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It's Time To Lard Up

With Winter fast approaching I need to lard up.A kodiak bear needs a good thick layer of lard to make it through a cold,lonely Winter and I'm no different.

Where do you go when calories are not a concern?

When it's time to gorge on some delicious,fresh food that's hopelessly fatty and ridden with flavor where do you dine?

The vegetarians are excused from this discussion[I'll eat healthy come April].

I need high calories meals with lots of animal fats either in the dish or drizzled across:Thick Steaks,Deep Fried This&That,Vegetables lovingly sauteed in Bacon Fat,Carbohydrates drenched in Butter,Fat Wedges of Homemade Pies,Thick Cuts of Deep South Style Cakes,Homemade Ice Cream...you get the picture.

I'll be retiring to my den soon so I need to gorge in the next couple weeks.

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  1. While I don't recommend this and I'm not necessarily proud, the highest-calorie single item I've ever seen in Austin is as follows:

    A chicken fried steak sandwich, with bacon + mayo, monte cristo'd; special-ordered at Jim's on 183 in a moment of inspiration (errr, psychotic delusion).

    The cook was so impressed he came out to discuss the details. He got excited. "Man! I *think* this will work!" And work it did! The horrific symmetry of a battered, fried item (the CFS patty) wrapped in other stuff and then battered and fried again (the Monte Cristo) really rocked the face.

    (Inspiration came from seeing the BLT, chicken fried steak sandwich, and Monte Cristo all on the sandwich menu and not knowing what to get.)

    Not sure where you'd go for this item now. I just perused Jim's online menu and it looks like they've removed some of the primary sandwiches from their menu. This was ordered at Jim's circa 1996 if that helps.

    Anyhoo, let me know if you try it, and if you pull it off, where you try it. It was better than it probably sounds.

    2 Replies
    1. re: tom in austin

      Chicken fried Chicken, creamed spinich and those fabulous onion rings at Freddie's Place....sigh.

      Horribly sinful bruchetta at Bellagio with the muscles as a side and sop up the sauce.

      1. re: tom in austin

        Rudi Lechner's in Houston does something similar, although I don't think it's twice-fried. They stuff a steak with cheese and jalapenos, bread it, and fry the whole thing. It's pretty darn sinful. [In reply to 'tom in austin']

        Me, I make my own cassoulet in winter, since I doubt I will ever find the real thing in Austin. You can at least buy the duck confit at Central Market.

        Oh, and this weekend it's blue cheese and white port fondue, something I discovered - along with Gluhwein - on the ski slopes of Switzerland and Austria.

      2. Had the carnitas plate at Habenero today. But I consider that healthy.

        2 Replies
        1. re: crippstom

          Habanero was packed today. That writeup in the AusChron must have brought in a lot of business. While most everything is tasty, nothing there really fits the OT's desire.

          Does any place in town fry in beef fat? I just rendered 2 cups that are awaiting a victim of some sort.

          1. re: sqwertz

            So, the Chronicle has finally jumped on the Habañero Mexican Cafe bandwagon. It's been, what, at least two years since their chow has been raved about here? Well, I'm not surprised. When mainstream "food reviewers" get it totally wrong at least half the time, they get it right about half the time, too. Of course, that means you have the same odds of getting good chow tips from these "experts" as you would if you just flipped a coin, but that's another story.

            Scrumptious, what about heading out on Highway 71 for barbecue (maybe stop at Opie's in Spicewood, or ride all the way to Marble Falls or Llano)? You could then hit Backstage Steakhouse for soup and appetizers, Poodie's for one of their decadent Hatch-chile cheeseburgers, and Backstage, again, for a dessert or two. Or did you want to try something new? There's a good soul-food buffet at Mr and Mrs G's in San Antonio. I also think you'd love the lengua and barbacoa tacos—and the delicious tortillas—at Bandera Molino (also in S.A.). They also sell tamales, made in-house, by the dozen. After all, what more pleasant way is there to lard up?

