301831 Fri Apr 07 12:10:39 -0700 2006 19 27 General Chowhounding Topics 0 1685265 God knows why I found myself at Burger King. I think they're the worst fast food joint out there. They're bland as hell unless the food is overly salty, their menu board is in desparate need of a new color, and their marketing wonks just try WAY too hard to be "edgy". I think the idea going through my head when I went there this morning was "If I buy one of those French toast sandwiches you advertise incessantly, will you PLEASE stop playing those damn ads?" Thankfully, since my experience I haven't been exposed to any of their creepy advertising, due mostly to the fact that I haven't turned on the tv in three days. In the event there's someone from BK marketing trolling the board, the king head thing is getting really old really fast, guys; Jack in the Box beat you to the punch by a few years and pulls off the plastic head corporate spokesman deal way better. I get to the drive-thru and order the sammitch with ham on it (knowing full well that their sausage is positively horrid), a medium order of the Cheesy Tots that someone was telling me about, and my standard fast food breakfast beverage, orange juice (I'm reminded of putting hot fudge on frozen yogurt... it's still bad for you, but hey it's yogurt so it's a little healthy, right?). I pull around to the window, pay up with plastic, see my food sitting in the drive-thru window while the drive-thru person goes and takes care of something else (apparently one guest at the counter and one at the drive-thru constitutes a major rush for these people), and eventually get my food. I check in the bag and see the sammitch, and a small order of hash browns. Grr. I do understand these things happen, so I went in and told the person at the counter what happened. They looked at it, took the hash brown order out of the bag and put it back under the heat lamp (!), then put in my correct order. Before I got my correct order, the drive-thru person protested that I hadn't paid for that one. Holy christ. I've worked in the service industry for a very, very long time, and have learned two simple rules: 1) If there is a problem, the customer is right. 2) If the customer is wrong, see rule 1. For something as minor as a miscommunication on an order, all that should happen is a swift apology and fixing the order. Protesting that you think you're right should never, EVER be done. Anyway, once I got things fixed and back on the road, I started chowing down. The french toast sandwich is almost as good as the McGriddle sandwiches from McDonalds... in other words, it sucks. Their eggs are almost flavorless, the cheese completely unnoticeable after it got absorbed by the bread, and the bread has the same blah industrial feel as a deep fried French toast stick. The only thing even remotely good was the ham, which was sliced nicely thin and had some flavor to it. I think if for some reason I go back to Burger King for breakfast, I'll do this with no egg, extra cheese, and hope to God they have raspberry jam, and have a luxurious Monte Cristo sandwich for breakfast. Well, at least a somewhat reasonable facsimile of one. The cheesy tot things were quite possibly one of the worst things I have eaten in a very long time. It was something that tasted sort of like cheese with little bits of almost cooked potato, wrapped in breading and deep fried. It was kinda cheesy, kinda crisp, but mostly a pasty mess. Whoever mentioned them with a smile in the first place should fear my wrath, and then I'll make him a breakfast that actually tastes good so he knows what he's missing out on. Oh, and as for the orange juice... something that has a little bit of pulp in it won't kill us. Really. And what an honor, Burger King has received the first ever score on my blog of 0 on the 1 to 5 scale. The normal scale is: 5: I love it! 4: I like it. 3: It's OK. 2: I don't like it. 1: I hate it! On rare occasions, you'll see the 0, which stands for Not Acceptable. This is for those times that something is just plain unforgivably awful, such as the double whammy of implying that I did something wrong AND putting food that had been given to a guest back on the serving line. Whatever the offense, it is absolutely certain that I will never, EVER visit the place again. On the other end is the 6, which will simply be known as "Oh. My. God." These are the places that do things just so extraordinary that you tell EVERYONE you know about it, from friends and family to the checker at the grocery store. If you see me rate something a 6, for goodness sakes get over there NOW. Just stay the hell away from Burger King. Burger King Scottsdale Rd north of the 202 Food: 1 Service: 0 (Not Acceptable) Atmosphere: 2 Overall: 1 Value: 2 Price: 1 (Cheap Eats) Kid Friendly: 4 Open for: B, L, D Link: http://thecosmicjester.blogspot.com Fri Apr 07 12:10:39 -0700 2006 0 JK Grence (the Cosmic Jester) 1 1685278 I feel, er, taste, your pain. Nice report. Fri Apr 07 13:03:13 -0700 2006 1685265 0 TomSwift 2 1685288 I hear what you are saying. My only reason for stopping at a BK and/or Mc D's is to use the bathroom. However, for that "privilege", I will buy a small drink.