to order for himself the cheapest thing on the menu... and then suggested I order the cheapest item on the children's menu for my son. ( Grilled cheese sandwich for $1.99) My son wanted the spaghetti and meatballs for $2.99. I ordered my son the pasta, and then ordered for myself a meal that was $1 more than my dates... he gave me this glare when I did, as if I had just stabbed his wallet with a samurai sword! Well, after a very quiet meal of his sulking the check was brought. He started placing his money on the table bill by bill, NAMING them as he did "Goodbye Abe, it was nice knowing you.... See you George, it was nice while it lasted" But that was not the worst of it... he told ME, I needed to pitch in $3 plus tax for my SONS meal... That was not only the last date, but I stood up. walked over to the server handing her the $ for my meal, my sons meal plus tax and tip and said to her... Don't expect a tip from Mr Nicklerubber over there.. and WALKED home with my son. I know it was not about his food choices, but rather his poor manners. Sat Jan 10 20:55:59 -0800 2009 4051821 54116 gryphonskeeper 2 4335346 gryphonskeeper, that is amazing and appalling conduct! "he had poor manners" you say; i say, "he's verging on wacko"! Sat Jan 17 17:23:14 -0800 2009 4315247 105717 alkapal 3 4339636 Oh I wholeheartedly agree, this guy was a complete nutcase. Not for being a cheapskate but rather for his insulting behavior to my son. I know he is still single (18 years later) because he lives in my old hometown and I have actually run into him in the last year at the town coffee shop. Shocking no one scooped him up yet huh? LOL! Mon Jan 19 14:33:41 -0800 2009 4335346 54116 gryphonskeeper 4 4340488 thank goodness people still have some common sense to "spot the nut job"! :-). Mon Jan 19 20:00:45 -0800 2009 4339636 105717 alkapal 1 4316034 There are two I can think of- one was a gentleman I made dinner for and this was partly my mistake. I made lasagna with garlic bread and a salad. Said gentleman was of the "smacking" persuasion. Yep, you've got it *SMACK, smack, crunch, crunch, mmm, crunch, Smack, smack,smack* all through dinner until I finally sat with fork in midair watching him with a look of abject fear on my face, I'm sure. The second was a friend of a friend who was a militant vegan- although I was later to find out it was not about veganism as much as it was about control. He spent the entire meal reading all the ingredients on every food product available and putting those with objectionable ingredients down with a look of mild distaste. Needless to say, he was not invited over again and my friend went on to much more charming dates. Sun Jan 11 09:50:29 -0800 2009 4051821 48317 NWKate 2 4316408 Oh wait- there was a third- he wanted to take me out to eat.............. at the food court at the mall! Sun Jan 11 12:27:17 -0800 2009 4316034 48317 NWKate 3 4329213 I once had a guy take me out to Dunkin' Donuts. At least he paid for my cruller. Thu Jan 15 11:08:03 -0800 2009 4316408 131105 Emmmily 4 5056663 I wouldn't dump anyone for that! Thu Sep 24 19:15:43 -0700 2009 4329213 110426 Boccone Dolce 5 5057324 Nah, it meant a ride in his convertible, which in college was very exciting. (Probably still would be.) We broke up later - can you really break up after only 3 dates? for other reasons... turns out he was gay. Fri Sep 25 06:34:00 -0700 2009 5056663 131105 Emmmily 1 4321540 Buffets squidge me out... I just don't think it's cool for a potential suitor to take me somewhere with sneeze guards... complete turn-off. Worse yet was when my date pulled out one of those little bottles of hand sanitizer and suggested that we rub down before hitting the buffet. I would have thought he was perhaps just a clean-freak except that the week before he had taken me to a very nice wine bar and there was no sanitizing before dinner (confusing on all counts!!). Something about the whole experience was very prophylactic. There was no third date. Tue Jan 13 07:20:25 -0800 2009 4051821 60563 Rabbit 2 4322245 Gee, he sounds so charming! Maybe he and my date from H-E-double hockey sticks were related! If he left less than a buck tip and asked you to get water because it was free, then I would know they are. Tue Jan 13 10:32:11 -0800 2009 4321540 54116 gryphonskeeper 1 4322412 here's one from a guys perspective: took a date to a middle of the road restaurant(because a 4star just screams desperate on a first date and who knows if you even like this person yet!) and before our waitress even took our drink orders, her phone rang......and she answered it!