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Best (Funniest? Wittiest?) Food Quotes

Pigeage Feb 27, 2007 01:02 AM

"Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive." - P.J. O'Rourke

  1. m
    MarkhamDee Feb 27, 2007 03:04 AM

    Voltaire said, «Rien ne serait plus fatiguant que mangeant et buvant si Dieu ne leur avait pas fait un plaisir aussi bien qu'une nécessité. »

    ...which translated into English is something like, "Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking, if God hadn't made them a pleasure as well as a necessity."

    1. ambrose Feb 27, 2007 04:46 AM

      I like this one by Fran Lebowitz. I hope it's true!

      "Do you know on this one block you can buy croissants in five different places? There's one store called Bonjour Croissant. It makes me want to go to Paris and open a store called Hello Toast".

      1 Reply
      1. re: ambrose
        g
        gps_shag Dec 13, 2007 10:34 PM

        Here in Toronto there are two sister restaurants: one called "Bonjour Brioche" and the other is "Hello Toast." Both are pretty good, too!

      2. j
        jujuthomas Feb 27, 2007 04:47 AM

        "beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Ben Franklin

        3 Replies
        1. re: jujuthomas
          Davwud Oct 29, 2007 06:48 AM

          Love that one.

          DT

          1. re: jujuthomas
            KaimukiMan Oct 30, 2007 01:01 AM

            after the 1906 San Francisco earthquake one of the largest distilleries was standing proudly among the ruins. The ditty went something like this:

            if tis true god spanked the town
            for being over frisky,

            why'd he burn the churches down
            and save holtag's whiskey?

            1. re: jujuthomas
              a
              Atahualpa Jun 16, 2009 10:05 PM

              Likely a false attestation though. http://tiny.cc/wPMQ6

            2. x
              xena Feb 27, 2007 04:57 AM

              "Health food makes me sick". - Calvin Trillin

              "I went to a restaurant that serves 'Breakfast at any time'.
              So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
              -Steven Wright

              3 Replies
              1. re: xena
                e
                ESNY Feb 27, 2007 05:45 AM

                "It says here breakfast any time.... I'll have eggs in the age on enlightment" - Mikey from Swingers

                1. re: ESNY
                  ajs228 Oct 19, 2007 12:19 PM

                  And the waitress says later, "Calm down, Voltaire." I never got that before now.

                  1. re: ESNY
                    s
                    Steve Jun 22, 2009 05:46 PM

                    I'm not sure what 'Mikey from Swingers' is, but Xena is right, that is old Stephen Wright material.

                    My second favorite New Yorker cartoon:

                    Lettering seen on the frosted plate-glass door in a university hallway.
                    Foreign Language Department
                    Russian
                    French
                    Italian
                    Creamy Italian

                2. Lazy Susan Feb 27, 2007 06:02 AM

                  Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. ~Garrison Keillor
                  Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality. ~Clifton Fadiman
                  Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? ~Author Unknown
                  A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat. ~Old New York Proverb
                  I'll bet what motivated the British to colonize so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal. ~Martha Harrison

                  A couple from movies:
                  "I'll have what she's having", from When Harry met Sally. And my favorite: "Soilent Green is people!"

                  6 Replies
                  1. re: Lazy Susan
                    e
                    eve Feb 28, 2007 09:32 PM

                    Yep my favorite. Soylent is the spelling.

                    1. re: Lazy Susan
                      n
                      nkeane May 3, 2009 02:12 PM

                      Funny....I am betting Mr. Keillor had some fairly disappointed mates in his life!!!LOL

                      1. re: nkeane
                        JK Grence the Cosmic Jester May 26, 2009 11:10 AM

                        You haven't had really, really fresh sweet corn, have you?

                      2. re: Lazy Susan
                        kubasd May 27, 2009 09:30 PM

                        Soylent Green is made of people!!! It's people!!!

                        1. re: Lazy Susan
                          n
                          nkslover Dec 2, 2010 09:34 AM

                          I'll never ever forget having to watch Soylent Green in my 10th grade biology class, especially from that quote.

                          1. re: nkslover
                            Scrapironchef Dec 2, 2010 05:13 PM

                            Watching that qualified as a biology lesson?

                        2. georgeb Feb 27, 2007 06:16 AM

                          What is patriotism but the love of the food one ate as a child? ~Lin Yutang

                          This is the best Barbecue I ever ate in a building that wasn't condemned. - Diner review of Red Hot and Blue, Arlington, VA

                          1. c
                            CDouglas Feb 27, 2007 06:27 AM

                            "I ended up doing a show called Squid Pro Quo that really got out of hand. It was not one of my proud and shining moments."

                            "Slicing a warm slab of bacon is a lot like giving a ferret a shave. No matter how careful you are, somebody's going to get hurt."

                            "Now my wife may think she's locked me out of the kitchen but MacGyver's not my patron saint for nothing."

                            All by Alton Brown.

                            1. Candy Feb 27, 2007 06:27 AM

                              The gentle art of gastronomy is a friendly one. It hurdles the language barrier, makes friends among civilized people, and warms the heart. Samuel Chamberlain

                              I found this to be true last summer when assisting with the cooking for a day after the wedding brunch. Some of the brides family were Italian who spoke nno English. Her step-motjer and I sat at the same table discussing food and recipes with the brother of the bride translating back and forth.

                              1. f
                                Flynn1 Feb 27, 2007 07:02 AM

                                "I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond." Mae West

                                1 Reply
                                1. re: Flynn1
                                  MsMaryMc Feb 27, 2007 11:54 AM

                                  "Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks." Marilyn Wann

                                2. d
                                  DingoWallaby Feb 27, 2007 07:03 AM

                                  "My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four unless there are three other people."
                                  -- Orson Welles.

                                  1. Spoonula Feb 27, 2007 07:16 AM

                                    "Never eat more than you can lift" Miss Piggy

                                    "Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn" Garrison Keillor

                                    1. n
                                      Nom De Plume Feb 27, 2007 07:22 AM

                                      "I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough... " (Brian Kiley)

                                      "I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead." (Woody Allen)

                                      "You can never have enough garlic. With enough garlic, you can eat The New York Times." (Morley Safer)

                                      1. j
                                        jacquelyncoffey Feb 27, 2007 07:23 AM

                                        "The definition of eternity is two people and a ham."

                                        15 Replies
                                        1. re: jacquelyncoffey
                                          Candy Feb 27, 2007 12:34 PM

                                          That is from Dorothy Parker and she was so right.

                                          1. re: Candy
                                            j
                                            jacquelyncoffey Feb 28, 2007 05:19 AM

                                            Thanks for the source, when my parents were newlyweds, they bought a ham for easter and spent WEEKS trying to eat it all, that's when my father adopted the quote :-)

                                            1. re: jacquelyncoffey
                                              s
                                              SomeRandomIdiot Feb 28, 2007 06:13 PM

                                              I don't get it. What's so hard about eating a ham?

                                              1. re: SomeRandomIdiot
                                                m
                                                mclaugh Mar 1, 2007 12:34 PM

                                                Whole hams (as opposed to just the butt or shank that one typically finds for sale in supermarkets and grocery stores) weigh in anywhere between 13 and 20 lbs. Assuming two people each eating half a lb/day every day 'til it's gone, that's 12-19 straight days of leftover ham. Not exactly eternity, but after a week, it sure as he** is gonna FEEL like it.

                                                1. re: mclaugh
                                                  amkirkland Mar 1, 2007 12:52 PM

                                                  I thought it was about the fighting and arguing over the ham, and i was imagining something like a proscuitto or jamon. we're all stumped i guess.

                                                  1. re: amkirkland
                                                    m
                                                    mclaugh Mar 2, 2007 01:00 PM

                                                    Nope. It'd definitaly a negative comment on ham.

                                                    Dorothy Parker was renowned for her acerbic commentary and casutic wit. (When informed that President Calvin Cooledge had died, she is reported to have replied, "How can they tell?") Among her many bon mots:

                                                    • You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think (when challenged to use the word "horticulture" in a sentence);

                                                    • Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life;

                                                    • If all the young ladies who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised;

                                                    • Do me a favor. When you get home, throw your mother a bone'

                                                    • Too f***ing busy, and vice versa [Reply to her editor who was bugging her for her belated work while she was on her honeymoon]

                                                    1. re: mclaugh
                                                      MMRuth Mar 7, 2007 01:47 PM

                                                      And isn't there also "Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker."

                                                      1. re: MMRuth
                                                        Katie Nell Mar 7, 2007 01:52 PM

                                                        I know that's in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the original one).

                                                        1. re: Katie Nell
                                                          MMRuth Mar 7, 2007 01:58 PM

                                                          actually - I thought it was a Dorothy Parker quote - will check it out!

                                                          Edit - but I would be wrong - apparently it's Ogden Nash.

                                                          1. re: MMRuth
                                                            Katie Nell Mar 7, 2007 02:00 PM

                                                            Well, Wonka might have stolen it from Dottie, but that's where I know that quote from! Yep, that's right... I can quote Willy Wonka, but not Dorothy Parker! ;-)

                                                            1. re: MMRuth
                                                              Gary Soup Mar 7, 2007 04:42 PM

                                                              It was Ogden Nash but it'r not on a par with his "Toward a better world I contribute my modest smidgin; I eat the squab, lest it become a pigeon."

                                                              It was Richard Armour, however, who came up with this zinger:

                                                              "Shake and shake the ketchup bottle. None'll come, and then a lot'll."

                                                          2. re: MMRuth
                                                            Candy Oct 8, 2007 06:20 AM

                                                            And to finish the quote...but liquor is quicker, but sex won't rot your teeth. I believe that was from Ogden Nash.

                                                            1. re: Candy
                                                              free sample addict aka Tracy L Oct 12, 2007 08:28 PM

                                                              I was going to w/hold this one but I can't: Poker in the front and liquor in the back.

                                                              1. re: free sample addict aka Tracy L
                                                                Davwud Oct 29, 2007 06:55 AM

                                                                Kept me from doing it;-)

                                                                DT

                                                      2. re: mclaugh
                                                        s
                                                        SomeRandomIdiot Mar 2, 2007 10:20 AM

                                                        Ahhh. That's the part I didn't get. I figured itd be 3-5 lbs.

                                              2. b
                                                bonmann Feb 27, 2007 07:33 AM

                                                Laughter is brightest in the place where food is. – Irish Proverb

                                                A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg. - Samuel Butler

                                                As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists. – Joan Gussow

                                                Look at those cows and remember that the greatest scientists have never discovered how to turn grass into milk. – Michael Pupin

                                                We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. – Jeff Mander

                                                The only thing it would be nice to have more of would be M&M’s. – Shannon Lucid (after returning from a space shuttle mission)

                                                We are living in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.

                                                Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat. – Jim Davis

                                                Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, sugar, caffeine and fat. – Alex Levine

                                                Everything you see I owe to spaghetti.—Sophia Loren

                                                A billion hours ago, human life appeared on earth. A billion minutes ago, Christianity emerged. A billion Coca-Colas ago was yesterday morning.

                                                2 Replies
                                                1. re: bonmann
                                                  DallasDude Jun 30, 2009 01:29 AM

                                                  I like children - fried WC Fields
                                                  Vegetarian: an old Indian word for bad hunter

                                                  It’s so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone’s fingers have been all over it. -- Julia Child

                                                  Lisa: 'Don't you have anything vegetarian?'
                                                  Lunchlady doris: 'Just these hotdog buns...they're full of bunly goodness.'

                                                  1. re: bonmann
                                                    t
                                                    thinkgarnish.com Jul 8, 2009 04:19 PM

                                                    Make that diet cokes and that's me! These are brilliant!

                                                  2. LindaWhit Feb 27, 2007 09:47 AM

                                                    "The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." - Calvin Trillin

                                                    "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can't remember what they are." - Matt Lauer (on NBC's Today Show).

                                                    1. l
                                                      Lindy74 Feb 27, 2007 09:54 AM

                                                      One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well. -- Virginia Woolf

                                                      1. s
                                                        SuzyInChains Feb 27, 2007 09:58 AM

                                                        "Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana." - Groucho Marx

                                                        1. e
                                                          E.Kolliopoulos Feb 27, 2007 10:03 AM

                                                          "Generally speaking, I think it is fair to say, that I am a friend to the creatures of the earth, when I am not busy eating them or wearing them." --John Hodgman

                                                          1. m
                                                            mangiatore Feb 27, 2007 10:09 AM

                                                            "I love animals. They're delicious!"
                                                            "I eat vegetarians for breakfast."
                                                            -- both from bumper stickers I saw years ago

                                                            "A woman drove me to drink, and I never even had the courtesy to thank her."
                                                            -- W.C. Fields

                                                            6 Replies
                                                            1. re: mangiatore
                                                              b
                                                              bonmann Feb 27, 2007 10:46 AM

                                                              You just reminded me:

                                                              I love cats but I don't think I could eat a whole one.

                                                              1. re: bonmann
                                                                r
                                                                ricepad Mar 29, 2008 10:58 PM

                                                                Not if you don't have a sense of humor, I suppose.