(Usually orange juice) PP48 Fri Apr 07 14:29:22 -0700 2006 1685278 0 PP48 1 1685291 Wow, an eye-opener if there ever was one. You mean Burger King doesn't have good food? Fri Apr 07 14:33:03 -0700 2006 1685265 0 Sir Gawain 2 1685443 Next we can expect a scathing expose of Taco Bell. Mon Apr 10 13:11:32 -0700 2006 1685291 0 Bob Martinez 3 1685454 That would be great! I haven't eaten any "fast food" in nearly 20 years. But I see those ads on tv. And those ads are produced by world class experts using focus groups and advanced psycowarefare techniques designed to MAKE ME WANT TO EAT. And eat the particular thing they're selling. I resist. But there's a tiny place in my brain where they get through and I think, "hmmm, maybe I do want a 3XL 4-Meat Special delivered to my front door RIGHT NOW!" I couldn't be alone in this. I truly appreciate the effort someone makes when they go out and attempt to verify the propaganda. Puts my mind at ease, I can get back to concentrating on real food. Mon Apr 10 13:59:21 -0700 2006 1685443 0 Attaturk 1 1685294 So it's obvious the "Don't you just hate threads" that Chowhouds discouraggs have morphed into some whacko experiment in creative writing. That's whacked. Hopefully Chowhound will catch on. Fri Apr 07 14:53:33 -0700 2006 1685265 0 ODB 1 1685295 I don't remember when was the last time I was to BK, but I remember I was fond of their whoppers. The key is to nicely ask them to throw a fresh bun and a patty on the gridle and just order plain with just onions, tomatos or lettuce (depending on your taste). The same applies to Wendy's (not McD's - since there isn't much meat flavor in their patties). I've never had breakfast at any of chain restos though - nothing looked appealing enough to sacrifice my day-worth calories in one sitting. Fri Apr 07 14:59:57 -0700 2006 1685265 0 welle 1 1685296 Jester, your sense of duty apparently is stronger than your sense of self-preservation. This was painful to read, though I suppose I should be glad I didn't actually ingest these things myself. I have discovered that there is only one nationwide fast-food franchise that reliably has something I might like for breakfast, and that is the otherwise despised MacDo...YMMV, but that's who has the McMuffin variants. Don't want no fast-food biscuits, no sweet sticky things, no rubbery scrambled egglike substance. There may be others who can profit from your misery, but for me, I beg you - please, please stop doing this to yourself! Fri Apr 07 15:04:20 -0700 2006 1685265 0 Will Owen 1 1685302 That was very entertaining - I laughed aloud when I got to the part about the Monte Cristo. I pretty much gave up fast food about 1-1/2 years ago although I will (rarely) have a Big Mac when I have a migraine. So, a few weeks back I had one, and my husband somehow convinced me that he just HAD to have a Whopper instead, so I said, fine, get me a Whopper Jr. How regretful was I, and actually him as well. It was downright disgusting and the fries, don't even get me started how terrible they were. I was so annoyed with myself for having eaten it. Never again. Laurie Fri Apr 07 16:17:22 -0700 2006 1685265 0 sivyaleah 1 1685313 Many years ago i lost some weight and bought a baseball hat with the words "Big Fat Loser." I wore it proudly since I lost all that fat. Likewise fast food is just that...food you eat during a fast, that is when you are not eating. Fri Apr 07 18:36:01 -0700 2006 1685265 0 ncchowdog 1 1685328 I think some people just should avoid fast food restaurants, for their own good and the good of the restaurants, and leave them to the folks who appreciate them just for what they are. Fri Apr 07 20:52:47 -0700 2006 1685265 0 SuzyInChains 1 1685336 You clowns amuse and amaze me. Your posts about fast food are the ultimate in self-congratulation. You post a revelation about how terrible fast food is, and imply that you were somehow tricked into trying it. But you go back again and again. Evidently in order to post something new about the horrors of fast food and how discerning your tastes are to recognize that it is not top tier dining. Everybody knows what eating at McDonald’s or Burger King, or wherever entails. It is what it is. I know that I don’t see anything prescient in your ability to tell me that this is less desirable food than the French Laundry, and it doesn’t elevate your opinion about what is good by simply running to ground what is bad. A certain hubris accrues in denigrating something and then letting it just hang there. Nobody believes you are clever, and most believe you are simply self-enamored. I would say that the moderators should delete all of the self-serving posts about “Don’t You Just Hate …..!” as quickly as this one goes away. Fri Apr 07 22:07:44 -0700 2006 1685265 0 Virginian 2 1685358 If us prescient Bozo's want to have a thread about Micky D's, BK or Wendy's, it's food and that's the purpose of this site. We want to express our hubris about denigrating food that we feel denigrates our self-enamored selfs by imparting fats and chemicals into our bodies. I hate fast food and try like the dickens to avoid...success is now measured in years. But all foods deserve review (both positive