287544 Tue Aug 28 09:59:20 -0700 2001 15 27 General Chowhounding Topics 0 1547261 I dine alone often, and now that my daughter's going to college, even more often. I like to be treated like any other patron, but many restaurants fail to greet single diners with the same respect as persons dining in groups. I understand that when someone walks in the door, it is important for the restaurant to know if you're dining alone, but "party of one?" should be said in the same neutral or upbeat way as "party of four?" would be. Often I feel that the host/ess is passing judgement on my choice to dine alone, or sadly empathizing with my plight. I know I'm dining alone, really. You don't need to make an issue of it. Worse: "Only one?" (Once I actually heard "Only two?" from a hostess. What? Two is not enough?) Worst: "May I help you?" This always sounds like they've sized you up, you are not a potential diner, and must be here to sell something or apply for a job. I only hear this in restaurants, not takeouts, too. I won't get into what seems to be bad (or no) service that individual servers may give single diners anticipating poor tips. This seems to be a problem of individual servers, and only occasionally happens. Tue Aug 28 09:59:20 -0700 2001 0 ironmom 1 1547263 I too have eaten on my own a lot, and I have to say that I've been treated better as a solo diner in Europe than I have in the US. The worst that has happened is that I've been given the awkward table...which probably would have been given to a walk-in couple, or people who were late for their reservation. But I don't really care about where I sit unless it's truly horrible, as I usually take a book or magazine. In fact I can't recall any raised eyebrows when dining solo outside the US at all...but maybe I'm not understanding their signals! Would be curious to know what the waiters out there have to say?? Tue Aug 28 10:37:37 -0700 2001 1547261 0 magnolia 1 1547272 When i dine alone, i often sit at the bar. (Sometimes me and the Ex do this). It's a great opportunity to schmooze with the bartender, get his/her recommendations, etc. Plus, you can usually walk in to even the most crowded, popular places and get seated at almost any time. The only drawback is for non-smokers. Tue Aug 28 12:41:34 -0700 2001 1547261 0 Cliff 2 1547305 I would be willing to bet that a lot of women who are simply looking to dine out wouldn't feel comfortable eating at the bar, for the reason that women alone at bars draw attention from men that is going to be unwanted in this situation. This is actually along the lines of one of my theories about why coffee bars do so much business from women by themselves. They can relax there without worrying about being "hit on". If I am going to be dining out alone I will take a book or a crossword puzzle. I love to read and do crosswords and usually don't find enough time for either of them. Tue Aug 28 19:38:59 -0700 2001 1547272 0 Mike Kilgore 3 1547306 Personally, I don't mind eating at the bar, especially if it's a place I go to often. I wouldn't necessarily, tho, depending on the ambiance and smoke thickness. Some places don't have bars, especially for breakfast. Tue Aug 28 19:59:19 -0700 2001 1547305 0 ironmom 1 1547279 I eat out alone a lot, too, and I agree that "Only one" is right at the top of my pet peeve list. I actually reprimanded a hostess once who had said that in a particularly obnoxious way. On the other hand, I don't think I've ever had really bad service that I could attribute to being alone (and a woman, since women are traditionally deemed to be poor tippers). In fact, I've had just the opposite: on many occasions I've gotten the impression that the waiter (hmm ... usually a man) has made an effort to spend extra time with me: go over the menu, check back more often, etc. The Italian waiter I had last week flirted with me quite outrageously (which as an over-40, overweight woman I quite enjoyed, and rewarded with a bigger tip). Single diners do usually get shunted off to poor tables, though. Tue Aug 28 14:28:32 -0700 2001 1547261 0 Ruth Lafler 2 1547301 I remember in my 20's I was at a conference in Boston. I didn't have a great per diem, but the offerings were boring and I decided to walk to the nearby Ritz and take my own self to lunch. Overlooking Boston Gardens and the small lake, the dining room was lovely and I felt this was the place for me. The waiter ushered me to a table near the kitchen. My response, "No, I'd like one in the center or by the windows." Voila--a wonderful table, taking in trust fund grandkids and grandmas, the spring outside with fairly frugal but lovely omelette lunch. A prime memory for me of a wonderful dining experience. Also a similar experience, with a very good table at the Palm Court at the Plaza, also in my 20's. If I, in my callow/naive 20's would not accept a poor table (who know you couldn't) I sure as hell won't now! I have found great pleasure in dining alone at various times.. without a book, enjoying the ambiance. Learned early and well. Tue Aug 28 19:09:39 -0700 2001 1547279 0 berkleybabe 2 1547418 As a former server/hostess/manager (small restaurant = many hats), it was difficult deciding what to say when confronted with a single diner. Therefore, whatever I lacked in welcoming him/her, I made up for in extra attention and friendliness. And as a solo diner now (mostly for business), unless I anticipate a view, I usually bring along a good book to keep me occupied. I experience the same occasional awkwardness as a solo diner as I did serving one. I think what helps most is