                                                                (Edit: crap...replied to the wrong person.)

                                                              2. re: mangiatore
                                                                atheorist Mar 1, 2007 01:54 PM

                                                                Another from Fields:
                                                                Q: Do you like children?
                                                                A: Only if they are properly cooked.

                                                                1. re: atheorist
                                                                  Delucacheesemonger Jan 18, 2010 01:48 PM

                                                                  Another from W.C.
                                                                  When asked why he didn't drink water just liquor, he replied ' Quite simple, fish f--k in water'

                                                                2. re: mangiatore
                                                                  s
                                                                  swsidejim Oct 29, 2007 07:21 AM

                                                                  I saw a great bumper sticker this morning:

                                                                  Vegetarian: an old Indian word for bad hunter

                                                                  1. re: mangiatore
                                                                    p
                                                                    phantomdoc Jun 24, 2009 02:02 AM

                                                                    Do you like children?

                                                                    W.C. Fields..Yes, If they're properly cooked.

                                                                  2. h
                                                                    HoneybeeSF Feb 27, 2007 10:18 AM

                                                                    This is fun!
                                                                    "The trouble with Italian food is that 2 or 3 days later, you're hungry again!" - Anon

                                                                    Not about food, but one of my favs...
                                                                    "I like to have one martini, two at the very most... after three I'm under the table, after four I'm under the host!" - Dorothy Parker

                                                                    3 Replies
                                                                    1. re: HoneybeeSF
                                                                      shaogo Jan 12, 2010 07:55 AM

                                                                      Loved Parker about 3-4 martinis!

                                                                      Borscht Belt comedian Joe E. Lewis used to say "you're only drunk if you're lying on the floor -- and you have to hold on."

                                                                      1. re: shaogo
                                                                        h
                                                                        hazelhurst Jan 28, 2010 11:34 AM

                                                                        I've always like LIebling's comment in his heroic assault on "food that has no flavor'(in "Between Meals") when he remarks "The standard of perfection for vodka---no color, no taste, no smell---was expounded to me by the then-Estonian consul-general to the Unisted Nations, and it accounts perfectly for that drink's rise in popularity. Taken with teh reassuring flavors of infancy---tomato juice, orange juice, chicken broth---it is the ideal intoxicant for teh drinker who worries about how hurt Mother would be if she knew what he was doing"

                                                                        1. re: hazelhurst
                                                                          alkapal Jan 30, 2010 05:23 AM

                                                                          ah, VODKA! (that might explain some of the UN delegates' behavior! ;-).

                                                                    2. psb Feb 27, 2007 10:37 AM

                                                                      It's not exactly a quote, but I always liked this:

                                                                      On Liquor Production
                                                                      by David M. Smith

                                                                      A friend who's in liquor production
                                                                      Owns a still of astounding construction.
                                                                      The alcohol boils
                                                                      Through old magnet coils;
                                                                      She says that it's "proof by induction."

                                                                      1. u
                                                                        Uncle Ira Feb 27, 2007 10:50 AM

                                                                        "I say it's spinach, and I say the hell with it! ! !"
                                                                        --- E. B. White, caption for an old cartoon in The New Yorker

                                                                        5 Replies
                                                                        1. re: Uncle Ira
                                                                          blue room Feb 27, 2007 03:25 PM

                                                                          If I remember right, the cartoon that poster Uncle Ira mentions is the picture of a husband & wife at the dinner table. She says "It's broccoli, dear" -- and then he retorts with "I say it's spinach, and I say the hell with it!"

                                                                          1. re: blue room
                                                                            bryan Feb 27, 2007 07:44 PM

                                                                            Funny, I recall it being a little girl and it was a Steigtz (?) drawing.

                                                                            1. re: bryan
                                                                              u
                                                                              Uncle Ira Feb 27, 2007 07:57 PM

                                                                              I think the drawing is by Carl Rose, but the caption was written by E. B. White. (And you’re right.. it was a little girl talking to her mom.)

                                                                              It’s just one of those lines that always makes me laugh.....

                                                                              Uncle Ira

                                                                              1. re: Uncle Ira
                                                                                prunefeet Mar 1, 2007 01:45 PM

                                                                                I remember this one!!! Thanks for reminding me, I love that one.

                                                                          2. re: Uncle Ira
                                                                            Gary Soup Mar 1, 2007 09:46 PM

                                                                            "“I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.”

                                                                            -- George H.W. Bush

                                                                          3. Rick_V Feb 27, 2007 10:51 AM

                                                                            "Life is a blur of Republicans and meat."

                                                                            --Zippy the Pinhead (aka Bill Griffith)

                                                                            3 Replies
                                                                            1. re: Rick_V
                                                                              l
                                                                              Luwak Feb 28, 2007 10:22 PM

                                                                              "Accept Provolone into your life."

                                                                              --Zippy the Pinhead (aka Bill Griffith)

                                                                              1. re: Luwak
                                                                                Gary Soup Mar 1, 2007 09:40 PM

                                                                                I have a T-shirt from Murrays that reads "You have a friend in cheeses."

                                                                                1. re: Gary Soup
                                                                                  Non Cognomina Mar 2, 2007 04:13 PM

                                                                                  I want one! That's awesome!

                                                                            2. n
                                                                              negronilover Feb 27, 2007 10:57 AM

                                                                              Burgundy makes you think of silly things; Bordeaux makes you talk about them, and Champagne makes you do them.”
                                                                              —Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

                                                                              I've been looking for the original source of this quote and I really don't think it's in Physiology of Taste. Actually, I'd welcome any ideas.

                                                                              Also, a favorite quote from Physiology... is:
                                                                              "A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman with only one eye."

                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                              1. re: negronilover
                                                                                kubasd May 27, 2009 09:39 PM

                                                                                Brillat-Savarin is full of great food quotes...

                                                                                All men, even those we call savages, have been so tormented by the passion for strong drinks, that limited as their capacities were, they were yet able to manufacture them.

                                                                                Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you who you are.

                                                                                The number of flavors is infinite, for every soluble body has a peculiar flavor, like none other.

                                                                                The sense of smell explores; deleterious substances almost always have an unpleasant smell.

                                                                                Those persons who suffer from indigestion, or who become drunk, are utterly ignorant of the true principles of eating and drinking.

                                                                              2. k
                                                                                kobetobiko Feb 27, 2007 12:21 PM

                                                                                This is my favorite:

                                                                                "I've eaten dog, cat, rat, cockroach, camel penis, bee larve, scorpions, spiders, night hawk, and pre-born duck embryo without feeling ill. Can't say the same for Taco Bell or McDonalds."

                                                                                weirdmeat.com

                                                                                2 Replies
                                                                                1. re: kobetobiko
                                                                                  l
                                                                                  LadyCook61 Mar 28, 2008 07:34 PM

                                                                                  funny...Not

                                                                                  1. re: LadyCook61
                                                                                    chaddict Mar 30, 2008 03:35 PM

                                                                                    um, actually...

                                                                                2. f
                                                                                  FAL Feb 27, 2007 12:28 PM

                                                                                  The whole world is in the food business at least the consuming end. - Irma Rombauer

                                                                                  1. gini Feb 27, 2007 12:40 PM

                                                                                    Eating pizza with a knife and fork is like making love through an interpreter.

                                                                                    1. amkirkland Feb 27, 2007 02:18 PM

                                                                                      on a t-shirt...

                                                                                      MEAT IS MURDER

                                                                                      tasty, tasty, murder

                                                                                      3 Replies
                                                                                      1. re: amkirkland
                                                                                        prunefeet Mar 1, 2007 01:46 PM

                                                                                        This was the name of an album as well, Morrisey or the Smiths, very annoying.

                                                                                        1. re: amkirkland
                                                                                          e
                                                                                          evewitch Mar 6, 2007 05:50 PM

                                                                                          My favorite bumper sticker: "Meat is Dinner"

                                                                                          1. re: amkirkland
                                                                                            alkapal Oct 8, 2007 05:42 AM

                                                                                            recently seen on a T-shirt: "Salad is Murder" ... showing a lettuce bowl with the red bar sign over the image. Back at the vegetarian do-gooders.

                                                                                          2. r
                                                                                            ricepad Feb 27, 2007 02:41 PM

                                                                                            Also on a bumper sticker (and t-shirt):

                                                                                            I LOVE CATS, TOO
                                                                                            let's trade recipes!

                                                                                            2 Replies
                                                                                            1. re: ricepad
                                                                                              l
                                                                                              LadyCook61 Mar 28, 2008 07:33 PM

                                                                                              not funny.

                                                                                              1. re: LadyCook61
                                                                                                ajs228 Mar 30, 2008 10:41 PM

                                                                                                Yeah, and it doesn't make any sense either. I mean, how are you going to trade recipes with someone in another car? That's just rediculous.

                                                                                            2. m
                                                                                              mclaugh Feb 27, 2007 08:21 PM

                                                                                              Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will keep worms in the refrigerator.

                                                                                              Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and you get rid of him on weekends.

                                                                                              One man's meat is another man's poisson.

                                                                                              3 Replies
                                                                                              1. re: mclaugh
                                                                                                danna Feb 28, 2007 10:29 AM

                                                                                                "If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, he will buy an ugly hat. And if you talk about fish to a starving man, then you're a consultant."

                                                                                                Scott Adams

                                                                                                1. re: mclaugh
                                                                                                  Delucacheesemonger Sep 29, 2009 09:51 AM

                                                                                                  Give a fish a man, and it will eat for weeks.

                                                                                                  1. re: Delucacheesemonger
                                                                                                    alkapal Oct 18, 2009 03:18 AM

                                                                                                    signed, tony soprano

                                                                                                2. ambrose Feb 28, 2007 07:42 AM

                                                                                                  Ambrose Bierce's definition of a fork:

                                                                                                  "An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth."

                                                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                                                  1. re: ambrose
                                                                                                    s
                                                                                                    SomeRandomIdiot Feb 28, 2007 06:28 PM

                                                                                                    I also like "Trichinosis - The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy."

                                                                                                  2. Katie Nell Feb 28, 2007 07:55 AM

                                                                                                    My personal favorite... "Many people believe the names of In 'n Out and Steak 'n Shake perfectly describe the contrast in bedroom techniques between the coast and the heartland." ~Roger Ebert

                                                                                                    1. Covert Ops Feb 28, 2007 12:10 PM

                                                                                                      "Leave the gun. . .take the cannoli." -- The Godfather

                                                                                                      1. o
                                                                                                        Offbalance Feb 28, 2007 12:30 PM

                                                                                                        "I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "F*ck it. Cut em up."

                                                                                                        "I saw a wino eating grapes, and I said dude - you've got to WAIT."

                                                                                                        "If carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be f--ked up."

                                                                                                        "I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall."

                                                                                                        "Pickles are cucumbers that sold out."

                                                                                                        That would be cool if you could eat a good food with a bad food and the good food would cover for the bad food when it got to your stomach. Like you could eat a carrot with an onion ring and they would travel down to your stomach, then they would get there, and the carrot would say, "It's cool, he's with me."

                                                                                                        I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips...

                                                                                                        ---All by Mitch Hedburg

                                                                                                        4 Replies
                                                                                                        1. re: Offbalance
                                                                                                          amkirkland Feb 28, 2007 01:09 PM

                                                                                                          I drove 5 hours one way and 4 hours back to see mitch about 6 years ago. I'm glad i did when I had the chance.

                                                                                                          1. re: amkirkland
                                                                                                            Melanie Mar 1, 2007 09:29 AM

                                                                                                            I am VERY jealous!

                                                                                                          2. re: Offbalance
                                                                                                            diablo Oct 7, 2007 01:58 PM

                                                                                                            Man. I am sooo sorry this guy accidently offed himself. I have a cd of one of his shows in my car and it still cracks me up to this very day.

                                                                                                            1. re: Offbalance
                                                                                                              thegingerbreadgirl Nov 7, 2007 05:50 PM

                                                                                                              This Mitch Hedburg quote was always one of my favorites:

                                                                                                              "I bought a donut and they gave me a receipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for a donut. I'll give you the money, you give me the donut - end of transaction."

                                                                                                            2. ambrose Feb 28, 2007 06:05 PM

                                                                                                              Seen on the front of a T-shirt: P.E.T.A.

                                                                                                              Seen on the back of the same T-shirt: People Eating Tasty Animals

                                                                                                              2 Replies
                                                                                                              1. re: ambrose
                                                                                                                k
                                                                                                                KevinB May 2, 2009 02:32 PM

                                                                                                                Sign outside a T-shirt shop in Toronto:

                                                                                                                "If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them taste so good?"

                                                                                                                1. re: ambrose
                                                                                                                  p
                                                                                                                  phantomdoc Jun 24, 2009 02:10 AM

                                                                                                                  Think that one is TED NUGENT.