(strike one). I tried to defuse the situation by saying " hey how about we go with a no phone policy during dinner!?" in a very tongue in cheek manner. So its time to order our dinner and I let her order and she proceeds to order the most expensive thing on the menu w/ a huge shrimp cocktail on the side!?(strike two). then the phone rings again, and without hesitation she jumps at it.(strike three.....). at this point I asked her(in the middle of her inane phone conversation) " hey, I thought we were going to......." she cut me off by silently holding her index finger up to her lips in a SHHshing manner. This is were some of you might disagree with me here, but thats the moment I excused my self to the "restroom", headed to the parking lot and thanked god that I drove!! my phone rang about halfway home, and i just giggled, shook my head and hit IGNORE! Tue Jan 13 11:10:26 -0800 2009 4051821 39457 nkeane 2 4325593 Yeah, as a guy I'd disagree with you here. The phone thing was annoying, probably a deal-breaker for a second date, but just walking out and abandoning someone? Very uncool. Unless she's done something REALLY serious - like verging on illegal - you just finish the date politely and never call her again. Adding rudeness to rudeness just makes the world a sorrier place. As for her ordering the most expensive items, that does break the unwritten rules of civilized dating, but hey - you chose the restaurant, you should have been prepared to pay for anything on the menu. I would have waited to see if she thoroughly enjoyed both the shrimp cocktail and the entree - if she did justice to both brava, if not she was being wasteful (by over-ordering) as well as uncouth, and you're well rid of her. After you take her home and say good-night. And do I take this to mean that on top of abandoning her, you stuck her with the check for both your dinners? That's just... (shaking my head and sighing). Wed Jan 14 09:58:51 -0800 2009 4322412 14386 BobB 3 4325710 let me just say that it was obvious she was looking at this as a free meal. Yeah, maybe fighting disrespect with disrespect doesnt make the world a better place, but either does using people. What was the point of my being there if she was going to talk on the phone all night? maybe she should have asked who ever was on the other end of that call to join her? btw, for all I know she was paying for the dinner, not I. see the way it happened was we were talking one night and she said " hey, we should go out sometime" I said " sure, I know a great spot!". that to me is her asking me out, and hence her paying. Somehow I got the impression during the attempt at a meal that she didnt think the same way. She wanted to have dinner with my Amex card, not me. Suffice it to say, neither happened. Wed Jan 14 10:27:28 -0800 2009 4325593 39457 nkeane 4 4326008 maybe something important was going on, that she could not avoid dealing with. i don't know. neither do you. From the 1st moment it seems your hackles were up. y saying " hey how about we go with a no phone policy during dinner!?" in a very tongue in cheek manner might well haev sounded patronizing or dickish, depending how you said it. again - i don;t know. either the cost of the meal was an issue or not. if not, why bring it up. if it is, well, why date? that is going to happen. ducking out on her, to me, seems a tool maneuver Wed Jan 14 11:35:13 -0800 2009 4325710 135229 thew 5 4326662 Uhhh, I was sitting 3 feet from her, trust me there was nothing important going on! my hackles, as you put it, were up after the first call because of the content(or lack there of) of the call. the cost of the meal wasnt an issue, but the fairly obvious, greedy move of ordering the most expensive thing was an issue. as far as it being a tool maneuver......getting played a fool, is a tool maneuver. being disrespectful, manipulative, rude and attempting to take advantage of someone.........now THAT is a tool maneuver! Wed Jan 14 14:28:43 -0800 2009 4326008 39457 nkeane 6 4327183 feel free to act how you like. i will continue to feel free to think neither of you deserve a gold star Wed Jan 14 17:33:38 -0800 2009 4326662 135229 thew 6 4335683 Regardless of her actions, you pay for what's been ordered to that point and tell her goodnight. She'd likely to ask why you decided to leave and you could tell her what you wrote here, she clearly wasn't interested in being there _with_ you and thus, you move on. And if ordering the most expensive thing, irrespective of motive, was an issue then the cost of the meal was an issue. I get what you're trying to write, I do...but you can't claim both. The cost did matter. It's ok that it