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Childish reaction to food at resto?

My hubby and I dined with a 40 yr old girlfriend of mine. She agreed to do sushi if it was 'cooked' You know - where the hole roll is fried, or the center is made with crab or shrimp that's already cooked.
She's eaten 'cooked' sushi with us in the past at a different restaurant nearby and really enjoyed it. As per our usual custom, I'm allowed to be the 'order-NAZI' and I always over-order, getting far more than our party of four could possibly eat (like 8 specialty rolls?).
Well, the rolls came and looked gorgeous and huge. We all dug in and she started to behave like a complete child- making faces and gagging movements. (BTW- her reasoning for not eating 'raw' fish is that it is too dangerous for one's health- too many bacteria, too much possibility of picking up illness/bugs) She continued this face-puckering, hand movements and verbal complaining throughout the meal. It was to the point of motor-mouth childishness, where my hubby and I, and our other friend were in shock.
I simply didn't know how to react and turned away, continuing to speak to my hubby as though nothing was happening. The restaurant was crowded and noisy, so I doubt others noticed what was going on at our table, but frankly, I was uncomfortable to the point of wanting to get up and leave. It was not a fun meal, to say the least.
I've known her for a while and she's always had food hang-ups, insisting that everything be cooked to death. This particular experience was unbelievable. We are hesitant to share another meal with her.
What would you have done? Clearly, we'll never invite her for sushi again, but I am not sure if I could have handled the situation any better?

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  1. I think you did a good job trying to ignore that sort of behavior. She was clearly trying desperately to get everyone's (albeit negative) attention at the table, and not being a receptive audience to this silliness was a smart move.

    I'd definitely NOT ever go out to for sushi with her -- or any meal, for that matter - again. If she's such a major pain to be around during something that should be a pleasant experience, something you thoroughly enjoy and live for (as per the CH motto), I suggest you spend your time with her differently.

    Though my guess is anyone who behaves like that has some *issues* that go far beyond food. Just my opinion.

    1. So she was eating her cooked ones while making faces at your raw ones? If it were me, and I tend to be a bit blunt with my friends since that's how our relationships are, I would've just said something along the lines of "knock that sh-t off and grow up a bit. This is good stuff." I understand some folks have food hang-ups (especially when it comes to sushi) that are restricting to their companions, but I also know when I'm sort of forcing someone to eat at a place I want to eat at. I'm usually willing to put up with some complaining if they've made their tastes known previous to us sitting down and will offer to buy dessert somewhere else if it seems like it'll help. Her continued behavior was inexcuseable, but how reluctant was she when you agreed on the restaurant?

      I can't imagine a friend of mine, who I've known for a while, getting away with behavior like this without me saying something. Then again, my friends and I tease each other all the time. Keeps us grounded :)

      1. yipes. childish, indeed. frankly i would keep my dinner outings with a person like this to tasty pub-grub fare or italian and the like. i have friends that are this picky, but they know their limits and let me know "i don't really like that... could we ____ instead?" or they order terriyaki chicken and rice if we go for japanese. or, better yet, we just go for coffee and dessert.

        1. I have to agree with Lingua above and assume that her "issues" extend beyond the table. If I encounter a particular dish I do not care for, I was raised to mask my reaction, not to broadcast it to the entire resto. And it is no more than common courtesy to be an enjoyable dining companion (her judjements of what you ordered shock me). How she could have thought her behavior in any way enhanced the dining experience you, her companion is beyond me. I completely aggree that you did the right thing by doing nothing and not making a scene. Surely you have many friends who have better manners with whom you can dine. She'd never join me at a restaurant again - no matter what kind.

          1. My age 30ish sister did the same thing when we had sushi once...she literally spit out a piece of raw nigiri she insisted on trying! And yes, lots of gross-out faces and complaining as well, even though there were lots of cooked options for her. I basically acknowledged that she obviously doesn't like it, but told her that it was very hard for the rest of us to enjoy our food if she complains, so please stop it. She still made some attention-seeking attempts after that, but that mostly curbed it. I know it's probably a little more challenging with a friend than a sister, but I think being direct (but also polite) is best. I would have another meal with your friend, but I agree not sushi. And if the issue occurs again, I would acknowledge her feelings of disgust but be direct about the fact that it is making it hard for you to enjoy your meal.

            1. Wow. I think you handled yourself fine. In the future, I probably would limit my meals with her to burgers and fries. Reminds me of the time I was telling an acquaintance of mine I was having Vietnamese food. He started making bombing noises and military jokes. btw, he was only 22 (and I was 24 at the time) so it has nothing to do with him serving in Vietnam.