                                                                                                                2. Non Cognomina Feb 28, 2007 08:06 PM

                                                                                                                  "Between the optimist and the pessimist, the difference is droll. The optimist sees the donut; the pessimist, the hole!" Oscar Wilde

                                                                                                                  "Let them eat cake!" Someone other than Marie Antoinette

                                                                                                                  "I am a great eater of beef, and I believe it does do harm to my wit." Shakespeare

                                                                                                                  "Nothing helps scenery like bacon and eggs." Mark Twain

                                                                                                                  "Be the bacon." Thomas Keller

                                                                                                                  1. k
                                                                                                                    kmr Mar 1, 2007 12:50 PM

                                                                                                                    I can't remember her exact words, but I always loved Julia Childs words on margerine: "Never will that loathsome substance cross my lips."

                                                                                                                    It made a big impression on my, I heard her say that on TV maybe 30 years ago, and I have never, ever purchased margerine!

                                                                                                                    1. Candy Mar 1, 2007 12:52 PM

                                                                                                                      1 martini 2 martini 3 martini FLOOR!

                                                                                                                      3 Replies
                                                                                                                      1. re: Candy
                                                                                                                        Covert Ops Mar 1, 2007 01:01 PM

                                                                                                                        I've often heard that with tequila, it seems to roll of the tongue easier for me. :-)

                                                                                                                        I had a director one time who would proclaim, after mispronouncing something, that he had had "tee many martoonies."

                                                                                                                        1. re: Covert Ops
                                                                                                                          Candy Mar 1, 2007 01:26 PM

                                                                                                                          I think the"tee many matroonies" was an old Shelly Berman line.

                                                                                                                          1. re: Candy
                                                                                                                            atheorist Mar 1, 2007 01:53 PM

                                                                                                                            "You know you're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on" - Dean Martin

                                                                                                                      2. w
                                                                                                                        winebitch Mar 1, 2007 01:43 PM

                                                                                                                        "I don't remember where we were, I don't remember the name of the girl, but the wine... was Chambertin!" Hugh Johnson

                                                                                                                        1. m
                                                                                                                          misterbrucie Mar 1, 2007 09:24 PM

                                                                                                                          "If we're not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?"

                                                                                                                          "Just hand over the chocolate and no one will get hurt"

                                                                                                                          -Bumper stickers

                                                                                                                          1. amkirkland Mar 1, 2007 10:16 PM

                                                                                                                            "Beer: the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"

                                                                                                                            Homer Simpson

                                                                                                                            8 Replies
                                                                                                                            1. re: amkirkland
                                                                                                                              d
                                                                                                                              DBrooks Mar 7, 2007 04:49 PM

                                                                                                                              That's the best...gotta love Homer.

                                                                                                                              1. re: DBrooks
                                                                                                                                Davwud Oct 29, 2007 07:04 AM

                                                                                                                                "Donuts. Is there anything they can't do??"

                                                                                                                                H. Simpson

                                                                                                                                1. re: Davwud
                                                                                                                                  bermudagourmetgoddess May 28, 2009 09:33 AM

                                                                                                                                  "Can't Talk ... Eating"
                                                                                                                                  Home Simpson

                                                                                                                                  1. re: bermudagourmetgoddess
                                                                                                                                    buttertart May 28, 2009 10:35 AM

                                                                                                                                    Homer is an unstoppable fount of memorable food quotes. In the episode "Guess who's criticizing dinner" (Homer becomes a food critic for the Springfield Shopper...one of the best ever in my opinion) he sings a little ditty ending " ...I'll eat eggplant...I'd even eat a baby deer" which cracks me up completely. Love the equivocal quality of "I'll eat eggplant" - has a whiff of "if I'm forced to" about it.

                                                                                                                                    1. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                      Davwud May 28, 2009 11:16 AM

                                                                                                                                      "Homer is an unstoppable fount of memorable quotes." PERIOD. But that's another story.

                                                                                                                                      How 'bout, "All work and no beer make Homer, something, something, something."

                                                                                                                                      DT

                                                                                                                                      1. re: Davwud
                                                                                                                                        buttertart May 28, 2009 02:02 PM

                                                                                                                                        "That wonderful, magical animal." (the source of ham, bacon, and pork chops). Also applies to Homer.

                                                                                                                                        1. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                          Spends Rent on Food Jul 1, 2009 09:44 AM

                                                                                                                                          "All right brain, you don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer." - HS

                                                                                                                                          1. re: Spends Rent on Food
                                                                                                                                            p
                                                                                                                                            phantomdoc Jul 2, 2009 07:27 PM

                                                                                                                                            You should drown in a vat of whiskey.

                                                                                                                                            W.C. Fields....Oh death, where is thy sting.

                                                                                                                            2. SunnysideUp Mar 2, 2007 12:38 AM

                                                                                                                              "In the heart of every great cook is a Chinese guy"

                                                                                                                              Anthony Bourdain

                                                                                                                              1. Vexorg Mar 2, 2007 01:00 AM

                                                                                                                                "Nobody ever goes there anymore, it's too crowded."
                                                                                                                                -Yogi Berra, on a popular New York Restaurant

                                                                                                                                1. z
                                                                                                                                  zsqw Mar 2, 2007 10:49 AM

                                                                                                                                  Lily Bollinger on champagne:

                                                                                                                                  "I drink it when I'm happy and when I'm sad.
                                                                                                                                  Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone.
                                                                                                                                  When I have company I consider it obligatory.
                                                                                                                                  I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and I drink it when I am.
                                                                                                                                  Otherwise I never touch it, unless I'm thirsty."

                                                                                                                                  1. i
                                                                                                                                    ishmael Mar 3, 2007 07:19 AM

                                                                                                                                    "I never eat healthy foods or exercise because when I die I want to be very very sick"

                                                                                                                                    " I used to frequent a German/Chinese restaurant but I stopped. Half an hour after eating there I got hungry for power"

                                                                                                                                    I love vegetarians. I just don't know what their f***ing problem is.

                                                                                                                                    I've never met a jolly vegetarian

                                                                                                                                    I have a friend who is an ovo-lacto vegetarian. Me, I'm a porco-vegetarian

                                                                                                                                    3 Replies
                                                                                                                                    1. re: ishmael
                                                                                                                                      alkapal Oct 8, 2007 05:56 AM

                                                                                                                                      Was the German/Chinese quote from Woody Allen?

                                                                                                                                      1. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                        alkapal Oct 14, 2007 07:28 AM

                                                                                                                                        no alkapal, it wasn't, although it sounds like woody. instead, it was that great stand up comedian and joke writer, dick cavett.

                                                                                                                                        http://www.sheckymagazine.com/cavett.htm

                                                                                                                                        1. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                          i
                                                                                                                                          ishmael Oct 14, 2007 11:51 AM

                                                                                                                                          I seem to remember it from Woody's "Without feathers" but I can't find my copy to confirm.

                                                                                                                                    2. Spoonula Mar 6, 2007 04:44 AM

                                                                                                                                      "I was at this restaurant. The sign said "Breakfast Anytime." So I ordered French Toast in the Renaissance." Stephen Wright

                                                                                                                                      1. a
                                                                                                                                        ali patts Mar 6, 2007 04:59 AM

                                                                                                                                        From 'Crocodile Dundee' (of all movies) when asked if the bbq'ed bat was good, "Nah, needs garlic".
                                                                                                                                        From a storypeople print "I have vegetarians in my past, but they're gone now and I'm much happier".
                                                                                                                                        Unknown "I went on a diet a fortnight ago and all I've lost is two weeks"

                                                                                                                                        3 Replies
                                                                                                                                        1. re: ali patts
                                                                                                                                          smrits Oct 7, 2007 12:58 PM

                                                                                                                                          "I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks." — Joe E. Lewis.

                                                                                                                                          1. re: smrits
                                                                                                                                            bermudagourmetgoddess May 28, 2009 09:35 AM

                                                                                                                                            "I gave up drinking and smoking, it was the hardest hour of my life"

                                                                                                                                            1. re: bermudagourmetgoddess
                                                                                                                                              coll Dec 8, 2009 08:06 AM

                                                                                                                                              Rodney Dangerfield! I'll have to think of another......

                                                                                                                                        2. r
                                                                                                                                          rockycat Mar 6, 2007 05:37 AM

                                                                                                                                          Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and go well with ketchup.

                                                                                                                                          bumper sticker

                                                                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                                                                          1. re: rockycat
                                                                                                                                            Non Cognomina Mar 6, 2007 05:18 PM

                                                                                                                                            This would be a great fortune cookie find in a chinese fusion restaurant.

                                                                                                                                          2. ccbweb Mar 6, 2007 09:06 PM

                                                                                                                                            I don't recall whether it was Julia Child for sure (I think it was) who said:

                                                                                                                                            "If your food is beautiful on the plate, you can be certain that someone's hands have been all over it."

                                                                                                                                            Or something to that effect.

                                                                                                                                            9 Replies
                                                                                                                                            1. re: ccbweb
                                                                                                                                              l
                                                                                                                                              Luwak Mar 6, 2007 11:28 PM

                                                                                                                                              Somehow that reminds me of a remark made years ago by a slightly tipsy Graham Kerr, aka The Galloping Gourmet. After dropping a whole chicken on the floor, he paused a moment, then retrieved it and put it back on the platter, saying something like, “remember ladies, what goes on in YOUR kitchen is YOUR business!”

                                                                                                                                              1. re: Luwak
                                                                                                                                                Candy Mar 7, 2007 07:23 AM

                                                                                                                                                No, that was Julia Child

                                                                                                                                                1. re: Candy
                                                                                                                                                  Katie Nell Mar 7, 2007 09:06 AM

                                                                                                                                                  Actually, I was watching an urban myth show, and that never happened... at least her dropping a chicken on the floor on camera never happened.

                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Katie Nell
                                                                                                                                                    Candy Mar 7, 2007 01:40 PM

                                                                                                                                                    I read a recent article about the beginning of the JC shows with Russel Morash. The chicken incident was mentioned again. I guess I am going to have to buy the CD of all of the shows and check it out.

                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Candy
                                                                                                                                                      Katie Nell Mar 7, 2007 01:46 PM

                                                                                                                                                      I sure would like to see it if it did happen!

                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Candy
                                                                                                                                                        ambrose Mar 7, 2007 01:53 PM

                                                                                                                                                        Well, according to snopes.com, which is usually pretty reliable when it comes to urban myths, the chicken incident never happened. However, Julia did admit to a 'potato pancake incident'.

                                                                                                                                                        http://www.snopes.com/radiotv/tv/juli...

                                                                                                                                                        1. re: ambrose
                                                                                                                                                          Candy Mar 7, 2007 04:03 PM

                                                                                                                                                          Yeah I know about Snopes and use it frequently but the interview with Morash brought it back up again. He was the producer so I tend to believe, but as i said I am just going to have to get the CD and verify it for myself. The article pointed out that the time is the shows were taped in real time and there was no going back later and redoing anything. They just had to go with what happened and deal with it.

                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Candy
                                                                                                                                                            ambrose Mar 7, 2007 05:07 PM

                                                                                                                                                            Well, have fun but suggest you get the DVD rather than the CD. LOL.

                                                                                                                                                2. re: ccbweb
                                                                                                                                                  u
                                                                                                                                                  Uncle Ira Mar 7, 2007 10:33 AM

                                                                                                                                                  Yes, it was the great and glorious JC. As I recall it, she was giving her definition of Nouvelle Cuisine: “Food that’s been so artfully prepared, and so beautifully arranged on the plate, that you just know that someone’s fingers have been all over it”

                                                                                                                                                3. MC Slim JB Mar 7, 2007 05:24 AM

                                                                                                                                                  "Bacon is a vegetable" -- t-shirt sold by webcomic "Diesel Sweeties"

                                                                                                                                                  "I hate people who are not serious about their meals." -- Oscar Wilde

                                                                                                                                                  "We plan, we toil, we suffer - in the hope of what? A camel-load of idol's eyes? The title deeds of Radio City? The empire of Asia? A trip to the moon? No, no, no, no. Simply to wake just in time to smell coffee and bacon and eggs." -- J. B. Priestly

                                                                                                                                                  Here's one I remember (too late) every time I have a bad meal at a restaurant that's been open for less than a month: "The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." -- Steven Wright

                                                                                                                                                  "We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink." -- Epicurus

                                                                                                                                                  "Bread and butter, devoid of charm in the drawing-room, is ambrosia eating under a tree." -- Elizabeth Russell

                                                                                                                                                  "Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly." -- M. F. K. Fisher

                                                                                                                                                  "Tell me what you eat, I'll tell you who you are." -- Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

                                                                                                                                                  "Let us eat and drink; for tomorrow we shall die." -- Isaiah 22:13

                                                                                                                                                  6 Replies
                                                                                                                                                  1. re: MC Slim JB
                                                                                                                                                    ajs228 Oct 19, 2007 12:31 PM

                                                                                                                                                    I got the "Bacon is a vegetable" shirt for Christmas. Came with a bumper sticker too.
                                                                                                                                                    My favorite phrase has always been, "Bacon makes everything better."