mattered, too. It's a rather unseemly thing to do on a first date. Sat Jan 17 20:44:53 -0800 2009 4326662 80141 ccbweb 7 4335896 the price of the entree she ordered was only an issue in the sense that it was ordered primarily(and i would venture to guess SOLELY because of) because of the price. yeah you are right, it is unseemly. that was about the 9th unseemly thing to happen that night! figured one more couldnt hurt!? Sun Jan 18 00:14:58 -0800 2009 4335683 39457 nkeane 3 4328041 Wow, as rude as the girl was, I think abandoning her like that to pay both bills is just unacceptable. I don't take "Let's go out sometime" to indicate any intention to pay when the other person picks the location. It may not have been the best manners, but who knows? Maybe she just doesn't go out to nicer places that often and really wanted to try those items. If as Bob says, she eats everything, I wouldn't be so quick to assume she's taking advantage. Thu Jan 15 05:27:40 -0800 2009 4325593 107671 queencru 2 4327172 Oh my god, you do NOT do that to a girl. Like if your phone rang you'll just ignore it? And you abandoned her?! WTH?! Wed Jan 14 17:29:51 -0800 2009 4322412 212885 AngelSanctuary 3 4327474 Without commenting on the abandoning piece, if my phone rang during dinner while I was on a date heck freaking YEAH I'd ignore it. Actually, I ignore my phone when I am at dinner with anyone, whether it's a date or not. Geesh, that's just common courtesy. And if I thought for some reason there was an emergency or some very important reason I had to answer, I would explain, apologize, and excuse myselt from the table before answering. Wed Jan 14 19:46:07 -0800 2009 4327172 23389 charmedgirl 3 4329107 I honestly wouldn't know if my phone rang during dinner. If I'm eating in a restaurant, especially on a first date, my phone is on silent (or off) and in my purse. Chances are I won't hear or feel it vibrate if someone does call. I agree with what others have said about just leaving being very uncool, but that is one of the reasons I always meet the guy at the restaurant for a first date. I do not want to be dependent on a virtual stranger for a ride home if things go less than wonderful. Thu Jan 15 10:40:43 -0800 2009 4327172 135311 mpjmph 3 4393371 I am with charmed girl. I would never think to answer my phone in the middle of dinner ! Thank goodness my hubby wouldnt think of it either! I only have one friend who once did it, and afterwards, I expressed my thoughts on the matter and from then on she has turned her phone off. I known this could be a matter for debate! I have seen so many people having a needless conversation on their phone while the other person sits there like a schmuck...I think it's disgraceful! Fri Feb 06 10:26:30 -0800 2009 4327172 174753 NellyNel 2 4336131 Uh, what grade are you in? Sun Jan 18 06:49:44 -0800 2009 4322412 11995 pikawicca 3 4336608 I was more teaching the lesson in this case then getting one. Im betting that there were plenty of guys after me that would think me for the service I provided. I only had time to teach her one thing that night and figured I would start with this!(sarcasm people, s-a-r-c-a-s-m!) Sun Jan 18 10:51:30 -0800 2009 4336131 39457 nkeane 4 4336625 i think pika was asking what grade you are in because she considered your conduct and defense thereof to be juvenile. maybe phrases like this gave pika that idea: " I only had time to teach her one thing that night." Sun Jan 18 11:00:29 -0800 2009 4336608 105717 alkapal 5 4336835 maybe phrases like "sarcasm, people!" should have given you pause before replying in such a manner!? Sun Jan 18 12:27:05 -0800 2009 4336625 39457 nkeane 6 4336955 QED. Sun Jan 18 13:15:52 -0800 2009 4336835 105717 alkapal 2 4392440 I think first of all, if a date of mine answered her phone while we were on a date, I'd have taken out mine and said something to the effect of "Oh, I need to make sure mine is off." Hoping that she gets the point. Then if not, strike one. Secondly, I'd have sorta let the ordering thing slide. It wouldn't have been strike two but it would've been noted. Thirdly, if I pick up a girl, good, bad or indifferent, I'd have made sure she got home safely. If you really did feel the need to ditch her, you should've offered to pay for your meal and even offered cab money. It probably would've taught her more of a lesson. My guess is the lesson you taught her was "You're a jerk." DT Fri Feb 06 05:46:25 -0800 2009 4322412 11291 Davwud 2 5169196 You "LET her order"? Mon Nov 09 21:37:22 -0800 2009 4322412 279387 Robinez 1 4325779 In college I dated a guy who never seemed to eat anything out of his