and negative) on a site dedicated to food. As one sits looking down at those "you go back again and again people" and point to the French Laundry as the standard this Hounder thinks your the self-enamored. Now that's clever. :-))) Sat Apr 08 09:29:00 -0700 2006 1685336 0 ncchowdog 1 1685352 In response to various posts: I am not a morning person. When my job has me coming in any time before 9, there is inevitably a last-second rush out the door. If I'm lucky, I'll have time to snag a couple granola bars on the way to the car, but more often I end up hitting a fast food place on the way. Trust me, I'd very much rather have a real breakfast than yet another breakfast sandwich in a bag. It's quick, it keeps me full until I can eat something real, that's all the purpose it serves. Still, even within the realm of fast food there are things that are worth a try, and there are things best skipped over. My main motivation for doing the post was for people out there who are curious if the new thingie for breakfast is actually good. The odds were certainly not in my favor on this one; I would have been absolutely *thrilled* to post "Hey, BK actually did something that doesn't taste like a salt lick!", but it was not meant to be. Then there were those Cheesy Tots... those things were just unusually hideous. Link: http://thecosmicjester.blogspot.com Sat Apr 08 04:30:43 -0700 2006 1685265 0 JK Grence (the Cosmic Jester) 1 1685356 Nice work! It appears that your scathing review of his restaurant forced the CEO of Burger King to resign in embarrassment this morning. Maybe they'll find a new one who really knows how to deepfry cheezeytots or whatever they are :) Link: http://www.miami.com/mld/miamiherald/business/14294986.htm Sat Apr 08 05:19:59 -0700 2006 1685265 0 jef 1 1685357 The idea of fast food for breakfast always turns my stomach...my body is not yet prepared to accept that much grease, sugar, and salt that early. I once ate a sausage and egg biscuit thingy at McD's in high school, and I swear I walked out w/ a new red zit on my nose! That said, this farm fresh food loving gal has to have her fast food fix every now and then. My cravings always happen toward the end of the day, like around 10pm. Found myself in this predicament the other night, and husband drove through BK on his way home from work. It's literally a block from our house BTW, otherwise I'd go w/ McD's for their superior fries. I must say that I like BK's dollar menu. I hate ordering those combo meals (unless I'm sharing), and many regular menu items aren't that cheap, really. So husband gets 4 items: double cheeseburger, whopper jr., small fries, and chicken tenders. It was our own fast food tapas spread for under $5. What can I say, everything was bad to mediocre (as expected), but some things really hit the spot. When the fries are hot and freshly fried, I'm a happy camper. My favorite dollar menu item so far is probably the double cheeseburger. The cheese and meat patties meld into one gooey stick to your ribs filling, and the mustard, ketchup, and sour pickles really pop and numb the tongue. Fast food at its best. I would stay away from the whopper jr. and esp. the chicken tenders. The tenders weren't so tender, and they were scarily stamped out in the shape of a BK crown. I guess it's supposed to amuse the kiddies, but I would never feed any child this. The spicy chicken sandwich isn't so bad, but not so good either. Their quirky ad campaign and packaging isn't great, but we do read the little sayings on the packaging toward meal's end. Like reading a fortune cookie saying at the end of a greasy Chinese meal. Sat Apr 08 06:59:37 -0700 2006 1685265 0 Carb Lover 1 1685368 I don't really have any issue with fast food breakfasts. They're fast and convenient (esp. since I don't have to leave my car) and usually conveniently located (esp. McD's). And just tasty enough to be satisfying when you're fairly hungry (that goes for any meal at any fast food joint actually). But not healthy, I do admit. Yeah, I could make my own English muffin bacon and egg sandwich which will be better than whatever they give me, but it's a bit of a pain. McDonald's breakfast items are a bit rubbery, but I'd still willingly eat them. Plus I like fried and crispy potatoes, and I can't make those easily. I've dined at top-notch restaurants like the French Laundry and make a relatively decent effort to try new places each week. But sometimes (actually much of the time for me) - you're just so busy, you don't have time to chowhound. Sat Apr 08 16:23:28 -0700 2006 1685265 0 bruthafez 1 1685373 I just wish Popeye's was open for breakfast serving their lunch menu. I would love some spicy chicken and collard greens with my O.J. to greet the day... Sat Apr 08 19:34:24 -0700 2006 1685265 0 Leper 2 1685535 Oh, you're all right. Fried chicken in the morning with some pancakes and fried eggs, lots of coffee, zowie Farmer John, let's get on that hayfield. Fried fish is even better. Some trout fried in bacon grease, 2 sunnyside up, biscuits, a bowl of fresh blueberries, damn. I drive by Arthur Treacher's on the way to work, but so far no luck. Tue Apr 11 17:50:21 -0700 2006 1685373 0 Shep