                                                                                                                                                    1. re: ajs228
                                                                                                                                                      dinner belle Nov 4, 2007 07:07 PM

                                                                                                                                                      I loved it on a recent Iron Chef when Jeffrey Steingerten said, "The only thing more enjoyable than chocolate is bacon."

                                                                                                                                                      1. re: dinner belle
                                                                                                                                                        r
                                                                                                                                                        rfneid Nov 5, 2007 07:04 AM

                                                                                                                                                        Then Jeffrey Steingerten would love the chocolate bar I just saw in the cheese store around the corner - & I swear this is true - dark chocolate covered, applewood smoked bacon!

                                                                                                                                                        1. re: dinner belle
                                                                                                                                                          ajs228 Nov 8, 2007 08:53 AM

                                                                                                                                                          Or Ted Allen on Iron Chef, "Two words to improve any dish. Ba, Con"

                                                                                                                                                          1. re: dinner belle
                                                                                                                                                            c
                                                                                                                                                            Cinnamon May 3, 2009 01:05 PM

                                                                                                                                                            I had pork mole last night that was essentially ham chocolate fondue, so I beg to differ.

                                                                                                                                                        2. re: MC Slim JB
                                                                                                                                                          n
                                                                                                                                                          NVJims Mar 30, 2008 12:35 AM

                                                                                                                                                          "Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you will be in Utah" Sign in Wendover Nevada just before crossing over into Utah.

                                                                                                                                                        3. a
                                                                                                                                                          agalarneau Mar 7, 2007 10:41 AM

                                                                                                                                                          The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal
                                                                                                                                                          probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world.

                                                                                                                                                          - Robert Orben

                                                                                                                                                          1. j
                                                                                                                                                            Jesdamala Mar 7, 2007 01:57 PM

                                                                                                                                                            Forgive me if this has been mentioned...but a great little tome is
                                                                                                                                                            "Never Eat More Than You Can lift" by Sharon Tyler Herbst..

                                                                                                                                                            http://www.amazon.com/Never-More-Othe...

                                                                                                                                                            Hope the above link works...many, many quotes, and lots of fun to read!

                                                                                                                                                            6 Replies
                                                                                                                                                            1. re: Jesdamala
                                                                                                                                                              prunefeet Mar 8, 2007 09:15 AM

                                                                                                                                                              Or "never eat anything bigger than your head" from Kliban (wrote books of humorous cartoons mostly about cats)

                                                                                                                                                              1. re: prunefeet
                                                                                                                                                                danna Mar 8, 2007 10:20 AM

                                                                                                                                                                Also Kliban (visulaize cat w/ guitar):

                                                                                                                                                                Love to eat them mousies
                                                                                                                                                                Mousies what I love to eat
                                                                                                                                                                Bite they tiny heads off
                                                                                                                                                                Nibble they tiny feet

                                                                                                                                                                (Apologies for any misquoting...that was from memory)

                                                                                                                                                                1. re: danna
                                                                                                                                                                  LindaWhit Mar 8, 2007 10:58 AM

                                                                                                                                                                  I think you got it right! And it reminded me of this one:

                                                                                                                                                                  fish heads
                                                                                                                                                                  fish heads
                                                                                                                                                                  roly poly fish heads
                                                                                                                                                                  fish heads
                                                                                                                                                                  fish heads
                                                                                                                                                                  eat them up
                                                                                                                                                                  yum

                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: LindaWhit
                                                                                                                                                                    r
                                                                                                                                                                    ricepad Mar 8, 2007 11:21 AM

                                                                                                                                                                    Great video!

                                                                                                                                                                    They don't play baseball,
                                                                                                                                                                    They don't wear sweaters,
                                                                                                                                                                    They don't go to movies,
                                                                                                                                                                    They don't play drums.

                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: ricepad
                                                                                                                                                                      LindaWhit Mar 8, 2007 03:06 PM

                                                                                                                                                                      And did you know one of them is/was Bill Mumy - who played Will Robinson in Lost in Space?

                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: LindaWhit
                                                                                                                                                                        prunefeet Mar 9, 2007 09:13 AM

                                                                                                                                                                        OMG, really??? Very funny.

                                                                                                                                                            2. oonth Mar 7, 2007 02:18 PM

                                                                                                                                                              A great toast "Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends" - Francis Bacon (Anglo-Irish painter)

                                                                                                                                                              "I'm a vegetarian not because I love animals but because I hate plants" - Unattributed

                                                                                                                                                              1. whs Mar 7, 2007 04:36 PM

                                                                                                                                                                I can't believe no one has mentioned the greatest food quote of all time: "Let them eat cake". Or as Jeffrey Dahmer said to Lorena Bobbitt: "you gonna eat that?"

                                                                                                                                                                1. ambrose Mar 7, 2007 05:16 PM

                                                                                                                                                                  “I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner…”
                                                                                                                                                                  - Hannibal Lecter

                                                                                                                                                                  1. s
                                                                                                                                                                    Sinicle Mar 7, 2007 06:15 PM

                                                                                                                                                                    Don't know where I read it, but
                                                                                                                                                                    " If all the coffee labeled 'Blue Mountain' were from Jamaica, Jamaica would have to be the size of Texas."

                                                                                                                                                                    1. Charles Mar 7, 2007 07:37 PM

                                                                                                                                                                      Does anyone know the exact quote and who said it that goes something like... “The job of the Chef is to take great ingredients and not ruin them.”

                                                                                                                                                                      1. Covert Ops Mar 8, 2007 07:10 AM

                                                                                                                                                                        ALLEZ CUISINE!!

                                                                                                                                                                        1. adkim Mar 8, 2007 11:28 AM

                                                                                                                                                                          "Rice is good to eat when you're really hungry and want to eat a thousand of something."
                                                                                                                                                                          -Mitch Hedber (R.I.P.)

                                                                                                                                                                          1. adkim Mar 8, 2007 12:32 PM

                                                                                                                                                                            From the Texas Cafe or aka 'the spoon' in Lubbock, TX (bbq) :

                                                                                                                                                                            "Don't pass salad off as food"

                                                                                                                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: adkim
                                                                                                                                                                              a
                                                                                                                                                                              ali patts Mar 12, 2007 02:36 AM

                                                                                                                                                                              I forgot - a friends 6 year old son on vegetables, 'grows in dirt, tastes like dirt'. Out of the mouths of babes!

                                                                                                                                                                            2. Harp00n Mar 8, 2007 05:10 PM

                                                                                                                                                                              A triple play by the late, great William Claude Dukenfield aka W.C. Fields:

                                                                                                                                                                              "Once...in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days"
                                                                                                                                                                              - My Little Chickadee

                                                                                                                                                                              "What contemptible scoundrel stole the corkscrew from my lunch?"
                                                                                                                                                                              - You Can't Cheat an Honest Man!

                                                                                                                                                                              "I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink: that's the one thing I'm indebted to her for."
                                                                                                                                                                              - Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

                                                                                                                                                                              6 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Harp00n
                                                                                                                                                                                Harp00n Mar 10, 2007 01:26 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                And this from Oscar Wilde; "Work is the curse of the drinking class!"

                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Harp00n
                                                                                                                                                                                  Aromatherapy Mar 10, 2007 07:32 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                  Actually that was Prof. Spooner. As in spoonerism. A pathetic yet entertaining figure.

                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Aromatherapy
                                                                                                                                                                                    Harp00n Mar 11, 2007 12:31 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                    Actually, the vast majority of all quotes attributed to William Archibald Spooner are considered apocryphal and he irritatedly stated so during his lifetime. George Carlin would well understand his annoyance. BTW, "A pathetic yet entertaining figure", hardly. W.A. Spooner was highly regarded by both peers and students in his over sixty years of service at New College, Oxford.

                                                                                                                                                                                    The citation of this quote, as being by Oscar Wilde, is from chapter 12 of Hesketh Pearson's 1946 biography "Oscar Wilde, His Life and Wit". Moreover, spoonerism are akin to malapropism, without guile, i.e. unintentional transpositions. Wilde identified himself with anarchistic socialism and, based on many of his other quotes, it would fit his, rightfully, cynical views of the English "Ruling Class".

                                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: Harp00n
                                                                                                                                                                                    a
                                                                                                                                                                                    Auriana Jan 12, 2010 07:06 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                    I love that quote!

                                                                                                                                                                                  3. re: Harp00n
                                                                                                                                                                                    Davwud Oct 29, 2007 07:12 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                    "I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy."

                                                                                                                                                                                    W. C. Fields

                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Harp00n
                                                                                                                                                                                      p
                                                                                                                                                                                      phantomdoc Jun 24, 2009 02:22 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                      WC once was on the movie set and was drinking pineapple juice in a scene. He was supposed to have gin and pineapple juice. The crew pulled a prank and gave him juice without any gin. He took a sip and said .

                                                                                                                                                                                      "Somebody put pineapple juice in my pineapple juice."

                                                                                                                                                                                    2. moiraknows Mar 9, 2007 09:08 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                      “If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose."
                                                                                                                                                                                      Jack Handy

                                                                                                                                                                                      1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: moiraknows
                                                                                                                                                                                        Tomatokid Oct 10, 2007 08:56 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                        "Sure Lisa, there's some magical animal that gives us bacon and ham and ribs." Homer Simpson

                                                                                                                                                                                      2. Junie D Mar 9, 2007 09:32 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                        "Beware of girls who don't like wine, truffles, cheese, or music."
                                                                                                                                                                                        Colette

                                                                                                                                                                                        1. l
                                                                                                                                                                                          LJS Mar 9, 2007 10:17 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                          "There are few foods that are not enhanced by the addition of either bacon or chocolate, but rarely both". Food Editor, Spy Magazine

                                                                                                                                                                                          1. f
                                                                                                                                                                                            Flour Child Mar 9, 2007 10:45 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                            "Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mothers tasted better the day before."
                                                                                                                                                                                            Rita Rudner

                                                                                                                                                                                            "Food is an important part of a balanced diet" Fran Lebowitz

                                                                                                                                                                                            "Bread is the warmest,kindest of words. Write it always with a capital letter, like your own name." Anonymous

                                                                                                                                                                                            "If you don't want to use butter, then use cream!" Julia Child

                                                                                                                                                                                            1. i
                                                                                                                                                                                              ishmael Mar 9, 2007 04:55 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                              I spent ninety percent of all the money I made on loose women, good food and wine.. the rest I squandered.

                                                                                                                                                                                              1. xianzhong Mar 10, 2007 08:54 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                "Bad food is made without pride, by cooks who have no pride, and no love. Bad food is made by chefs who are indifferent, or who are trying to be everything to everybody, who are trying to please everyone ... Bad food is fake food ... food that shows fear and lack of confidence in people’s ability to discern or to make decisions about their lives. Food that’s too safe, too pasteurized, too healthy – it’s bad! There should be some risk, like unpasteurized cheese. Food is about rot, and decay, and fermentation….as much as it is also about freshness."
                                                                                                                                                                                                - Anthony Bourdain, Interview with Chris Tan (http://www.foodfella.com/Writing%20Pa...

                                                                                                                                                                                                )

                                                                                                                                                                                                "if you're going to kill the animal it seems only polite to use the whole thing"
                                                                                                                                                                                                - Fergus Henderson, Chef of St. John in London, England

                                                                                                                                                                                                "I always want to rate restaurants, like movies get rated—PG-13; NC-17. We'd get an adult rating —an R, which means no babies, no one who's going to complain about the music, no special requests."
                                                                                                                                                                                                - David Chang, Chef at Momofuku Noodle Bar, NYC

                                                                                                                                                                                                Advice to future cooks. "You're better off peeling potatoes at a great kitchen than working saucier at a really mediocre place."
                                                                                                                                                                                                - David Chang, Chef at Momofuku Noodle Bar, NYC

                                                                                                                                                                                                1. n
                                                                                                                                                                                                  nose_food Mar 11, 2007 10:15 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I don't remember the name of the girl, I don't remember the name of the place....
                                                                                                                                                                                                  But the wine-was a Chambertin. (I think it was Balzac).

                                                                                                                                                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: nose_food
                                                                                                                                                                                                    Gary Soup Mar 11, 2007 11:22 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                    ....and I don't remember the author?

                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. chaddict Oct 4, 2007 04:01 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                    (Standing at fish counter, holding a lobster)

                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Okay, hold on now! So you're telling me you put these little guys in boiling water, and they shriek, and they turn red and they die?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Yes, sir."

                                                                                                                                                                                                    "That is THE most metal thing I have ever heard in my whole life! High five!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                    God bless, Dethklok!

                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. KenWritez Oct 6, 2007 11:54 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Life is too short to eat bad food."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "If PETA members were serious, they'd offer their own lives in exchange for a veal's. Who's got the barbecue sauce?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain just to eat only nuts and berries."