home. He was a commuter and brown-bagged his lunch every day. He wouldn't come to any campus functions like homecoming dinner (again, I figured frugality). He wouldn't share a pizza with my friends and me. Whenever my parents were visiting, they would take me out to dinner and invite him too. He always turned them down. I figured he was just nervous about having dinner with my family, and also didn't want to "put them out" financially. One time he was telling me that he didn't think he was worthy of me, or that I was too upper class for him or some such thing. (He had some self- esteem issues.) He said something to me like, "You're the kind of girl who needs expensive dinners." I didn't eat out much in college. I lived on campus and always ate in the cafeteria, but I rarely went to restaurants. An occasional pizza was about as high-end as my dining out got unless my family was visiting. I never once asked him to take me out to dinner. I knew he didn't have much money and there were things we could do together besides eat. Years later when our relationship had become nothing more than a close friendship and we had long since moved on, he made a confession to me. He refused to eat in any kind of restaurant. He said he got sick after eating out once as a child and any other time he tried to eat in a restaurant, he got sick. Even if the first time he truly had food poisoning, I would be most of the other times was just psychosomatic. I don't think I ever saw him eat anything that didn't come out of his own kitchen. It was freaky. In college I didn't mind. I think I would mind now. I'm not one of those people who eats out every night. I cook and brown bag my own lunches most of the time. However, on a weekend, on special occasions, or when I'm just super-busy, I will eat out or oder takeout. I can't imagine not going to my favorite restaurant for my birthday or for our anniversary. Although it seems shallow, if I had met this guy at this stage of my life, this would have been a dealbreaker. I lost contact with him shortly before he got married. I'm dying to know where the food for his wedding came from. Wed Jan 14 10:41:14 -0800 2009 4051821 116495 Avalondaughter 2 4343467 yikes! Think about this....it not only means not going out for a celebratory dinner, or just to explore the neighborhood with your spouse, it also means no overnight travel! Forget wondering about the wedding food: I'd be dying to know where the happy couple went on their honeymoon! Tue Jan 20 22:03:27 -0800 2009 4325779 10158 susancinsf 3 4343670 on their honeymoon, they got up from the kitchen table and went directly to the bedroom, of course, silly! ;-). Wed Jan 21 03:37:13 -0800 2009 4343467 105717 alkapal 2 4352291 Um, maybe he just didn't eat any of it.... my husband was too tense to eat anything. (Not me!) For that matter, our honeymoon was a lot like the one alkapal describes! :) Fri Jan 23 16:35:36 -0800 2009 4325779 13516 maryv 1 4327196 Um...I'm a live to eat person so I rally will prefer someone who's as interested and excited about food as me. One of my worst dating experience was this guy my friend hooked me up with and turned out to be one of my worst dates (I was bad at saying no...). I wondered if he had any taste buds at all! He was so indifferent to food he'll think a plate of dirt tastes as good as escargots. He ate EVERYTHING that just tasted completely awful. He knows NOTHING about food, we were at a restaurant and when the food came he constantly asked what was it? And it's not like it wasn't obvious...he asked me that when I was eating "drunken chicken" and it was the ONLY chicken dish that we ordered. Jeeze...if it looks like chicken...it's obviously duck >.>". And when I said the chicken he was all like "how did you know?!" in which I said, "I have eyes..." But the deal breaker: he put gingered pickle on his sushi!! EW! I wanted to lecture him but the restaurant was owned by his relatives and they were right in front of us.. But yea, wth.. Wed Jan 14 17:39:32 -0800 2009 4051821 212885 AngelSanctuary 2 4335371 what if he liked the flavor of pickled ginger on sushi? would that be ok then for him to eat it, without a "lecture"? to my read, it sounds like you resented making a bad decision (not saying "no" to the date from the very beginning) and nearly anything the guy did would've annoyed you. am i close? Sat Jan 17 17:35:18 -0800 2009 4327196 105717 alkapal 3 4402723 Dealbreakers are not about logic, it's just one of those things that you can not stand and I really can not stand when people do that. Lol perhaps, but his food habits certainly does not help. Mon Feb 09 