              5 Replies
              1. re: Miss Needle

                I too have had a friend make a very grotesque remark when I suggested we have Vietnamese food for lunch, he flat out said "Did we have to eat fried cat or dog?" I was horrified. I guess there are just some people who have no decorum.

                1. re: gryphonskeeper

                  I don't really understand your comment. I understood that many eastern cultures consume cat and/or dog. Then doesn't your horror make you lacking in decorum?


                  1. re: miss_bennet

                    he meant it as a snide remark. Not was a worldly traveler. I DO understand many cultures eat things that most Americans would see as grotesque or bizarre, but this was just someone being an ass about trying something new.

                    1. re: gryphonskeeper

                      Ah. I think of myself as being open about food and different cultures, but I could barely read that aritcle. I don't think there's any way I could be induced into eating it.

                      1. re: miss_bennet

                        Miss Bennet, do you eat hot dogs?

              2. You handled that far better than I would have maddog. I would have said flat out "If you are so disgusted you can order something just for yourself, or you can leave." There is no excuse for such atrocious behavior.

                1. Personally you handled it much better than I would have. I would have least asked her since she was so obviously and clearly feeling ill, did she need to go to the Ladies room or medical attention (as in should we call 911).

                  I find that "food issues" tend to be very primal based and tend to avoid dining with people who have them especially when they must so dramatically express them about MY food while I am dining.

                  1. Look, I'm not going to excuse her horribly immature and inconsiderate behavior. But I refer to the beginning of your post: She "agreed" to do sushi if it was cooked. And she ate cooked sushi with you once before and reacted well. Obviously sushi wasn't her choice or preference. Could you, the "order-nazi," have thrown in a little tempura? This couldn't have been a totally traditional sushi-only place -- you only mentioned rolls, not even any sashimi. Did they have teriyaki chicken or grilled beef on the menu? Four people and it was just roll after roll after roll? What exactly did she appear to enjoy at that other restaurant? And by the way, was it you and hubby hosting or did you four split the check?

                    Again, I'm not trying to defend her childish behavior. But obviously this is a friend who you've eaten with and socialized with before. But before you flame on her, and me for posting this, put yourself in her shoes and try to discern whether there is something to explain (not justify) her behavior.

                    4 Replies
                    1. re: nosh

                      I think this is a good point. you say you are the order nazi per your usual custom: WHOSE usual custom? Yours, yours and hubbys, or yours and all of the people who were at the table?

                      Seems to me that one way to get her to not be so childish is to not treat her like a child. Since you know she has issues with food having to be cooked to death, I suggest asking her to pick the restaurant next time, and then let her order whatever she wants. Would be interesting to see if she makes as many faces if she feels that the ordering decisions are not outside of her control.

                      1. re: nosh

                        Good point, nosh. I was ready to jump on the "don't ever eat with her again" bandwagon, but you've made me realize that there is likely more to this story. I agree that her behavior is childish and downright rude, but couldn't this have been avoided in the first place by selecting a restaurant she was likelier to enjoy? Even if it's an Olive Garden or Cheesecake Factory or some other chain that may be "beneath" some chowhounds? I'm assuming that this woman's friendship is something that the OP enjoys (at least when she behaves more like an adult). If so, then just bite the bullet and eat elsewhere. If not, then it's time to prune the friendship list.

                        1. re: nosh

                          i assumed that the OP ordered for everyone except her, and she ordered all cooked stuff for herself. if this is the case then she was being a complete brat and very self-rightous. in this case, i would have said "to each his own" and continued eating. if that didn't stop her, then i would have told her she was being rude and embarassing, finished my meal, and refuse to eat in a restaurant with her again.

                          if the OP went ahead and ordered for everyone, including her, knowing what she doesn't eat and ordered it anyway, then the OP was in the wrong.

                          1. re: nosh

                            Maybe I misinterpreted, but I thought that the OP ordered some 'cooked' rolls and she still had this reaction...either to the cooked sushi or to raw sushi that she insisted on trying despite the availability of cooked items. That was the case with the incident with my sister I mentioned...I ordered cooked sushi rolls just for her, and then she made a big show of trying raw items anyway and having a childish response. If there were only raw items available then you have a point, but if there were california rolls, shrimp tempura rolls, etc, I think that the OP's ordering was totally reasonable.

                          2. I have to agree with the others, if she agreed to go out with you especially having gone before it was very childish on her part. My husband and I have gone many places including homes where he hasn't like the food, but would never say anything, just eats around it and is very polite. If he is still hungry will eat when we get home.