                                                                                                                                                                                                      “Food is our common ground, a universal experience.” ~James Beard

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "I love Thanksgiving turkey. It's the only time in Los Angeles you see natural breasts." ~Arnold Schwarzenegger

                                                                                                                                                                                                      "As viscous as motor oil swirled in a swamp, redolent of burnt bell peppers nested in by incontinent mice and a finish reminiscent of the dregs of a stale can of Coca-Cola that someone has been using as an ashtray. Not a bad drink, though." ~Wine Tasting by T. A. Nonymous

                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. diablo Oct 7, 2007 02:32 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                        "The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"

                                                                                                                                                                                                        -Julia Child

                                                                                                                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: diablo
                                                                                                                                                                                                          Davwud Oct 29, 2007 07:17 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                          I don't know how many of Julia's quotes are in here but god love her.

                                                                                                                                                                                                          DT

                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. Spiritchaser Oct 8, 2007 06:13 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                          Not sure if quotes on drinks are included but how about"

                                                                                                                                                                                                          A woman once drove me to drive and I didn't have the decency to thank here.
                                                                                                                                                                                                          - WC Fields

                                                                                                                                                                                                          I drink champagne when I'm happy and when I'm sad. Sometimes I drink it when I'm alone. When I have company I consider it obligatory. I trifle with it if I'm not hungry and drink it when I am. Otherwise I never touch it - unless I'm thirsty. ~ Madame Lilly Bollinger

                                                                                                                                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Spiritchaser
                                                                                                                                                                                                            MMRuth Oct 8, 2007 06:38 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Winston Churchill:

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
                                                                                                                                                                                                            Winston: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."

                                                                                                                                                                                                            "Sir Winston Churchill once attended a dinner party in Virginia where wine and fried chicken were served. He asked the voluptuous hostess if he could have a piece of breast meat. She replied with her Southern drawl, Mr. Churchill, nice people don't use that word for that part of the anatomy. We say white meat.' The next day the hostess received a small box from a local florist. Inside was a beautiful corsage and a note from Churchill which read, I would be obliged if you would pin this corsage on your white meat."

                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. aussiewonder Oct 8, 2007 12:47 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Cooking is like love ~ it should be entered into with abandon, or not at all -Harriet Van Horne

                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. d
                                                                                                                                                                                                              dalaimama Oct 8, 2007 12:54 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                              I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              A. Whitney Brown

                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. t
                                                                                                                                                                                                                Terrieltr Oct 9, 2007 11:46 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Rules of Chocolate

                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. If you’ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you’re eating it too slowly!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. Chocolate covered raisins, orange slices, cherries, and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                3. The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                4. Diet tip: Eat chocolate before each meal. It’ll take the edge off your appetite and you’ll eat less.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                5. If calories are an issue, store yoru chocolate in the refrigerator. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                6. If I east equal amounts of dark and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don’t they actually counteract each other?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                7. Money talks. Chocolate sings.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                8. Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                9. Q. Why is there no such organization as chocoholics anonymous? A. Because no one wants to quit.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                10. Put “eat chocolate” at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you’ll get one thing done.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                11. A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn’t that handy?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                12. If you can’t eat all your chocolate, it’ll keep in the freezer. but if you can’t eat all your chocolate, what’s wrong with you?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. Tomatokid Oct 10, 2007 08:53 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Sous Chef: "5 second rule";
                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Expediter: "but it's for a VIP!"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Sous Chef: "Alright 10 seconds." -(kitchen name witheld to protect the reputation)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  "Good cooking, good eating, good loving; Quality gets ALL". Paul Prudhomme

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. SweetPhyl Oct 10, 2007 10:00 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Garlic is the ketchup of intellectuals.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Life is too short to drink cheap wine.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: SweetPhyl
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      b
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      bronwen Oct 10, 2007 11:23 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      There was a great English cook called Fanny Craddock who starred on a show with her husband Johnny who purported to be "helping" her but was actually drinking all the cooking sherry and getting pretty drunk. Once Fanny held up two huge potatoes saying "These are King Edward's" whereupon we heard Johnny's drunken voice in the background saying "They look more like King Kong's ....."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: bronwen
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        aussiewonder Oct 10, 2007 01:37 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        from a tshirt i forgot i even had...
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Friends don't let friends drink White Zinfandel!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Or as seen on a bumper sticker
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Friends don't let friends drink Starbucks

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. Lemon Curry Oct 11, 2007 10:09 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      From the (excellent) Posh Nosh:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "We make our own stock, but by all means buy stock cubes if you have no self-esteem"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. free sample addict aka Tracy L Oct 12, 2007 08:29 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Shut your mouth and eat
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        ---my mom

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Pizza is death
                                                                                                                                                                                                                        --my doctor

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. mariacarmen Oct 15, 2007 03:16 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. On a greeting card given to me 15 years ago - drawing of a prim young Victorian woman at table, holding plate up and laciviously licking it clean.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Caption: "There is no love sincerer than the love of food."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          George Bernard Shaw. that one's framed in my kitchen.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. "If we weren't supposed to eat animals, why did God make them out of meat?" (unsure of provenance of that one.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: mariacarmen
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            i
                                                                                                                                                                                                                            ishmael Oct 19, 2007 08:26 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Number 2--Mitch Hedberg I believe

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. Tomatokid Oct 19, 2007 05:28 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            To a conga beat "YOU DON'T WIN FRIENDS WITH SALAD!" -Bart Simpson

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Jeters Oct 19, 2007 10:48 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Probably my favorite poem of all time:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              This Is Just To Say

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I have eaten
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              the plums
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              that were in
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              the icebox

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              and which
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              you were probably
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              saving
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              for breakfast.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Forgive me
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              they were delicious
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              so sweet
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              and so cold.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              -- William Carlos Williams

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Jeters
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                m
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                meg944 Oct 19, 2007 12:16 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                My husband recites that to me on occasion - very sexy! I have thought about having it made up as "wonderful graffiti" for our kitchen chalkboard.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Jeters
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  DallasDude Jun 30, 2009 01:44 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I enjoy the wit of the poem. I recall an episode of This American Life where they had the contributers write a verion of This Is Just To Say. Here is one of those:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  This is just to say
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I have cooked
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  the turkey
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  that was in
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  the fridge

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  and which
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  you were probably saving
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  for Thanksgiving dinner

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Forgive me
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  it was big
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  so big
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  and so raw

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Listen to that episode here: http://www.thislife.org/Radio_Episode...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: DallasDude
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    roxlet Feb 3, 2010 10:01 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I'm pretty sure that is a riff on a Yefteshenko (sp) poem...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  JWalker Oct 19, 2007 12:57 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I cook with wine; sometimes I even add it to the food! ~W.C. Fields

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. Davwud Oct 29, 2007 07:26 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    It is a tad childish but I can't believe no one has used "I'm on a seafood diet. I see food, I eat it."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Also, "You can tune a piano but you can't tune a fish."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Sex is like pizza, even when it's lousy it's still pretty good."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "That's a warning salvo to vegetarians everywhere."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    A. Bourdain in Spain minutes before a pig was to be slaughtered.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Pork fat rules!"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    E. Legace (Say what you want, he's right)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "There are only three ingredients to this gastronomical train wreck."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    A. Bourdain when describing poutine (Which he very much enjoyed I might add)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    DT

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. c
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      cepaulsen Oct 29, 2007 11:29 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      " You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer. "
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      frank zappa

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. gini Oct 31, 2007 12:58 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        -- (Terry Pratchett, The Truth)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: gini
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Ima Wurdibitsch Jun 17, 2009 12:07 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I love Terry Pratchett! Great quote.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. r
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          rfneid Nov 1, 2007 11:08 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          From "Home Grown Tomatoes", a song by Guy Clark: "only two things that money can't buy & that's true love & home grown tomatoes"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: rfneid
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            t
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Terrieltr Nov 30, 2007 10:49 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Stephine Davis has a song called "Talkin' Harvest Time Blues". I will always remember the line "You have to take zucchini—we’re related!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. h
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            hungry_pangolin Nov 2, 2007 09:31 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            A bit politically incorrect (it was 1700, after all), but, from Congreve's The Way of the World:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            To drink is a Christian diversion
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Unknown to the Turk or the Persian :
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Let Mahometan fools,
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Live by heathenish rules,
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            And be damn'd over teacups and coffee;
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            But let British lads sing,
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Crown a health to the King.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            And a fig for our Sultan and Sophy! [sophie = shah]

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I just want to add that I do have a few goods friends who are muslim.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Also, apparently after he left the Catholic Church, Martin Luther was criticised by a fellow reformer for showing undue pleasure in food and drink. His reply was something like "Did not God create the trout that swims in the Rhine, and the grape that grows on its banks? Should I not then take pleasure in His labours?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: hungry_pangolin
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              e
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              ekammin Nov 4, 2007 06:34 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Mordechai Richler's comment on Canadian wine (it's really improved since then) "There is just so much bad wine I can drink for my country."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              And on the subject of Moslems, for years there was a restaurant near Columbus Circle in New York that advertised "Shish kebab fit for Allah." I could never pass this without wondering how a Moslem felt seeing that sign - perhaps how a Christian would feel if he saw a sign in, say, Damascus, saying "Hamburgers fit for Jesus Christ."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: ekammin
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Lemon Curry Nov 20, 2007 09:13 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I know of a Halal soul food restaurant in Harlem called

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "Mookie's No Pork On My Fork"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                awesome.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Lemon Curry
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  p
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  phantomdoc Jun 24, 2009 02:35 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  On a bumper sticker on 6th street in the east village of NYC.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I love Allah...with ch added in front of Allah.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. chef chicklet Nov 19, 2007 10:40 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "Oh, domesticity! The wonder of dinner plates and cream pitchers. You know your friends by their ornaments. You want everything. If Mrs. A. has her mama's old jelly mold, you want one too, and everything else that goes with it -- the family, the tradition, the years of having jelly molded in it. We domestic sensualists live in a state of longing, no matter how comfortable our own places are. a passage from Jane Austin's " The Lone Pilgrim" is so much my favorite and describes the way I feel about my kitchen and things to the T.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              and
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "When the talk turns to eating, a subject of the greatest importance, only fools and sick men don't give it the attention it deserves." - Laura Esquivel

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. lunchbox Nov 29, 2007 04:27 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "to be enbalmed without being fed, makes a man feel distinctly dead"- Martial

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I once absent-mindedly ordered three mile Island dressing in a restaurant and with great presence of mind, they brought thousand Island dressing and a bottle of chili sauce"- Terry Pratchett

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I threw a dinner party for twelve and made gazpacho and risotto and tacos and osso buco and a gateau of jell-o with marshmallows and served it with a Barolo- Garrison Keeler

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die: He told me my vinaigrette needed more vinegar. He was wrong about that. Dead wrong.- Garrison Keeler

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Great restaurants are nothing more than mouth-brothels. There is no point in going to them if one intends to keep one's belt buckled.- Frederick Raphael

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Heaven sends us good meat, but the devil sends us cooks.- David Garrick

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Red meat isn't bad for you. Blue green meat- now THAT is bad for you!- Tommy Smothers

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I went to a buffet shaped like an Ouija board- youthought about the food you wanted and the food came to you- Stephen Wright

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                My mom made two dishes: Take it or Leave it.- Stephen Wright

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: lunchbox
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  b
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Barry Foy Nov 30, 2007 08:34 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  In a review of the book SERVICE INCLUDED in The New York Times Book Review (18 Nov.), Sean Wilsey wrote:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Refinement is a form of corruption. Sharpening the palate may well correspond to deeper deadening. Human organs of sense experience, cut free from anything but their own pleasure, catered to so scrupulously--how can it end in anything other than a spoiled, infantilized, ever-more-demanding state?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. north2south Dec 4, 2007 10:45 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  "I was at a restaurant and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress heard me because she asked, 'How would you like your eggs?' So I tried to answer her anyway. I said, 'Incubated... And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun.... Damn, that's going to take a while. I don't have time.... Scrambled!'" - Mitch Hedberg

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  It's better seen and heard rather than read. It's at the end of this short video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5V9SHd...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: north2south
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    north2south Dec 4, 2007 11:16 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Another Hedberg gem:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Pepperidge Farm bread... That's fancy bread. You can tell it's fancy because it's wrapped twice. You open it, and it still isn't open. That's why I don't buy it. I don't need another step between me and toast."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. Cookiepants Dec 5, 2007 03:41 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Pork-the other white meat"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    or

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Ezekiel 4:12, 15
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    snicker snicker

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. k
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Kam7185 Mar 28, 2008 05:07 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      A moment on the lips.....forever on the hips!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Gotta love mothers!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. p
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Panini Guy Mar 29, 2008 11:06 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        The late, great Sam Kinison on solving world hunger:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "See this? This is sand. Nothing grows in sand. You live in the desert. MOVE TO THE FOOD!!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. g
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          guate Mar 29, 2008 12:42 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          From the Addams Family movie, regarding lemonade:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Wednesday: Yes.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Pugsley: Yes.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Girl Scout: Well, I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. Vee7 Mar 29, 2008 05:08 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            At a large banquet with my extended family, after many courses, my skinny cousin said, I'm full. My fat cousin replied, that's no reason to stop.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. BobB Mar 31, 2008 09:00 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Don't forget the ever-acerbic Fran Lebowitz:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "Food is an important part of a balanced diet."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "If you're going to America, bring your own food."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "Inhabitants of underdeveloped nations and victims of natural disasters are the only people who have ever been happy to see soybeans."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding fresh lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand that there must be a reason for this.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “Civilised adults do not take apple juice with dinner.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “Cold soup is a very tricky thing and it is the rare hostess who can carry it off. More often than not the dinner guest is left with the impression that had he only come a little earlier he could have gotten it while it was still hot.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. Scagnetti Apr 4, 2008 09:09 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "I went to the hospital for a blood transfusion and they gave me a wine list."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                -- Dean Martin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. l
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  lidiab Apr 4, 2008 11:16 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  "Times fun when your having flies" Kermit the Frog