19:49:45 -0800 2009 4335371 212885 AngelSanctuary 1 4327920 I might be the only person who has ever dumped a man because he wanted to feed me *too* well. Took me to a few of the best restaurants in San Francisco, let me order whatever I wanted, treated the wait staff - and me - like royalty, paid for everything and tipped very generously, and promised that this pampering would continue indefinitely. Seems amazing, right? Unfortunately he had certain expectations about what I would do in return to show my gratitude. Ugh, no thank you! No meal is worth that to me. My husband and I have similar tastes and enjoy much of the same food. Sadly he can't eat much Japanese food - bizarrely, the few things he can't eat feature prominently in Japanese cuisine: seafood, eggs, vinegar, cucumbers, pickled veg - but I find enough other ways to satisfy my cravings. He certainly wouldn't stop me from eating sushi, he'd just rather that I don't expect him to eat it with me. Fair enough! It would be hard if one of us were vegetarian, but I think we'd find a way. His parents have done just that: dad is a vegetarian and mum is a very traditional meat-and-two-veg, nothing fancy, nothing spicy, no sauce person. They're coming up on their 40th anniversary. Thu Jan 15 02:47:22 -0800 2009 4051821 140392 WTBD 1 4329076 I went on a couple of dates with a guy last summer, and his food preferences (or lack there of) weren't the deal breaker, but they were a major factor in the demise of that adventure. For the first date he asked me/let me pick the place. He mentioned that he doesn't eat beef and doesn't care for sushi - me too! A match made in culinary heaven! So I suggested the only Vietnamese resto in out area. It's nice but not fancy, good food but not terribly expensive, beef is on the menu but easy to avoid. The wait staff picked up on the first date vibe right away and were wonderful (note to self, keeper for first date spot). Somewhere in the course of the conversation I mentioned how much peanut butter I consume (I know, it's random). Date says he hates it. OK. No biggie. I can live with that, opposites attract right? All in all the date went well, so when he called and asked me out again I said yes, this time he should pick the place. His dream date location? Chili's. Says he LOVES the mango margarita. I'm not a snob. Chains have their place in my life. Just not Chili's. And not on the second date. Full disclosure, I hate Chili's. It is my least favorite restaurant in the world. The only thing on the menu I think is worth to calories consumed is the cinnamon roll dessert shot. Of course date boy had no way of knowing this, so I went with it, I can make the best of pretty much any situation. I ordered something with chicken. He had fajitas. And the mango margarita. To make it all worse my view from the booth was of the really cool, locally owned pizza joint across the street. He asked if I'm a fan of the sports teams from my alma mater. OMG! Yes! I love sports! Do you?!? Oh, you don't well, as long as I get a few hours of peace to watch basketball I can get past that. So I ask if he had a chance to catch to amazing exhibit at the local art museum last month, by the way ended up going at 2am on the last weekend. What? You don't like art? Hm... Well, thanks for dinner. Have a nice weekend. So food alone was not the fatal blow, but the combination of not liking sports or art or food (what do you like?) was just too much for me. On the upside, there was a sporting goods store next door to the Chili's and I needed new running shoes. Thu Jan 15 10:33:03 -0800 2009 4051821 135311 mpjmph 2 4330463 I'd be more angry at a chain on a 10th date than on a 2nd date. He isn't sure what types of food you like and chains are fairly bland and allow you to focus more on getting to know the person than the food itself. Obviously on date 10 when he's aware that you are not a chain fan, then it would be clear that he really hasn't been paying attention at all. A lot of people I know who generally hate Chili's say that the fajitas are the only edible thing on the menu. Thu Jan 15 17:29:27 -0800 2009 4329076 107671 queencru 3 4330578 its pretty tough to screw up sauteed protein, onions and peppers!LOL but if anyone can do it.......... Thu Jan 15 18:18:26 -0800 2009 4330463 39457 nkeane 1 4335839 What a great Idea for a topic! Deal breakers: Salting food without first tasting it. Picking teeth at the table... especially with their fork. Talking on the phone at the table. Eyebrow raising yer outta here's if you are not otherwise amazing: Chewing with mouth open. Burping super loud without mouth covering. Any