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"The Ten Best Seduction Techniques", # 3

Recently published, but it sounds sooo 20th century ...

Expensive Dining

"This is good for a gentleman who intends to pick up the bill on the first date. Make sure you take your date to an expensive restaurant with an atmosphere like the one you wish to project - be it elegant, upbeat, cool or arty. Atmosphere is important because she will transfer her feelings about the room to you. It may be superficial, but women tend to judge a man on the first place he takes them."



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  1. Better still, learn how to cook a few really good meals and invite her over:

    1. It's cheaper than a restaurant
    2. It will impress her that you know how to cook
    3.(most important) You've already got her to your place!

    What more could you ask? (PS.go easy on the garlic!)

    4 Replies
    1. re: FriedClamFanatic

      Yeah, I've always wondered why people are so eager to go out for Valentine's Day when it's so much more *ahem* romantic to be at home. ;-)

      1. re: FriedClamFanatic

        I would MUCH rather prefer this...even if the meal wasn't that great.

        The old adage "It's the thought that counts" is so true

        1. re: FriedClamFanatic

          Maybe it's just me, but I can think of lots and lots of reasons why a girl wouldn't come over for a home-cooked meal on the first date.

          I think we men look at #3 as a bonus, and most women look at it as a negative.

          1. re: FriedClamFanatic

            I would not want to go over to a guy's house on the first date. There are too many safety issues involved and it's much harder to make my escape if the date goes badly.

            As to slacker's comment below about guys not always paying, if a girl asks the guy out, it is not so typical that he should pay. If the guy is intending to pay on the first date, I would not think highly of him if he plans to blow that much on the first time out. Take me to a delicious, non-chain restaurant instead.

          2. "This is good for a gentleman who intends to pick up the bill on the first date."

            Are there guys out there who don't pick up the tab on date number 1?

            4 Replies
            1. re: slacker

              only if you're in college or younger......

              1. re: slacker

                HAHA Yeah, right.
                I have an ex who never treated me out.

                Guess that's why he's an ex. :)

                  1. re: slacker

                    If I never plan on seeing him again - I'll insist on paying. Funny how some guys think that paying for a meal requires something in return (like another date).

                    Dating is so much fun . . .

                  2. I can see the point, but doesn't casting and imprinting an image like that upon your possible love interest on the first date set a very very high and unrealistic bar? I'm thinking greasy Donald Trump with that freakish flopped-over do escorting his twentieth potential bimbo wife through the restaurant blurting, "Look out the windows, baby - it's all mine..." I'm trailing along with my date thinking, "Geez - how do I top this one the next time around?"

                    4 Replies
                    1. re: bulavinaka

                      Frankly, a really expensive restaurant on a first date would make me very uncomfortable. Kind of like I "owed" the guy something. (Maybe that's the goal?) I also would not go to a guy's house for dinner on a first date, unless I already knew him first as a friend or through my network of friends.
                      I would be much happier in a restaurant that is mid-range or just unusal, or even a fun dive with good food, then feeling the pressure of a very expensive meal. I would kill to go to French Laundry. But I would hate to go there on a first date with someone. That is an experience I want to share with someone I know very well.

                      1. re: bulavinaka

                        I think it would make me nervous if my date went all SWANK for the first date. Like it is not nerve racking enough, now I have to be on my best fine dining behavior? Too much pressure and would make me uncomfortable....I'm also with the others on not going to his place on the first date, no thanks...I fear I would sneaking into the kitchen checking his freezer for human heads. Mid range casual would be best for me.

                        1. re: bulavinaka

                          This is why I always made the "first date" meal a bacon wrapped hot dog from one of our ubiquitous LA vendor cart's. Plus it gives you some time to watch your date's ability to handle...err - never mind. ;-D

                          1. re: Servorg

                            Closing the door behind me... do tell...

                        2. I'm not crazy about going to a very expensive restaurant on the first date. To me, it says he's really insecure. What will really impress me is if he was thoughtful -- ie. mentioned in passing how much I've loved nutella bombolini, and find out that he's taken me to a place where they served it. That said, I probably wouldn't be too impressed if he wanted to take me to a 5 for $1 dumpling place for our first date either.