        2. there's always the Redeye burger at Austin Land and Cattle. it's got a half-pound patty, a fried egg, fried lettuce and comes on a fried bun.

          1 Reply
          1. Pollito relleno at El Caribe. Chicken breast stuffed with chorizo and mushrooms, battered and fried.

            1. I live so close that the fried crispy pork chop at Din Ho is always my favorite quick high fat offering. The batter isn't thick, or that spicy, but there's a flavor in there that I remain stumped by that just makes those boneless fried morsels of fat lined chops among my favorite of their menu offerings. they're served on a bed of lettuce sprinkled with jalapeno / sauteed red bell peppers. I'd love someone to decipher that spice - I'm stumped. not hot, but fundamental.

              1. In Austin, IMHO, the best BBQ is Sam's BBQ, and my favorite item there which I always order (and was one of the main motivations for me to move back here from California) is their BBQ Mutton. Of course, the best BBQ places in the state, if not the world, are all in Lockhart...

                2 Replies
                1. re: taliesin15

                  Is Sam's mutton better than the Ben's Longbranch offering? Asking because I truly don't know.

                  1. re: tom in austin

                    IMHO, Sam's is slightly better, though I think the difference negligible. Both are superb. Man, and I sure hope Ben's Longbranch is going to re-open soon. What a cultural loss if does close!

                2. Mission Accomplished

                  I'm now sporting 18lbs of extra fat since I started this post.I new it was time to heft myself onto the scales when I bent down to pick up a book and the button on my Dickie's pants went PING and flew across the room...I wish it would've broken a lamp and then the story would've been really good.

                  Thanks for all the tips on where to go to pack the pounds on.My secret weapon was Fried Chicken.I ate it all over town since December 5th[original post].If you get there early the finest I've found is at Galloways on E.12th.You get 3 big pieces along with two sides and Corn Bread.A good pairing is Mashed Potatoes with Gravy and Macaroni and Cheese...get an extra piece of cornbread and then follow that with Sweet Potato Pie.Wash it all down with lots of Sweet Tea.This is good for a half dozen or so pounds over the course of a month.

                  Since Mexican Food is my daily bread I knew this would be a golden opportunity to really bulk up.Once I finished my meal I would habitually eat another full basket of chips and salsa.My top 7 Mexican restaurants in Austin are all carts so this was not as easy as it sounds.I resigned myself to eating at places with foundations,door frames and plumbing.The privations I endure....Ultimately Los Altos proved to be good for at least another half dozen pounds.

                  I eat sweets morning noon and night.I sensed this love of confections could be exploited for a good inch or two on my hams.I discovered Sweet Tempered has begun selling little two packs of delicious homemeade cookies at Little City and that was all she wrote.Multiple trips to Tam Deli for the Cream Puffs and my habitual eating of coconut in any form I can get it into my body added more bulk to my frame.

                  It's been a sweet ride packing it on but now it's time to get healthy,lean and mean.What are your favorite spots[not vegetarian mind you I have my limits]for eating delicious foods that won't pack on the pounds?

                  2 Replies
                  1. re: scrumptiouschef

                    Whole Foods for me when I'm feeling "healthy". Whatever you crave, they have a version of it there, healthy or not. Passable sushi, pretty good noodle bowls and always interesting international buffets. Eat as much or, in your case, as little as you'd like!

                    At the end of the day, I prefer portion control to eating low-fat, low-carb, veg-diets. I'd rather have one good taco then 3 lbs of lettuce.

                    1. re: scrumptiouschef

                      Scrumptious, great question - but you MUST start a new topic! Else, it won't get the focus it deserves! One's eyes can't focus on such things in a topic like this!

                    2. I know this is a bit late, but in case anyone else is still fattening up... Casita's on s. Lamar has some of the drippiest, fattiest pork I've ever had. I can hardly eat more than one pork taco. Be sure to get an extra tortilla to soak up all the delicious drippings that will escape from your initial taco. The pork is fantastic, seems like a really fatty shoulder butt that has been marinated in mojo-like spices, or at least a bunch of garlic.