weird trying to name the region the food comes from or giving a rating on the wine. Correcting my pronunciations of food or telling me I should not eat something FOR ANY REASON AT ALL! Precutting food, eating all of one thing before moving to the next item on the plate and wanting food separated without a reason of food allergies. Sat Jan 17 23:20:04 -0800 2009 4051821 137755 Sal Vanilla 1 4336616 Thanks for this thread -- it got me thinking I should dump my husband of 31 years because he doesn't like cilantro. Unfortunately, he's perfect in most every other way. Hmmm...what to do, what to do. Sun Jan 18 10:56:23 -0800 2009 4051821 64491 mickie44 2 4336640 That's a tough one. It seems that a surprising number of people don't like cilantro (http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/580251), so your husband might not be that easy to replace. You should probably hang on to him. Sun Jan 18 11:06:16 -0800 2009 4336616 13722 small h 2 4336647 mickie, keep him. just get him a "cilantro shield" he can use when you want to indulge. Sun Jan 18 11:09:59 -0800 2009 4336616 105717 alkapal 2 4337036 tell him to eat cilantro or sleep on the couch Sun Jan 18 13:53:02 -0800 2009 4336616 135229 thew 3 5121535 I love cilantro - and was very surprised to find that the love of my life doesn't. It turns out to be some sort of odd genetic thing. Nobody in his family can eat raw cilantro. If it's cooked, no problem. He is a foodie and perfect in every other way. Apparently the stuff tastes like soap to him, a chemical reaction I guess! Wed Oct 21 19:40:27 -0700 2009 4337036 1095073 omnidora 4 5122623 This is quite common, with well-known genetic ties. There are tons of posts on Chowhound about this. Thu Oct 22 09:17:43 -0700 2009 5121535 75881 vorpal 1 4346847 Yup. I had a guy chasing me who was very unadventurous in his food consumption. His dining out experiences consisted of burgers, pizza, etc. Chinese was too much for him. I really liked him a lot, but there is no way that I could date someone who doesn't like Thai food, so that went nowhere very quickly. Thu Jan 22 05:17:27 -0800 2009 4051821 75881 vorpal 1 4363656 Smacking or being nasty to the waiter, complete dealbreaker -- & if I were single now, I'd probably add imaginary food allergies. (Not real ones -- I've plenty of sympathy for people who are genuinely allergic to peanuts or seafood or cannot tolerate gluten or lactose, & I can cook around most dietary issues if necessary. I'm talking about people like a former colleague who would carry on & on & on about being "allergic to yeast," & therefore unable to eat bread, but follow up by gobbling three or four giant hunks of sourdough bread. When I expressed surprise, she claimed that sourdough bread did not contain any yeast. I'd made the bread & for that matter the starter, & told her that yes, there were plenty of yeasts in there, & she still swore that it was "different." Erm, OK. Next week came another issue, & another, & all of them described in revolting detail. Not on a date, please.) But I have to admit that I very nearly ditched someone who (a) told me, the first time I cooked for him, that he couldn't eat my lasagna b/c it "didn't taste like the frozen stuff" & (b) shortly thereafter went on vacation (planned before we met) to Singapore. I'd given him links to the Singapore Unofficial Food Page & recommendations from friends & so forth. When he came home, I said "So tell me about the food!" & he said he had been lucky, he'd found a Subway near his hotel & had just eaten sandwiches there all week. In Singapore, a/k/a foodie heaven. He was not joking -- he had a photo of the Subway shop (yes, same logo). I wept. It was a very, very close call but he had also eaten his first mango while there (plus I really liked him). So I gritted my teeth & began the introduction to the World of Weird Food (i.e., that which does not come from the supermarket freezer or a chain restaurant). That was over five years ago; we've been married for half that time & he has tried all sorts of things & found that some of them were indeed delicious. I have had cause to regret it, though -- he never stole shrimp or salmon off my plate in his "never had that, can't possibly try it" days, but he is a fast & accurate thief now . . . . For me the real dealbreaker is being actively hostile to anything new -- not just unaware. He turned out to be adventurous but unsure of how to proceed (insert engineer/ programmer joke of choice here). It was as I say a close call, but worth it. And now he wants to go back to Singapore (with me) & eat all the stuff he missed. Tue Jan 27 