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Open Letter to Alamo Drafthouse

Let me state emphatically how disappointed I am, how depressed that our long friendship may be coming to an end.

We’ve been going to Alamo since you first opened your doors downtown on a regular basis. As often as we could afford (let’s face it, hanging with y’all is anything but cheap, averaging $60 a visit) when we were starving college students and when you opened the “main” movie theaters we were averaging twice a month. Needless to say, we were committed to having a life-long friendship.

Then things started change. You decided you didn’t like being “just a movie house” that had the great concept of serving EASILY EATEN food and libations while watching a movie. No. You had to go and be a restaurant that happened to be showing movies.

At first we indulged these little transgressions and even encouraged you by going to a few of the dinner pairings (at great cost, but hey we’re friends…). Hell, we would have even allowed you this delusion as long as it didn’t interfere with the primary reason for our friendship. Let’s face it, I really never saw Dead Man’s Chest at your premiere. While the roti was really good (I’m not denying your culinary skill here), I ended up focusing on not clinking the silver to the china and NOT getting food and sauce all over me and the floor. (Not to mention the other pairing I went to where you had multiple sauces and a dollop of very strong whole grain mustard on the plate as a “surprise”…guess what? I accidentally ended up with an overpowering mouthful of “mystery” explosion - dark theater, remember?).

Then you betrayed me. I showed up this weekend, mouth watering for the one thing I craved, the one thing I actually recommended as a culinary destination on all my foodie chat boards, the on ething I have indulged in from DAY ONE so many years ago…your Poltergeist pesto chicken pizza…

And it was gone…
No warning, no explanation …just gone. Too bad, so sad.

You suggested I try one of your “new” bac on pizzas or the enchiladas (uhm, dark theater…). Disappointed, but willing I got your bacon pizza only to find that, in the dark, it tastes just like all your other marinara-based pizzas AND you broke the rule of sandwich/pizza – you put basil in between the sauce and the other toppings, making it a slip-slidey logistical nightmare in the dark. Shame on you for doing this to me. Shame on you for taking a great DIFFERENT pizza that you can actually eat in the dark without worry off the menu after it being a main staple for all this time.

My feelings are hurt that you would treat such an old, faithful friend who has not only been there for you, but supported you all these years with just reckless disregard. Maybe you are going on to bigger and better things. Maybe you have outgrown your humble friends…I just hope you’ll reconsider and remember your old buddy. If you do, I'll immediately tout your praises here and welcome you back with open arms.

Longingly, A true-blue friend

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  1. Dear Alamo Drafthouse,

    Thank you for allowing me to eat fried-pickles and drink beer while watching movies. I enjoy and appreciate our meaningless yet thoroughly enjoyable relationship free of any strings. Just one small request -- can you please provide catheters in the future ?

    3 Replies
    1. re: Nab

      And Alamo - can you please bring back the $2 schlitz? It was the only way for me to afford drinking there.

      1. re: rudeboy

        I'm with you. I can't afford to even set foot in the Alamo any more - every time I do I end up spending an absurd amount of money for a movie and some beer.

        1. re: hooliganyouth

          Here, here! Gone are the days of a "Bucket of Schiltz and a movie", for shame!

    2. Sorry, but the Drafthouse still rocks, and I love their expanded menu. Where else can you watch a movie with a pint of Arrogant Bastard Ale and eat fried pickles? Long live the Drafthouse!!

      1. I was trying to be funny, but I guess it fell short. My point WAS that this place rocks and I miss my chicken pesto pizza!

        They have, however, added some "gourmet" items that just flat out don't work in the dark.

        speaking of rocking, have you had the Ecstasy that is the Guiness Milk shake

        1. I have a love/hate relationship with the Alamo. I love their theater on South Lamar because it's the best in town from a movie projection point of view.

          Unfortunately, I'm not a huge fan of the eating & waiters in the theater. This can be great fun for the special events they host, but when I see a first run movie it really can be a distraction. The Alamo has those funny intros showing how they'll going to kick you out if you talk during the screening, yet the guy next to me will be chomping on a large bowl of nachos which is almost as distracting. Plus, the waiters care less about being quiet and hunching down than they used to (or maybe I'm just getting old and crotchety).

          The food has always been hit or miss. Lately I've been gunshy to get any of their cooked items, so I think the safest route is to get a pint of Guinness and a bowl of Amy's cookies & cream ice cream (the world's best ice cream!)

          2 Replies
          1. re: Mike B

            the alamo drafthouse doesn't even have nachos.

          2. I still heart Alamo Drafthouse. I'm a matinee moviegoer anyway, so I take frequent advantage of the $12 ticket, pizza & soda special at the Village location.

            I don't think I ever tried the Poultrygeist pizza, but Wild at Artichoke Hearts and Raging Bull always knocked my socks off.

            I agree that it's too hard to eat the salads and entrees they insist on putting on the menu. A dark theater demands finger foods that you can sit back and eat with your hands. And it must be washed down with whatever Real Ale brew of the month they've got on tap.