303245 Sat Jun 03 18:21:46 -0700 2006 22 29 Not About Food 0 1704177 Just curious on others opinions. My wife and I do not drink and go out often with others. Many times the other couple orders several rounds of cocktails and then a pricey bottle of wine. When the bill comes its always a split down the middle. It's our decision not to drink and enjoy the company and can afford it so shrug and pay. Only once (my college roommate and his SO) ordered a $350 bottle and told me up front that he was paying for the wine and we would split the food. I was curious how others handle; both the people who order wine while others do not drink and those like me who don't. Sat Jun 03 18:21:46 -0700 2006 0 jfood 1 1704179 In those situations, the people who are drinking pay for their alcohol and then the food is split into however many people are there. Sat Jun 03 19:41:08 -0700 2006 1704177 0 Zaheen 1 1704180 I can't see why you should foot the bill for their booze unless you're buying them a drink. If I was splitting dinner with someone and I was the only one drinking, I'd take the drink costs out and then split from there. Link: http://thecosmicjester.blogspot.com Sat Jun 03 19:42:12 -0700 2006 1704177 0 JK Grence (the Cosmic Jester) 2 1704188 People should do that, but all too often, the heavier hitters don't. But then you have to speak up and/or decide whether their company is worth both the expense and to me more importantly, the lingering resentment over their attitude. One tactical suggestion: It helps a LOT to be the person who grabs the check first. It's much easier to be the first to suggest splitting the bill in an equitable manner than to have to "dissent" when someone else suggests splitting it evenly, even though the ordering was far from even. Sat Jun 03 21:21:11 -0700 2006 1704180 0 MikeG 1 1704182 I am a vegetarian and my entrees are often less expensive than everyone else -- the difference can even be equal to a glass of wine at times. And my DH almost never drinks wine/alcohol. In most cases we are happy to just split the bill equally with all of our friends. We tend to go out for dinner with the same sets of friends and these things usually balance out over time. None of us are big drinkers. The only time the consumption amounts are very different is when we go out w/ a few of my DH's buddies from Venezuela. In this case, the amount of wine and Scotch (Vzlan favorite) consumed really adds up. But when my DH can't keep up with the drinking, his buddies NEVER let him pay equally. This usually results in some friendly razzing and ocassionally one person will pick up the whole tab. Sat Jun 03 20:04:51 -0700 2006 1704177 0 Dev 2 1704205 My Argentinean friends do this too: they drink like fish, razz me endlessly -- "You've been married too long or not long enough..." -- and *always* one of them will pick up the entire booze bill. Since pain hurts me terribly nowadays, and I'm not fond of extreme bouts of Parentitis after their visits beyond some general haze, I allow myself to be the designated taxi-cab payer. Things even out in the overall design of my universe. I enjoy the time they devote each trip up here and I get to choose where we dine. Sun Jun 04 09:44:21 -0700 2006 1704182 0 The Ranger 1 1704183 Well, you only split the bill because you failed to object to doing it that way. Some folks are victims, others volunteer, as it were. Next time, do what sane people do and determine in advance how the bill will be allocated. If you friends are the type who find that tiresome, either volunteer again or get new dining friends. Your choice. Sat Jun 03 20:07:20 -0700 2006 1704177 0 Karl S 2 1704189 Yes, but I find it sad that the wine drinkers feel no compunction taking advantage of their non-drinking friends. These are not friends, in the true sense of the word. Sat Jun 03 23:45:41 -0700 2006 1704183 0 Funwithfood 3 1704201 I agree for those that do this. The arrogance of the assumption is a profound rudeness. Sun Jun 04 06:59:15 -0700 2006 1704189 0 Karl S 1 1704204 If we go out with people who are not drinkers my DH asks the waiter to give us a separate check for the wine/drinks. If I am the only one having a couple of GLASSES of wine but order no appetizer while everyone else is doing so we just split it down the middle. We've never had problems with this and it allows us to indulge in expensive wine if we see a bottle that strikes our fancy. Linda Sun