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. Scrapironchef Apr 4, 2008 12:02 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "if this is food, what have we been eating?" Hank Hill in the Food CoOp episode of King of the Hill.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Scrapironchef
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      jumpingmonk Apr 30, 2009 10:00 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      On dumplings (the western kind not the asian kind)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "a good dumpling is the mark of a good cook. You'll appreciate this fact if you've ever had one by a bad cook"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Terry Prachett (via Nanny Ogg)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. billieboy Apr 30, 2009 02:18 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Seeing as this post has been brought back, I offer this from James Barber the Urban Peasant.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Cooking is like sex. You do the best you can with what you have"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: billieboy
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        buttertart May 1, 2009 10:28 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        On another facet of the same topic,
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "Making love to her was like eating a peach with no pit."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        which as I recall is from Toby Olson's novel "Utah", a wonderful book in general.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. al b. darned Apr 30, 2009 08:46 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "Life's short. Eat dessert first."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. JK Grence the Cosmic Jester May 1, 2009 02:48 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          It's always fun seeing an old topic get dusted off...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "The body is like a finely tuned machine: If you don't put in enough oil, it breaks down."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          --Julia Child

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. k
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            ktb615 May 1, 2009 08:31 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I don't know how he has been missed this whole thread, but how about Fernand Point quotes?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            "Before judging a thin man, one must get some information. Perhaps he was once fat."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            "I like to start off my day with a glass of Champagne. I like to wind it up with Champagne, too. To be frank, I also like a glass or two in between."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            "Butter! Give me butter! Always butter!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. Pigeage May 3, 2009 01:31 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I was so happy to see this thread still going strong!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "Viva la Chow!", and let's keep 'em coming, you classy bunch of foodies, you!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              To help us along - I offer another bon mot from Mr. O'Rourke:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "Wedding reception food, whether served at table or presented at a buffet, should be stuff that's easy to throw up."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              ;-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              3 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Pigeage
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                k
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                KevinB May 28, 2009 04:29 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Not exactly a quotation, but my favourite recipe from Mr. O'Rourke (from "Modern Manners" or "The Bachelor's Home Companion" not sure which):

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                A party food to be served at someone else's party:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "Soup Nagasaki: Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Put one unopened tin of Campbell's soup in the oven. Leave. 30 minutes later - Soup Nagasaki!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: KevinB
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  JK Grence the Cosmic Jester Jun 2, 2009 01:41 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Oh, that's right up there with the roast chicken recipe I'd learned some years ago... Get a chicken, Stove Top stuffing mix, and 1 cup of unpopped popcorn. Prepare the stuffing mix by the package directions, adding the popcorn. Stuff the bird as usual. Roast the bird in a V-rack at 350 degrees. When the bird's ass blows off in about an hour, the fragments will be tender and juicy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. re: Pigeage
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Pipenta Dec 2, 2010 06:29 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  On the same somewhat unfortunate topic, there was a gentleman from Connecticut who owned a Mexican restaurant in Orange. For recreation, he did long distance ocean racing, single-handed sailing, not something most folks can or are willing to do. When asked with what he stocked his galley with for long deep-water crossings, he said, most emphatically, APRICOTS.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  When asked why, the sailor explained, "Because they taste pretty much the same coming up as they do going down..."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                3. w
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  weezycom May 3, 2009 07:26 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  To paraphrase from A Year In Provence:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  The English love words, the French love food. The French have a hundred cheeses and argue about which one is best. The English have one cheese and argue about which fork to eat it with.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. h
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    harrisea May 3, 2009 01:42 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Everyone needs something to believe in. I believe I'll have another cookie.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. a
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      AngelSanctuary May 25, 2009 05:21 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Desserts are like mistresses. They are bad for you. So if you are having one, you might as well have two." - Alain Ducasse

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Favorite quote EVER.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: AngelSanctuary
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Pigeage May 27, 2009 03:18 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Yes, well - he would know. ;-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Pigeage
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          alkapal May 27, 2009 03:35 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          um, is that one of them pictured in your avatar?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. BeefeaterGin May 26, 2009 08:07 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "The proper union of gin and vermouth is a great and sudden glory; it is one of the happiest marriages on earth, and one of the shortest lived"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Bernard Devoto

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. alkapal May 27, 2009 03:38 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "Some of our best meals are memories!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          kattyeyes (fellow chowhound)
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          May 19, 2009
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          10:14PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. bermudagourmetgoddess May 28, 2009 11:26 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            "You gotta kill it before you can grill it!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            "Vegetarians are cool. All I eat are vegetarians - except for the occasional mountain lion steak."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Uncle Ted (Nugent)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: bermudagourmetgoddess
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Davwud May 28, 2009 01:23 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "The cuter the critter, the sweeter the meat."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Also Uncle Ted.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              DT

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. Sam Fujisaka May 28, 2009 04:36 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "The old carabao likes the young grass!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              - A Filipino saying that is not really talking about food

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. mcsheridan May 28, 2009 06:08 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "Time is an illusion; Lunchtime doubly so." - Douglas Adams
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "Unless life also hands you water and sugar, your lemonade's gonna suck!" - Unknown
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "I believe there's room for all of Nature's creatures: right next to the gravy and mashed potatoes." - bumper sticker

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: mcsheridan
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  alkapal May 29, 2009 03:29 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  >>>>"Unless life also hands you water and sugar, your lemonade's gonna suck!" - Unknown<<<<

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  i love that one!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. Rmis32 May 28, 2009 06:18 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  From Zagat "Outtakes"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. If I want to be ignored, I can stay home with my family.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. Anorexic portions at obese prices.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  3. Only the flies on our table enjoyed the meal.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  4. Take a look at the staff on the way in – that’s the last you’ll see of them.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  5. Suffers from delusions of adequacy.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. Passadumkeg May 29, 2009 02:06 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Lobster the other white meat", The Maine Lobster Council
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "You won't get drunk on another man's vodka" My grandfather
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "The church is near, but the road is icy, the tavern is far, but I'll walk carefully." Grandfather in translation.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Chicken today, feathers tomorrow" on the kitchen wall of my childhood home.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Drinking lite beer is like making love w/ ones clothing on. What's the point?" Passadumkeg
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Life's too short to drink cheap beer" Wartstiener ad
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "In heaven ther is no beer
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    That's why we drink it here..." Polka tune
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "Red Neck White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer" C&W song

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Passadumkeg
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      jumpingmonk May 29, 2009 05:13 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "The church is near, but the road is icy, the tavern is far, but I'll walk carefully." Grandfather in translation.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I've read that proverb before, it was in Spider Robinson's "Off the Wall at Callahan's" Now at least I know he wasnt making it up!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I used this one once when arguing that steps needed to be taken to prevent some remote possibility (I forgot what the remote possiblity was)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "It's a bit like biting into a mature bannana seed in a supermarket banana; while extremely unlikey, it is theoretically possible, and if it does happen you are going to be in far too much pain to appreciate how rare the occurence is."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. y
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Yesenia May 29, 2009 05:07 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook & won't, that's a wife who can't cook & will." ~ Robert Frost

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. Scargod May 31, 2009 07:54 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Waitress said to me, "The steak is not tough, you are cutting it wrong".

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        7 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          alkapal Jun 1, 2009 01:32 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          destined to become a classic! {;^D.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            LindaWhit Jun 1, 2009 08:33 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Can't believe she said that when you had a pointy sharp knife in your hand. ;-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: LindaWhit
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Harp00n Jun 1, 2009 08:51 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Conversely LW, maybe the blade was dull. :-D

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Harp

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: LindaWhit
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Scargod Jun 2, 2009 05:00 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I was young, perhaps just 20. At the time, I hadn't had many steaks. The waitress, twice my age, intimidated me and I struggled through it. I can't remember the knife, but it's likely it was pointed, unlike the huge, rounded-tipped knives of today. Jim Bowie would roll over in his grave if he could see the restaurant conversion of his knife into a emasculated, serrated steak knife...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  LindaWhit Jun 2, 2009 06:58 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Cougar intimidation. Got it. ;-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  And I *hate* those massive steak knives you sometimes get with your steak now - especially serrated ones that shred the steak instead of cutting it properly.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: LindaWhit
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Scargod Jun 2, 2009 08:08 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    When I was 20 I didn't know what "Cougar" meant and barely knew the pleasure of a woman, old or young. I just had to go look Cougar up!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I was in the liquor store yesterday when a much younger woman engaged me and was oohing and awing over my big selection of wines. I could hardly disengage. What do you call that? I'm naive (Evian backwards)... does she have a cat name?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      LindaWhit Jun 2, 2009 08:22 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      LOL! I don't think "cougar" came into existence until fairly recently...but I could be mistaken.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      As for the young lady in the liquor store? No cat name. Just a gold digger. (Your "big selection of wines"????? LOL!!)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. alkapal Jun 1, 2009 04:51 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “I didn't work my way to the top of the food chain to eat vegetables.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              sign in restaurant: “Special Today - No Ice Cream”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              English sign in German café: “Mothers - please wash your Hans before eating.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “The quality of food in a restaurant is inversely proportional to the number of signed celebrity photographs on the walls.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “Practice safe eating - always use condiments.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              “Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to work for McDonald's.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              sign in restaurant: “Our tongue sandwiches speak for themselves.”
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              ~~~~~
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              all from joe-ks.com

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              6 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                LindaWhit Jun 1, 2009 08:54 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I love the first one from Steven Wright. :-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Some more:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. (Anonymous)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper. - Andy Rooney

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I don't like gourmet cooking or "this" cooking or "that" cooking. I like good cooking. - James Beard

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward. - George Carlin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: LindaWhit
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  a
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  AngelSanctuary Jun 1, 2009 11:45 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Lol I've been drinking Evian for years before someone made a comment about the water being naive and then I was like OH MY GOD!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  But seriously, I can TASTE a difference and I can't drink water if it's not from Evian.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: AngelSanctuary
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    JK Grence the Cosmic Jester Jun 2, 2009 01:44 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Someone once pointed out to me the flavor profile of Evian... rocks.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Angel, if you get into wine, go straight for Sauvignon Blanc, you'll love 'em! A really good one is like getting smacked in the face with a piece of wet slate. In a good way.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: JK Grence the Cosmic Jester
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Scargod Jun 2, 2009 02:02 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "like getting smacked in the face with a piece of wet slate" Soaked in grapefruit juice? I think you've been drinking those French ones with too much "terroir"!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      To me, all the New Zealand ones, and many from elsewhere, have a predominantly citrus note.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        c
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Cinnamon Jun 2, 2009 06:45 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I miss secondary malolactic fermentation, AKA "buttery" - Murphy Goode chardonnay (yes, chardonnay!!) is a good one of those.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Rmis32 Jun 3, 2011 11:21 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  NYC's Ben's Deli marquee "We cure our own pastrami, our chicken soup cures everything else."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                3. sbp Jun 1, 2009 06:29 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Are you gonna eat your fat?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  - Spaulding Smails

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Janet from Richmond Jun 2, 2009 08:16 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Sunday brunch is God's way of forgiving you for Saturday night.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. c
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      chaz Jun 11, 2009 07:33 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Not a quote. Sorry, but do you remember the Twilight Zone with the visitors from outer space who had this book with them whose title was finally translated-too late, incidentally-to keep earthlings from lining up to go up to their planet on their spaceships? It translated as either "To Serve Man" or " To Serve People". It was a cookbook.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      8 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: chaz
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Scargod Jun 11, 2009 08:43 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Or the Venus fly-trap like plant that demandingly said, "feed me"!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          buttertart Jun 12, 2009 06:27 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Which featured in my nightmares for several years after (caught me at an impressionable age).