                            Additionally we have gone out with people who won't go to certain places, nothing weird, but want us to go with them and when we say no they go ballastic, but when they say no we are supposed to be real polite. It's really interesting when they are on thier wierd diets, and can't eat this or their guru says don't eat that, and you never know what diet they are on that week.

                            Going along with what was the original topic, we went out to dinner the other night with some friends to a nice french restaurant, and one ordered iced tea, and then white fish, and they didn't have either and they wanted to leave, and was making a major fit. this is somewhere my husband and I go to regularly, and we were embaraseed. I apologized to the waiter and left a nicer tip, but it was embarassing. My husband and I are thinking of not going places we like with other people so we wouldn't be embarassed.

                            I don't know why people can't act like adults and not children.

                            3 Replies
                            1. re: paprkutr

                              She sounds like a pill who has issues that need to be resolved in a therapist's office, not a restaurant.

                              1. re: beevod

                                Sushi is kind of a special case assuming you didn't grow up with it. I've given up trying to drag my husband to restaurants where some of us will be having raw fish; he finds it disturbing. Ditto with having fish brought to the table with heads on. He can eat seared tuna because it looks like steak-- go figure. I find big American steaks rather disturbing.

                                Just don't take your picky eater to a sushi restaurant; it always ends up more or less that way.

                                On the other hand, I don't get people who think it's OK to loudly express revulsion at what someone else is eating. I quit eating with one co-worker because as soon as we started eating she'd be loudly expressing disgust with someone else's lunch. Maybe she was brought up to do that? it's weird and embarrassing.

                                1. re: bibi rose

                                  Great post- I agree, sushi is a special case. I love it, but only go our with friends who also enjoy it. There are lots of other restaurants to enjoy with everyboday else. There are a few issue here- the friends childish behavior, and the OP usual custom of ordering .My six year old nephew can decide what he wants to eat when we go out ( BTW- he LOVES sushi!), so why on earth would her husband and her friend allow her to order when they know she will over order. Don't want to take my sushi home in a doggie bag. Sounds like all of the diners at this dinner have some issues!

                            2. Personally, I have always had an issue as to whether or not pointing out someone else's rude behavior when others are around is wosre that the rude behavior itself. So the last time something like this happened to me, I suffered in silence, and resolved that I not be put in this position again. Several months later, The person in question asked, "How come we never go out to eat anymore?" I said, "Because of the way you reacted to the food the last time we went out." "Well, I cant help how I react to icky food." "Well, adults do not act like that. And adults do not use words like 'icky'." I didnt feel good about it, but at least I never had to deal with this person sitting across from me in a restaurant and pretending to stick a finger down her throat.

                              I hope this is not considered a sexist question, but couldnt this have been a time when a lady could say, "Come with me to the ladies," and tell her there that she was embarassing you?

                              2 Replies
                              1. re: Fydeaux

                                Actually I think that's the only effective way to handle people who act annoying when dining out-- be it "icky"-type comments about the food, getting really drunk and obnoxious or never paying their part of the check. Just don't dine out with them any more. Got to tell you though-- I have experience with this because of a couple of family members/in-laws and you can never teach them. They will wonder aloud why no one wants to go out with them but will be incredulous (and crushed) if an honest explanation is offered, and nothing ever changes. Strangely enough, one of our relatives tends to be the "order Nazi" at sushi restaurants and then does not pay his share of the bill. Suggesting to him that his behavior is a problem on any level gets him really upset and, ultimately angry with you, and does no good.

                                As a "lady" I wouldn't take someone aside and tell them they are embarrassing people. It's cruel and, again, it doesn't work anyway. As you suggest, pointing out bad behavior is just as rude, plus people who do that stuff don't change.

                                1. re: Fydeaux

                                  Etiquette/manners does not require one to be a doormat. If you're at a movie and some idiot insists on talking loudly thereby disturbing those around him/her, is it rude to ask that person to please be quiet? Of course not. What is rude is telling the other person they are being rude. Asking someone to conform to accepted societal norms, ie not making gagging sounds while at the dinner table, is not rude.

                                2. So what did you order exactly? Did all the rolls have some measure of raw seafood in it? Or did she still act that way despite you ordering something you know she'd eat?

                                  7 Replies
                                  1. re: Blueicus

                                    I still don't get why you and some others seem to think that it made a difference whether OP ordered something that wasn't raw; since it still means OP was ordering for the other party. Isn't that in essence treating the other party like a child who doesnt' know what she wants to order for herself?

                                    What I want to know is NOT what did OP order, but what did 'childish person' order? Why the heck isn't a 40ish person with strong likes and dislikes allowed to order for herself?

