When You're Invitation By Email...

[HillJ]

Is sending a party invitation via email socially acceptable? Have personal phone calls or printed invitations disappeared from party planning altogether?

How do you invite guests to your party? If you use email, how do you communicate with guests who don't? And, what about RSVP's?

This year I was struck by the number of family and friends who remarked that our holiday card, personal phone calls and printed party invites were "unusal."

When it comes to extending best wishes and party invitations are you a virtual host?

[SanseiDesigns]

Suggestions for invitations:

Japanese Dinner - I mailed one chopstick with the invitation details on it. The other half was the 'placecard' on the table.

Engagement Party - I created a press release (PR friend) that was sent in a 'press packet' to the invited guests. Everyone got to "know" both the bride and groom prior to the wedding because of the information included in the packet.

Singles Gathering 1 - I created puzzle pieces - each one being an invitation. Everyone had to bring their puzzle piece to the gathering, find the other pieces that matched (ice-breaker, meet and greet), and solve the 'puzzle' riddle when all the pieces were assembled.

[HillJ]

Boy what an eye opener! Thank you for posting your perspectives and experience regarding invitations by email.

I am definately going to continue to make personal phone calls and send printed invitations. I like the personal touch and the opportunity to share what my guests can expect. We entertain often and we have wonderful friends/family who recip.

Mostly, I make the time, don't mind the postage and like it when family/friends do the same.

I had never heard of eVite before this thread but I did visit the portal and found it rather cold for my tastes. However, if time is a factor I can see why it could be a quick alternatives.

Secondly, not all my guests have email (can you imagine) and I also prefer inviting everyone the same way.

Thank you for opening my eyes to other unique scenarios.

[SanseiDesigns]

Written correspondence has fallen victim to the poor excuse of technology be more "efficient". Efficiency in hospitality should be reserved for the execution of the event, not the extension of the invitation and follow-on communication. Whether the engraved invitation, or is a simple, fun and colourful post card, it has become so rare that it is easily noticed amoungst other snail mail.

I design and make my own cards (hobby, not vocation) for holidays and special occassions. Each design is signed and dated. In the past few years I have done this, the response from friends has been amazing. They now look for the cards for the appropriate season to see what is next. With so many emails to plow through, electronic invites often get overlooked.

Regardless of method of conveyance, the invited guest should reply in a timely manner to provide the host(s) the ability to plan. Social grace should not be overlooked just because messages are virtual.

[bigjimbray]

I had a buddy in the U.S. Navy that he lives so faaaaar back
in the ozark mountains the mail went by mule. just think how
long it would take for him to answer. it took 3 day going and
comming. there is no computers back there.

[DanaB]

For a formal occasion, I will expect a printed invitation (i.e. a wedding). For less formal parties, I personally like printed invitations, but will often back-up same with an evite or an email.

Things have changed alot, though. Most party invites I get these days are by evite. I always respond to evites, like I did with printed invitations. I think the same people fail to respond to electronic invitations that did with paper ones.

This year, I even got several electronic christmas cards! Yikes!

[MakingSense]

The pdf invitation is a nice alternative. I do get these particularly for things that have been planned without a lot of advance notice.
I recently received one for a dinner honoring an author, given by an excellent host who gives lovely seated formal dinners. He has a wry sense of humor and included the following at the bottom of the perfectly formatted formal pdf invitation:

The standard caveat applies: Miss Manners has dictated that those who accept a dinner invitation but are delayed must call the host. If guests do not arrive at least fifteen minutes prior to the time for seating and have not called, it must be assumed that they have been in an accident, are comatose, and unable to call. The host must then regretfully remove their place-card and place-setting. Should they somehow come later, they will be seated in the kitchen and served after the help. Of course, those who deign to show-up without formally responding to the invitation may be politely refused admission.

[free sample addict aka Tracy L]

An alternative to e-vite is to build a distribution list w/the addresses hidden and have the invite in pdf. I am seeing a lot of those lately. One organizer even includes voting buttons.