having a sense of humor, so if you feel "put out" as they say, let them know with a little humor. Not only does it put everyone at ease, but it serves to let the staff know that they need to approach things a bit differently. Thu Aug 30 13:00:05 -0700 2001 1547279 0 Cristi 1 1547294 If single dining is better in Europe than in the US, I find it much more awkward in Australia/New Zealand than in the US. The bad-tables-bad-service that single diners receive in the US is turned up a few notches here. (Auckland is notorious for bad service anyway, but...) I dine out in fine restaurants less frequently than I'd like, because this treatment detracts from the pleasure of the experience so much. I notice that people down here tend to use restaurants for socializing and large parties, instead of as places to eat good food. Twice while dining out alone in NZ, I've been invited to join a large party by the party members "because you're all by yourself." Which is very nice, if they haven't already had too much to drink! My worst treatment as a solo diner was in a Szechuan restaraunt in a hotel in Singapore, where I was told that I COULD NOT dine there alone - parties of two or more only. And I was dressed in my suit from my business meeting earlier that day. My best treatment as a solo diner, around the world, has consistently been in Italian restaurants. The European approach? Tue Aug 28 18:25:03 -0700 2001 1547261 0 Emily Cotlier 2 1547316 To be honest, I think that Chinese "restaurant" food is best avoided by solo diners, because large dishes shared family style is very typical of the cuisine. There's no way a solo diner could appreciate the food because these restaurants do not cook in small portions and a large part of the attraction (to me) is the diversity of courses. I'd go for the street food at hawker centers if I was eating out solo in Singapore. Tue Aug 28 22:28:46 -0700 2001 1547294 0 Limster 3 1547377 What you say about Chinese food in general is true, and I generally do it for lunch or for dim sum if I'm alone. But I had not had Szechuan food in 1 1/2 years --there's a dearth of decent Szechuan where I live -- and I was in the grip of a profound craving, and I'd eaten at Cantonese hawker's stalls all week! Thu Aug 30 00:36:06 -0700 2001 1547316 0 Emily Cotlier 1 1547318 I eat out alone often, and I generally get decent service. Why? I think that part of it is that I'm flexible and accomodating. I recognize that occupying a table that could seat two is not ideal for a restaurant, so I let restaurant staff know that, if the restaurant is crowded, they should feel free to seat me wherever it's convenient for them (within reason, of course). I make reasonable demands for service, and I give fair tips. If I like the food, I let the wait staff know, and ask them to pass on my compliments to the chef. Restaurants that show me that they provide good value get repeat business from me, too, so that is another thing that causes certain places to appreciate me - and I bring friends to those same places at times, when I'm not dining alone. I eat alone without apology, and without a chip on my shoulder. But no offense intended by that comment. Tue Aug 28 22:47:07 -0700 2001 1547261 0 Pan 2 1547354 Ditto here. I would just like to reemphasize the importance of good tipping in this instance. There is a certain amount of service involved in any given table regardless of the number of people, and it is disproportionate in the case of the single diner (which I am with frequency and without shame!). That means the standard tip for a single diner should be somewhat higher; I consider 20-25% my base and work up from there. Wed Aug 29 17:09:36 -0700 2001 1547318 0 Karl 3 1547433 I kind of understand your point but disagree. I eat out often and tip about 18-20% but I don't take up the usual time/space at a table that two or more diners would so there's a quicker turnover with the table. Also, when I'm dining alone, it's usually either early or later so the tables are empty anyway. I don't really see the need to justify tipping more just because I'm a party of one. It's the same kind of logic that hotels use when they charge a supplement for single occupancy. Does that mean that two people should tip more than three and four should tip more because they're not a party of six? Thu Aug 30 15:45:34 -0700 2001 1547354 0 Ruby 4 1547464 I see your point, but I don't agree, obviously. Which is totally OK. And my comparison (like with room occupancy) is that two is the standard for a table.... Fri Aug 31 08:34:44 -0700 2001 1547433 0 Karl 1 1547321 Though I don't usually dine alone in restaurants, I've heard that one way to circumvent this problem is to ensure to make a reservation for one. This lets the staff know that you intended to be there alone, that you were not stood up, and that no one will be joining you. (i.e. prevents the "only one?" question) Also, I'm of the opinion that if you make a reservation (this only applies in places where it's not required) it signals the staff that you expect attentive service. Putting solo diners with other groups sometimes doesn't work out well. I went on a cruise with my family and friends, and it was a group of 7. The eighth person at the table was by herself, and while I don't know if she requested to be seated with others or didn't have a choice, it's obvious she felt very uncomfortable. As much as we tried to include her, most of our conversation was about inside family jokes and situations, and she couldn't help but feel left out. Tue Aug 28 23:18:57 -0700 2001 1547261 0 Denise K.