                                    1. re: susancinsf

                                      Hey. How about we wait for the OP to enlighten us before we make any more presumptions... second-guessing will only blow this thread up to 200 responses.

                                      1. re: linguafood

                                        >>Hey. How about we wait for the OP to enlighten us before we make any more presumptions... second-guessing will only blow this thread up to 200 responses.>>

                                        Isn't that the whole point?

                                      2. re: susancinsf

                                        Because, in certain situations, it is easier for one person to order for the whole group. Occasionally, I dine with a group of people and the guests are all friends of one person. (It is dinner before a jazz show, and my friend always buys the tickets for the guests.) So, said friend is sort of the hostess, and the last few times we went out, she ordered for the whole table. And yep, it's sushi... Nobody seems to object, and actually, all are pretty sophisticated diners. We always pay for the hostess' dinner, as she is always generous in treating us to the show. My friend travels around the world (about 120,000 miles a year) so she really knows her fine dining. We trust her implicitly.

                                        Edit--I meant this in response to susaninsf.

                                        1. re: rednails

                                          I think the situation you describe is different than that of the OP. It sounds like all in your group enjoy sushi, and you said you are all pretty sophisiticated diners. The 40 year described in this thread is certainly not a sophisticated diner, and doesn't like sushi, to boot. in this instance, it seems to make sense for her to order for herself.

                                          1. re: macca

                                            I said "in certain situations" and referenced sushi as example. The first few tmes I dined with my friend, we all ordered individually. My point is that the "hostess" (possibly the OP, not sure if in fact she was) might possibly be the most knowledgable about the cuisine in that particular situation. Heck, it could be any kind of cuisine, but it seems that the OP was the de facto orderer for this one. The friend went along with the ordering scenario, and then made a spectacle out of herself, and has only herself to blame. If she didn't like what was being ordered, yes, she could have spoken up, tactfully of course, but instead became passive agressive about it.

                                            1. re: rednails

                                              I agree the 40 yo was being unreasonable and acting passive agressive. But after reading your post and the OP, it just appeared to me that you and your dining companions could quite happily let one person order. The woman in the original post, however, has "always had food hangups,insisting that everything be cooked to death". Just seems that anyone with these hangup should either not even go to a sushi place, or thould definitely order a meal just for herself.

                                    2. Your friend definitely acted childish, but moreso the bigger mistake she made was agreeing to go to a sushi restaurant again. Sounds like the first time around when she "really enjoyed" the sushi, she probably was just sucking it up and being nice. And this time around she was set on letting you know, in a very passive-aggressive way, that she did not enjoy food that isn't "cooked to death" - but you already knew this. Wrong choice in resto.

                                      1. Since the statement is asking about the "childish" behaviour of a 40-year-old, I have a related question. How would you (not only the OP; everyone) react if a child you were eating with was "making faces and gagging movements" while gesturing towards the food on the table, whether at home or in a restaurant?

                                        I know that I would tell the child that their behaviour was completely inappropriate, and that if they continued to behave in that manner, I would no longer eat out with them. The "teacher" in me would come out, and I would address the child directly. I can't imagine what I would do if it were my OWN child. Basically, my point is that even if we CALL this behaviour "childish," is it even acceptable in a child? I think not.

                                        I know that I have a couple of friends who are super picky. My big problem with the one is that she hates onions, and I have a great deal of difficulty having her over for dinner parties. I know just inform her flat-out that there will be onions in the meal. The thing taht drives me craziest is that she won't even try the food before demanding to know what it is and what is in it. As soon as I mention it contains one of the many ingredients she hates, she'll make a face, but she won't verbally complain a lot. Most of the time when my friends get together now for dinner and some evening activity, she comes after the meal. Which works well for all of us. And incidentally, she has many problems not related to food, along with her food issues.

                                        My other picky friend also hates onions, but she understands the cost and effort that goes into a dinner party from scratch and is generally able to overcome her dislike to be polite. Interestingly, though, I recently went to the grocery store with the first friend I mentioned when I was planning dishes for a party. When she realized how much cost, as well as elbow grease, went into my cooking, she became appreciative of my efforts, even if they are not to her taste.

                                        6 Replies
                                        1. re: miss_bennet

                                          Adults who act like children in public should never be invited back. This behavior is inexcusible. Im sure at some point I would have simply put my chopsticks down, looked her straight in the eye and said "will you please stop?"

                                          This is on the same level as people who will go out with a group and then make comments on what everyone else is eating. I have a SIL who does this, and its most annoying, If we're talking about what we're going to order, she'll listen and say "you're having that? Eww... I hate that". Or "Don't order that -- its loaded with sodium/carbs/fat" etc. Its not only childish but rude.

