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In NO WAY would I recommend Black Pearl over Castle Hill for a meal, and certainly not for a special birthday! I'm not sure why you would think that having "lots of activity going on around it" would be a plus for a special romantic dinner? I'm baffled why someone would complain about Castle Hill's peaceful setting a FIVE MINUTE DRIVE from downtown?
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If you are looking for the best Newport IMO)I would recommend Caslt Hill Inn, overlooking the bay:
http://www.castlehillinn.com/