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Oct 23, 2006 12:47 AM

Do you entertain more than you are invited?

.....And if so, what do you make of this, and how do you deal with it?

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  1. Definitely ... and I just accept it at this point. I do occasionally think that if people didn't want to have us to their home to eat they could reciprocate by inviting us out to a restaurant. But, I enjoy entertaining, I enjoy having people in my home, I enjoy cooking - so I do it anyway.

    1. The answer is, or was, yes, and is the reason why we stopped doing it as it got "real old" putting out the effort without virtually anybody reciprocating. Time to insert your favorite parable about givers and takers!

      1. Yes. And I'll keep doing it. Some of our friends are not in a position to reciprocate, others just weren't raised to feel comfortable entertaining, and some do invite us back although maybe not as often as we invite them, but I don't count or I'd go nuts. It's fun, our friends like it and are very appreciative, and it's one way to make sure we see them often.

        I think, though, that there may be a new generation of people coming up who don't really have any concept of entertaining on a regular basis. What happened? Certainly the younger people I work with don't seem to have people over - they go to restaurants to socialize.

        1 Reply
        1. re: sheiladeedee

          I totally agree re "younger people." I'm in my late thirties, and my younger friends *only* go to restaurants.

          I assume because a) they're more likely to be single (it's easier to entertain with two to split the work, plus singles just generally tend to go out rather than stay in); b) they haven't accrued all the stuff older folks have - like booze collections, onion soup bowls, blenders, steak knives, what-have-you; c) their houses/apartments aren't as big or nice; and d) they aren't as skilled and therefore confident. And it seems to fit generally with a more spontaneous lifestyle - at a restaurant gathering, people can more easily bring friends, come late, leave early, etc.

        2. Yes, but I think that's because I actually enjoy cooking, and sharing the results with my close friends is sometimes helpful too (otherwise too many leftovers!) There are weeks when I'm particularly inspired & want to try a couple of different recipes. I have two good friends who are always ready to accept dinner invitations from me (they say yes even before I finish asking the question!)
          I know that neither one enjoys cooking; and my rewards are:
          1.they're happy & grateful, lots of obvious food enjoyment and compliments!
          2.they always bring wine, & flowers sometimes, I don't expect it, but their appreciation is expressed so it's nice for all
          3. I enjoy their company.
          So I don't mind. Like I said, I only invite them when I'm having a good cooking week! And whatever I make, they love it, so it's totally impossible to go wrong. Anyway, everyone's got their own talents.

          1 Reply
          1. re: morebubbles

            Ditto this sentiment.

            I entertain because I want to and enjoy doing so.

            It's not about tit-for-tat, or keeping score.

          2. Yes.....and I hate it. We always put on quite the spread with good food and good drink and finally we put a stop to it. We were spending about $500/weekend.