                                          I agree with Steel and some of the others -- it was a passive/aggressive thing, and she has issues bigger than just raw food. If she's really a good friend the OP should have a frank discussion with her about it, but should also NEVER take her friend to any place like this again. I'm not a big fan of sushi either, but I have friends who just LOVE it, and Im happy to go to their favorite places, where they kindly point me towards the items that I know I will enjoy. Everyone is happy. No faces.

                                          1. re: miss_bennet

                                            it's amazing to me how many people like your onion-hating friend there are in the world! we just hired a new bookkeeper who walked through the commercial kitchen on her way to the cooks' office, making a bunch of silly comments: "look at the big pot! look at the spoon, it's three feet long!" fifteen minutes later she pokes her head out: "are you guys cooking something with *onions*?" -- and i said: "yeah, pretty much *everything* has onions." she replied that she just leaves onions (and garlic, not to mention scallions, leeks & shallots) out of everything she cooks (which as far as i can tell is hamburgers, hamburger casserole, and pb & j)-- as if we should try this out! every time she comes she makes snarky comments about the food, it's too fancy, it's too exotic, there's too many vegetables, it has onions in it. we've offered her samples and she freaks out & of course refuses to try anything, including basic chicken soup (onions in it). . . i'm pretty sure i can't fire her for being an entrenched picky eater, since it has nothing to do with her job performance, but i can't get over how she must go around badmouthing us. really unprofessional (childish).

                                            1. re: soupkitten

                                              Soupkitten .... find a way to get rid of this person as soon as possible. Seriously, she will make you miserable. Has she never worked in the food service industry before? It sounds as if this is all new to her. If not, she is not qualified to work in your place, and that should be your first clue. If she's going to work there, even if she is just crunching numbers, she has to be in the spirit of the place. Have a sit-down talk with her, possibly away from the kitchen, and tell her that this is what you do, and it involves onions. And garlic. And shallots. If she cannot deal with it, she should be welcome to find a nice mattress store, or factory or office environment in which to practice her skills, because YOU are not going to change what YOU do for her. (Badmouthing you all IS grounds for being fired, btw). If she's paying your bills and she thinks you use too many exotic ingredients, it wont be long before she tries to tell you to buy and use cheaper and less exotic foods. And I have to ask ... how did she GET this job in the first place? I am looking for a new career venue myself and although Im not a bookkeeper, I would become one if it meant I could work in a food-related environment!

                                              1. re: Cheflambo

                                                unfortunately we didn't hire *her*, we hired the bookkeeping service, & she's the one they sent. it's a service especially for teeny-small businesses that also has other services that are affordable for us, & i feel like it would be a mistake to write them off just yet. although her constant comments drive me nuts i want to give her more time on our books and then evaluate her job performance objectively. she has said that we are the first food service company she's ever worked for, and that we don't do purchasing the way her accounting textbooks told her restaurants are "supposed to." she let us know right away that instead of writing so many small checks to individual farmers, we could arrange with a distributor to deliver everything on one truck! ( :-D no s*&^, sherlock?)

                                                she's due to arrive tomorrow afternoon & i'm going to try to send some lovely organic apples and farmstead cheese home with her (no onions involved). i've become very used to being able to win people over with food, and if it doesn't work on her i'll be at a complete loss!

                                                Cheflambo you are right, it's extremely draining to have people working for you who don't care/have a clue about what you're about. it's so funny to see her interact with the cooks (myself included) and the dishwashers (she thinks they're obviously morons, they're quite sure she's the dense one). i wish there were more "desk" or "paper" workers involved with food service who did have a working background in food. it's fuel for another thread, but i'm always shocked at how little the average bookkeeper, food distributor sales rep, even the health inspector knows about food, when that's what they deal with all day, every day! the industry needs more people who are knowledgeable about food service in addition to sales or accounting or food temp checklists or whatever. i would encourage you to try out a career involving food and *fill in your other passion*-- dealing with people who have a clue is so refreshing in the biz!

                                                1. re: soupkitten

                                                  Thanks for the response, Soupkitten. Accounting people are notoriously "left-brained" individuals, seeing things primarily in black and white. Its no surprise she would remark that you're not doing it the way the textbook would suggest. Those textbooks were not written by chefs or foodies. She probably will (and obviously already has) tried to suggest ways to change how you do your buying, Good luck with the apples and the cheese -- it would certainly turn my head in the right direction!