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. re: chaz
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          mcsheridan Jun 12, 2009 04:08 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Oh yeah, I remember that one! The title of the episode and the title of the cookbook were one and the same: To Serve Man

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "Mr. Chambers! Don't get on that ship! The rest of the book, "To Serve Man", it's...it's a cookbook!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Michael Chambers' last words on the subject: "How about you? You still on Earth, or on a ship with me? Well, it doesn't make very much difference because sooner or later, we'll all of us be on the menu. All of us."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: mcsheridan
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            jumpingmonk Jun 12, 2009 06:27 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Bonus food reference, in the orginal short story, by Damon Knight, The Kanamit (the aliens) looked like pigs (not the big bulbous headed things in the Twilight Zone Episode)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Oh and the plant is Audrey Jr. (if you mean the orginal black and white movie) or Audrey II (if you mean the musical/Rick Moranis Movie)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              mcsheridan Jun 14, 2009 04:32 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Oh now, that makes the story priceless. Instead of man eating bacon...bacon eats man!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: mcsheridan
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                jumpingmonk Jun 14, 2009 07:06 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                There actually another Sci-fi story I read, that brought that concept home even more (sorry I forgot the title). It was about a group of aliens who come to earth and reveal that they seeded our planet with primitive human beings, for food purposes. We have since evloved to the point where they wish to now engage with us as social nad tecnological equals and provide us with all the benefits thier society has, in part as an apology and a seeking of forgivness for making cattle of our ancestors. However no matter what they do humanity never accepts them (there's even a Church of Darwin, to refute the aliens claim as blaspemy) finally the aliens give up saying as they leave that it is obvios that we will never understand what they have gone through until we have experianced it for ourles at the end of the story the narrator (who own a farm) walks into his farmous to find one of his pigs standing in his livingroom looking at his newspaper the pig then turns to him and says (in the last lines of the story) ""Seems like pork futures are up." And they were."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  jumpingmonk Jun 21, 2009 05:38 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  UPDATE: I found the story again it's "A Matter of Taste" by Esther M. Friesner.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    jumpingmonk Jun 22, 2009 06:51 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Oh and minor edit it utrsn out the lastin line was "so they were" not "and they were". sorry about that

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        3. c
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Cachetes Jun 11, 2009 07:40 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "Mel, kiss mah grits!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          It's not elegant or enlightening, but it sure does bring back memories.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. Passadumkeg Jun 12, 2009 07:25 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Norman Mailer in his run for th mayor of NYC in the 60's, not only wanted NYC to secede and become the 51st state ( for every federal tax dollar NYC generated it only got back $.42) but referred to the media ( I think it was the media, I only remember the quotation.) as "a bouillaibaisse of bourgois bullshit". What alliteration. What imagery. I love it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. ArizonaDave Jun 13, 2009 09:13 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Love this thread! Laughing my butt off this morning.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Referring to salad:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "That's not food! That's what food EATS!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Don't remember where that came from, but I've always liked it (and I do like salad)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              AzD

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: ArizonaDave
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                mcsheridan Jun 14, 2009 05:33 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                It's been traced to Aussie comic Mikey Robins, but it's So reminiscent of John Pinette's sald riff:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "Salad's not food; salad comes WITH the food. Salad is a promissory note that food will soon arrive. If my brain sees a salad it says, something good is gonna happen soon; wait right here."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: ArizonaDave
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  p
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  phantomdoc Jun 24, 2009 02:50 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Referring to sushi, Let's go eat some bait.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. Scargod Jun 17, 2009 04:34 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. A saying in my family. Not so funny in some non-English speaking countries.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  5 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    alkapal Jun 17, 2009 04:38 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    <translated from the french, with feeling> "oh mom, not horse, agaaaaaaiiiiin?!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Sam Fujisaka Jun 17, 2009 06:28 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Isn't that a universal American saying?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Sam Fujisaka
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Scargod Jun 17, 2009 06:36 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I suppose... We also used to say, "I'll wait on you like one pig waits on another!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          buttertart Jun 18, 2009 06:18 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Finally someone else who knows that expression. I had only ever heard it in my family, from my Dad, fount of WWII lingo and stock replies to many questions, not all printable, which are now known fondly as "Alphorisms" (his name was Alf). Thought perhaps it was a regional expression (Im from southwestern Ontario), come to think of it it might be of mess hall origin.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            alkapal Jun 18, 2009 06:54 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            oh, that expression i knew in my southern upbringing, too.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    2. The Ranger Jun 17, 2009 11:10 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      My four favorites are:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Bottled v Tap
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      --
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Besides, I'm blessed with a palate that can barely distinguish between tap water and bottled.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      -- evergene, ba.food, 4/1/09

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Life's Journey
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      --
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely, in an attractive and well-preserved body. Rather one should skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out while screaming 'WOO HOO! What a ride!'"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      -- Anonymous

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Decaf
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      ---
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "We're decaf drinkers, and most restaurant decaf is like hot water with a brown crayon dipped in it. This coffee was no different."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Tim Dietz, sdnet.eats, 1140, 6/3/03

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Grits
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      ---
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "Grits are akin to Elmer's Paste with less flavor and more sand."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      6 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: The Ranger
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Scargod Jun 17, 2009 06:26 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        OK with everything but the grits reference. NOT like sand at all! Doctor it up and you mask the glue part. If done properly (with best ingredients), it does not resemble glue and should be treated with respect like good rice.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Scargod
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          The Ranger Jun 18, 2009 10:01 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Grits are an atrocity committed by Rebs against Yankees. The Yankee "retaliation" is Malto-Meal. :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: The Ranger
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Scargod Jun 18, 2009 02:44 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Waaahhh! ;<,( I like both!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. re: The Ranger
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          m
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          meg944 Jun 27, 2009 01:00 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Re: bad coffee, Ani DiFranco had a line I always liked: "The coffee was just water dressed in brown."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: meg944
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            p
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            phantomdoc Jun 27, 2009 03:44 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            This coffee tastes like mud.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Well it was fresh ground this morning.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: phantomdoc
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              alkapal Jun 30, 2009 03:57 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              <ark ark ark!!>

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        3. Ima Wurdibitsch Jun 17, 2009 12:18 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Not exactly food quotes but related...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "Beware of meat twice boiled, and an old foe reconciled."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Benjamin Franklin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle, complimentary way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          F. Scott Fitzgerald

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          "If I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard. Nothing hates him or envies him or wants him or needs him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat anything." William Faulkner

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. Passadumkeg Jun 18, 2009 02:31 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            "Never met a beer I didn't like." Will Rogers?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            "Drinking lite beer is like making love w/ your clothes on. What's the point?" Dumb Keg

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            10 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: Passadumkeg
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              buttertart Jun 22, 2009 10:09 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Or my grandfather's: "There's no bad beer, just some beer tastes better than others."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Passadumkeg Jun 22, 2009 04:47 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "In Heaven there is no beer,
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                That's why we drink it here
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                And when we're gone from here
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Our friends will be drinking all the beer!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                More beer!" Polish polka

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Red Neck, White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer old C&W song

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I like Beer by Tom T. Hall

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Passadumkeg
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Sam Fujisaka Jun 22, 2009 05:01 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  For you, buddy, a haiku-esque limerick

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Kim chee and beer
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Kalbi on the sear
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Hang with my son
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Again as one
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Family so dear

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Sam Fujisaka
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Passadumkeg Jun 22, 2009 09:22 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Thanks!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    The Dumkegs that drink so ju together
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Can become quite ju-ish
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    With out worrying about
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Being kosher!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Passadumkeg
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Sam Fujisaka Jun 23, 2009 04:43 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      What're we doing limericking here rather than on the limerick thread?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Sam Fujisaka
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        alkapal Jun 23, 2009 05:07 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        two reasons:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. beer
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. so ju
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        ....
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        (or the alternative explanation: you think you have the "best, funniest, wittiest" quotes).

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          c
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          cmvan Jul 15, 2009 02:05 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          The limerick thread is great! Also check out the one I started for putting food lyrics to favorite tunes -
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          http://chowhound.chow.com/topics/635869

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Some truly great, funny stuff there, too.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  2. re: Passadumkeg
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    kattyeyes Jun 23, 2009 08:18 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    You two should have some Colorado Kool-Aid, courtesy of Johnny Paycheck--Poppy had the cassette back in the 70s:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fof0Fe...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is still funny--I hadn't heard it in years! "Ain't that right, big man?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: kattyeyes
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Passadumkeg Jun 24, 2009 01:25 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Hey Connecticut Cow Girl, pick up trucks are also called Cowboy Cadillacs.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Here are 2 of my faves: Red Necks White Socks and Blue Ribbon Beer
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpiYgFi42PM
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Pop a Top Again
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWWKt8bbSHI
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      And oh yes! Tom T Hall, I Like Beer!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8i5k4I...
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      On the other hand we have just returned from hiking to a mountain top buddist temple and drinking tea w/ a wonderful monk.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: Passadumkeg
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        kattyeyes Jun 24, 2009 06:20 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Game on, so ju soldier--lots of fun drinking songs:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        If you drink, don't drive, do the "Watermelon Crawl" (Tracy Byrd):
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qG76egCZXfo
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer" (George Thorogood):
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISmgOrhELXs
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Then again, if you don't have a designated driver, you might as well go for a soda (Kim Mitchell):
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qylncp...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Going for tea with a monk on a mountaintop is even better!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. alkapal Jun 22, 2009 10:52 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                after finding hilda had marked his gin bottle, rumpole exclaims, "an englishman's gin bottle is his castle!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                -- Rumpole and the Married Lady

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. s
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Steve Jun 22, 2009 06:24 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  An old Mad Magazine cartoon strip:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  A New York City street scene. Every place on the block is a pizza parlor with a sign.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  The first has a sign proclaiming "Best Pizza on the East Side!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  The second says "Best Pizza in the City!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  The third says "Best Pizza in the World!"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  The last one says "Best Pizza on the Block."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. alkapal Jul 2, 2009 07:38 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    maybe this has been mentioned already:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "How can anyone govern a nation that has two hundred and forty-six different kinds of cheese?"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Charles De Gaulle

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. rcspott Jul 8, 2009 06:38 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      "I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: rcspott
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        BobB Jul 9, 2009 10:14 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Which reminds me of a toast I learned from a Englishman many years ago: "Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. t
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        thos Jul 12, 2009 07:09 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "if God had intended the eating of sushi he would not have created fire" not sure of the source

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: thos
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          MC Slim JB Jul 13, 2009 08:15 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Ugh, I hate that quote, about as witty as, "Haw haw haw! Sushi ain't food fer people, it's bait!" Plus it ignores hundreds if not thousands of years of fish preparation by humans without the use of fire: drying, citrus marinating, salt curing.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          http://mcslimjb.blogspot.com/

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. p
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          pinpei Sep 10, 2009 12:41 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          And malt does more than Milton can
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          To justify God's ways to man.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          A.E. Housman

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. m
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            MARISKANY Sep 10, 2009 04:45 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Recipe for Hungarian Chicken Paprikas:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            First steal a chicken.....

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. p
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              phantomdoc Sep 25, 2009 04:07 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Recipe for German chocolate cake. Start with two Germans.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Vegetarian chopped liver..Take the livers of two vegetarians.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              A hoooker says to Jackie Mason..Are you ready for Super Sex? Ill have the soup.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Customer asks waitress..Do you serve crabs? Waitress says Sit down we serve anyone.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. l
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                lillidalla Oct 7, 2009 06:28 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Seen on a t-shirt in a store in New Orleans this past weekend: Spooning leads to forking.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                13 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: lillidalla
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  r
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  rockycat Jan 6, 2010 04:26 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Another New Orleans t-shirt:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I shot the shallot, but I did not shoot the broccoli.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  You'd be surprised how many people do not get it.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: rockycat
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    kattyeyes Jan 6, 2010 04:45 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    LOL...that is funny...then sad at the same time (about the not getting it part!).

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: rockycat
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      alkapal Jan 7, 2010 04:58 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      here it is: http://www.wearablevegetables.com/items/category/T-Shirts/I%20Shot%20The%20Shallot%20But%20I%20Did%20Not%20Shoot%20The%20Broccoli.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      i'm waiting for weird al's rendition. i still can't think of the song "beat it" without singing "EAT IT....EAT IT" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyfcOr...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        kattyeyes Jan 7, 2010 05:09 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        The laughs continue! "Upload these 100% Soft Cotton T's on your body for a fresh new feeling." Wait, no, that's like Engrish. :)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Right there with you as usual, alkasis, on the Weird Al connection.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Tripeler Jan 7, 2010 05:19 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Alkapal...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: Tripeler
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            alkapal Jan 7, 2010 06:02 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            you rang? http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Tripeler Jan 8, 2010 06:40 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I had trouble with the edit function. What I wanted to say was that having Beat It remind you of Eat It, Eat It was proof that your inner Chowhound was showing. Nothing to be ashamed of at all...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Tripeler
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                alkapal Jan 9, 2010 03:19 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                LOL! but "ashamed"? pish posh, tripeler, nothing could be further from the truth: i revel in it. ;-). my inner chowhound has met and approved of my outer chowhound. we all get along fine! ***

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                /s/
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                sybil

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                *** although, to be utterly frank and transparent (the hypocrisy du jour), my outer chowhound has been getting considerable grief from the inner chowhound about excess consumption of lay's wavy potato chips with heluva good onion dip.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            r
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            rockycat Jan 15, 2010 04:51 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I also have the "Shiitake Happens" t-shirt and boy, does that one ever get the strangest looks. The best response I've ever had, though, was the day that the local TV news wanted to interview me while I happened to be wearing that shirt. I was asked to go into the news van and turn my shirt inside-out before being allowed on air. I was caught somewhere between miffed and bemused.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Davwud Apr 2, 2010 06:21 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Or Bad.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              DT

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. re: rockycat
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              m
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              mrsdebdav Jan 28, 2010 11:47 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Crap, I don't get it, other than it's a riff on "I shot the sheriff." Is there something else??

