- Chuckles the Clone Sep 6, 2006 05:56 AM
This sub-title of the "Killer Apps" story is what's really
bothering me. It's totally cumbersome:
.......These are the appetizers.......
....that people elbow each other....
..........out of the way for..........
The first thing I'd suggest doing is dropping the opening
"These are" and "that", which turns it into a haiku:
...people elbow each other...
.......out of the way for.......
Even still, it's pretty close to the exact opposite of snappy, attractive
articulation. Maybe just cut it down to, "finger food to die for," or
something that plays along with the "killer app" pun?
I'm only picking on this as a single example of a general problem: bloated
writing which fails to have much content behind it. The thing I would most
like to get out of Chow is learning new stuff without cringing at badness.
I had high hopes for the country ham story, but in the end I knew no more
than when I started. The "some wines have more alcohol than others" story,
A lot of it is less substantial then the filler around the advertisements in
the Thursday "food" section of a local newspaper. What I was hoping for
was a trade journal for people who eat.