                                                  My background is in industrial sales, and Ive been selling to manufacturing and machines shops for many years, It is light years away from the food business, but I know enough about the latter to know that I dont want to own a restaurant. I'd be very happy working in a kitchen helping with prep and could certainly balance your books and pay the bills, In fact, I would probably be the one looking for new sources of unusual things for you to try, rather than trying to make you consolidate your purchases a la Sysco. Ive certainly got the people skills to be an excellent server. But just as I need my applications engineers to tell me how well a machine program will work, the creative world needs the left-brained bean counters to tell us what will and won't be profitable. In the end, it is all about the $.

                                                  1. re: Cheflambo

                                                    yup we do need the left brains telling us we're paying too much for heritage duck eggs! :) she is balancing the books & doing tax-related things, not writing checks though, so we'll keep our purchasing the same. i think she needs more experience in general before she can weigh in on what we're doing round here. she's still learning that there is more to our daily work than *just* cooking and *just* bookkeeping. she was floored when she saw our extensive menu, graphic & print files; & correspondence. when she overheard us talking about the cleaning schedule she laughed (to think we had such a thing)! we showed her the printed schedule and it took her a while to take it in. takes all kinds.

                                          2. In response to the many responses... Yes, I'm sure everyone at the table that night has lots of issues, I do, my friend does, my husband and his buddy too. Perhaps some of the people posting responses to my post have issues, too.
                                            In any case, my friend sincerely enjoyed the previous sushi outing with us- so much so that she ate every leftover piece on the table. Thinking back on this night (described above) and further details of it, I recall we did have a lot of rolls left over and she took them home. She ate them the next day- after microwaving them. Now, I want to see you all go after that tid bit...
                                            No, she wasn't not given the opportunity to order anything since I am the usual 'order' manager when we do sushi. And no, we will NEVER take her back for any kind of sushi/japanese food ever again. Never. Period.
                                            My question is not so much about sushi, but about her reaction. My friend tends to be kind of a motor mouth anyway, but this was so completely negative and uncomfortable for the rest of us at the table I was jumping out of my skin. She does not do anything like this when we dine at home- where she is often my dinner guest at my own table.
                                            Perhaps I should revisit my own issues since I often order for my regular dining buddies when they are in my home and we order out (rare that I don't cook, but it happens) and I order several different dishes- indian, chinese, etc. It seems like everyone is into drinking wine and eating cheese, so I just manage the process and get on the phone so we can have dinner before midnight. Guess I should stop that- never realized how offensive that is.

                                            6 Replies
                                            1. re: maddogg280

                                              If you're paying for the delivered food, I see nothing wrong in your deciding what to order. If everyone is splitting the tab, everyone should have an equal say in what is ordered. Same goes in a restaurant.

                                              1. re: maddogg280

                                                >>My question is not so much about sushi, but about her reaction. My friend tends to be kind of a motor mouth anyway, but this was so completely negative and uncomfortable for the rest of us at the table I was jumping out of my skin. She does not do anything like this when we dine at home- where she is often my dinner guest at my own table.>>

                                                I'm not seeing a question in here.

                                                1. re: bibi rose

                                                  Well, it does indicate that she was doing this whole theatrical reaction thing because of a larger audience, no? Apart from her childish reaction to raw foods, what else do you think may have triggered this sort of behavior, one that she apparently doesn't show in your home?

                                                2. re: maddogg280

                                                  I do think your friend acted badly. That being said-- I'm stunned that "she was not given the opportunity to order". That sounds to me like you were being a bad host-- I'm assuming you paid-- in not eliciting her opinion. I would never be so presumptuous if hosting a dinner. Why could you not be so gracious as to say "I know you don't love sushi-- can we order you a separate teriyaki dish?"

                                                  1. re: madisoneats

                                                    he actually used a double negative here: "wasn't not given an opportunity..." as in, she wasnt coerced into it.

                                                  2. re: maddogg280

                                                    I think her response was extremely immature for a woman of her age. I really don't eat much seafood, and am trying to learn to eat mushrooms. So when I dine with my friend, she orders, for herself, some fish or crab or a mushroom dish, and then offers me a taste. I try it, and sometimes I like it, and then sometimes I really, really don't. But I just tell her, when I don't like it, no thanks, that's not for me, without a grimace or a gag! The only time I have made a face, and it was unintentional, was when I had a sample of a "natural" pom juice at Sam's Club. I took the little cup, turned around, sipped, and it was so BAD I did grimace - a lot. A lady that was nearby saw me and laughed. I threw it out. Then I dove into my purse for a mint to get rid of the flavor. I just couldn't help myself, but I would never do that in a restaurant . . . I hope!