Jun 04 09:43:16 -0700 2006 1704177 0 Linda VH 1 1704206 Simply have the server do separate checks. That way there's no anger over paying for someone else's habit or allowing them to extend you that courtesy. One of my ILs doesn't drink. I do. I don't expect her to pay for me and she doesn't expect me to support her market-price abalone habit. (shrug) We manage to dine out together monthly without issue -- or more importantly -- resentment that an unbalanced bill tends to cause. That'd put a damper to a pleasant evening's experience. Sun Jun 04 10:06:29 -0700 2006 1704177 0 The Ranger 2 1704222 In some places - the separate check thing doesn't fly, or is awkward - or at least, that has been my experience in Manhattan. In the middle west, it seems to be commonplace and accepted. Depending on the situation, I do different things - if eating out with my father and his wife, who are lighter eaters and drinkers than we are, we either split the bills during their visit, and then I send them a check to "make up for it", or we take turns paying, making sure that we pay the checks at the more expensive places, and we pick cheaper places where they pay. (The general hurdle of Manhattan prices is another issue!) In another instance, where I joined a family and their friends for Thanksgiving at a restaurant when my husband was away, I told my friends that I would give them a check afterwards for what I owed ... that way I felt comfortable ordering what I wanted to and not restrained by a prix fixe that some of them chose. I made sure to keep mental track of what I had, as well as the dozen oysters I ordered for their daughter who wanted to try them - I wouldn't have done that if I weren't paying. Since my DH and I are usually the ones incurring more cost (with certain friends/relatives) - the sending a check thing afterwards seems to work, without causing awkwardness at the end of the meal. I can see how it is difficult for those who are incurring less cost to deal with diners who aren't considerate of this. Sun Jun 04 16:48:38 -0700 2006 1704206 0 MMRuth 3 1704369 It is awkward to ask for separate checks, but less awkward than paying for half of your friends drinks. Just be pleasant and the server can figure it out for you. Wed Jun 07 17:44:34 -0700 2006 1704222 0 eric 4 1704390 What I was getting at is that NY (or at least in Manhattan), alot of places won't do separate checks. And I'm usually on the other side of the problem - meaning, the one who spends more. Thu Jun 08 08:32:03 -0700 2006 1704369 0 MMRuth 1 1704211 quickie, what's a DH and an IL? Sun Jun 04 11:47:37 -0700 2006 1704177 0 jfood 2 1704217 Dear (or damned, dependent on how significant other is projecting) husband/honey and In-Law (BIL, SIL, FIL, MIL). Sun Jun 04 13:38:34 -0700 2006 1704211 0 The Ranger 2 1704249 In my case DH is dear husband. Mon Jun 05 10:02:18 -0700 2006 1704211 0 Linda VH 1 1704213 It seems we're basically all on the same page. I think the issue is that (1) drinkers should have the courtesy to notice that if some guests aren't drinking, the drinkers should volunteer a division of the bill so they are paying for their drinks; (2) if you are the non-drinker, it can be awkward to ask your dinner companions to pay for their own drinks. One option is to ask "so, how do you want to split up the bill?". Most drinkers would realize that 50-50 isn't appropriate. If they don't.... Sun Jun 04 12:22:00 -0700 2006 1704177 0 Darren 1 1704488 Whatever happened to inviting people out? Picking apart the numbers ruins a convivial experience. Offer to pay the whole bill next time, and your friends will pick up the bill in the future. And b/c they order so much more than you, they will probably insist on paying more often. Sat Jun 10 11:27:23 -0700 2006 1704177 0 fara 2 1704490 Users never pick up bills but they'll gladly allow you the pleasure of paying every time -- just because "picking apart the numbers ruins a convivial experience." Sat Jun 10 11:53:30 -0700 2006 1704488 0 The Ranger 3 1704493 if you come to that conclusion about someone, you shouldn't be hanging out with them anyway. Sat Jun 10 12:21:43 -0700 2006 1704490 0 fara 4 1704494 I do and it takes less than a single event, whether I'm dining out or "hanging out." Sat Jun 10 13:05:56 -0700 2006 1704493 0 The Ranger 5 1704505 wow! sounds like no one takes advantage of you, Ranger!! Sat Jun 10 20:14:51 -0700 2006 1704494 0 truckfanatic