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Nov 18, 2007 06:17 AM

I hate myself for going to Harbour Sixty

It had been a while. A friend had enthusiastically recommended the "seafood tower". I left feeling like I had just been swindled by a three-card monty game on the streets of Athens. I should have known, I know, that this place is no good. The telltale signs are all there: proximity to numerous sports venues; busty, bleached, women clinging to muscular men with frosted tips.

The ladies started with a pair of $85 “seafood towers”. This is a large platter of mostly crushed ice, strewn with a few pieces of obviously thawing seafood. One would think that service on ice would imply fresh seafood, no? My wife hands me an oversized shrimp, challenging me to find any redeeming quality in it, aside from its size. I bite it. It’s overcooked, a bit waterlogged, and totally without sweetness. A “half lobster” has either been robbed of its contents before being plated, or is the tail of a less-than-one-pound lake lobster of some sort. It also has been frozen. A single stone crab claw is equally devoid of flavour after its long and pointless cryogenic journey from Florida. This platter pretends to be a carefully picked selection of fresh sea treasures. In fact, it is little more than Captain Highliner for the Toronto Maple Leafs set.

My appetizer is a crabcake, and a fairly good one.

The steaks were large and decent, much like you would find at Morton`s or any other steakhouse. One cannot criticize Harbour Sixty too much on their meat alone. But the sides are disgusting. We ordered creamed spinach, onion rings, and macaroni and cheese. The creamed spinach was… well, they don`t know what the hell they`re doing when it comes to creamed spinach. This stuff was wilted spinach, drowning in a glutenous puddle of starchy white mess; I`m sure I detected some Kraft ranch dressing tossed in there too. Atrocious. The onion rings, which I thought could never be bad anywhere, were awful. They had no crunch. They were oversized (everything at this place is obnoxiously and gratuitously large). They were strewn with some kind of remoulade which made them mushy. The macaroni and cheese was actually not bad; and a bit of truffle oil added a nice touch.

My friend and I ordered wine by the glass. The wine mark-ups are about 940%. $140 for a bottle of 2006 Yellow Tail! I exaggerate, but you get the point. Anyhow, we ordered a glass of some California cabernet sauvignon made especially for Harbour Sixty. It tasted like a blueberry milkshake mixed with Crohnfelds Loganberry syrup. Yechh.

Dessert was coconut cream pie, which was good. Not Wanda`s or Scaramouche good, though. But, pretty good.

The bill for four was $600, before tip.

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  1. I've been there a couple of times for sponsored dinners, but never on my dime. I don't think I would ever pay for it myself. The steaks are good, but not exceptional.

    1. Hey now, some of us Leafs fans know good food when we bite it. Now in hockey... that's another matter.

      1. When are we going to learn? I feel for you, your story was painful, but well-written...

        For $600, you can hire one of Toronto's best chefs to come into your home and cook a dinner for friends or business colleagues that will not be forgotten... That price includes food as well. Don't believe me? Call almost any restaurant in town and speak directly to the chef. If you do the shopping and discuss a menu with them, they'll do it for the right price... Again, my condolences...

        1. Not sure, Fwagra, why you would go to a steak house and order seafood towers. Like many of its ilk, H60 is not a great restaurant, but is a pretty darn good steak house. When I've stuck to typical steak house fare - big drinks at the bar with those amazing cheese toasts and deep fried bacon strips - a large filet with mashed taters, a caesar salad and a hunk o' pie for dessert - with a servicable zin or cab along the way - I've been pleased. Not cheap. And inexcusable that they try to sucker some twosomes into "the Gallery" = passage between one room and the next where the waiters pick up orders and shout. But if you're firm in xnaying that when you make your res, and stick to the obvious, you'll have a fine time.

          1 Reply
          1. re: Bigtigger

            Here is why you would order seafood at a steak house - when you yourself do not eat beef but you're accompanying someone else who does. I've been in that boat. (Luckily the crabcakes at Ruth's Chris were not bad.)

          2. So, to sum up, the seafood was bad, the crabcake was good, the steaks were good, the spinach was bad, the onion rings were bad, the mac and cheese was good, the wine was bad, and the dessert was good. That's four bad to four good things. Doesn't sound like a total bust to me.... Why would you hate yourself for an experience that was only half bad?

            3 Replies
            1. re: redearth

              Maybe because it cost over $150 pp? For that price, an experience had better be more than half good, IMO.

              1. re: redearth

                In high school, I got around 50% of the answers right on my exam. They still gave me a "D".

                And, see Vorpal and Milly's responses.