HOME > Chowhound > Not About Food >

Discussion

Best (Funniest? Wittiest?) Food Quotes

"Veal is a very young beef and, like a very young girlfriend, it's cute but boring and expensive." - P.J. O'Rourke

  1. Click to Upload a photo (10 MB limit)
Delete
  1. Voltaire said, «Rien ne serait plus fatiguant que mangeant et buvant si Dieu ne leur avait pas fait un plaisir aussi bien qu'une nécessité. »

    ...which translated into English is something like, "Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking, if God hadn't made them a pleasure as well as a necessity."

    1. I like this one by Fran Lebowitz. I hope it's true!

      "Do you know on this one block you can buy croissants in five different places? There's one store called Bonjour Croissant. It makes me want to go to Paris and open a store called Hello Toast".

      1 Reply
      1. re: ambrose

        Here in Toronto there are two sister restaurants: one called "Bonjour Brioche" and the other is "Hello Toast." Both are pretty good, too!

      2. "beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy" - Ben Franklin

        3 Replies
          1. re: jujuthomas

            after the 1906 San Francisco earthquake one of the largest distilleries was standing proudly among the ruins. The ditty went something like this:

            if tis true god spanked the town
            for being over frisky,

            why'd he burn the churches down
            and save holtag's whiskey?

            1. "Health food makes me sick". - Calvin Trillin

              "I went to a restaurant that serves 'Breakfast at any time'.
              So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance."
              -Steven Wright

              3 Replies
              1. re: xena

                "It says here breakfast any time.... I'll have eggs in the age on enlightment" - Mikey from Swingers

                1. re: ESNY

                  And the waitress says later, "Calm down, Voltaire." I never got that before now.

                  1. re: ESNY

                    I'm not sure what 'Mikey from Swingers' is, but Xena is right, that is old Stephen Wright material.

                    My second favorite New Yorker cartoon:

                    Lettering seen on the frosted plate-glass door in a university hallway.
                    Foreign Language Department
                    Russian
                    French
                    Italian
                    Creamy Italian

                2. Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. ~Garrison Keillor
                  Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality. ~Clifton Fadiman
                  Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? ~Author Unknown
                  A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat. ~Old New York Proverb
                  I'll bet what motivated the British to colonize so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal. ~Martha Harrison

                  A couple from movies:
                  "I'll have what she's having", from When Harry met Sally. And my favorite: "Soilent Green is people!"

                  6 Replies
                  1. re: Lazy Susan

                    Yep my favorite. Soylent is the spelling.

                    1. re: Lazy Susan

                      Funny....I am betting Mr. Keillor had some fairly disappointed mates in his life!!!LOL

                      1. re: nkeane

                        You haven't had really, really fresh sweet corn, have you?

                      2. re: Lazy Susan

                        Soylent Green is made of people!!! It's people!!!

                        1. re: Lazy Susan

                          I'll never ever forget having to watch Soylent Green in my 10th grade biology class, especially from that quote.

                          1. re: nkslover

                            Watching that qualified as a biology lesson?