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: mrsdebdav
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                LindaWhit Jan 29, 2010 05:22 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                That's it. :-)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. re: rockycat
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                mariacarmen Dec 1, 2010 09:26 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                ahahahahaha love this! just made that my status on FB.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            3. Parigi Oct 7, 2009 06:42 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "You Can't Be a Revolutionary if You Don't Eat Chilies." Chairman Mao
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "The Cantonese wll eat anything with wings except a plane and anything with four legs except a stool." A Chinese saying
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "The things I do for England." Prince Charles on sampling snake meat (in Australia?)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: Parigi
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                The Ranger Oct 9, 2009 06:42 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Here's one from alt.food.barbeque, "Our butcher was so good at reducing waste from animals, the only thing he couldn't recycle was the squeal from a pig and the moo from cows."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. s
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                syberyenta Oct 17, 2009 06:41 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "She sits among the cabbages and peas"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                A lovely English Music-Hall song.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. m
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  morwen Dec 4, 2009 09:00 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  "If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  " - J.R.R. Tolkien

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. louweezy Dec 4, 2009 01:24 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I have 2 favorites:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    MMMMM, Floor Pie-Homer SImpson

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Would one of you old queens, get this old Queen, a gin & Tonic? -The Queen Mum, to her butllers.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. d
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      dekecds Dec 5, 2009 11:58 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      From the US Navy we get:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      They say that in the Navy
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      The coffee's mighty fine
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Looks like muddy water
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      and tastes like turpintine

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      They say that in the Navy
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      The chicken's mighty fine
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      One jumped up on the table
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Started doin' double time

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      They say that in the Navy
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      The fish is mighty fine
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      one flopped up off table
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      and killed a friend of mine

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      They say that in the Navy
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      The gravy's mighty fine
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      They spread it on old shingles
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      and serve it on the line.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Chorus after every line:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Oh lord I wanna go-oh
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      But they won't let me go-oh
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Oh woe ho-o-o-oh Hey!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. blue room Dec 8, 2009 07:40 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "The cucumber gets pickled more than the brine gets cucumbered." Gerald Weinberg

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. m
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          mandycat Dec 10, 2009 05:57 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Kissing a man without a moustache is like eating an egg without salt.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: mandycat
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Delucacheesemonger Jan 18, 2010 01:39 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            'A meal without cheese is like a man without a mustache" Brillat-Savarin
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            'A meal without cheese is like a beautiful woman with one eye' Brillat-Savarin

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: Delucacheesemonger
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Rmis32 Jan 19, 2010 12:47 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "A day without wine is like a day without sunshine."

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              (Which may explain why the French like Jerry Lewis so much.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. elegraph Dec 16, 2009 07:30 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            “Health nuts are going to feel stupid some day, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” – Redd Foxx

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            “I prefer my oysters fried; that way I know my oysters died.” – Roy G. Blount, Jr.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            “Fish, to taste right, must swim three times – in water, in butter, and in wine.” – Polish proverb

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            “Eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” – Mark Twain

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: elegraph
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              mariacarmen Dec 1, 2010 09:41 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              all four of these are great.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. rcspott Jan 6, 2010 01:02 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I read this on Yelp about the Buena Vista's Irish Coffee in SF and it made me laugh, been at the 3+ stage before.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "I come here for one thing: Irish Coffees. I'll have 1 if I want to relax, 2 for a solid buzz and 3 if I plan to order 3 more." Jojo P.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              4 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: rcspott
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Parigi Jan 6, 2010 01:47 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Très off-topic:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                I did have one of those at BV in SF. Don't remember how many I had, had at least one. It was the only warm night ever in my memory of SF where I grew up. Has anyone heard of a warm SF night? We had an Irish coffee then took a long walk on the beach on that unbelievable balmy night...

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: Parigi
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  buttertart Jan 6, 2010 02:16 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  May 12, 1978, it was in the 80s in SF at night. I remember because we were having an anniversary dinner at le Castel and I was hotter than hell in my evening tenue.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Parigi Jan 7, 2010 05:29 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Pas vrai !
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Actually sounds about right.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: Parigi
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      buttertart Jan 15, 2010 02:49 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Mais si! I remember it well. Good dinner, too!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. alkapal Jan 12, 2010 06:38 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                we found it funny in an episode of midsomer murders, where the wife of a wealthy, but philandering, famous author answers him.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                (wife is pouring herself a drink first thing in the morning, as her husband is at the kitchen table)
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                husband: "isn't a bit early for that?"
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                wife: "why? i'm awake."

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: alkapal
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  buttertart Jan 15, 2010 02:51 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Love it. Reminiscent of my father's "Port Franks orange juice" - vodka and, while at the summer cottage, before noon, when as we all know the sun's over the yardarm and so regular drinking is okeydokey.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. nsenada Jan 20, 2010 12:25 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  "You can cram it...with walnuts, ugly!" --Homer Simpson

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. buttertart Jan 27, 2010 10:22 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    A new favorite - it cracks me up every time it comes to mind:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    "I love vanilla, it tastes so fake!" - Amanda Seyfried as Sarah on Big Love, drinking a shake en route to her clandestine wedding. A propos in so many ways.

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      jumpingmonk Jan 27, 2010 10:48 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      That reminds me of something I remember a flavor chemist one saying, Someone once asked him if it would ever be possible to make a " fresh baked artisinal bread" flavor . He repiled that it was hard to tell given the number of chemicals that make up a fresh bake loaf's aroma and taste. he concuded with the line "Besides, given the nature of the market if anyone ever did need a "bread" flavor, they wouln'd want a "fresh baked artsinal loaf" flavor, they'd want it to taste like Wonderbread"

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        buttertart Jan 27, 2010 10:56 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Maybe nowadays the artisanal bread flavor would be at least bigger on the market - I was just in Paris for the first time in 4 years and was amused to see the bakeries that used to just have "boulanger" on their signs now have "artisan boulanger", "pain artisanal" etc.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        kattyeyes Feb 4, 2010 03:50 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        OMG, yes, I saw that episode, too. Great line! So applicable to that particular episode.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      3. Robin Joy Jan 28, 2010 06:34 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        Never eat yellow snow.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: Robin Joy
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          a
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          amazinc Jan 29, 2010 06:49 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I drink to your health when I'm with you
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I drink to your health when alone
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I drink to your health so g*****n much
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I'm about to lose my own.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Don't know the origin, but have always thought it funny.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. w
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          waistedinkerrville Jan 29, 2010 06:32 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Drinking Coors is like making love in a canoe; it's fookin near water.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: waistedinkerrville
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            jumpingmonk Jan 29, 2010 12:36 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Different people have different opinions
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Some like apples and some like 'inions

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            -Old British Aphorism

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              buttertart Jan 29, 2010 01:06 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Something some of the more intemperate posters here might recite to themselves before taking vitriolic issue on matters of taste.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          2. bermudagourmetgoddess Jan 29, 2010 05:55 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            When we drink we get drunk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            When we are drunk we fall asleep
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            When we are alseep we commit no sins
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            When we commit no sins we go to heaven
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            So lets all get drunk and go to heaven

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. miranda0 Feb 3, 2010 10:06 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Choose rather to punish your appetites than be punished by them

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: miranda0
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                r
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                runwestierun Feb 3, 2010 10:15 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                So true!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              2. weewah Feb 3, 2010 11:42 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                'It isn't what you want, it's what you get that makes you fat" - Dear old Dad.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                My folks were the children of Mo. dirt farmers and this was said a lot in our house. As a child I hated it because it insinuated that while I may get something it probably wouldn't be what I would choose!
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                As an adult, I read some of the slave narratives from the federal writers project in the early 20th century. One of the slaves was quoted as saying:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "It ain't what you want, but what you get that makes your belly pooch out". I have wondered since then if the saying originally was about unwanted pregnancy?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2 Replies
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: weewah
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Sam Fujisaka Feb 4, 2010 02:47 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Could be, but malnutrition and intestinal parasites also lead to distended bellies.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: Sam Fujisaka
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    weewah Apr 1, 2010 09:14 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Well!! That is a very astute observation!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                2. BobB Dec 1, 2010 06:33 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Old thread, but I just ran across this and didn't want to start a whole new thread to share it:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad."

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  1. re: BobB
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    jumpingmonk Dec 1, 2010 01:12 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I find this one rather ironic since, in my collecting and saving of tomato seed, I actually comae across a type that was so sweet and so un-acidic that using it as an actual fruit was not only a viable choice it was in fact the ONLY viable choice, it literally was too fruit-y to use as a vegetable.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    1. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      buttertart Dec 2, 2010 07:20 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I've had tomatoes like that in Asia, put to sweet use.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      1. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        jumpingmonk Dec 2, 2010 08:34 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I've had "sweet" tomato dishes as well, what makes this strain odd (well one of the things) is that it CAN'T be used for the savory uses that tomatoes are nomally put too; salt pepper vinegar etc. (I.e. standard things one might put on a tomato in the course of a salad) actually won't mesh with the flavor. It has nothing to do with the taste, but there is also the fact that these tomatoes are on the paler end of what in heirlooms is usally called "white" and are very trasparent, transparent enough you case see all the veins in the fruit. The net effect is like a peeled grape or (unforunately, due to the size and shape) an eyeball.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          buttertart Dec 2, 2010 08:43 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Don't see much in the future commercial expolitation success department for that particular cultivar (correct word, I hope)?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            jumpingmonk Dec 2, 2010 12:29 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Don't be so sure, in the heirloom market, good flavor can often trump aesthetic apperance. Purple Calabash (one of the oldest of the so called "black" varieties and possibly one of the oldest tomato cultivars period) is blobby, pleated, when ripe is about the same color as a half healed bruise and has a flavor that can be an aquired taste even for a confirmed tomato nut like me (It sorta tastes like marsala sauce) and its still one of the all time classic blacks.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              buttertart Dec 2, 2010 12:32 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Give me a nice, pointy flower-end, lipstick-red Oxheart, please.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                jumpingmonk Dec 2, 2010 01:54 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                To each thier own. I'm more of a Green Zebra man, myself. Or an Evergreen, or a Green Giant or a Malachite Box or a........(basically any green except ARGG (too mealy for me)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                1. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  buttertart Dec 3, 2010 08:50 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I haven't ever found a green one I've really loved - although I haven't had that many of them. Need an acid edge to the taste to get me.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        2. re: buttertart
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Parigi Dec 2, 2010 09:08 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I have had tomato desserts at the Atelier Joel Robuchon in Paris. Delicious.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        3. re: jumpingmonk
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Davwud Jan 5, 2011 09:22 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          We grew "Old German" tomatoes this summer. Almost melon like.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          DT

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      2. mamachef Dec 1, 2010 02:05 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I'm a prejudiced momma, but these two are mine:
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "I just LOVE food." (#1 son, age 2 1/2)
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "Me and dad made food while you were gone. Know why it's so good? Because it has lots of ingreebents in it." (#2 son, age 4 or so)
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        "I would be happy to eat extra pie if I don't have to eat my broccoli." (#1 daughter, age 6 or so, and already heavily into bargaining. She'll be an attorney some day.)

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        1. w
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Whinerdiner Dec 1, 2010 03:22 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Work is the curse of the drinking classes. - Oscar Wilde

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Give me a woman who truly loves beer and I shall conquer the world - Wilhelm II of Germany

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          A mind of the caliber of mine cannot derive it's nutriment from cows - Grorge Bernard Shaw

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Good men drink good beer. - Hunter S. Thompson

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          1. y
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            yfunk3 Dec 1, 2010 04:53 PM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Cogito ergo dim sum (I think, therefore, these are pork buns). ~Robert Byrne

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            1. re: yfunk3
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              buttertart Dec 2, 2010 07:21 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              That I really really love.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            2. s
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              shumash Dec 18, 2010 07:42 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              "Three great secrets of French cooking? Butter, butter, and - butter."
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              Indeed, the French people I know agree with this.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1 Reply
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              1. re: shumash
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                j
                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                jumpingmonk Dec 18, 2010 09:22 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                That sort of reminds me of something I once read. It concerned Escoffier's recipe for mousse a pome d' terre (that's mashed potatoes to you and me). Many chefs and resturanteurs condider Escoffier's original recipe to be the definitve and ultimate one. However I had heard that a number of Frenchs chefs have gone on record as not merely disagreeing that it is the finest, but in fact deigrating the recipe as being worthless, on the ground that it is "only" 25% butter and cream (many of them say good mashed potatoes should be at least 50% some say as high as 75%)

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                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                therealdoctorlew Dec 30, 2010 11:50 AM

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                "Moderation in all things, except chocolate."

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