I really like to send handmade invitations primarily because cardmaking is a hobby for me.

[julesrules]

Evite is sometimes the only way I'm going to get the invite out at all - sadly, I find it easier to throw the party than to make the phone calls. It's acceptable in my circle, where email is far preferred to the phone for most communication. We're the weird little subset of people who don't like cellphones but love email. Written invites are reserved for weddings and showers. I don't think there's been a decline in written invites compared to my parents' day though, just that phone calls have been replaced by email for most events.

[Dizzied]

Do I know you from the pro-e-mail/anti-cell phone subset? I'm tempted to riff on the evils of cell phone addicts contributing to the decline of civilization by making it that much easier to change plans but will refrain. After being blown off however many times, those folks are off the dinner list. At this point most of our entertaining is a last second (somewhere between a week and 3 hours) e-mail or call to close friends -- hey, we're making X, wanna come eat some?

[spigot]

Are you guys kidding me?!!

The evite business model: they sucker people into giving up friends' and acquaintances' addresses, which they then sell to spammers.

From their privacy policy: "Evite works with third-party advertising companies, sponsors and other companies with whom we do business ("Business Partners") to place advertising on our site and in email communications sent to our registered users and to recipients of invitations, Reminders, and other communications related to the Evite service."

http://www.evite.com/pages/custservic...

I hate evite, and I carry a grudge against everyone who's ever sent me one. Really I do; I get plenty of spam without my friends volunteering me up for more.

[Kater]

Oh simmer down!

You will get spam whether your friends use evite or not. If you haven't found a decent spam filter by now, it's really your own fault anyway.

Evite works very well and I've found that it is the best way to get quick R.S.V.P.'s. Also it is an ideal tool for organizing group trips and outings. Sure, the 'maybe' feature is a bit of a shame, but if too many of your friends are saying 'maybe' you're probably way too many people who don't really like you! : )

[DanaB]

I've never gotten any spam from evite. I think you are being paranoid. When you sign into the service, just make sure your boxes are checked-off that you want no mail.

[cackalackie]

I think Evites are quite functional and fun, for the reasons outlined above. Plus, you get to see who else has been invited and is coming (or not). I think the "maybe" response is useful as well, as in the case of "We have another engagement, but will try to stop by afterwards." They're more suited to informal occasions (as has been suggested), such as open house, drop-in parties.

[Candy]

I think that you can see who is invited and who is coming a horror. As hosts we are never expected to give guests thagt info and to ask is pretty rude. Either you can attend or you cannot. Who else is attending is immaterial.

Maybe is totally unacceptable. I know a pair of sisters who have very nice and rather old fashionedly rather formal parents. Their standard MO is never answer an invitation written or however presented. Even things like weddings where there is a seated meal, but when pressed will only answer "maybe". If their parents knew how rude this pair is they'd be embarassed. One of them has 3 daughters. Let her start trying to get RSVP's for wedding invitations one day. Maybe she'll see the light.

[Karl S]

"Maybe" equals "No." A good way to respond to this is to respond "I am so sorry you are unable to come; perhaps another time." This makes it clear that the invitation has been closed due to lack of affirmative response. The only way to accept an invitation is to actually accept it.

[Andiereid]

In our experience, "maybe" equals "we're holding the date open for a better offer".

[Karl S]

All the more reason for the host to make clear that a Maybe means No; that practice needs to be extermined as among the worst rudenesses.

[DanaB]

You can block all those options (who has been invited, who has accepted/declined/said maybe) on evite. I've been invited to events where both the guest list and who has responded are both blocked. It's definitely doable.

[Kater]

Thanks for the info; this is very good to know. I use evite often but have never had a particular concern about the transparent guest list - though I do think it is crass. I also have not had a problem with guests selecting the 'Maybe' option unless it has been accompanied with a completely reasonable explanation e.g."We likely cannot come because our parents plan to visit but if they seem interested in babysitting once they've settled in we'll call and let you know we can come."