                          And unless I knew the guy very well, I probably would not be going to a guy's place for the first date (though I have done it once in the past). This guy must have read a lot of Details and GQ magazines because I felt it was like a total set-up -- trying to impress a woman without having her think that you're trying. He made caprese salad, pasta in vodka sauce (purchased from Citarella), drinking his wines (he owned a vineyard) and dined on the rooftop of his building overlooking the bridge and water while watching the sunset. He then had his driver drive me home. I'm sure a lot of girls would have been really impressed, but it just made me feel a bit uncomfortable.

                          1. Males pay for dinner? Really? I don't mean brothers or friends -- males as in: heterosexual, of opposite sex, and romantic interest? Who? Where??

                            The best way to impress someone is to be a friend. Action movies, the best wine or scotch you can afford, and Chinese takeout. Strange combo, but warms the heart.

                            1. Just as I thought, consensus so far seems to point away from Rule # 3.

                              BTW, the restaurant in the picture is La Tour d'Argent (Paris, France) ...
                              ... today occupied by undocumented immigrants:

                              1. And what about when a woman wants to impress a guy? They say the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach - my chocolate souffle recipe has served me well on many occasions...

                                6 Replies
                                1. re: Emmmily

                                  True, unfortunately I've yet to date a woman who can cook half as good as I. someday... :(

                                  1. re: lost squirrel

                                    Personally, I don't want a guy to expect me to cook for him all the time, so if I did have any real talent, I'd probably be stealthy about it.

                                  2. re: Emmmily

                                    Thank goodness I am in love with a vegetarian - so much easier!

                                    The first meal I made him was risotto. He helped.

                                    And now that he's far far away eating MREs and defense contractor food, he misses my cooking. That says a lot :)

                                    He'd love chocolate souffle - but I'm a terrible baker.

                                    1. re: Jeserf

                                      Do they make vegetarian MREs? Just curious. My ex-marine so happily has MREs stored around his house "just in case" and occasionally I find him eating them..... not to mention the 50 tins of "digestive biscuits" he got from god knows where that are stored in his garage..... They've been there as long as I've known him... some 12 years or so.... I wonder if I should ask him to bring me one this weekend as his contribution to dinner.... I could post photos as I unseal the tin.... :D

                                      1. re: Firegoat

                                        Yes, there are vegetarian MREs and my boyfriend gets them since no one else wants em.

                                    2. re: Emmmily

                                      I've also heard it said that "any woman who thinks the way to a man's hear is via his stomach is aiming 2 feet too high" ;)

                                      It's been a while since I went on a first date, but my rule was always meet somewhere neutral, for coffee and cake, and make sure you have a girlfriend standing by with your "get out of there FAST" plan.

                                      Mine was if I texted the letter "K", it was a no- deal and she was to ring me and fake a family emergency.. and before you call me shallow, this was only instituted for freaky-weird emergencies. (2ce in 10 years of adult dating)

                                    3. Ewww -- ick. I just read through all the 12, as I count them, seduction techniques. Nearly all of them seem so calculating and disingenuous. Many are tips about how to handle "your quarry."

                                      As in,

                                      "When you are talking to your quarry, let your eyes stay glued to his or hers a little longer than necessary... It induces the same "fight or flight" chemicals that race through our veins when we feel infatuation."

                                      "To capture your quarry's heart, you need to share his or her convictions and show that you feel them deeply. Watch his or her reactions to outside stimuli, then show the same emotions - shock, disgust, humour, compassion, etc. "

                                      "Women: make sure you laugh at your quarry's jokes and, when in a group, be the first to laugh. It brings you closer together. This will help to make you seem like long-time lovers rather than first-date strangers."