                                                  3. My DIL is the pickiest eater I've ever met and is attitudinal about it as well (my son is omniverous, he'll eat most anything). Her criteria is "That has too many colors, I won't like it." and then wrinkles her nose. Doesn't matter if we're at home or out. We've stopped trying to please her or coax her. We go to whatever restaurant we want, we cook what we want when they visit. She either doesn't eat or goes to a fast food joint for food with the proper colors. Of course she gets steamed that we don't cater to or pay attention to her food snits anymore but honestly at this point, it's her problem. We just consider her along for the ride when it comes to food. In all other respects she's a sweet girl and we love her dearly.

                                                    6 Replies
                                                    1. re: morwen

                                                      ' that has too many colors, i won't like it'' [pertaining to food]

                                                      this is in the running for my favorite quote- EVER! the 'proper' colors being brown and beige??
                                                      thank you morwen

                                                      1. re: kewpie

                                                        I agree--pretty funny. I also got a kick out of "she either doesn't eat or goes to a fast food joint for food with the proper colors."

                                                        1. re: marcia

                                                          I'm a working artist and I've concluded her favorite colors are "grease", "sugar", and "salt"

                                                          1. re: morwen

                                                            i would like to think instead-- burnt sienna, ''portrait'' and the cold greys, as well as ''mustard''[ strictly in the color chart, actually haven"t met a mustard i haven"t liked!] LOL

                                                      2. re: morwen

                                                        Morwen, my sympathies go to your son. If he doesn't care what he eats, then there is hope for the marriage. If he's happy with a monochromatic plate of food every night, then, hey.... good for them. But someone who acts like this about food definitely has other issues, that will become known soon enough, You're wise not to cater to her persnickity ways; I agree it is her problem. Too many colors .... LOL .... that's a new one.

                                                        1. re: Cheflambo

                                                          He's very easy going and is actually the cook in their family. In her defense, now that they've been together for nearly 7 years, she has lightened up some. Last time I visited they took me to a mexican place where she proceeded to order pico de gallo (sp?) and chips and demolished the whole thing! Lots of color there! I had to bite my tongue to not tweak her about the "colors" remark which has become a family legend. ; )

                                                      3. Go out to a movie instead of dinner! You know she has food hangups.

                                                        1. Still not completely clear what the childish reaction was to.

                                                          There were cooked rolls ordered, but she didn't like them?

                                                          There were cooked rolls ordered, but she decided to comment on the raw seafood present in the food you were eating?

                                                          There were no cooked rolls ordered?

                                                          In 1) and 2), yes, she was being a brat. In 3), she could have been more mature, but had some justification for being peeved since she had no part in the ordering process.

                                                          I ain't gonna say no more because it ain't clear what happened (to me).

                                                          1. This posting reminded me of the very childish food issues of a radio show host here in NJ. I listen to him sometimes when I am driving in the afternoon. First time I heard him, he was complaining about how some of the fans bring food to the station for the show hosts. One woman had bought hoagies with lettuce, tomato and onions (a very common thing here), and he did not eat lettuce or onions. He did not like when tomato touched lunch meats. He does not like anything on his sandwiches; no mayo, mustard, oil, vinegar,etc and was horrified that he found those things on the lunch that the guest had brought (for free), for him. He feels that finding any sort of vegetable on a sandwich is akin to finding hair in your lunch. He railed on and on about how disgusting some of the food was that fans bring to the radio station.
                                                            He commented that he would never eat onions, garlic, or what he considered 'weird' combinations of things as are in tomato sauce. He doesn't like his foods to touch at all. He doesn't like any kind of seasoning (they're weird). And, the best story of all. When he got married, he let his wife pick out the menu for the reception. Because he thought what she had picked out was 'weird' and it had some spices on it (probably like Chicken Marsala), he ate what they ordered for the childrens menu. Chicken fingers and french fries. At his own wedding; this guy had so many issues that he had chicken fingers (probably made from chicken feet, beaks and toenails like the ones from BK). I can only begin to imagine what his mother made for dinner when he was growing up...

                                                            4 Replies
                                                            1. re: mschow

                                                              mschow ... I think its pretty obvious what his mother cooked! But his rant is rather sad. I hope he's not too hungry, because I suspect listeners WILL stop bringing him food after that little tirade. My sympathies to go his wife, who has to cook for this cretin. Guess she loves him enough to deal with it.

                                                              1. re: Cheflambo

                                                                I second the sympathies...i don't think i could ever fall for such a person myself. I'd likely lose my desire to cook, if i was told at every turn that what i was making was "weird" or someone was constantly screwing up their face and totally unwilling to try.

