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Fantasy Iron Chef America

Ok - appoint 4 new Iron Chefs, who are there for their talent and originality, and not for their boyish good looks and lack of charm. And just for fun, propose a secret ingredient. Since I'm feeling a little devilish, I'd love to see what they could do with ketchup. Or water.

On the chef decision, I'd keep Mario, because he seems less distracted than many of Food Networks "stars" by the fame, and has kept true to his passion, which is cooking and food. Bobby, I would ax. He is conceited (standing on a cuttingboard???), and it irks me that he can't plate a dish without putting every color of the rainbow on it. I think Morimoto is talented but sometimes nuts (wasn't there a episode on the original show where he made spaghetti with ketchup in paper cones?), but he doesn't get called up much. Cat Cora is the token female, and she is just that. A token. Rarely gets called, and I think she is her #1 fan. I'm not sure who else is in her corner. I'd almost put Suzanne Goin in her place. This is a local preference of course, but having been to Lucques a couple times and AOC a couple more times, I haven't had a single dish I haven't liked or loved.

Who are your choices?

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  1. Iron Chef French: Daniel Boulud
    Iron Chef Italian: Anthony Susi
    Iron Chef Japanese: Masayoshi Takayama
    Iron Chef American: Thomas Keller (I know, I know, he does French, but how can you leave him off the list?)

    1 Reply
    1. re: Bostonbob3

      It would take Keller an hour just to prepare and plate the amuse bouche! I love his food, but I don't think his style of cooking would adapt to the Iron Chef format.

    2. Iron Chef Nightmare: Sandra Lee
      Iron Chef Crockpot: Rachel Ray
      Iron Chef Grating: Paula Deen
      Iron Chef Creepy: The Hearty Boys

      6 Replies
      1. re: ooroger

        LOL! Especially Iron Chef Creepy.

        Not only are they creepy, they prepare bad catering food.

        1. re: Bostonbob3

          <Not only are they creepy, they prepare bad catering food>

          Have YOU eaten their food? I have, and it was delicious. I don't watch their show, but when they were on TNFNS, I didn't think there was anything creepy about them.

        2. re: ooroger

          i actually did laugh out loud just now and spit out my moroccan chickpea soup.

          1. re: lollya

            I propose a Deen Boys versus The Hearty Boys battle.

            I wouldn't actually watch it, but it would make for a train wreck of annoying personalities.

            1. re: Bostonbob3

              Do you think that's what they had in mind with the RR vs Giada?

              1. re: heathermb

                Or, as I called it, the Teeth versus the Lollypop Head.

        3. Funny! Sandra Lee would drink herself into oblivion with her aquamarine coctails if the secret ingredient wasn't vanilla pudding.

          1. Iron Chef Local - Alice Waters
            Iron Chef Global - Jean Georges Vongerichten
            Iron Chef West - Thomas Keller
            Iron Chef East - Mario Batali

            - because I'd like to regularly see their cooking style.

            Battles I wouldn't mind seeing:

            Waters vs Boulud
            Vongerichten vs Nobu
            Keller vs Ducasse
            Batali vs Fergus Henderson

            1. Alice Waters v. Wylie Dufresne doing Battle Egg or Potato would be fun to watch and judge.

              1. I'd like to see Thomas Keller v. Grant Achatz.

                2 Replies
                1. re: xfleetwoodx

                  Yeah, I would actually pay to see that.

                  How about El Bulli staff versus French Laundry staff.

                  1. re: Phaedrus

                    I would pick El Bulli to win, but only because they have a full arsenal of odd chemicals and aerosols they could use as weapons againt Keller.

                2. Battle of the Food Icons:

                  Iron Chef French: Julia Childs
                  Iron Chef Italian: Marcella Hazan
                  Iron Chef "American:" Alice Waters
                  Iron Chef Vegas: Wolfgang Puck

                  2 Replies
                  1. re: heathermb

                    What would the secret ingredient be in the Julia Child battle? Formaldehyde?

                    1. re: Bostonbob3

                      Yuck! No, but since this is a *fantasy* posting, I'd love the chance to see her square off in the kitchen against one of today's food icons.

                  2. How about Julia Child versus James Beard?

                    "Battle of the Graveyard Stars."

                    1. In Roto League fantasy mode, I'll go right to the match ups:

                      Battle High & Low - Keller vs Flay
                      Battle Old School vs Hip & Lip - Pepin vs Bourdain
                      Battle Showmen - Yan vs Emeril
                      Battle Food Nerds - Alton Brown vs Chris Kimball

                      Notes:

                      Flay might do better then you think, Keller might not like the environment/set-up...everyone would love to see Flay destroyed

                      Bourdain would have a a difficult time "getting it up" against someone he respects...talker vs. non-talker

                      Yan and Emeril, similar: hams of a different flavor, it would be weird but both can cook

                      Brown vs Kimball...just because you could

                      - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

                      Bonus Tag Team Grudge Matches

                      Keller & Kimball vs Flay & Brown
                      Yan & Bourdain vs Emeril & Pepin

                      4 Replies
                      1. re: ML8000

                        Wasn't there an Emeril episode where that essentially happened? Emeril invited Yan on the show and Yan totally out-showmanshipped (ok I'm making words up now)him?

                        1. re: Kuisine

                          Indeed there was and I admit to copping the idea...but it did lead me to think it would be great match up esp. w/ Emeril out for revenge.

                          1. re: ML8000

                            Ooo, Emeril out for revenge?

                            Don't forget, he's from Fall River, Mass., home of Lizzie Borden.

                        2. re: ML8000

                          I think Bourdain and Pepin would be choking their respective partners at the end of the Grudge match. That's good TV though!

                        3. Yan/Bourdain I can oddly see. Emeril/Pepin-oh.my.gawd! The mind reels! It hasn't even happened I am already ordering the sympathy flowers for Pepin. ML8000, you have a sick and twisted mind. Marry me?

                          1 Reply
                          1. re: chaddict

                            Marriage? Only if Flay officiates and follows up with catering from a "Throwdown! With Bobby Flay" show and it's Thai food. You are right about Yan/Bourdain. I think they'd both get the joke (unlike others chefs) and milk it just right.

                          2. I'd watch these match ups---
                            Iron Chef Mamas: Mary Ann Esposito vs. Lidia Bastianich

                            Iron Chef Lab Experiments: Harold McGee vs. Shirley Coriher

                            Iron Chef Pie Fight: Three Stooges vs. Soupy Sales

                            Iron Chef Chocolates: David Lebovitz vs. Jacques Torres

                            Iron Chef Food Critics: Virbila vs. Levine

                            Iron Chef McSteamy: Curtis Stone vs. Tyler Florence
                            (hey, it's my fantasy!)

                            Iron Chef In The Sky: Careme vs. Escoffier

                            1 Reply
                            1. re: la vida dulce

                              If you're going to go that far, how about Brillat-Savarin against Ferran Adria?

                            2. John Besh
                              Tracy De Jardins
                              Iacopo Falai
                              Kenny Shopsin