410064 Sun Jun 10 16:48:18 -0700 2007 0 26 International 0 2647336 We're just back from our lune de miel in Bora Bora and Taha'a. I think I know how a foie gras goose feels. I have never stuffed myself with such regularity. "The French serve small portions," my behind. Literally. First of all, for those of you thinking about the solely upscale resort thing, I strongly advise you to get off campus more than a few times. Ask your favorite server or barkeep where they like to go. $70 breakfasts are one thing, but doing them every day is outrageous and will eventually give you as much heartburn as the American buffet. That being said, I know that by the time my cholesterol subsides next week, I will be very, very disappointed by my crappy Noah's bagel with lowfat cream cheese smear. Here's the play-by-play: Le Taha'a Private Island and Spa a Relais and Chateau joint http://letahaa.com/food.php This hotel is the only thing going on its motu off of Taha'a, which is hardly built up in the first place. At times, I felt as if we answered the dinner bell like at Club Med or the Catskills- we made our way to each meal and saw the same couples each time. We were immediately asked what our room number was before we could order anything, or even inquire about the night's specials. They have three restaurants - Vanille for breakfast and dinner, La Plage by the pool for lunch, and Ohiri for fine dining. We had a reservation at Ohiri our first night. The food was a good effort, but kinda forgettable. I didn't even bother to take notes because -ugh- the service was so abysmal. I'll admit that as a former server I am high maintenance. However, my entree arrived, plated with mashed taro applied with a paintbrush, which I probably would have enjoyed BUT. The mash had a giant hole in its side where my server's THUMB had just sat, and when he placed the dish and listed its elements he said "mashed potato." Ohiri is the name of the highest peak on Taha'a, which rises to 645 ft. Which is 2741 ft shorter than the highest peak on nearby Raiatea, because maybe god stuck her finger in Taha'a's taro, sorry, mashed potatoes. (The rant ends here - see another post about French vs. American service, or does capitalism make for a better front of house? The service in all of the resorts we went to was pretty bad- be forewarned!) If you have gone and had a better experience, more power to you. I wouldn't go again. (Oh- the kicker? Split of Veuve yellow label- eighty bucks.) Vanille's breakfast had the absolute best pain perdu I have ever had. Gooey on the inside. And the whole resort's coffee was nice and dark. They even give you one of those pod espresso machines in your room instead of a Mr. Coffee. Le Plage had a "tapas," buffet, which my spancophilic new husband enjoyed, especially because there were anchovy on at least two tapas. And we had a wonderful squash soup with vanilla (Taha'a is the vanilla island, after all) and whipped cream. The romaine was almost always brown and wilty, so seek your roughage elsewhere! This is also where we discovered Hinano, Tahitian Budweiser, which has a very fun 5% alcohol content. Whee! On our third night, we took a boat to the mainland to Chez Louise- courtesy of a chowhound rec. It was awesome. I don't want to spoil it, so - don't be afraid when Louise's brother picks you up in his jalopy. Dress very casual (we were greeted by a German tourist family's naked toddler upon our arrival). And even if it looks like a snack bar or "snack,"- it will run you about 13 000 XPF. Mama Louise told us herself (she drove us back to our boat because her brother "drinks") that she'd been written up in Gourmet in 2003, and I suspect that's when they upped their prices. Her 20-year-old son does the cooking (or the fishing- my French sucks) and does a fantastic job. Sit next to the water. Trust me on that one. Side note- I had been excited about savory applications of vanilla. I have learned- it goes well with a nice piece of red meat, in a reduction, or in a mash under a light piece of fish with mango. Next we moved on to the only-a-year-old St. Regis in Bora Bora a Starwood hotel (with the black lacquered furniture and upscale guest toiletries to prove it) http://www.starwoodhotels.com/stregis/property/dining/index.html?propertyID=1743 Our first night, we had a much anticipated meal at Chef Jean-Georges' Lagoon. Let's not talk about that night, though. The experience was so bad (not the food, just the experience) that we had to enlist the help of the concierge to try again two days later. For breakfast and lunch, the St. Regis has Te-Pahu, which is aforementioned breakfast buffet until 10.30, and mediterranean from 11 to 2.30. Chef comes up with an ingredient, and does two lunch specials using it. One day while we where there it was French chevre. Which was totally awesome in a tagiatalle dish with cream. Oh- and the St. Regis' coffee is not dark, but it is effective. If you are like me and like deep darkness, order an espresso. Also, the kitchen was kind enough to let me order items not on the menu for room service, which I truly appreciate. Now, the piece de resistance, Villa Mahana on the mainland. http://www.villamahana.com/ Chef Damien Rinaldi took our order himself. We had one of two tasting menus. You have to go. You just do. I will post separate reports with pics and all of the tastings at Villa Mahana and at Lagoon under separate cover. Finally, on our last day, we tried to go to Restaurant Matira for late lunch, but were turned away since the chefs had already left. We walked up to Snack Matira instead, and had lovely lunches of shrimp in tomato, butter, and garlic sauce and mahi in roquefort. (Snack- ha! I love the French idea of fast food.) Which brings me back to my first point. Get out of the hotel. The Snacks have amazing, affordable food, and great views. Sun Jun 10 16:48:18 -0700 2007 13283 julietg