                                                                I will never understand people who are rude and childish towards anyone who has been generous enough to give them a free, home cooked meal. I once threw a party and a friend brought her b/f who i barely knew at the time, and within seconds of his entering the house and seeing one of many of the dishes i was cooking (that i had slaved over for about two days), he announced with a face "what the hell is THAT!?!?".(he is one of those no onions/garlic etc, no spices or anything remotely "weird" people) For the sake of the friend, i didn't say anything, but i was genuinely hurt and embarassed. He has done this at other's homes, and while i know he has other redeeming qualities, i'm not sure i could ever tolerate that kind of behaviour. BTW , everone else devoured and raved over the dishes. She had also come with snack foods for him, as i guess he would have withered away and died of starvation from having to spend an evening in my freakish kitchen.

                                                                I wouldn't tolerate that behaviour from a child, never mind an adult. Food allergies, intolerance to overly spicy foods due to belly problems etc, i can understand. Just try the damn thing and if you don't like it, shut up about it.

                                                                1. re: im_nomad

                                                                  Exactly. If you don't like it, there is usually a pizza place a phone call away. But don't go into a rude hissy fit as a guest in someone's house.

                                                              2. re: mschow

                                                                If he called it a "hoagie" in northern NJ then he started out on a bad track. In NJ it's called a "sub." call it a hoagie and everyone knows you're a visitor. :-))

                                                              3. I don't care about the details, her behavior is oafish and would probably have me evaluating if she is someone I want in my circle of friends (and maybe the answer is yes, but I would certainly think about it).

                                                                Reminds me of a dinner party I attended with my husband. My friend had us over and served spinach enchiladas. When we arrived, I knew we were in trouble as my husband HATES cooked spinach. Usually, the smell of it is enough to induce his gag reflex. But, he smiled and ate a little over half of what was there and then proclaimed he was going to stop to save room for dessert. Nobody would have ever guessed he was suffering through every bite.

                                                                On the way home we were discussing the situation and he calmly stated that he would rather have a few bites of unpleasantness than make the hostess feel uncomfortable. I couldn't agree more and appreciate his consideration of the feelings of others. What a guy!

                                                                1 Reply
                                                                1. re: Honey Bee

                                                                  Indeed, HoneyBee, you've got yourself a real treasure! He's a mensch, and you're a lucky bee!

                                                                2. Did you say something to her? I would have waited until later, then expressed my disappointment. If you still want to hand out, I'd find other pursuits besides food to share with said friend.

                                                                  1. When you get home send her all the Chowhound links about eating alone in a restaurant. They will be very useful to her in the future.

                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                    1. re: jfood

                                                                      Touche, jfood! As usual, you are spot-on!!! LOL

                                                                    2. I might have not been able to hold my tongue. Good for you.

                                                                      I am so tired of food-Nazis always commenting about what I am eating, or what I suggest. " Fish? Yuck!" " Raw oysters! Your husband will be lucky tonight!" Indian food? No way, too spicy." "I don't like (fill in the blank with Spanish, Thai, Vietnamese, etc.) food." "That's not my kind of food." Oh really, what is? Turkey? Chicken?

                                                                      It really is a drag some times. It makes me want to eat alone on occasion. Nothing worse -- in fact, it even interferes with my menu planning.

                                                                      You know, when I was a kid, my family just put the stuff on the table. You ate it, or you had some bread and went to bed hungry. Complaining to them or about other people's food was considered disrespectful. Sure, we were a little leery of some things, but we ate them. They may have been onto something.

                                                                      1. This post reminds me of the time a large group of us (16 people) went out to a Chinese restaurant in Vancouver. My friend didn't expect to see authentic Cantonese dishes, and throughout the meal I (and everyone else) could hear her go "yuck, I hate seafood", "yuck, what is that?" from her table. The poor fellow who did the ordering was very upset. I later took her aside and told her that she had behaved very rudely, and had hurt the fellow's feelings. Her response at the time was, "well I hate seafood", to which I told her that there had only been one dish with fish and the "yucky, slimey" things she complained about were actually sliced vegetables (eg. bamboo shoots, lotus root, etc.). She then said that in her family, it was common to complain if they didn't like the food. But she never did repeat her behavior later on.

                                                                        Ironically, this is the same friend that now thinks my 4-year old child is a fussy, picky eater because my child refused to eat a turkey sandwich that had cranberry/raisin compote, cream cheese, and watercress leaves in it. (The friend was eating something else). I scraped those ingredients off and the sandwich was then eaten. The friend only sees us about twice a year as we live in different cities, and doesn't have any children of her own.