However, I also have chosen not to use evite for certain events when I anticipate misuse of the "Maybe" feature (can your say IN-LAWS!) so knowing it can be disabled is very useful.

[Karl S]

Email* is simply the successor to the telegram, as it were. Etiquette long ago absorbed the technology of telegrams. Since January 2006 marked the end of telegrams (for those of you who missed it, the last one was sent on 1/27/06), and email is now at least as widespread a technology, it makes sense to transition the understanding.

Email invitations are, by their nature, informal. As are invitations by telephone. The events to which the invitations refer are therefore also informal (simply meaning that formal attire is not required).

For formal occasions, printed (or, better yet, engraved) invitations remain the norm.

* I don't include Evite as an email invitation, because it's handled by a third party and offers the maybe category of response that is a horror....

[MakingSense]

It might be better not confuse the matter of dress with the manner in which the invitation is issued.
"Informal" dress for men still denotes coat and tie as opposed to "casual" attire which allows open-collar shirts or possibly no jacket in some climates, a distinction that gets a lot of men in trouble.
In more strict circumstances and in diplomatic etiquette, "informal" designates dark suits for men, short cocktail dresses for women.

The invitations I see often these days are first by telephone or email, followed in the mail by a written "To Remind" on nice stationary in standard format, sometimes with a map to the residence. I'm like a child! I still love to get personal mail!

[Sam Fujisaka]

No way to mail in Colombia. Email is almost universal for invitations.

[pikawicca]

You don't have mail in Columbia?

[MMRuth]

In many Latin American countries, the mail service is not reliable.

[Sam Fujisaka]

We get mail at work--an international center. There is no real reesidential mail service. If I invited people by mail, I would probably need a couple of months lead time.

[diablita FL]

Same in Venezuela, or worse. In order to invite my husband's Venezuelan side of the family, we flew down for a visit to distribute. (no family headed down at the time we needed)

The other downside to the 'no mail' problem is that the roads in Caracas are completely clogged all day by errand runners doing what the mail would usually handle. So handing out those invites is not easy!

[rebs]

my circle of friends tend to use evite.com these days instead of traditional paper invitations. i like it because it's free, you can design your own invitation, you don't need stamps, and people can rsvp or decline as soon as they get it (with an option of adding a message as to why they can't make it). i've noticed that people are more likely to rsvp when all they have to do is click on something rather than pick up the phone and call you. everyone i know, except for my grandmother, has email and it seems to be the most reliable way to communicate with them.

[Das Ubergeek]

I've had the opposite problem -- because the invitation came so informally (in e-mail, where some of the time it gets lost in the spam filter), people don't feel any obligation to actually say whether they're coming or not. Add to that the horrendous (and required) "maybe" option, which 80% of the prospective guests who actually respond use, and you have a party planning nightmare.

If I send paper invitations, I get about 90% return; with Evite, about 50%.

[Andiereid]

Oh, you are so LUCKY! I cannot get people to RSVP with ANY kind of invitation - paper or email. If I seriously need a head count, I have to follow up with almost all of our friends and say "Hey, uh... are you coming?" They almost all do, but I always get the same thing 'Oh, I thought my husband/wife told you we were coming!'.

[JoLi]

I use evite most of the time (2-3 times a week) and have had 100% rsvp rate. I guess the reminder emails that I send really do help.

[Andiereid]

I don't have a problem with RSVPs if it's just one or two couples for dinner or something, but if I'm having a large party and mail out real invitations, it is like pulling teeth to get people to say whether they're coming or not.

[MMRuth]

I decided at the last minute this year to have a small holiday party and so I called and emailed friends to invite them. Only later did I remember the beautiful Mrs. Strong Christmas party engraved invitations that I had stashed away from a discount store purchase - but in this instance, I wouldn't have been able to get responses in time if I had used them.