                                      Here are some other "techniques":

                                      "As you and your date are chatting, let your eyes do some traveling ..This should really get his juices flowing and is a great way to get a friend to think of you sexually. "

                                      "When planning your first date, find out what pulls your date's strings, and then plan an arousing, emotional adventure. A little shared danger is a proven aphrodisiac."

                                      "Men should not ask a woman out too soon, lest she think you are interested only in her looks. A woman values interest all the more if she feels that you appreciate her inner qualities. Women, meanwhile, can move faster, as men are less afraid of being treated as sex objects."

                                      But what's so funny is the photo attached to this tip -- the woman is near topless,
                                      and I'm getting the pretty distinct impression he's very interested in her "inner" qualities.

                                      I found most of the tips ridiculous. But then maybe I've become tragically unhip.

                                      2 Replies
                                      1. re: maria lorraine

                                        Agreed, at the 'smile' section I threw up a little in my mouth.

                                        1. re: maria lorraine

                                          >But what's so funny is the photo attached to this tip -- the woman is near topless,
                                          I'm still trying to figure out if that dood is afraid of being treated as a sex object.

                                          >I found most of the tips ridiculous. But then maybe I've become tragically unhip.
                                          With a similar "but what do i know" disclaimer ...
                                          you know sometimes i think people in these "advice communities" ... the one
                                          in that article, or for women who are into The Rules ... if they managed to
                                          "succeed" with those "strategies", they probably deserve one another ...

                                          see also the famous "depreciating asset" craigslist posting:

                                        2. #9 make sure to keep your red wine in a champagne bucket, nothing tells a woman how interested you are in her personality like cold merlot. On white sheets? Merely a 'photo illustartion' but a disaster in the making!

                                          1. Oh blah, how obvious. Going to an incredibly expensive restaurant on the first date is uncomfortable. I really don't want someone I'm not yet familiar with spending hundreds of dollars just to feed me, especially when only about half of first dates are truly successful. Only one time in my dating career, and yes at times it felt like a job, was the expensive restaurant acceptable on the first date and that was because it was truly representative of his life/lifestyle and was his norm.

                                            On a first date I'd much rather eat at a place that was somehow important to or representative of my companions real life, not the one he's trying to project. My first serious relationship began with a dinner at a small casual inexpensive German restaurant. On the surface, not too impressive, but this particular resto was run by his best friend, was in a part of town I'd mentioned that I loved, and served his favorite dish, one he wanted me to have the opportunity to try. To me, that more personalized experience trumped a meal at a restaurant with five times the price and none of the personality.


                                            1. LOL.after reading all this.........I gotta tell you the story.

                                              My first "date" with my now wife of 28 years was.....sorta-lunch! We worked together, had drinks a few times after work and that was it. i mentioned I needed to rake leaves over the weekend ( I had recently decided to buy a house for economics sense). She offered to help. she got there mid-afternoon, we raked for a while, and then i made "dinner"...at about 5:30 in the afternoon.

                                              What was the gourmet treat? Grilled cheese sandwiches with chips and radishes that i cut a little fancy. Followed by I/C and some Irish coffee in some fancy glass glasses that i rimmed with colored sprinkles, put some whip cream on top, and added a few more sprinkles.

                                              Damn!.....it worked, she spent the night (although in a guest bedroom). i made breakfast (bacon, diced fried potato, eggs......and maybe some regular coffee). The rest is History (or Herstory)! We lived "in sin" for about 4 years before tying the knot, but my culinary talents must have won her over!<G>

                                              6 Replies
                                              1. re: FriedClamFanatic

                                                Ah, the old "raking leaves" gambit....

                                                Great story!

                                                1. re: maria lorraine

                                                  does that pre/post date the "etchings gambit"?

                                                  i guess if that doesnt work out, at least you got your "yard raked" ...
                                                  as opposed to taking out the etchings for no purpose.

                                                  1. re: psb

                                                    "Want to come up and see my etchings?"

                                                    Not too sure about the etchings.
                                                    But "Want to come down and see my wines?" is pretty effective.

                                                  2. re: maria lorraine

                                                    It worked..........and I got a neat yard to boot!...LOL