16:59:00 -0800 2009 4051821 138056 mshenna 2 4364667 ;-). Wed Jan 28 04:32:19 -0800 2009 4363656 105717 alkapal 1 4363770 I've never dumped anyone for reasons of food or (thank God, I'm obviously sheltered...) behaviour at the table. But I HAVE been dumped for my own food choices. Asian food. Too scary. And no, we're not talking natto or cricket or even raw fish. We're talking ANY Asian food. Tofu... ack! Ruuuuuuuuuuuun.... It's enough to make a girl sigh. Tue Jan 27 17:41:34 -0800 2009 4051821 78679 linengirl 2 4393296 fairly off topic, but I just tried Natto for the first time the other night........tasty, in an odd kind of way! I dont get the revolt by some though. I wouldnt ever shy away from eating it now! Fri Feb 06 10:02:48 -0800 2009 4363770 39457 nkeane 1 4369444 Chewing with mouth open is a deal-breaker. Period. I can work with almost anything else, even vegans and vegetarians. Thu Jan 29 10:18:32 -0800 2009 4051821 261557 psawce23 1 4392471 This is definately one of the more entertaining threads around. I feel so sorry for some of the people here for the crap they've had to put up with but am also very glad that they did because it gave me a good laugh. Sorry. DT Fri Feb 06 05:59:36 -0800 2009 4051821 11291 Davwud 2 4392551 chow-denfreude? LOL! Fri Feb 06 06:32:54 -0800 2009 4392471 105717 alkapal 3 4392597 Love that. DT Fri Feb 06 06:50:36 -0800 2009 4392551 11291 Davwud 1 4393402 Getting back to the OP - I recently came across a blog on a travel web-site....A girl was going to Rome and was worried her boyfriend would have a problem with the food there. All he eats is plain pasta, bread, potato rice and cheese. Thanks it. No vegetables including tomato - so no sauce. no garlic etc... She said he is 34 years old and hasnt eaten anything not on the above list since childhood. He is not just being picky - Apparantly he has a severe "food phobia"! Wow! I thought I had it bad because my hubby is not a foodie! No way could I date that guy!! Fri Feb 06 10:32:03 -0800 2009 4051821 174753 NellyNel 2 4393657 No way could I be that guy!!! DT Fri Feb 06 11:41:47 -0800 2009 4393402 11291 Davwud 3 4393680 The guy wouldnt even eat sweets - just those things mentioned! I would love to meet the guy and pick his brain! I find it fascinating! Fri Feb 06 11:47:09 -0800 2009 4393657 174753 NellyNel 4 4395468 nelly, if you got close to him, you might realize that food phobia is probably the least of his issues. can we say "wack-job"? Sat Feb 07 04:56:03 -0800 2009 4393680 105717 alkapal 5 4395478 lol yup - sounds like it! Sat Feb 07 05:02:31 -0800 2009 4395468 174753 NellyNel 1 5056909 Really interesting topic! I've never had an experience similar to the OP's. Regarding the question I would say that manners (table and other) are important to me. As for tastes in food, in my experience, it's worked better to have similar tastes or at least some common appreciation of food quality. Not a dealbreaker or exactly in answer to the question, but I did have an ex who was an excellent cook, but at the same time was extremely bossy in the kitchen (there should be such a thing as "kitchen manners"! Or maybe he needed to go back to kindergarten, LOL! ). He was incapable of cooking with me, was at times critical of my cooking when I made something on my own, and inevitably this attitude manifested itself in other conversations and situations. Thu Sep 24 21:48:20 -0700 2009 4051821 255446 Gigi007 1 5122434 When I was in my middle 20's I lived in an apartment complex in Virginia Beach populated almost exclusively with young singles. Between poolside and beach parties and happy hours at the Officer’s Club, you could be around someone for quite a while without ever having gone on a formal date. I invited one Navy fly boy who seemed very intelligent and well mannered to join my roommate and me for a home cooked meal. I was quite surprised when he asked what I planned to serve before accepting. It turned out that he never ate anything for dinner but (1) roast beef; (2) green beans; (3) mashed potatoes with gravy; (4) ice cream for dessert. The end. I told him I'd get back to him later. That was around 1972, so I hope he's not still waiting. Thu Oct 22 07:46:21 -0700 2009 4051821 1102097 mandycat 1 5128541 OH, Yeah. Big deal breaker.... On the other hand, does anyone remember a scene in some movie, maybe Holly Hunter and the guy going through their compatability chances with 'sweet or dill relish in tuna salad?' it was a gas! But i've know in a minute when someone just wasn't going to be for me over food..... you're not shallow. Sat Oct 24 19:29:42 -0700 2009 4051821 1101903 lil magill